Funny / Classical Mythology

  • When Telemachus asks Odysseus what kind of help they have for taking down the suitors, Odysseus basically says, "We've got Zeus and Athena on our side. Are you sure that'll be enough?"
  • One story details how Hera was so spectacularly angry at Zeus that she left Olympus. After failing to persuade her to return, Zeus asked for help and was told to make a wooden doll, dress it in a bridal veil, and tell everyone he was getting remarried to lure Hera out. It worked.
    • Speaking of Zeus and Hera's marriage, the whole way it began. Hera wasn't actually looking to marry Zeus, knowing his tendencies, but Zeus kept wooing her anyways. So one day Hera said, all right, if you can get me to say "I love you", I'll marry you. For the next few days, Zeus was conspicuously distant, then a cuckoo appeared on Hera's windowsill during a freak storm. Taking pity on the bird, she of course immediately took it inside, dried it and fed it. The cuckoo was very glad with this turn of events and was acting and chirping so sweetly that Hera said, "Awww I love you too." Cue the cuckoo turning into Zeus with a huge grin.
  • Hephaestus gets pissed off because his wife Aphrodite is cheating on him with Ares and makes a golden net which he hides by their bed. The next time they start getting it on, the net catches them and hauls them into the air and Hephaestus calls all the other gods to have a good look. The whole of Olympus stands around laughing, and Apollo says to Hermes, 'So, would you mind being chained up naked for everyone to see?' Hermes promptly replies that he wouldn't mind a bit, provided he got to sleep with Aphrodite.
    • Pornographia also originally meant "to write about prostitution", so it's come a long way in the last few thousand years.
  • An unintentional example, but if you look at some versions of Tiresias and Arachne's myths, Athena has really bad luck when it comes to helping people. A boy almost sees her naked and she tries to shield his innocent eyes? Whoops, she blinded him! A rival tries to kill herself and Athena tries to show her mercy by saving her? Whoops, now her rival's a spider!
  • Aphrodite, Hephaistos and Eros are making weapons, in particular Eros is making a javelin. Ares comes in with a strong spear and begins making fun of his son's creation. Eros says it's heavy and says he should try to pick it up. Ares does so, only to find he can't lift it up and his hand is stuck under it.
    "Ergh, it's really heavy. Take it back."
    "No, you can keep it."
  • The poet Sappho of Lesbos, who wrote poetry about her love for women and who gave the names to you know exactly what, was supposedly married to Kerkylas of Andros, a name which translates to about Dick Allcock from Big Man Island. He may be fictional, and "of Kalamamos" may have been better because that means "of pen island", roughly.
  • Aphrodite finds out some women of a city don't worship her, because they believe they are prettier. She gives them terrible B.O. so their husbands will divorce. Yes, the same person who tried to kill Psyche for similar reasons decided to make some girls smell bad.
  • The Ouroboros, the snake with its tail in its mouth, moves around like a wheel, as it goes in a circle in the desert. Truly, a terrifying sight.