Chef: How come all you guys sit on your helmets? Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off. [Chef laughs uproariously] [Beat] [Chef takes off his helmet and sits on it]
During one examination of Colonel Kurtz's profile information, Willard finally affirms how Kurtz's methods aren't as insane as the American government led him to believe—the commanders of the war are just as crazy as Kurtz is if not more:
Willard: No wonder Kurtz put a weed up Command's ass. The war was being run by a bunch of four-star clowns who were gonna end up giving the whole circus away.
Willard's view of assassinating Kurtz, in response to the colonel's unauthorized killings of individuals who he thought were enemy spies, as absurd takes place even earlier than that when he amusingly says that murder charges in a war are laughable:
Willard: Charging a man with murder in this place was like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500.
"Charlie don't surf!"
The unmistakable satisfaction in Willard's voice over the following lines:
His report to Lyndon Johnson and the Joint Chiefs of Staff was classified. Seems they didn't dig what he had to tell them.