Funny / High Rollers (2016)

Campaign 1: Lightfall 2016-2018

Episode 02: Treachery Revealed!

• With the group facing a malevolent tree come to life, Katie considers doing a nature check to determine "what's wrong with it". Cue a completely deadpan "it's on fire" from Kim, whose character had previously thrown her torch at the tree.
• Matt deciding to try and get absorbed into the tree so he can help Jiǔtóu:
  Matt: Yeah, I'll go over and touch wood.
• This exchange between Renwyn, Jiǔtóu and Cam:
  Renwyn: I must stay here. I need to destroy [the tree] from this place.
  Jiǔtóu: He seems pretty desperate to stay.
  Cam: You did kill a lot of people. See ya.

Episode 03: That's So Raven!

• It's quite funny to imagine Elora chatting away, while Trellimar straight-up ignores her to speak telepathically with Cune:
  Katie: (mockingly) Blah blah blah blah blah blah... One time, I met a squirrel.
• Elora attempting to speak with the swarm of ravens. Made especially hilarious thanks to Mark's "raven voice".
• Mark refers to Kim rolling her first natural 20 as her "breaking her crit hymen". She reacts about as well as you'd expect:
  Kim: Anyone who puts this in highlights (looks at Matt) or tweets me this, you're getting blocked.
• Jiǔtóu, arguably the team's resident badass, attempts to kick open barn doors that open outwards. Cue Epic Fail.
• Trellimar's whole sequence in the abandoned farmstead, thanks to some hilariously poor rolls from Matt. Not only did he already have to be brought back from the brink by Elora beforehand, but he triggers a magic trap that blows him across a room, and when he tries to flee the building with Elora and Jiǔtóu, the will-o'-wisp blocks his path. He runs past it and attempts to leap through a closed window, but mistimes the jump and basically slams into it before falling back onto the ground. To add insult to injury, his coat gets torn while the much smaller and less physically imposing Elora pulls him out of the house.

Episode 04: The Cam Came Back!

• Cam's reaction to hearing someone had been impersonating him:
  Elora: Have you seen a half-elven woman?
  Cam: What? No, I've - I've seen a fine lady.
  Elora: Well, someone was just disguised as you! They tore the tavern apart and started insulting people. And splashed me with water!
  Cam: (pauses) Did I look good?
  Elora: ... I have no words.
• Another one-liner from Cam:
  Finny: Is your name actually Cam Buckland? Cause the last 'you' was yelling it like it was... a god or something.
  Cam: Well, she's not wrong.
• When Jiǔtóu pours Cam a shot of rice wine:
  Cam: I don't mean to be rude. I mean, I haven't got a good reputation with this party so far - is it poisoned?
  Jiǔtóu: ... (shoots Cam a Death Glare)
• Cam does some Leaning on the Fourth Wall:
  Cam: That coin? That's good luck, you do not spend that, and throughout the year you'll have better luck and better dicerolls.
  Jiǔtóu: ... What's a dice roll?
  Cam: Well if you ever gamble, you know? Happens in taverns sometimes.
• Cam gets very excited when Barris mentions staying at his mother's house. Upon finding out her age, he calls her a cougar and decides to try and seduce her. When he asks for wine and she replies they don't have any, Cam completely loses interest and ditches her as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Episode 05: Super Saiyan Buckland!

• The adventurers wake up in the morning.
  Mark: You awaken, the call of a cockerel in the morning...
  (Trott makes a harsh bird-caw, everyone else jumps/flinches)
  Trott: That's a crow... what's a crow doing outside?
  Mark: It's fighting with the cockerel apparently.
• Trott rolls appallingly bad on a Stealth check, so Cam is spotted within seconds when he tries tailing Trellimar.
  Trellimar: Your stealth techniques are masterful, Buckland.
  Cam: ... Shit.
• Cam pretends to be in a conversation with Calvin to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on Trellimar's interrogation of Amelia. Calvin pretty much tells him to beat it:
  Cam: Do your nipples get sore in this village? Cause I feel like the dry heat really rubs up against tunics.
  Calvin: ... I've not said anything for a good five minutes, and then you just say that?
  Cam: (annoyed Calvin isn't playing along) No! This feels very one-sided. You need to open up more.
  Calvin: (groans) I'm very grateful for your service to Tallfield, but is there anywhere else you need to be right now?
• Kim finds out her character has +3 in Animal Handling and gets quite excited about it:
  Kim: So I can just walk in there and be like "nice doge".
• The following exchange:
  Matt: Before we go up, can I turn to Mr. Buckland and-
  Trott: And kiss him.
  (everyone laughs)
  Matt: Well, it is Valentine's Day.
  Mark: Hashtag Camell.
  Kim: Can I see this on camera?
• Elora's "cute howl" while in dire wolf form (Katie rolled a 4 on an Intimidation check).
• Cam invokes Duplicity and checks out his duplicate's ass:
  Mark: It looks good.
  Trott: [Cam and the duplicate] wink at each other.
• Matt's impression of Nanny Bones - he later uses the same voice and mannerisms for the infamous Granny Trell.

