CRISIS: Equestria, the livebloggening

Chapter 5

So I was thinking back on some of the stuff from Chapter 4, especially the stuff about whether or not there's alternate universe clones of the main six, and I've come to the conclusion that they have to exist. It's just not possible to do this kind of story without them. Pattycake might be AJ's clone, but I don't think so, simply because Flathoof's family isn't set up the same way AJ's is. I'm also willing to bet that the AU clones are going to be evil and Pattycake just doesn't sound like an evil name.

Anyways, now for Chapter 5: Intermission

Wait a second. I don't think the door to Tick Tock's Tardis was never closed. If Shadowstep does the smart thing and calls in ponies to make sure she doesn't get back to her apartment... Oh Shit.

Now back to Chapter 5

Silverhoof is enjoying exotic foods that are beyond hunger-satiating and different. Fifty bucks says it's meat.

Magmaberries sound nice.

Ah, Shadowstep has shown up. Let the flensing begin.

Starting off with the good news I see, Shadowstep.

There was more information here than S Ilvertongue has initially asked for - Shadowstep had done his job exceedingly well. He could be forgiven for being a little tardy.

Heh. Heh heh heh. >:D

“Of course, milord, took care of her real neat and tidy-like,

Bullshit! That was not neat or tidy! You probably had to spend hours cleaning up that mess. It's a downright miracle you weren't caught!

And now Silvertongue has gotten to the stuff that Shadowstep learned from Tick Tock. This isn't going to be pretty.

“And did you ensure she would no longer be an obstacle, as I requested?”

-breaks out the popcorn-

“So... you are unsure if she still breathes and is going to be an ever-persistent thorn in my side, or if she is dead and we are just being overly cautious. A waste of time and effort,” Silvertongue sneered in a perfectly calm, almost tranquil rage, “At the very least you’re not stupid enough to assume she’s dead without the proof. You do not disappoint in that regard, though I am displeased that the Chronomancer still has the possibility of being alive, especially since she will likely try to carry out this plan of hers much more abruptly. You’ve forced her hoof too quickly... but that might work to my advantage...”

This is...disappointingly underwhelming. I can see where the author is coming from with the tranquil rage thing, and approve of that; but other than that sentence, there's little evidence in his actions or words that indicates he's angry. This is a classic case of telling instead of showing. He doesn't even need to change all that much either. Throw in a few details about him taking some bites from his breakfast and leaving deep scratches in the plate with his knife or something. Drag it out with little details like that, make us wonder if that tranquil fury is on the verge of becoming non-tranquil. As things stand right now, there's no tension in the scene at all.

“And one more thing, Shadowstep. I rarely grant second chances. I do not grant third ones. Understand?”

This is actually a bad policy for any villain in charge to take. Instant-death-on-failure results in an extremely high turnover rate and you'll never get anypony to stay on long enough to build up the required experience to do the jobs you want. And the ones who are experienced and competent are valuable even if they have screwed the pooch big time. Severe punishment to put the fear of God into them is acceptable. Even demotion and humiliation if they're not up to working in that environment, but don't waste your best men unless they're an active danger to your continued prosperity. I take this as more evidence of Stupid Evil. The Chaotic traits I noticed in his first introduction have been toned down a lot, but not enough for me to declare an alignment change yet.

Nihila has shown up.

Also not seeing Nihila being Chaotic Evil yet. She's quite concerned with the balance of harmony and chaos, and wants to keep it balanced at all costs. That makes me think Neutral Evil. Her methods may be Chaotic, but so far, her goals and motivations are Neutral. That's similar to the Method my DM uses to play a True Neutral Necromancer. Vile magics and methods balanced by pure intentions and goals.

If she ever starts trying to shift the balance in favor of Chaos though...

Okay, there's her Chaotic side. Willing to deal with extra order in order to screw over another world and throw off the balance in this world in her favor? Yup. Chaotic Evil. And so far, not stupid.

