We are the Freakies,
And this is our Freakies tree.
We never miss a meal,
'Cause we love our ceer-ee-eal!
In 1972, Ralston Purina (yes, the same Purina as the dog food company, they were known for more than that back then) released a new cereal to the test markets: a vitamin-fortified ring-shaped sweet cereal. Of course, a cereal meant for kids needed a fun mascot to attach to the brand. Or, in this case, mascots.
The results ended up with the "Freakies". The mascots were created by the Wells Rich Greene advertising agency, with Jackie End as the head of the project. Unlike many cereal mascots, the Freakies were created not just to advertise: they have surprisingly rich lore.
The Freakies are seven small and lumpy monsters, each with their own personality: overconfident leader BossMoss, narcissistic Snorkledorf, shy Hamhose, grouchy Grumble, demure Cowmumble, know-it-all Gargle, and kiss up Goody-Goody. The seven of them left the "Old World" in search of the Freakies Tree, a tree that grew an unlimited amount of the cereal.
Two other spin-off cereals were created from the base cereal: chocolate-flavored "Cocoa Freakies" (only available in 1973) and fruit-flavored "Fruity Freakies" (available from 1975 to 1976).
Despite the fans of the characters, along with very sought-after promotional items, the cereal had a surprisingly short life, lasting from only 1972 to 1976.
In 1986, an attempt to revive the Freakies came through a new version of the cereal. Ditching the ring shape for discs and adding marshmallows, these versions of the Freakies were alien surfers. This version had an even shorter life, lasting only that single year, while also being erased from the lore, as modern mentions of the characters keep them as their original selves.
Despite the short life, Freakies has lived on as a cult classic. The prizes for the line have a high price on the secondary market, various retro merchandise for the brand is still being created, and the cereal is one of the few to have female original character mascots, a rarity for cereal even in modern times.
Freakies provides examples of:
- Adaptation Name Change: Aside from BossMoss and Grumble, the other Freakies get different names for the 80s iteration of the cereal. They returned to their original names for later media:
- Snorkledorf became "Tooter" (and was also changed to a female character).
- Hamhose became "Hugger".
- Cowmumble became "Sweetie".
- Gargle became "Ace".
- Goody-Goody became "Hotdog" (and was also changed to a male character).
- Adaptation Species Change: The 80s iteration of the cereal turns the Freakies from monsters into aliens, while still keeping their original designs. They've since returned to monsters for remaining merchandise.
- Agony of the Feet: Grumble is grumpy because he has big feet. Having big feet means they always hurt, and people always step on them. For the others, it's an accident, but Goody-Goody is the only one to purposefully step on them.
- All Love Is Unrequited: Cowmumble's lack of confidence prevents her from admitting to her crush on BossMoss.
- Alter Kocker: Grumble is described in an interview by Jackie End as "someone's hard-headed Jewish Grandfather with foot trouble". Indeed, he has the accent and appears to be the eldest Freakie.
- Ambiguous Gender: "Hugger", the 80s reimagining of Hamhose, is the only Freakie to lack any identifying pronouns in their bio poem.
- Art Evolution: The first commercial gave the characters a slightly looser and "floppier" design in their looks. Subsequent designs of the characters made them much more "solid" in terms of their design.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Goody-Goody pretends to be nice to the others, but her real goal is to simply get the others in trouble with BossMoss.
- CamelCase: The correct way to spell BossMoss's way is through this.
- Color-Coded Characters: Each of the Freakies has a color associated with them:
- BossMoss: Dark Green
- Snorkledorf: Blue
- Hamhose: Yellow or Light Tan (it switches between the two)
- Grumble: Orange
- Cowmumble: Light Green
- Gargle: Purple
- Goody-Goody: Magenta
- A Day in the Limelight:
- "Cocoa Freakies" features Hamhose as the main character for promotions, as the cereal was supposedly made to placate a sudden craving of his for chocolate.
- "Fruity Freakies" has Goody-Goody as the main character, as it was her idea in the promotions.
