"Middle of nowhere. Lost between universes. Low on gas."
A Dragon Age Fan Fic, Middle of Nowhere is a Self-Insert written by Wyolake. The at-first nameless narrator goes by the name Jeff, but unlike most Self-Insert heroes he's not a gushing fangirl or wannabe-badass fanboy, but rather a tired, achy, and (now) sanity-challenged middle-aged video gamer who somehow took a right turn at Albuquerque. He links up with the Warden and company at Lothering and heads out for a rollicking adventure through Ferelden.
It can be found here.
Middle of Nowhere contains examples of:
- Adaptation Name Change: The Warden's name is Neria Amell, and she's a human mage. The default name for the female human mage is Solona Amell, while Neria is the default name of the female elf mage.
- The Alcoholic: Oghren. Somehow even more than canon. Sten remarks that whatever Oghren drinks is not fit for consumption.
- Alternate Universe: Doing more than creeping in.
- Jeff warns Isabella about stealing the Qunari tome, although the result of that remains to be seen.
- Alistair hooks up with Leliana.
- Jowan is conscripted as a Grey Warden. So is Connor. And so is Jeff.
- Three big ones: Branka lives, Bandalore is crowned king of Orzammar, and Arl Eamon dies.
- Apocalyptic Log: The story is written as a diary. Jeff runs into enough trouble a couple of times that others make some entries in his stead.
- Bad Ass Normal: Jeff is a retired Army sergeant but is Genre Savvy enough to bemoan the fact that he's not "all-powerful mage." He ends up on the front line with a sword and shield taking beatdowns with Alistair. As Jeff puts it: "Tanking sucks." But his interactions with the Fade call into question the 'normal'.
- Big Brother Mentor: Jeff is this to Alistair, though sometimes it sliders into Parental Substitute.
- Celibate Hero: Jeff, who would be The Pornomancer if he weren't reluctant to act on it. He still has a family he hopes to see, which holds him back from all the poontang (sometimes quite literally) falling on his lap.
- Dashing Hispanic: Zevran of course.
- Death by Adaptation: Arl Eamon dies.
- Do You Trust Me?: Jeff said this to the Warden and Alistair as he tell them of his plan to personally going to Loghain and talk some sense into him.
- Door Stopper: Well over 400,000 words as of this edit.
- Home Sweet Home: Jeff's entire purpose for joining the Warden. He hopes he can get home, but longer it goes on the more it seems unlikely.
- I Owe You My Life: Jeff saves Morrigan's life. She is overwhelmed that someone would risk their life for her. Jeff doesn't see the big deal.
- Leaning On The Fourthwall: Constantly, especially given the nature of the story medium. Although Jeff and the author occasionally team up to punch a hole in the drywall.
- Long Runner: For a fanfic, at least. It was originally published in March 2012 and is still being updated.
- Parodies for Dummies: One of the temptations Amy the desire demon offers Jeff is a book titled "The Fade for Dummies."
- Precision F-Strike: Sprinkled throughout the work. Noted by one reviewer as a refreshing change from "eff this and eff that."
- Really Royalty Reveal: Ingerd reveals herself to be Sereda Aeducan as she thanks Jeff and the Warden's company for returning House Aeducan to her control, although she is annoyed at them for stealing her chance to kill Bhelen.
- Red Pill, Blue Pill: Happens to Jeff a lot, but especially during his Joining.
- Refusal of the Call: The Warden never wanted to be a Grey Warden, but Duncan didn't give her a choice.
- Reluctant Psycho: Insanity is offered as an explanation for everything Jeff's going through, but since things feel real enough to him he's decided that if he's actually insane it really doesn't change the situation he's in.
- Self-Deprecation: The author makes fun of his writing style by having another character describe it as sounding like a "stockroom inventory." Jeff defends his style by saying he's "used to writing reports."
- Shout-Out: Oh, so many, and both obvious and obscure with the story title being only the first one. There's at least three on the very short first page....
- Jeff teaches Leliana to sing the lyrics of Black Sabbath's "Paranoid". Leliana comments the song's words to be "sad, if strong."
- Spared by the Adaptation: Wordof God seems to indicate some potential Warden recruits survived their origins. However, we know of at least two who didn't.
- Sereda Aeducan is in the Legion of the Dead under the name Ingerd until Bhelen's death allowed her to regain control of House Aeducan.
- Elyssa Cousland has been imprisoned in Arl Howe's dungeons until she is rescued by the Warden.
- Supporting Leader: The Warden. While Jeff is older and more experienced leading people, he knows that it is the Warden's job to lead the group.
- Takea Third Option: The group decides that Harrowment and Bhelen are both bad choices, so the Warden chooses Steward Bandelor.
- Take That!: At Mass Effect 3's ending. "Knowing Bioware, though, it'll be fucking epic."
- This Is My Boomstick: Jeff teaches the dwarfs of Orzammar of how to make gunpowder and the principles of a shotgun- by which we mean Earth-style gunpowder, not the type already available to the dwarves (which a) is under the control of another House and b) contains Lyrium, which Earth gunpowder does not). The dwarfs eventually created a mass produced, single-shot shotgun which they called it a "blaster".
- Unresolved Sexual Tension: ALL over the place. But mostly between the Warden and Jeff.
- What Measure Is a Non-Human?: When Jeff discusses Thing. "Don't call him 'it'!"
- Wham Line:
- Teagan telling the bad news to Alistair about Arl Eamon's death.
Teagan: I'm sorry Alistair. He died over a week ago.
