Funny / The Apartment

  • Learning to cook with a tennis racket, it's simply a must!
    Miss Kubelik: What's a tennis racket doing in the kitchen?
    C. C. Baxter: Tennis racket? Oh, I remember, I was cooking myself an Italian dinner.
    Miss Kubelike: (looks confused)
    C. C. Baxter: I use it to strain the spaghetti.
  • Dr. Dreyfuss upon entering his apartment, he suddenly hears loud music starting from next door.
    Dr. Dreyfuss: Mildred! He's at it again.
  • Most of the scenes taking place at the bar during Christmas Eve. Aside from the Mood Whiplash between Fran and Sheldrake's scenes, Baxter's Heroic B.S.O.D. and drunkness is somewhat hilarious due to the bar's colorful characters and dialogues. Margie hitting on him throwing straw envelopes and telling him the story of her tiny boyfriend who is a prisoner of the Castro regime in Cuba. Also, the One-Scene Wonder drunk man in a Santa Claus suit played by Hal Smith.
  • The scene where C. C. Baxter tells Miss Kubelik about his own attempt at suicide.
    C. C. Baxter: I know how you feel, Miss Kubelik. You think it's the end of the world, but it's not, really. I went through exactly the same thing myself.
    Miss Kubelik: You did?
    C. C. Baxter: Well, maybe not exactly. I tried to do it with a gun.
    Miss Kubelik: Over a girl?
    C. C. Baxter: Worse than that, she was the wife of my best friend, and I was mad for her. But I knew it was hopeless so I decided to end it all. I went to a pawnshop and bought a forty-five automatic and drove up to Eden Park. Do you know Cincinnati?
    Miss Kubelik: No, I don't.
    C. C. Baxter: Anyway, I parked the car and loaded the gun, well, you read in the papers all the time that people shoot themselves, but believe me, it's not that easy - I mean, how do you do it? Here, or here, or here (with cocked finger, he points to his temple, mouth and chest.) You know where I finally shot myself?
    Miss Kubelik: Where?
    C. C. 'Baxter: (indicating kneecap) Here.
    Miss Kubelik: In the knee?
    C. C. Baxter: Uh-huh. While I was sitting there, trying to make my mind up, a cop stuck his head in the car, because I was illegally parked - so I started to hide the gun under the seat and it went off - POW!
    Miss Kubelik: (laughing) That's terrible.
    C. C. Baxter: Yeah. Took me a year before I could bend my knee... but I got over the girl in three weeks. She still lives in Cincinnati, has four kids, gained twenty pounds... she sends me a fruit cake every Christmas.
  • The last lines, also a moment of heartwarming.
    C.C. Baxter: You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.
    Miss Kubelik: [grinning giddily] Shut up and deal.