- 1.13, Epitaph one, when they meet Whiskey.
Whiskey: I know where to find Safe Haven.
- They then go upstairs, to where the imprinting chair is, and the she points to a wall. The guys go over and start trying to bash in the wall, whereupon she points at the chair.
Whiskey: That is the way to Safe Haven.
Zone: Aw, you gotta be kidding me!
- And then, a little bit later:
Zone: Now, instead of finding food, y'all wanna talk to dumbshows and play with tech all day!
Whiskey: Food? I know where to find food.
Zone: Point at the frickin' chair and I will end you!
- The "exchange" (Rayna for Audra-in-Sierra) in episode 3, whereupon Echo-as-Jordan says: "So nobody really wants Rayna to see tomorrow!" and Audra, Rayna's #1 fan, says really quietly and tearfully, "I do." The comedic timing is priceless.
- Basically all of the scenes in "Echoes" (1x07) between Topher and Adelle DeWitt.
- Seeing the normally stoic and straight-laced DeWitt bouncing up and down on a trampoline like an eight-year-old is especially hilarious.
"Say hi for me!"
- And then Adelle tries (really, really hard) to climb over the railing. Also, the camera cuts to Topher, showing him walking around with no pants on.
- "What's in brown sauce? Science doesn't know!" "It's made of brown." "Brown! Mined from the earth by the hardscrabble brown miners of North Brownderton!"
- "Sure, now you're experts. Four hours ago you were discussing your love of applesauce."
- " I am...very ...British."
- "I don't say hahhrd ahhrs."
- "Have you got any crisps?" (Somehow this is funnier because Adelle doesn't usually use overtly UK-only vocabulary.)
- "You haven't seen my drawer of inappropriate starches?!"
- "It's soft... like a kitty."
- "OH MY GOD!...I find lentils completely incomprehensible!"
- "I have a HUGE phalanx of machines that go bing!"
- "It's so heavy!"
- "I tried to burn you to death! Who does that?"
- Topher, DeWitt, and Boyd on the phone
Topher Boyd! Did you find Echo?
DeWitt (Takes the phone) Boyd!... ...Did you find Echo?
Boyd It's okay. I've figured it out. (sits down and plays piano beautifully, inducing Topher and DeWitt to cry)
Topher: Go check.
Adelle: I am your superior!
Topher: In every way. Go check.
- "He seemed to be having a kind of... man-reaction."
- "We're actually gonna sit here and look for..." "Man-reactions."
- The interviewee from "Man on the Street" (1x06) who goes on about how great the technology would be for guys who want to "check it out" with another dude, his girlfriend staring all the while in disbelief, has to be seen to be appreciated.
- And in Needs (1x08):
Ballard: But I have a thing she needs!
- Also in Needs: Echo, Victor, Sierra, and November wake up with no "tabula rasa" architecture and discover that the showers are coed. Victor reluctantly steps in, and starts listing baseball lineups. Doubles as a Call-Back to Active!Victor's "man-reaction" plotline.
- In "True Believer" (1x05), when the crazy cult leader has convinced his followers to stay in a burning building and Echo, her imprint that of a previously blind, pious girl, is convincing them to leave before they all die of smoke inhalation. The best part is how her voice starts off gentle and coaxing and slowly escalates.
Echo: Maybe God sent me here to bring you a message...and the message is MOVE YOUR ASS.
- And in "A Spy in the House of Love" (1x09):
- Candidate for the best quip of the show so far.
- Also not the first time Victor has done that; Lubov suggested becoming a doll in the pilot.
- Also in "A Spy in the House of Love" (1x09):
Echo: I can help you.
Topher: Why would you?
Echo: Why wouldn't I?
Topher: ... did I just lose an argument with a doll?
- Also in "A Spy in the House of Love" (1x09):
Roger!Victor: She wants to be kidnapped by a pirate.
Dominatrix!Echo: I know a guy...
- And also in (1x09):
Victor's Handler: Come on, your geriatric princess awaits. [Echo whips her ankle] Ow!
Dominatrix!Echo: It's love. Show some respect.
- "Sometimes, it's about the pain."
- And also in (1x09):
Echo: I wanna start with him (points at Topher).
Topher: Uh, I'm not the spy. I discovered the spy. Remember? The spy was operating right under my nose!
Echo: Which means you're either dangerously incompetent, or you're trying to throw us off your trail.
