- "I love my dead gay son!"
- "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!"
- "Dear diary: My teenage angst bullshit now has a body count..."
- "I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah."
- [Veronica writing in diary] "Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho."
- The cops finding the mineral water at the site of the "gay suicide pact" crime scene: "This explains everything."
- "Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make!"
- Jason may have been Ax-Crazy, but some of his snark was pretty funny:
Kurt: Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags policy?
Jason: Well, they, uh, seem to have an open door policy on assholes, though, don't they?
- Veronica's matter of fact delivery of the line, "If Heather [Duke] was going to cut her wrists, the knife would be spotless"
- Veronica's hell-and-back casual spectatorship of JD's suicide.
- Ram's thoughts at Heather's funeral: "Jesus God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. —Another joke, man. "
- J.D. and Veronica spending a good 20 seconds attempting to produce phlegm to spit in Heather C.'s drink.
- "Stupid childproof caps!"
- Veronica's prayer over Heather Chandler's casket at her funeral.
Veronica: (looking up) Hi. I'm sorry. Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nicer place. Amen. (Beat.) ...Did that sound bitchy?
- JD during "Our Love is God," is absolutely terrifying, but Kurt's complete confusion somewhat lightens it .
Kurt: I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE BO DIDDLEY THING!J.D: Get off the fence! Get off the damn fence!Kurt: I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAND!J.D: *singing* We can start and finish wars. We're what killed the dinosaurs. We're the asteroid that's overdue...Kurt: STOP BEING A DICK!J.D: *singing* The dinosaurs will turn to dust-Kurt: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
- "I'm hot and pissed and on the Pill!"
- Coupled with an Aside Glance to the audience.
- "SHUT UP, HEATHER!"
- All of "Blue," in some contrast to the underlying matter at hand.
- "Jesus! You're making me sound like Air Supply."
- On the soundtrack, "Dead Girl Walking" is a fun, sexy Intercourse with You song. Live, it's hysterical, because the actress really plays up Veronica's drunkenness. Barrett Wilbert Weed's "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." is hilarious, and gets a huge laugh out of the audience every time.
- "I'M BIGGER THAN JOHN LENNON!"
- "No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants..."
- "Why, when you see boys fight, does it look so horrible but... Feel so riiiiiiight?"
- "We gave it a shot, okay? I'm resigning my commission from the lipgloss Gestapo."
- Fight For Me live: "Could you be seen with me, and still act proud? *sees Ram, just punched, on the floor* HAHAHA."
- Heather M's first line. Definitely an establishing character moment.
Heather Chandler: For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure.Heather Mcnamara: And a symmetrical face... If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves. That's very important.
- Fight For Me is pretty hilarious when everyone is frozen in silly positions and facial expressions.
- The beginning of "Blue (Reprise)"
Heather Duke: I remember differently. I seem to recall there was a-Kurt & Ram: Big sword fight in her mooooouth...
- "What is that that I smell in the air? Is that... tolerance?"
- Veronica's attempt to make a joke after Heather C.'s death in order to keep herself calm. It fails miserably. (See Signature Laugh below.)
Hahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA — OH MY GOD!
- Every second of drunk!Veronica. Especially her cheesy dancing in "Big Fun."
- Veronica's Signature Laugh in general is always funny.
- "Don't be a dick, that stuff would kill her." "Thus, ending her hangover!"