- Eating Lunch Alone: Hamhose is a self-inflicted variant of this. He's nervous around others, so he prefers to eat in peace. Once, when he was eating cereal while hidden under a mound of it, this had the other Freakies mistaking him for a monster that had come to eat all of their cereal.
- Gag Nose:
- Snorkledorf's nose is a long elephant-like trunk that appears to have fangs at the end of them. He's able to play it like a kazoo.
- Goody-Goody has a much more downplayed, yet still very obvious, large nose. It sort of "flops" over her face.
- Gender Flip:
- The 80s iteration of the cereal turns Goody-Goody (renamed "Hotdog") into a male character.
- Snorkledorf (renamed "Tooter") became a female character in the 80s iteration.
- Grows on Trees: The Freakies Tree grows the cereal like fruit. It's light enough to also flutter down like leaves into a pile as well.
- Heroic Self-Deprecation: Cowmumble is kind, sweet, pretty, and the best motivator to the other Freakies. Unfortunately, the only person she can't motivate is herself. She constantly looks down on herself, and attempts to use self-help tapes in an attempt to help boost her self-worth.
- Hypocritical Humor: During the "introduction" commercial, Snorkledorf, the Freakie with a trunk for a nose, considers Hamhose's nose, which is small and standard in comparison, to be "weird".
- Informed Attractiveness: A case that's Played for Laughs. Snorkledorf is insistent that he's the most handsome of all of the Freakies. Considering the Freakies are all wildly-varied monsters, he possibly could be by Freakie standards.
- Insufferable Genius: Gargle is smart…and he knows this. He'd rather prattle on about everything he knows, and dismiss the stuff others know, because he's sure he knows everything, even when he doesn't.
- The Leader: BossMoss is the leader of the Freakies. The other Freakies come to him with his problems. He's not actually able to solve the problems, but he's always willing to listen.
- Meaningful Name: All of the Freakies have names that fit their personalities or appearances:
- BossMoss: The "boss" of the Freakies. He's also green, like moss.
- Snorkledorf: Has a long snorkel-like nose.
- Hamhose: His favorite things are ham sandwiches and garden hoses.
- Grumble: Is constantly grumpy.
- Cowmumble: Has huge fluttery eyes, so is "cow-eyed".
- Gargle: Prattles on about everything.
- Goody-Goody: Pretends to be a goody-two shoes.
- Narcissist: Snorkledorf. He's incredibly focused on his own looks, believing he's the most handsome Freakie (considering how Freakies look, he easily could be!). He constantly looks at himself in mirrors and even writes love letters to himself.
- No Celebrities Were Harmed: BossMoss's voice is a parody of John Wayne.
- Our Monsters Are Weird: The Freakies are small and lumpy monsters, with each of them looking different from each other, such as Snorkledorf having a trunk, Hamhose having tentacles, and Grumble lacking arms altogether.
- Professional Butt-Kisser: Goody-Goody constantly sucks up to BossMoss, purely to get the other Freakies in trouble with him. It never really works, however.
- Rule of Seven: There are seven Freakies in the main cast.
- Shrinking Violet:
- Shyness makes up Hamhose's biggest personality trait. He prefers to be alone, and doesn't like to be hoisted in the spotlight.
- Cowmumble is a much more downplayed version of this trope. She's able to express herself much more than Hamhose, but is still considered "demure".
- To the Tune of...: The "Who Grew the Freakies Tree?" commercial performs the titular song to the tune of "The Book Of Love" by The Monotones.
- Trademark Favorite Food:
- Freakies cereal is the favorite of all of the Freakies. Finding the Freakies Tree was the main goal of them, to have the supply of the cereal in general.
- Hamhose also has ham sandwiches and chocolate as two of his favorite foods. He's partially named for the former, while "Cocoa Freakies" are created to stop a manic want for the latter for him.
- Two Girls to a Team: Cowmumble and Goody-Goody are the only girls out of the seven Freakies.
Yessir!
