Better Than It Sounds / Film J

• Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart: A boy meets a girl and sings to her about ripping her clothes off with his teeth. Later, he joins a circus with the girl after the bird that lives in his chest gouges out a goth rapper's eye. Weird symbolism ensues.
• Jacob's Ladder: Man comes home from war. He notices that something is very different about the world.
• Jack Reacher: An Evil Old Guy has a couple of people shot up, so Marty Stu is called in to kill The Dragon, rescue the Damsel in Distress, and track down Big Bad Werner Herzog.
  • Jack Reacher: Never Go Back: Marty Stu has to solve the problems of two women.
• Jailbait: Prison bitch tries to kill his rapist. With a pencil.
• James Bond: Man who needs to be discreet and effective, but introduces himself with his full name and goes after every girl he meets. And, every bartender on the planet knows his Trademark Favorite Drink. Also, faces people who don't know simple killing methods.
  • Dr. No: The man has a holiday on a tropical island, meeting a handicapped scientist with a peculiar interest in the space program.
  • From Russia with Love: Two hot people are made into a couple to incite a rivalry between their employers.
  • Goldfinger: A man tries to increase gold prices by reducing the supply.
    • Alternatively: Man saves 60,000 people by forcing himself on a lesbian woman.
  • You Only Live Twice: A man with a scar and a liking for cats tries to start World War III by stealing spacecraft.
  • On Her Majesty's Secret Service: The above man tries to cause world hunger by treating allergic women.
  • Diamonds Are Forever: The same man forms a diamond smuggling ring, kidnaps Howard Hughes and hires gay assassins to ensure it keeps running.
  • Live and Let Die: A black man attempts to legalize heroin.
  • The Man with the Golden Gun: The first mentioned man stops his greatest fan from bringing solar energy on the market. He also throws a kid off a boat.
  • The Spy Who Loved Me: A man with a marine obsession tries to create a utopia by destroying the surface world.
  • Moonraker: A man with an innovative conference room tries to use poisonous plants to have human evolution his way.
  • For Your Eyes Only: Two nations and criminal associates fight each other over a box.
  • Octopussy: A man dressed as a clown tries to stop a plot to blow up a military base.
  • A View to a Kill: A man tries to dominate the microchip industry by flooding the competition.
  • The Living Daylights: The key to disrupt an evil general is a cello player.
  • Licence to Kill: A man goes on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge against a drug dealer and loses his job because of it.
  • GoldenEye: A man tries to use an electromagnetic pulse to cover up a robbery. Twice.
  • Tomorrow Never Dies: A man tries to start World War III just to sell news in China.
  • The World Is Not Enough: A man with a scar and a bullet inside his head tries to raise the price of oil to please his girlfriend.
  • Die Another Day: A diamond merchant tries to reunite two long-divided nations by force. He uses a farming tool as a weapon.
  • Casino Royale (2006): Adults' card game is Serious Business.
  • Quantum of Solace: A man blows up a hotel to get over his dead girlfriend.
  • Skyfall: A Depraved Homosexual concocts an elaborate scheme to murder his former boss.
  • Spectre: A man with a liking for cats and a dislike for privacy gets a scar from his foster brother.
  • No Time to Die: A man finds out he's a dad and becomes an asymptomatic carrier.
• Jaws: Scientist, police officer afraid of water and war veteran go fishing. With explosives.
  • Or: A fish starts eating people.
  • Jaws 2: Police officer's kids go fishing. Without explosives.
  • Jaws 3-D: Police officer's son goes fishing at a theme park. Actually, not all that great.
  • Jaws: The Revenge: Stalking fish goes human hunting. Actually as bad as it sounds.
• Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Two stoners from several different movies are angered by internet trolls.
• JCVD: A washed-up action star, playing himself, tries to pay his alimony.
• Jeder für sich und Gott gegen alle AKA The enigma of Kaspar Hauser: A sheltered teenage boy learns about the world for the first time and dies violently. The boy was played by an amateur actor in his forties.
• Jesus Christ Superstar: The rock opera of the death of an important religious leader, using a strangely diverse cast and anachronistic props.
• Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter: The musical of the return of an important religious leader, but this time he has to use kungfu to save Ottawa's lesbian community from vampires. A luchador helps him.
• JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.
• John Wick: Death Wish meets Marley & Me.
  • Alternatively: Retired widower's pet dies. This leads to the deaths of nearly eighty people.
  • John Wick: Chapter 2: Man is forced out of retirement for a business trip in Rome. It doesn't go well.
  • John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum: Man experiences an unhealthy kind of forced retirement.
  • John Wick: Chapter 4: Man decides to get adopted so he can set the terms of his retirement. Hundreds of gunmen try to stop him.
• Joker (2019): A man struggling with his mental health finds happiness by diving deeper in his insanity and saying "Screw society!"
• Jumanji: A (board) game of life or death.
  • Zathura: A (board) game of life or death... IN SPACE!
  • Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: A (video) game of life or death.
  • Jumanji: The Next Level: Boy decides the (video) game of life or death is better than real life.
• The Jungle Book (1967): A kid fights a tiger. And wins.
• Jungle Cruise: A scientist and her brother are tricked into turning the Rock into a rock.
• Junior: A muscle-bound scientist with a peculiar accent impregnates himself. His nipples become very sensitive. And he could not have done a worse job picking the other parent, even though there is attraction between them.
• Juno: Girl deals with pregnancy and speaks weirdly.
• Jurassic Park (1993): Two kids get invited to visit their grandfather's zoo and watch a lawyer feed one of the animals.
  • Or, to quote the iTunes description: an entrepreneur invites scientists, a mathematics theorist, and more to his jungle theme park.
  • The Lost World: Jurassic Park: Girl accompanies her father to the breeding facility of the zoo, where he would meet his ex-wife. One of the animals follows them home.
  • Jurassic Park III: Boy gets lost in the breeding facility.
  • Jurassic World: Two kids get invited to visit their aunt in the revamped version of the zoo, right as the whole crew is mobilized to receive a new animal.
  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom: After the zoo is forcibly closed by weather conditions, the aunt tries to prevent the ownership from selling the animals in the black market.
  • Jurassic World Dominion: A company opens up a sanctuary for the animals, while also unveiling plans for a large insectarium.
• Justice League (2017): Tourist steals some boxes hoping to build a new home with them. Six bickering people decide to stop him.
  • Zack Snyder's Justice League: In the original uncut version of the story, said people don't bicker and try to stop the tourist from bringing in his boss for a visit.

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