Funny / The Apartment

  • Learning to cook with a tennis racket, it's simply a must!
    Miss Kubelik: What's a tennis racket doing in the kitchen?
    C. C. Baxter: Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner.
    Miss Kubelike: (looks confused)
    C. C. Baxter: I use it to strain the spaghetti.
  • Dr. Dreyfuss upon entering his apartment, he suddenly hears loud music starting from next door.
    Dr. Dreyfuss: Mildred! He's at it again.
  • The scene where C. C. Baxter tells Miss Kubelik about his own attempt at suicide.
    C. C. Baxter: I know how you feel, Miss Kubelik. You think it's the end of the world, but it's not, really. I went through exactly the same thing myself.
    Miss Kubelik: You did?
    C. C. Baxter: Well, maybe not exactly. I tried to do it with a gun.
    Miss Kubelik: Over a girl?
    C. C. Baxter: Worse than that, she was the wife of my best friend, and I was mad for her. But I knew it was hopeless so I decided to end it all. I went to a pawnshop and bought a forty-five automatic and drove up to Eden Park. Do you know Cincinnati?
    Miss Kubelik: No, I don't.
    C. C. Baxter: Anyway, I parked the car and loaded the gun, well, you read in the papers all the time that people shoot themselves, but believe me, it's not that easy - I mean, how do you do it? Here, or here, or here (with cocked finger, he points to his temple, mouth and chest.) You know where I finally shot myself?
    Miss Kubelik: Where?
    C. C. 'Baxter: (indicating kneecap) Here.
    Miss Kubelik: In the knee?
    C. C. Baxter: Uh-huh. While I was sitting there, trying to make my mind up, a cop stuck his head in the car, because I was illegally parked - so I started to hide the gun under the seat and it went off - POW!
    Miss Kubelik: (laughing) That's terrible.
    C. C. Baxter: Yeah. Took me a year before I could bend my knee... but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, gained twenty pounds... she sends me a fruit cake every Christmas.
  • The last lines, also a moment of heartwarming.
    C.C. Baxter: You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.
    Miss Kubelik: [grinning giddily] Shut up and deal.