Well, we have opening titles, and... melodic J-pop? Flickers of people I won't meet for likely half the game, and flashes of words that will likely only make tangential sense? Boy howdy, I feel like Neon Genesis Evangelion all over again.
I kid, of course. Also there were people shooting themselves with guns 'n crap. Loooovely. I caught a few (well, there were more than the few, but I couldn't read them all fast enough) words, not all of them English, but mainly along the lines of 'essence' and 'emotions'. Not to mention 'things change with time'. No shit, mate.
And the first thing I see at starting a game is a blue-haired pretty-boy on the left and a ponytailed girl on the right. Apparently, the plot of the game will change depending on which of these two knuckleheads I choose. Assuming that it really does change the plot aside from a few minor line changes, I'll probably play this game through twice (Christ, that won't be hard, eh?).
Ahem. The game also tells me that the 'guy' story is essentially a port of the original, while the 'girl' story is more for veterans. Pffft, difficulty in a JRPG? Bitch, I've been Nuzlocking for almost a year now — this game ain't got shit on me. So, Girl-campaign it is, according to the voice of the crowd...
...I think I will pick 'Normal' difficulty the first go through, though, just to be certain I don't get stuck and have to postpone the Let's Play while I grind like an enthusiastic drunk offscreen to progress. Persona, HOOOOOOO!
Butterflies! And then the obligatory meaningful scrawl, with 'you have one year'. Welp, at least I have a solid time-frame, though I can't imagine what would make me take until 2013 to finish the damn game...
The station entrance is buzzing with activity...
Then suddenly cut to a girl in an anime-length (read: belt-length. Oh you, Japan.) skirt talking about shooting herself.
WELP.
But she restrains herself, so, um, yay? But forget about her, cause we've got trains to look at! Nope, not schizophrenic at all so far. Nuh-uh.
We have a name, at least — Iwatodai, which means 'whytheheckdoyouassumeicanreadjapanese' in Japanese, I think. May get a friend to look over that later. Gotta make this look professional, y'know.
The first thing I do is arrive late. Midnight, in fact. The clock face that pops up and goes to midnight because of ~symbolism~ is aggressively pink, like it's showing you the inside of your eye sockets. I need to get to my dorm, yes I do, because I'm a good little player. Well, screw you too, game! Why can't I just find a damn 24-7 hotel? Won't everyone be asleep this late?
I might as well draw your attention to the GIANT FUCKING FLOATING COFFINS the game just brushes over before waxing lyrical about the glooooriouuuuus moooon. What the hell? I'm either in the know about all this or my character, female though she is, has bigger balls than me in real life. I'm pretty sure my first course of action would be to turn right the hell around and bail after snapping a picture.
But nuts to that, let's go to the dorm. Iwatodai Dorm of Gekkoukan High Schoo— awww, nuts, I'm gonna have to remember all this. Whatever happened to pause screen compendiums?
Unfortunately for our intrepid heroine, the inside of the room has been taken over by a sodding stock soulless child in prisoner's clothes. Who has been 'waiting for us'.
Can I go now? Is the huge moon and the soulless boyling and the GIANT FUCKING FLOATING COFFINS enough reason to turn around? But nooo, I have to woman up and sign a little contract with the emotionless, disarmingly adorable little thi—
...Kyubey?
Ah, fuck it, may as well get in some flashy fight sequences in before my inevitable mental breakdown. So it asks for a name. Now, I could be mature and responsible and put in a sufficiently 'anime' name to stick with the theme so far...
...So that's exactly what I'll do! Look out world, here comes Naoka Chiga, Magical Girl extraordinaire ☆!
(Sorry I didn't ask for a name suggestion; I promise you'll get to choose the guy's name! (Crap, I'm actually going to have to complete this twice, aren't I...?))
KyuBoy yabbers a little about 'time' and 'beginnings' and I have honestly heard this all before from my nerdy exploits. Blah blah hero blah blah chosen one blah determination blah.
But no longer am I forced to be on my own with KyuBoy, as he disappears by virtue of his character portrait pissing off at the approach of another character, the secondary lead, the romantic interest (wrong playthrough, I think) best friend, miss Unknown Girl! Looks a lot like the chick who wanted to kill herself in the intro cutscene.
Fortunately, she's put all her suicidal tendencies behind her and wheeeere are you pointing that gun?
But suddenly, a wild interruption appeared in the form of a girl with the most ridiculously oversized neck-bow I have ever seen. This weirds the green-filter out enough that it decides it's had enough of this 'character portrait' shiznit and everything turns to normal again.
Other Girl introduces herself as a named character; Mitsuru Kirijo, and bow howdy am I glad I picked a weeabooish name. Introductions all round! First Girl is now Yukari Takeba, who will be a junior at the same school as me (no, really? I wouldn't have guessed from the character portrait.).
Engaging Conversation Tree Mode!
- Naoka: "Nice to meet you." Don'tlookatthegundon'tlookatthegun—
- Yukari refrains from transferring her target practice over to me, however, and soon its up to my room to have some sufficiently meaningful dreams about this whole exprience to flush it out of my subconcious,
- Naoka: "I signed a contract..." Maybe I'm not unique and this is average and I can live a peaceful life!
- Yukari: "Huh? What's this about a contract?"
Crap.
- Yukari: "Um... Can I ask you a question? On your way here from the station, was everything okay?"
- Naoka: "What do you mean?" Stay casual, stay casual, don't talk about THE GIANT FUCKING FLOATING COFFINS...
