Funny / Halo 2

  • The beginning of the level, "Gravemind"
    Prophet of Truth: We are all greatly concerned. The release of the parasite was unexpected and unfortunate. But there is no need to panic. In truth, this is a time to rejoice, a moment that all the Covenant should savour, for the Sacred Icon has been found, and with it our path is clear, our entry into the Divine Beyond guaranteed. The Great Journey is nigh and nothing, not even The Flood, can stop it!
    (The Master Chief teleports in, right next to a Grunt carrying a Needler.)
    Master Chief: Boo.
    Grunt: AAAIIIEE!!
  • Before that, there was the entire sequence where The Master Chief and The Arbiter come face to face with the Gravemind itself:
    Master Chief: Relax. I'd rather not piss this thing off.
    Arbiter: Demon!
    Gravemind: This one is machine and nerve and has its mind concluded; this one is but flesh and faith and is the more deluded...
    Arbiter: Kill me or release me, parasite. But do not waste my time with talk!
    • The bickering between the Prophet of Regret and Penitent Tangent. Tangent is adamant following containment protocol (Despite the Flood infestation clearly being out of control by this point), and Regret doesn't seem aware that he's fused to one of Gravemind's tentacles.
    Prophet of Regret: Of all the objects that our Lords left behind, there are none so worthless as these Oracles! They know nothing of the Great Journey!
    2401 Penitent Tangent: And you know nothing about containment! You have demonstrated complete disregard for even the most basic protocols!
  • During the Scarab Attack.
    Soldier: Do you see this look? It's TERROR.
    Sergeant: Marine, did I give you permission to bitch?
  • During Johnson's Scarab Attack:
    Johnson: Knock Knock!
  • Cortana: The message just repeats. "Regret, Regret, Regret."
    Miranda: Catchy. Any idea what it means?
    Johnson: "Dear Humanity, we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth, and we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!"
    Marines: "Ooh-rah!!"
    • Gets even better once your ride gets shot down and you begin the level proper, revealing the name of the section you're playing.
    They'll Regret That Too
  • Johnson drops a Scorpion for Chief.
    Cortana: Thanks for the tank. He (Chief) never gets me anything.
    Johnson: Oh, I know what the ladies like.
    • Cue the next section's title: On Easy and Normal, it's, "Ladies Like Armor Plating", on Hard it's, "Ladies Like Grinding Treads", aaand on Heroic it's, "Ladies Like Superior Firepower."
  • During the level "Sacred Icon", when the Arbiter and some Elites are riding a gondola into Halo-05's Library to get the Index, Tartarus provides fire support with a Phantom dropship. Your NPC Elite allies are... less than enthusiastic about this, both about his 'help' against the Flood:
    Tartarus: I'll thin their ranks.
    Elite: What courage. Nice and safe in his Phantom...
    • And against the humans:
      Tartarus: Humans! I'll deal with them...
      Elite 1: The fool! He'll alert them to our presence!
      Elite 2: Look on the bright side: maybe they'll shoot him down.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/Halo2