Wait a second. I am pausing on this line

Silvertongue smirked, a smug grin that hinted at a darker intention, “Ah, but milady, perhaps you won’t need to corrupt them, at least not personally. Perhaps somepony else could accomplish such a task.

to do some theorizing.

The balance in the mane six's world is thrown off in her favor. This is good. The balance in her own world is thrown off against her. This is bad. She can corrupt ponies with her power, but the mane six are untouchable. If, however, she were to find the AU clones of the mane six and corrupt them, then the balance in her own world would be restored, leaving the old world to destroy itself in chaos. If the mane six actually made it home, then the other world wouldn't be destroyed, but the balance in this one would be thrown in Nihila's favor. Either way, she wins. So, the real question here is, is the balance between harmony and chaos self-righting, or is it precarious? If it's precarious, and it looks like it is, then some world is going to get screwed.

That's not going to happen though, not with him talking about corrupting the mane six.

Okay. Unpause.

They're not saying what the plan is.

Unspoken Plan Guarantee is in full effect here, only countered and trumped by The Good Guys Always Win.

Scene switches back to the mane six. Pinkie Pie and Flathoof are watching TV. It's the news.

Hooray! Hoof rot season is here!

Huh, I wonder if I should be paying attention to who the news-ponies are since the author took the time to describe them all. There's only five of them though, so I'm probably just seeing signs where there aren't any. I think it's just the fact that Clarity sounds like Rarity that even brought up the thought in the first place.

Exposition on how the city works in the form of newscast. Not bad.

With me is the Committee-approved Chief of Medicine here at Central General, Doctor Blutsauger,

Oh shit. I recognize that name, and it's not one you want associated with a doctor. Stay away from the hospital my pones!

Immunization shots are free to all ponies vis valid identification, und all of our clinics are open twenty-four hours a day, so zere really is no excuse.

If you really wanted to throw a bit of chaos into the mix, you'd charge a not inconsiderable fee for those mandated immunizations. Better yet, say it's free, but then hit them upside the head with other charges. Like a "waiting room fee."

What are the chances that that immunization mandate is a dragnet designed to get the mane six into their offices?

Rarity, stop being a bitch to Dash. She's not being argumentative, just complaining that she isn't going to get to see the sports section. You're the one who's starting shit.

What did I say? You just had to start up an argument Rarity.

“I am not arguing, I’m just sayin’ I don’t know why we have to be in such a rush,” Rainbow glared, “You’re the one who seems to want to start the arguments, not me. Like right now, I’m just sayin’ stuff and you’re trying to get into it with me.”

Dammit Dashie! Stop saying the same stuff as me but making it sound stupid and petty! How do you even do that?

So, list of ponies I need to shoot in the head in descending order:

1. Pinkie Pie. (Annoying)

2. Rainbow Dash. (Stupid)

3. Rarity. (Bitch)

4. Applejack, provisional on how stupid she gets about Flathoof. (Annoying Incestual Idiot (Okay, I don't actually think it counts as incest, but I'm never going to let that particular joke go. It's just too perfect.))

...I may have to bump RD and Rarity up to number one, but I don't know who I hate more right now. They're both so bad in such unique ways.

Applejack was actually secretly, and rather ashamedly, sort of glad that they had been arguing. If Rarity had found somepony else to get into it with, that meant less of a headache for herself.

Wait, what?

Gah! You too Twilight? Everything you say makes sense (though you should probably confirm with Flathoof before you go running your mouth off), but you say it in such an aggravating way!

Pinkie Pie giggled, “I remember when me and my sisters all had it at the same time; they had to declare our rock farm a Class Five Smelly Zone! It was really hard to try and throw parties in all that stink, and it was just the three of us so we really couldn’t get any supplies or nothin’; Mom and Pop couldn’t come anywhere near us and it was really awful, I didn’t like it all that much. But I mean, you’d have to be a crazy pony to actually like having Hoof Rot.”