Episode 06: The Battle for Tallfield!

• Matt, rather hilariously, flips off Nanny Bones, the monster that's been giving Tallfield grief for several episodes, after hitting her with an Eldritch Blast:
  Matt: Swivel on that, you old cow.
• During the battle, the green screens behind Katie and Matt seem to come loose and they try to steady it by putting their hands on it - Matt's hand more or less ends up where Trellimar's face is:
  Kim: Well, it looks like Matt's touching himself.
  Trott: Kinky.
  Kim: (laughing) Lower, lower.
• Jiǔtóu arrives back from the Far Realm:
  Jiǔtóu: Someone's going to die.
  Katie/Elora: Good!... I can't say that, I'm a wolf.
• Trott's derpy face that he pulls whenever Cam fails to notice or remember something:
  Trellimar: (after getting stabbed by Amelia) You idiot... you could've stopped her. Look at her bony head!
  Cam: (does the face) I didn't see it!
• Trellimar's deadpan reaction to Jiǔtóu storming out in a rage after Nanny Bones, who had sucked the tiefling, Cam and Elora into another dimension during the battle, has been defeated:
  Trellimar: This isn't the usual reaction to getting sucked off.
• When Jiǔtóu is knocked unconscious and Kim is failing her death saves, Mark decides that Elora/Katie needs a gentle prod in the right direction:
  Mark: Alright, I'm going to be nice. You have a Strength of -1. A dire wolf or a bear does not.
• After the unexpected death of Jiǔtóu:
  Matt: I wasn't expecting a death today...
  Mark: (incredulously) You weren't expecting a death today??
• During his fight with an orc, Cam goes for a Groin Attack, but misses. Cue the following exchange:
  Orc: What was that?!
  Cam: I was looking for your dick, mate, but it's so small I couldn't find it.
  Orc: I'm gonna beat you to death with it!
  Cam: ... I can only imagine what that looks like.
  Kim: (laughing) Fanart please!
• The entire exchange after Trellimar sees Cam's special ability for the first time. Special mention goes to Trott rolling a natural 20 on Cam's dick size.
• Matt's realization post-session that he left his magic rope in some tree and forgot to pick it up again.

Episode 07: Orcs, Dragons and Bears! Oh my!

• When rolling initiative:
  Trott: 12.
  Katie: 17.
  Matt: Twelf-ty.
  Mark: Twelf-ty? That's not a number!
• Cam slides between the legs of one of the orcs and realises that said orc's dick is exposed. He then slow-mo slides his dagger up the orc's...ahem...which kills him as he only had a single hit point by this point.
  • In a similar fashion, Trell throws an Eldritch Blast at the final orc...which hits him in the ass and then launches him into the air before the blast's energy bisects him.
• Matt's reaction to hearing that Kim's temporary character Torwen picked up the Rope of Climbing he had accidentally left hanging in a tree the previous episode is priceless:
  Matt/Trellimar: That's! My! Rope! (slams fist on table)
• He then, in-character, proceeds to telepathically plot with his freshly-hatched dragon on how to get it back:
  Trellimar: (telepathically) Right, Mr. Dragon, when she ain't looking, we're nicking that fecking -
  Torwen: I've cocked you, by the way. I got eyes everywhere.
  Trellimar: (telepathically) That owl, you can incinerate it. We're gonna be eating owl pie.
  Kim: My owl makes a gesture towards you that, if it were a human gesture, it'd almost be like a (blowing a raspberry).
  Mark: It turns its head around 360 degrees, hoots and then turns back.
• Kim slipping in a The Lord of the Rings reference:
  Torwen: Things have been through here. There are orcs going that way. There's some scouts going here, look, there's Legolas over there, going that way.
  Elora: Who's Legolas?
  Torwen: He's one of my scouts, trained him myself.
• Moments later, upon concluding that they'll have to "go west", Kim and Mark briefly begin singing the song of the same name:
  Elora: What are these strange songs you're singing?
  Mark: That was Legolas. Legolas was singing that.
  Torwen: Keep it down, Legolas, you're meant to be stealthy!
  Legolas: Sorry lieutenant!
  Elora: You trained him so well.

Episode 08: Let's get Falk'ed!

• Matt surprises everyone (including Mark) by bringing a large plastic dragon model to sit upon his shoulder. The fact that it is somewhat poseable and he can make it wave etc. both disturbs and amuses everyone else.
• Matt tries to get the Rope of Climbing back from Torwen. Mark-as-Torwen proceeds to mercilessly troll him by suggesting why the elf needs it more.
• They attempt to smuggle Falk (an exiled half-orc) into the temple with them by having him turned into a squirrel. This being Martyn's character, he gets some mileage out of the opportunity to make cute faces.
• Falk's Running Gag of things reminding him of family members... who he admits he's never actually met.

Episode 09: Welcome back, Jiǔtóu!

