Film / The Slammin' Salmon

"You must dominate the swordfish. Only then can you sauté it."
-The Champ, after punching a living swordfish in the head.

The fifth film by Broken Lizard, directed by Kevin Heffernan.

Former world heavyweight boxing champion "Slammin'" Cleon Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan) is the owner of one of Miami's most popular seafood restaurants, dubbed "The Slammin' Salmon." When he racks up a $20,000 gambling debt to the Yakuza, he tells the restaurants manager, Rich (Kevin Heffernan), that they need to take in twenty grand in one night, since his own extravagant lifestyle has left him unable to pay. Hoping to motivate the wait staff (and avoid the Champ's wrath), Rich begins offering prizes out of his own pocket to whoever the top seller is by the end of the night. When this does not work as well as expected. The Champ issues his own ultimatum: whoever is the lowest seller by the end of the night is getting a "broken rib sandwich." The staff then begins to one-up and sabotage each other hoping to come out on top.

The wait staff includes: Nuts (Jay Chandresekhar), a heavily medicated man, who becomes "Zongo" when he doesn't take his meds; Connor (Steve Lemme), a former waiter who has returned after a failed acting career; Donnie Kinogie (Paul Soter), busboy-turned-waiter in order to meet the Champ's demands; Guy Metdrapedes (Eric Stolhanske), the most arrogant and underhanded of them all; Tara (Cobie Smulders), who is working her way through med school; and Mia (April Bowlby), who is saving to enroll in a ballet academy.

Provides Examples Of:

  • Accidental Misnaming: The Champ calls Donnie "Dave 2", and pronounces Metdrapedes as "Meat Drapes."
  • As Himself: Morgan Fairchild as Morgan Fairchild
  • Ax-Crazy: The Champ; once, when an opponent cheap-shotted him, he punched him so hard it caused his skull to splatter.
  • Bad Boss: Even before his ultimatum, the wait staff lived in a constant state of fear of the Champ's wrath.
  • The Brute: The Champ. Dear God, the CHAMP.
  • Catch Phrase: WHATEVER MOTHERFUCKER, for whenever someone corrects the Champ's malapropisms.
  • Chekhov's Gunman: Horace, the customer who Guy passes off to Donnie.
  • The Chew Toy: Mia. First she has boiling soup accidentally tossed in her face, then has a fireball go off in her face. And that's just the beginning.
  • Crazy Cultural Comparison: The Champ racked up his gambling debt playing Japan's number-one new sport — albino hunting.
    "Catch and release. Strictly for sport."
  • Everyone Calls Him Barkeep: With the exception of his sister, no-one calls the Champ by his given name.
  • Extreme Doormat: Rich lets the champ walk all over him. His toast at Rich's wedding to his sister was nothing but gloating over what a puss he is.
  • Foreign Queasine: The Champ meets with a Japanese businessman who is interested in marketing a candy bar with a salmon center.
  • For the Lulz: Connor telling Donnie that every time he breaks something, he has to do a shot of liquor.
  • Hollywood Psych: When Nuts misses his medication time, he at first begins to exhibit signs of OCD. As the night goes on, he becomes more and more deranged.
  • Iron Butt Monkey: Poor Mia gets burned, beat up, and set on fire.
  • Jerk Ass:
    • Guy at times.
    • The Champ all the time.
    • Nutella when she stiffs Tara for a tip.
  • Malaproper: The Champ. He doesn't like being corrected.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: The Champ is clearly Mike Tyson with a sprinkle of George Foreman.
    • Another character is a TV executive specializing in crime shows, named Dick Lobo.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname
    Donnie: So why do they call you "Nuts?"
    Nuts: Because I'm crazy.
    Donnie: [chuckles] You don't look crazy.
    Nuts: Oh, I'm insane.
  • Offscreen Teleportation: As time winds down, Donnie discovers he is currently in last place and attempts to make a run for it. The Champ intercepts him outside.
    Champ: "Let me tell you a little story, Dave 2, before you get back to work. Back when I was training for the Dispute in Beirut, I used to run 10 miles a day with a baby camel strapped to my back. So you can see why I find it so bemusing that you'd think you can run from me."
  • Sanity Slippage: Due to Daylight Savings Time, Nuts misses his medication time by an hour, and slowly morphs into "Zongo."
  • Scary Black Man: It is Michael Clark Duncan.
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: The Champ.
    Champ: I am so sorry, but her soupface scared the shit out of me. My voice is not that high.
  • Shout-Out: "Strawberry daiquiris are for closers!!"
  • You Have Failed Me: It's implied that this is what's in store for whoever loses The Champ's contest.