"Dear diary: My teenage angst bullshit now has a body count..."
"I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah."
[Veronica writing in diary] "Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho."
The cops finding the mineral water at the site of the "gay suicide pact" crime scene: "This explains everything."
"Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make!"
Jason may have been Ax-Crazy, but some of his snark was pretty funny:
Jock: Doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags policy? Jason: Oh yeah, but they seem to have an open door policy on assholes, don't they?
Veronica's matter of fact delivery of the line, "If Heather [Duke] was going to cut her wrists, the knife would be spotless"
Veronica's casual reaction to JD's suicide.
Ram's thoughts at Heather's funeral: "Jesus God in Heaven, why did you have to kill such hot snatch? It's a joke, man. Jeez, people are so serious. Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven, pray for all us sinners so we don't get caught. Another joke, man. "