By Baker Street Station, I Sat Down and Wept
is a Harry Potter Fan Fic by Deco.
Petunia divorces Vernon, discovers she's a Squib (sort of), and inherits a manor from a great-aunt, not necessarily in that order. Then she discovers her family were essentially the Wizarding equivalent of Mad Scientists, finds the diary of her Great-Uncle Cato Mayhew, has a disturbing revelation about Harry and Dudley's parentage, and tries to keep the boys safe while sabotaging Voldemort's rise to power.
This fanfic contains examples of:
- Adaptational Heroism: Petunia, Dudley.
- Amusing Injuries: Tom Riddle gets caught between a herd of centaurs and a mountain troll. Cato thinks it's amusing.
- Attention Whore: Most of the dragons.
- Bathroom Brawl: Sirius and Snape fight in the lavatory, and when Petunia's guests hear it, she claims that it's poltergeists.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Theodora.
- Blatant Lies: When Sirius and Snape get into a fight in the bathroom, and Petunia's guests hear the noise they're making, she explains it away as "Poltergeists!"
- Chekhov's Gunman: Mr. Arcos, who first appears early on and becomes more important later.
- Critical Research Failure: In-Universe; Elvira's murderer cut her up with a scalpel to make it look like Titus killed her because she'd told him he was a doctor. What he didn't know was that Titus is a mind healer, not a surgeon.
- Deliberately Cute Child: Cressida "Cressy" Mayhew.
- Doorstopper
- Early-Bird Cameo: The centaur colt Cato rescues in the Forbidden Forest? A young Firenze.
- Ghostly Goals: Elvira thinks she must be a ghost because she has unfinished business.
- Instant Awesome Just Add Dragons: Talking dragons, no less.
- Jerkass: Sholto.
- Karma Houdini: Tom Riddle killed Cicero, Myrtle and countless other people, but he's still running around more than fifty years afterwards.
- Killed Off for Real: Cicero Mayhew and Theodora, both courtesy of Tom Riddle.
- Little Miss Badass: Cressy.
- Luke, You Are My Father:
- Harry and Dudley discover that, thanks to Lily, Snape is their father. None of them are happy about this.
- Sholto is Cato and Theodora's son. Subverted in that he knows it, but Petunia doesn't.
- Mad Scientist: Cassius Mayhew. Cato also becomes this, and Algy has some shades of it.
- Muggle Born of Mages: Mrs. Figg, as in canon. Also Petunia and Catullus "Tully" Mayhew, but in their case their magic is buried rather than absent.
- Our Ghosts Are Different: Elvira, Aillig, and the shades of Lily and Cato, who may not be proper ghosts at all.
- Shout-Out:
- The title and the chapter titles are all shout outs to various songs, films or books.
- Nancy, Dodger and Charley, Titus's elves, are named after characters in Oliver Twist.
- Spared by the Adaptation: Mr. Crouch Sr.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Petunia has this reaction when she finds out Marcella, Titus and Hector knew the truth about Harry and Dudley's parentage.