Dominic: I'm sorry I ever doubted your programming skills.
- In 1x10 "Haunted", Echo (imprinted as a dead woman trying to solve her own murder) ends up having "her" son try to kiss her. She nearly vomits.
- "Briar Rose" (1x11)
- "Omega" (1x12), where Alpha is told to watch his step, and he does just that.
- Alpha kisses Echo in midsentence, and Echo responds by... finishing her sentence.
- When Ballard says, "My whole life isn't real." in a very matter-of-fact way when he sees Victor, whom he has known only in his "Lubov" imprint.
- Could also double as a Tear Jerker, since it implies that his whole life is what we see on screen - he has no other friends or family.
- "The stairs lack risers!"
- Even the normally terrifying composite!Alpha gets one when his personalities attempt to make threats:
"I'm not fooling. He's not kidding! We're not bluffing. I'm bluffing. RAGH! But the rest of us, we mean business.''"
- "Great. Puberty all over again."
- "So do I ask you for the fridge or do I have to speak to someone higher up?" along with a bit before that when Topher adds "I'm also gonna need a trampoline." Especially because we know he gets one.
Woman: It's breakfast time. We're having pancakes.
Tango: I like pancakes.
Anthony/Victor: (beat) We're all gonna die.
- "Vows" (2x1), Topher wakes up to a... surprise.
Topher: What are you doing?!
Claire/Whiskey: I'm just trying to be my best.
- "That is the minority vote! And you tricked it! Guy's asleep... Could have been Fozzie Bear, and it would have.... Not that I think about Fozzie Bear...."
- From the same episode, the reveal of Topher's phobia of... lab rats. Just think for a second about what his job entails, and it's doubly funny.
- "Vows" also has this little gem of a Noodle Incident:
Boyd: You know, after that news anchor -
Adelle: Which one?
Boyd: The one who wanted to be rolled in eggs and flour and dipped in -
Adelle: Ah, Tempura Joe...such a lonely soul.
Boyd: I thought I'd seen it all.
- Sierra's racist imprint reveals some, uh, hidden depths.
Sierra: I suppose I am at your mercy. In fact, if you were to tie me down and spank me, I could hardly be expected to resist, could I?
Ivy: [eyes wide] ...I-I'll keep that in mind!
- The sheer surreality of the racist imprint. "I'm not comfortable with, uh, orientals." (Don't look in the mirror, Sierra!) Ivy gets major props for just playing along with it.
- This is especially funny when you consider that Sierra herself is at least part Asian (the actress, Dichen Lachman, is ethnic Tibetan on her mother's side).
- The entire scene from "Belle Chose" (2x03) when Victor is accidentally imprinted with the "Kiki" personality in the club.
- The best part about it is Adelle's lead-in, after which the the show immediately cuts to "Kiki" doing "her" thing in said club. The editing and the laughs that ensue just have to be seen to be believed.
- Especially the part where "Kiki" starts coming onto the guys watching him dance, and then completely decks one of them when he smacks him. Then "Kiki" runs over to Ballard and hugs him.
- "Kiki" - "You suck! Trying to hit a girl?"
- "Paul! Why did you ever leave me?"
- And Paul's comment to the onlookers: 'You got a problem?'
- Kiki's protestations to her English Lit teacher, a masterpiece of Valley Girl, terrible puns and Metaphorgotten:
"Okay, so, I probably never should have taken this course to begin with. But, I figured it was "Medieval Lit", not "Advanced Evil", how hard could it be? So, I skipped "Intro to Evil" or whatever, but, how is it that I get an "F" when this guy we're reading, Chauncy, can't even spell?"
"...It's Chaucer. It's Middle English."
"Right, like, hobbits or something."
"As I said, my office is open if you'd care to discuss it."
"Yeah, I'd care to discuss it. I'm like the Scarlet Lady with the 'F' on her chest."
- The scene where Adelle tells Topher why he was hired because he has no morals, as opposed to the rest of the staff who have compromised morals Made even funnier later on, when Topher has a moral crisis over sending Sierra off on a permanent engagement with the bastard who crossed all sorts of ethical and moral lines to make her love him.
- From the unaired pilot, "Echo":
Dr. Saunders: I'm compiling a report.
- From Belle Chose (2x03):
Boyd: Topher has ethical problems. Topher!