• The first conversation between Cam and Jiǔtóu when she comes back to life as a teen.
  Cam: "You're a child!"
  Jiǔtóu: "You're a human!"
• The entire scene where Trellimar is disguised as an old woman and tries to get info out of a shopkeeper. Comes back for more hilarity when later on, Trellimar confronts the shopkeeper and his halfling compatriots in the same disguise:
  Shopkeeper: What have you done? Lady, you've ruined everything for cheese! Why?!
• Cam attempting to teach Falk "the Look", with the latter later trying it on an important NPC, who is incredibly confused by what he's doing.
  • Which later resurfaces as old lady Trellimar accuses the shopkeeper of giving her the look and Jiǔtóu hears about the look from Falk and wants Cam to teach her it.
  • Also this exchange in the morning to a slightly hungover Cam who wanted to know what happened the night before.
    Falk: I tried the Look.
    Cam: On me?!
• Kim's reaction to finding out that Jiǔtóu returning to life as a teenager means she is now shorter.
  Kim: I chose a tall race for a reason!

Episode 10: Harp'ing On

• The fact that to intimidate the shopkeeper into spilling what he knows, they threaten to bring in Old Lady Trell to speak to him. It works.
• Cam describes how he was found as a baby in the wild and says that one of the older Bucklands told him that they found him upon a rock with a glyph. Jiǔtóu asks if he remembers it or if she drew what it looked like for him.
  Cam: No, she didn't have any hands.
  (Mark loses it and laughs)
• The entire sequence of Trell disguising himself as an attractive girl to mess with Cam.

Episode 14: Trial of Strength

• Loben meets another gnome during the trial who is incredibly cheerful about meeting a fellow gnome, even while knifing Loben to death.

Episode 15: Murderer!

• Trott's temporary character somehow breaks a magic mirror that lets the leader of the broken sky talk to people by pissing her off.

Episode 19: DON'T TOUCH THAT!

• The constant cries of "Insight!"
  Mark: "The most suspicious of each other party ever."

Episode 20: The Eye of the Beholder

• Mark once again notes the group's suspicion, this time of him.
  Mark: "All i have to do is roll some dice and write something!"
• Cam suggests they 'penguin huddle', Jiǔtóu asks what a penguin is.
  Mark: "A dangerous underground creature, has a beak but with tentacles as well. It waddles around the ground and latches onto people's legs and then drains their blood."
• The encounter with "Tharizdun".
  • Some highlights include "Tharizdun" repeatedly accusing all drow of deception and introducing the party to his friend, Bahamut. Who's invisible, so only Tharizdun can see him.
• After hearing about a Queen who has enslaved Girlie's 'fam'.
  Cam: "We're here to kill your queen..."
  Mark: (makes a :o face in real-life)

Episode 21:TACTICAL WITHDRAW!

• During a battle, Elora asks Girlie to stir up the Deep Gnomes to aid them. When the party surrenders Girlie leads a small charge of Deep Gnomes, who after seeing the scene immediately turn tail and run back inside.
• The leader of the dwarves gets a nat 20 full on Perception blast of Cam's own nat 20.
• Elora and Jiǔtóu approach a door, hearing some weird noises on the other side.
  Kim: "Mum?"

Episode 22:Plots & Plans!

• Discussing how to deal with an encounter.
  Jiǔtóu: "What is that human expression? We are between a rock... and another rock?"
  Cam: "... A tiefling."
  (Kim plays out Jiǔtóu glaring at Cam)
  Mark: (to Trott) "You hear a laugh in your mind."
  Kim: "Crownrend!"
  Mark: "He found it funny!"
• After Girlie uses the word 'bastards'.
  Jiǔtóu: "Where did you hear that word young lady?"
  Girlie: "Cam!"
  Cam: "... Sorry."

Campaign 2: Aerois

Episode 19: Echoes of the Past

• The potion shop scene. The party goes to re-stock their spent supplies and meet a Valley Girl, Granola Girl centaur named Rosemeadow. The whole group can barely keep from corpsing over Mark's perfect performance of an airheaded Californian selling all-natural and mystical products.
  Mark: I have Healing Potions, Potions to make you grow, to shrink, all-natural shampoos, herbal conditioners, and crystals!

Episode 27: The Land of Roving Storms

• Lucius is attempting to comfort Nova on the beach after Sentry's death, with Nova blaming herself. For most part, it's a sobering and touching discussion between the two, right up until:
  Lucius: Yes it's all really shit, and now excuse the word, but now it's really shit isn't it. It's shit. Say it. It feels good.
  Nova: (weakly) It's shit.
  Lucius: It's really shit. But you know what, this is rock bottom, this is - I hate sand anyway, it's coarse -
  (Rhiannon starts cracking up, Tom starts laughing, and Mark facepalms.)
  Kim: (gesturing to Rhiannon, stifling her laughter) Don't look to your left -
  Lucius: - and it gets between your toes. It's awful -
  (Rhiannon and Tom have lost it, while Mark struggles to hold it together.)
  Lucius: - But we need to get off this beach and we need to save Sentry, our emotions be damned. We have a mission, and we owe it to Sentry to do it. We can't wallow anymore.
  (Mark describes Tiangong agreeing with Lucius's words and trying to comfort Nova. When Mark is done with his description, a pleased smirk appears on Trott's face.)
  Mark: (to Trott) Also I hate you.