But Yukari deflects the subject and calls me 'alright', which is fine because she kinda has that gun thing and someone with a gun can call me Fido for all I care. And goodnight to you too, strangely polite girlwithagun.
(The game also wants me to know that it's three days to something. To what? I dunno, but it's been on the interface since the beginning and it's starting to niggle at me.)
So, we gain control over— the hell? Cursor control? God, that takes me back to my first few games. Ahhh, point-n-click. Everything just tells me to "Go the f*@& to sleep", though (in the words of Samuel L. Jackson), and I cave in and go to sleep.
Tuesday, 4th July
Next Morning! Yukari's been sent to wake my lazy ass up because it's light out and unless the day-night cycle is screwed, I'm pretty sure that means I overslept. Now, just gotta find me a slice of toast...
Yukari comes in and I'm supposed to go to school with her (did we not establish this yesterday? For a given value of 'yesterday', I'll admit, but still). And her voice-actress actually pronounces the 'senpai' and that is personally jarring as heck, but I can deal. My first manga was Negima!, after all. I reply with a Valley Girl-ish 'Totally!' that makes me cringe a little inside, but, hell, the game's looking like a supernatural Dating Sim right now; I can dig it.
New City Passenger Train 'Anezahara'. ('Instantly Forgotten Names For Places' Counter: 3) Yukari makes small talk about the OMGAWESOME scenery that I would be able to see if not for your massive portrait in the middle of the dang screen, dangit, woman.
The game hears me, though, and serves up a pan over a school building drowning in friggin' cheery blossoms, introducing it through Yukari as Gekkoukan High from *checks a couple of lines above* last night, apparently. Never mind; to the Faculty Office! ...Wait, how does she know where things go if she's just starting out? Ah, never mind.
She asks me not to talk about last night. Which part? The casual gun-wielding? The creepy Kyuboy? The (all together now!) GIANT FUCKING FLOATING COFFINS?
I click around a few of the people and most of them have portraits, so I guess that makes this Early-Bird Cameo fantasorama. Examination of the bulletin board tells me I'm in the same class as Yukari (again: no, really?), but a bit of trial-and-error plops me in the appropriate hallway, because everywhere else is blocked off. I can choose to enter the room or not, but that's... not really a choice.
The teacher inside flips through a file and I learn that MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEAAD oh, and also I have lived in a lot of places before now. Let's neatly sidestep the orphan reveal and jump to the entrance ceremony, yes?
As with every speech not in a school anime, the principal's grand statements are hastily thrown away in favour of the omggossiping about me coming to school with Yukari as a transfer student.
- Narration: "It doesn't look like the rumours will stop soon..."
Erm, what kind of 'rumours' are we talking about here, exactly?
Sidestepping the issue; the TRUE power of Persona? We get approached by a cheery dude who introduces himself as Junpei Iori and offers to be friends. I dunno, he seems like a cool g—
- Yukari: "*sigh* At it again, huh? Honestly, is there any girl you wouldn't hit on?"
Hey! I resent that as a girl who is perfectly acceptable to hit on! Red eyes aren't creepy as hell, right, Kyubey? ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼: "Right."
- Yukari: "Don't you ever think you might be bothering someone?"
- Yukari: "Anyway, some coincidence that we'd be in the same classroom, huh?"
- Naoka: "I'm glad to have a friend." Maybe if we're friends, she won't point guns at me! I am such a brilliant planner!
- Yukari: "Friend? Oh, you mean me."
Crap! Abort, abort!
Junpei is kinda bummed about being locked out, but mentions that "a couple of cuties like you, walking side by side... The whole class was buzzing about you."
...No, seriously, what kinds of rumours, game?
Yukari comments that she's used to rumours like that, but "she just got here, you know? Don't you feel bad, spreading rumours like that?" You're laughing at me, aren't you, game?
But she's got shit to deal with for archery— Aw, crap, she knows how to shoot — club, and Junpei becomes a bro once he makes it clear he's not just hitting on me and actually wants to make friends.
- Junpei: "Hey, have you heard about the school CLUBS? Girls can join too, so why not join a CLUB if you're interested in being a CLUB member doing CLUB things?" Oh, you're adorable, text highlighting.
Back at the dorm, I am greeted by a help message explaining that the sign-in sheet is a save point and I'm thinking here's a good place to stop! (Read: Sweet christ my fingers are falling off from typing.)
So, apologies for stopping more-or-less in the middle of what is likely still the intro sequence, but I just want a bit of feedback on how this is shaping up. More dialogue typed out? Less? Leave your sure-to-be plentiful criticisms in the box below!
Next time: An actual choice for you guys to actually vote on! (Probably.)
NOTE: So, uh, just wondering... would anyone here be horrifically offended if I riffed a little bit (well, more than just a little) on the characters' personalities and the dialogue than I have so far? I mean, usually I wouldn't ask, but I really don't wanna step on anyone's fan-toes here. I'm also... noooot really much of a het-shipper (as you may have seen by now), so keep that in mind when responding. Thanks in advance for the feedback.
Short 'n Sweet Version: Iniquitus somehow manages to suppress the urge to ship everything forever, while the audience is introduced to the cheerful if mysterious female secondary lead, someone who appears to be the Ojou-archetype of the game, the goofy-yet-cool best mate character, and the Creepy Child trope given human-ish form at a school in danger of drowning in stereotypes. Also things randomly turn green and people turn into coffins. Might wanna look into that somewhere along the line, plot.
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