- From Topher in "The Public Eyes" (2x05) demonstrating his disruptor:
Topher: It'll knock out any doll in a 10 foot radius, including a pesky Sleeper like Cindy, without actually harming real people like us.
*a Doll is seen tumbling down the stairs outside the lab*
Topher: Uh, make that a 50 foot radius.
- Every scene involving Topher!Victor in "The Left Hand" (2x06).
- And from the same episode, Topher and Adelle's limousine scene, so much like a harried mother barely keeping her rambunctious son in check.
- The lead-in is perfect, and the phone conversations where Topher and Topher!Victor compare notes on Bennett are hilarious. But Boyd's attitude to the whole thing— give Enver Gjokaj a medal for that one.
- DeWitt and Lipman's visible frustration with the fact that their techs have gone giggly over each other.
- And every single moment Topher and Bennett are on-screen is pretty much a moment of sheer, awkward hilarity.
Bennett: ....did you just try to tase me? I am concerned that you tried to tase me.
- Some other highlights include Bennett telling Topher his skin is like a pig and later offering him wasabi peas.
- Adelle acting all seductive towards the Rossum executive, only to grab his balls and threaten to rip them off if he doesn't comply with her wishes immediately. Gives a whole new meaning to 'ball-buster'.
- From "Meet Jane Doe" (2x07):
"Oh my God, she's a zombie!"
- In the same episode, Victor and Sierra's imprinted scientist characters hug, and then commence making out. Topher rolls his eyes and turns the remote-wipe device on them like a hose.
- Also in "Meet Jane Doe":
- From "A Love Supreme" (2x08):
- All of Alpha's scenes in this episode are either Crowning Moments of Funny or Awesome.
Topher: "So she's a serial killer?"
Boyd: "Only a little bit."
- This one is particularly funny because it comes after Topher asking Boyd about which of Echo's old identities she is - which has clearly been going on for a while, and Boyd is about 25% blase/75% frustrated with Topher not getting that she's ALL OF THEM. This is the first line where Topher actually scores a point, and Boyd gets a stellar "hmm, didn't think of that" look on his face.
- From the same episode:
: I am obsolete. This must be what old people feel like. And Blockbuster
- Another gem, when Adelle asks how they knew Alpha was behind a recent attack.
Paul: He's the only only out there with knowledge of this place and an obsession with Echo.
Adelle: I thought that was you, Mr. Ballard.
Paul: (dryly) You're hilarious.
- Notice he doesn't actually deny it.
- Not to mention:
Alpha: You were alone with her for months. You could have slept with her but you didn't. If that's not love... are you gay?
Alpha: Then it's love.
Topher: Did they eat my brains?
- Don't forget Alpha blowing up one of Echo's old clients after he repeats that their time together was "a blast."
Alpha: Who doesn't love a pun?
- "Stop-Loss" (2x09) has a gem from Echo about Eleanor Penn and Roma Klar (the "Vows" FBI agent imprint) both trying to take control of a mysterious situation.
- Another example from "Stop-Loss" - Topher and Ivy's reactions when they learn that Adelle is the "Ms. Lonelyhearts" hiring out Victor-as-Roger for sex:
Topher: You?! Oh my God! (Adelle winces) What have I said to you about her? Ooo, octogenarian, walker jokes, the thing about the early-bird special! (laughs nervously) I didn't know.
Ivy: (enters) Roger came back early. He didn't say why it ended, but my money's on a broken hip. (Topher quickly signals Ivy to stop)
- "The Attic" (2x10):
- The entire conversation about Victor's man-reaction in "True Believer."
Claire: Victor had an erection?
Topher: I prefer man-reaction.
- The scene where Alpha has captured and is torturing Ballard and then suddenly looks at a screen and with apparent bewilderment says
Alpha: Huh, when did you die?
- Adelle: From "Getting Closer" (2x11): After Boyd shoots Clive Ambrose, she says, "Well, I guess we can agree this carpet's done for."
- Topher facing down an assassin in "Getting Closer" (2x11) by claiming he'd imprinted himself with all sorts of crazy skills - and is punched out in one hit as usual.
- From the same episode, Caroline in Adelle's office stealing the files and leaving the guard in his boxers.
Caroline: Don't worry, I'm not a thief; I'm a terrorist.
- Also in that episode, Topher kisses Bennet, winces in pain... and then keeps kissing her over and over, saying "ow" after every one.
