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Series One
- Poole's uptight Englishness is often played for laughs.
- The crossdressing beggar thief. The best part is when Dwayne finally catches him and tells the guy, "Wait 'til I tell your mother!"
- Dwayne breaking into the Post Office and Poole's reaction with Dwayne saying that he has five people who will swear that he was on the other side of the island at the time of the crime.
- Dwayne's utter confusion and exacerbation regarding the basic premise of Clue.Dwayne: This is the game?!
2 - Wicked Wedding Night
- Fidel and Dwayne are staking out the diving instructor while he's at work:Fidel: Does he only teach women in bikinis?
Dwayne: (eyes glued to binoculars) I hope so. - Then Dwayne explains to Fidel why Dwayne always drives:Dwayne: Besides, you're better at processing evidence than I am. I'm all fingers and thumbs which isn't good when you're dealing with fingerprints. (A little later) You process evidence, I look cool on bikes.
3 - Predicting Murder
- Poole playing Agent Scully when confronted with Voodoo:Bordey: Creole Voodoo beliefs have been part of the island for hundreds of years!
Poole: So were cholera and typhoid! You even got rid of the French eventually!
Bordey: I'm half French!
Poole: There is no such thing as half French. - Later, when Camille tells Poole to trust her woman's intuition:Poole: Well, why don't we just go the whole hog? I'll take my clothes off, you light the fire.
Bordey: [to a curious bystander] He's English! - This exchange:Poole: So just to be clear, your alibi is that at the time of the murder, you were doing charity work in an orphanage surrounded by nuns?
Suspect: Yes, I guess it is.
6 - An Unhelpful Aid
- Poole is bedridden with fever and Catherine is treating him. However, he objects to her soup, to the point that he just pours it into one of the potted plants. Then there's his description of what her soup tastes like.
7 - Music of Murder
- Richard is afraid of snakes. Upon discovering this fact, Camille leaves a rubber snake on his chair in the station. He Screams Like a Little Girl and then grumpily throws it at her, as all the while she is attempting to hide her giggles behind a piece of paper.
8 - Amongst Us (Season Finale)
- Poole gets a chance to go back home, but only if he calls the UK in time. He can't. Partially because the Commissioner gave him the number at the near-literal last minute. When Richard fails, and says the Commissioner tricked him, the Commissioner says Richard can make an official complaint.Richard: Who to?
Commissioner Patterson: (Completely deadpan) The police commissioner.
Richard: That's you, isn't it?
The Commissioner: (With a slight smile) Mmm-hmm.
Series Two
3 - Death at the Clinic
- Richard Screams Like a Little Girl again, when Camille has him in an armlock, "demonstrating" how she would react if she were the murder victim and someone was trying to push her into a swimming pool;Poole: Okay, let me rephrase that: you're not a trained police officer...
Camille: I'm not?
Poole: No, you're a depressed woman WITH NO APPARENT APTITUDE FOR SELF-DEFENSE!
Camille: Oh, okay! (Releases him.) - Poole, after interviewing a cosmetic surgeon in the middle of a procedure:Poole: Am I ranting?
Camille: Yes.
Poole: Well, quite frankly, Camille, some things qualify for a rant. I'm not sure what the exact criterion is, but I'm pretty sure it would include holding a stranger's nipple in place while someone else sews it on.
7 - A Stormy Occurrence
- When the sun doesn't cooperate and hides behind the clouds:Richard: Oh for God... Three hundred days a year you shine TEN HOURS A DAY! AND THE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO SHINE, YOU GO IN!
- Then he gives a sheepish "thank you" to the sky when it does cooperate.
Series Three
3 - An Artistic Murder
- Humphrey is trying to set up a dating profile after his wife has abandoned him. While working on it, he asks for Camille for some help. Camille's response?Camille: You can put that you're kind, you're handsome, and you're very sexy.
Humphrey: (Genuinely surprised and flattered) Really?
Camille: Of course! It's internet. Everyone lies!
4 - Ye of Little Faith
- Camille takes Humphrey to her mother's restaurant to try some of her famous chicken stew. Whilst Humphrey gobbles it up, Camille is explaining how the stew gets it flavor from an incredibly spicy pepper that shouldn't be consumed on its own. Humphrey ends up eating the pepper while she explains it. The next scene shows Humphrey downing a large pitcher of milk while all the other restaurant-goers watch him.Humphrey: I think I owe your mother for a lot of milk.
6 - The Early Bird
- Dwayne and Captain Jack Parrot making the world's most perfect reference to Monty Python.
Series Four
6 - The Perfect Murder
- Humphrey is working late when he discovers that JP has been sleeping in the back of the station until he finds a place to stay. Far from being angry, Humphrey says he's relieved that there was no intruder or late-night prowler, and proposes that they work together on reviewing the evidence from their latest case. The next morning, when Florence and Dwayne unlock the station, they see the floor littered with take-away cartons and empty beer bottles, then look in the back and see Humphrey and JP snoring in their undershirts on (separate) cots in the holding cells. Words fail both of them.
Series Five
4 - A Personal Murder
- The pallbearers' banter outside of the mortuary after getting Cedrik's coffin out of the hearse.Dwayne: If he'd stuck to the diet, this would've been a whole lot easier.