- Made even better by Bennett apologizing after every one.
- Just about everything with Topher in Bennett's presence, actually.
Topher: I had a crush on you even when I thought you were a dude. This is better.
Topher: It's in my lab. Come on. You showed me yours now... I'll show you mine.
- Bennett talking with Adelle about Topher punching her.
Bennett: This man assaulted me. Struck me. In my own lab. I would like to file a formal complaint.
Dewitt: Miss Halverson, as you correctly deduced, you have been abducted.
- Topher talking about Bennett punching him.
Her left arm may be dead, but she's got a terrific right cross, if anyone asks. *Beat
* Actually, if anyone asks, don't say I got beat up by a one-armed girl.
- Topher after Claire's "seduction." Hilarious. Made even better by Topher and Claire spearing your heart right after.
- In "The Hollow Men" (2x12), after Boyd pulls a gun on Paul, Paul gives Echo a funny look and says "Whaddi miss?"
- Victor on Dr. Saunders' replacement.
Victor: Where is Dr. Saunders? There is a man. He is not his best.
- Although Victor is actually talking about Terry, it is like he is talking about Saunders' replacement.
- Topher and Adelle discussing the upcoming "thoughtpocalypse."
- Yet another Topher and Adelle one: Adelle says "I'm sure I'll be far more talkative with my brains splattered all over Topher.", and he gives her the most resigned look imaginable, which doesn't say, "No Adelle, don't die", so much as it says, "No more brains on Topher!" Fran Kranz and Olivia Williams should have their own show.
- In "The Attic" (2x10), Priya and Tony discussing their worst nightmares.
Priya: I dreamt of making love to you over and over.
Tony: Oh really? * leers*
Priya: And then you turned into the reanimated corpse of the rapist I killed.
- Echo-as-Taffy in "Gray Hour" (1x04): "Always wear comfortable shoes."
- What truly makes it funny is that Taffy's idea of comfortable shoes are apparently high-heeled boots.
- "She's a tech head, Mag... She's a girl, Mag!" The latter is no problem for Mag, apparently.
- A little morbid, but an example from "Epitaph Two: Return" (2x13): As Topher is making the final stand against the doll technology, willing to die for the good of mankind, the wall of remembrance from "Epitaph One" pops back up and it's about to be examined one last time. But the second he turns his back on the Action Bomb, no more Topher.
- "Yeah, well, you're...fat!"
- When Alpha and Victor/Anthony, who is now a "tech-head" with techy stuff on the side of his face:
Margaret-disguised-as-Julia-in-Echo: You lost your mother. It's only natural you'd be so elmo.
Echo: That's not a word, sweetie.
- Topher's "It's spread by touch!" - "Are you sure?" -* pan out to Topher not wearing pants* -"I'm fairly certain."
- Dominic in "The Attic." He and Echo enter Victor's mind, and there's two of them as part of Victor's fear-inducing hallucination where he fights himself. Dominic and Echo each pick one to explain that it's all an imagination. Dominic chooses unwisely and hilarity ensues:
Dominic: You're in the attic, man. None of this is real.
Dominic: Oh okay, fine.
- Zone's reaction to the news that they would have to return to the Dollhouse in the series finale is pretty hysterical. His "AWW, COME ON!" is so just so on-pitch dismayed.
- This is more of a meta-one: Tim Minear's quip about bennett's death:
- This exchange from "Getting Closer":
- The Season 2 outtakes are comedy gold. Highlights include:
- Senator Perrin's epic speech on how comfortable shoes are an essential component of reaching the hearts and minds of America's people (and, really anything that comes out of his mouth during that segment).
- Alpha nearly hurling Echo onto a hapless cast member (who appears to be Eliza reading lines) on the floor below them during their fight together.
- ...And in the very next outtake, hefting Eliza up to toss her over the railing, and then just standing there for several moments with his hand on her inner thigh, before winking into the camera and saying "Cut!" in the most suggestive way imaginable.
- The facial expressions Topher makes in his attempts to say "She was kind of a hooker!" without laughing.
- This exchange:
Echo: We heard something about that- the mainframe [which is a network of human minds] is vulnerable.
Dominic: How do we take it out? Is it accessible through the internet?!
- Echo and Paul meeting inside Echo's head.
Echo: Does this mean you're going to make me play with my boobies all the time?