Ivann: If he'd stuck to the diet, we wouldn't be here.
Tommy: My brother didn't listen to you when he was alive, Ivann, and he sure as hell ain't listening to you now!
Father Floyd: OK, fellas, this is not what Cedrik would've wanted. - After Cedrik's funeral, a local custom involving cell phones as Coffin Contraband is discussed. Then the subject of the custom being applied whenever the deceased's body is cremated gets brought up...DI Goodman: ...Isn't that a bit dangerous? Don't the batteries explode?
Dwayne: Really?
DI Goodman: Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
Series Six
Series Seven
1 - Murder From Above
- Jack apprehends a drug dealer who has given Florence, Dwayne, and JP the slip... with a large watermelon. It Makes Sense in Context. After taking a call from the Commissioner, he asks the team to lock up the drug dealer and meet him at the crime scene, "and bring the melon, too, would you?"
- While saying this, he skips to avoid tripping over some stray chickens as he makes his way to the crime scene.
3 - Written in Murder
- Jack is listening to a podcast the Victim of the Week was on where he discusses what he'd bring with him to a deserted island. Jack is... less than impressed with his choices.Jack: A cup of tea? You're stuck on an island, for flip's sake!
Series Eight
1 - Murder on the Honoré Express
- a pair of swimming trunks is an important part of solving the murder. Except Jack refers to them as "budgie smugglers", and has to awkwardly explain the origin of the phrase to Florence and JP.
- And then the Commissioner comes by and sees them. The "WTF"/"I don't want to know" look on his face is priceless. And he also calls them "budgie smugglers".
- The team's reaction to learning their new member will be the Commissioner's niece:Jack: Catherine, tell Patrice I may need another beer.
Catherine: I know the Commissioner's niece. I'll get you three. [Beat] And a bottle of rum.
2 - Murder Most Animal
- Jack somehow gets roped into taking part in a long swim for charity, which even makes the local papers:Jack: And how am I front page news? Xander only got page 2, and he was murdered!
4 - Frappe Death Day
- Jack and Patrice going all-out as spectators at a hermit crab race and jumping for joy when their crab "comes in".
Series Nine
Series Ten
1 - Pilot of the Airwaves
- In the absence of Florence and Neville, the Commissioner is interviewing members of the public at the police station. He solemnly promises an elderly woman that he will spare no effort to track down her missing loved one... then looks down sourly at the photo in his hand, of a fluffy white cat.
- Neville and Florence's first meeting is not auspicious; stuck in one of his hypochondriac funks, he initially assumes she's the doctor's assistant he called for and starts pulling down his drawers to show off a rash in an embarrassing place.
- After the shack is damaged in a fire, Florence reluctantly allows Parker to stay the night on her couch. The next morning, she arrives at the station before him, and he contacts the team via video chat.Florence: Are you wearing my dressing-gown?!
Parker: I hope you don't mind.
2 - Steamy Confessions
- Neville tries to win over the Commissioner by entering a local crab cookoff; he is excited when the ingredients he ordered arrive by post, but terrified when the crabs turn out to be live and quickly escape their container.Parker: [perched on a chair] Why are they alive?!
Florence: You ordered them!
Parker: Yes, I ordered them "fresh", I didn't expect they'd be walking around!- When Florence nabs one of the crabs before it can escape out the door, she deadpans, "one suspect in custody, the rest are still on the run."
- The Victim of the Week is a hospital nurse on duty in the ward where Neville is a patient. He gets so caught up in the investigation that he forgets he's wearing only an Embarrassing Hospital Gown.Florence: Sir, you really need to put some trousers on!
7 - Somewhere in Time
- Neville and Florence are waiting on the dock to meet the suspects - the members of a fishing trip/stag night - when they step off their boat. The groom laughs and says Florence is much too hot to be a cop, so she must be a stripper the others hired. Her expression is... unamused, to say the least.
Series Eleven
Holiday Christmas Special
- Commissioner Patterson gets a call with important news about the team's latest case, just as he and Marlon are about to enter a children's hospital dressed as Santa Claus and his elf. Cut to Neville saying goodbye to Florence at the dock and turning to see Santa Claus and his elf getting out of their car and striding toward him with all the badass self-importance of Starsky & Hutch arriving at the crime scene, complete with slow-motion door slams and upbeat jazz music.Neville: I don't believe what I'm seeing...
- Patterson and Parker later participate on a video call with a man from the U.K. calling with the new evidence:Colin: That's when I told myself, "Colin, this is serious, this is not a joke." (Marlon places a copy on the desk in front of Parker) ...Was that an elf?
Patterson: Not a real one.
Series Twelve
5 - On the Sanctity of Children
- Marlon is taking his Sergeant's exam, and after arriving at the Commissioner's office and getting ready, he takes a pen, pencil, highlighter, and toy frog out of his pencil case. The Commissioner is just stunned at it, and even moreso after Marlon reveals the frog's name when the Commissioner picks it up.
Series Thirteen
- While investigating the history of one of their suspects, who was also a suspect in the very first case of the series way back in the pilot, Neville decides to video call Camille to get any input she can provide. When they call her though, she's in the middle of giving birth to her child and is understandably not in a talking mood. Marlon's statement after they cut the call just the cherry on top.Marlon: She always had that glow.