Yay! Pinkie said something that didn't make me want to shove a porcupine up her ass! And it was even in character and sort of funny! Good news Pinkie! You've dropped to number three!

“What would your head even taste like?” Pinkie tapped a hoof to her chin, “Hmm...I wonder if it tastes anything like your-”

-facepalm- Never mind. Seriously, this sort of shipping seems really out of place in this story.

And scene change. Yay! I was starting to try and devise a scientific method of breaking the fourth wall and entering the story just so I could volunteer my services to Silvertongue.

They're at the general clinic. I hope Twilight brought a book.

Fifteen hour wait time? What happens if some poor pony who's there alone needs to step out of line and use the restroom? This is the sort of thing where you hire someone to wait in line for you if you can afford it. That's a real job you know.

Flathoof is trying to get them special treatment so they don't have to wait in line. I don't think this is going to go over well. And Nurse Bitch shoots him down like there's no tomorrow.

Oh jeeze. All six of them together, in line, for fifteen hours...talking? -readies shotgun and fourth-wall portal gun-

“Ugh... moving on...” Rainbow sighed, “Hey, I know what we can talk about! Twilight, how did last night go? Find out anything about getting ho-” and she remembered Flathoof was just a few feet away, “...a... uh... a job?”

Smooth Dashie. Real smooth.

You know what Dash? Just shut up. Everybody else is annoying, but you're so stupid it's actually dangerous. The only reason you haven't blown your cover yet is because Flathoof is actively ignoring anything you say that hints at your real identities or goals.

Yay! Nurse bitch is volunteering to be helpful and skip them to the head of the line! This isn't suspicious at all! And they get to be treated by the Chief of Medicine himself Dr. Blutsauger!

Wait, Nurse Bitch is Nurse Tenderheart? Why does she have the same name in this universe?

Going up to meet the Doctor.

“This is going pretty smoothly,” Twilight smiled, “I was worried when we first got here that everypony was going to be unhelpful and rude, like the first few we met. It’s nice to see there are other ponies around here that are like you and Mister Lockwood.”

Twilight...Oh Twilight. Why are you so Genre Blind? Everypony in this world except for Flathoof and Lockwood are out to screw you.

“Hmph,” Rainbow grunted, “This all seems a little fishy, if you ask me.”

Yay Dashie! Way to figure it out! Too bad you're the designated idiot so nopony's going to listen to a word you have to say.

And everypony unites in the common bond of ponies that don't understand Pinkie Pie. Good to see there's something that can bring this group together.

Applejack goes in to see the good doctor. Alone. I suggest you say no to rectal thermometers Applejack.

Jars with organs inside? He just keeps getting better and better doesn't he?

Yes Applejack. You're fat. Fatty Fatty, Pumpkin Patty.

Doc knows she's a farm pony. He's in on everything.

Ugh, more headjumping. Ganon FLCL was getting so much better about that too.

Okay. The gag with the doctor trying to take Pinkie's readings is actually quite funny. I want to know what the Japanese part says.

“You are not supposed to dodge zee hammer,” he panted as he lifted it once more. Again he swung it down, again he missed as, again, she moved her leg out of the way.

ROFL >:D Go Rainbow Dash!

Hmm...blood work. Important Doctor... Actual clones instead of AU clones?

And they're going back home. Nothing sinister happened, so I'm rolling with the clone theory. That actually fits in nicely with my "balance the mane six with a corrupted mane six and screw over at least one world, possibly two" theory.

I find it a little humorous that AJ is self-conscious about her weight. It would make for a good running gag.

They've run into Lockwood and are asking if he had anything to do with their getting rushed through. Nobody's catching on though. Looks like Lockwood is agitated about something.

Ooh. Tick Tock is waiting for them. I'm kind of not looking forward to seeing how the mane six are going to introduce pointless drama into this conversation.

Lockwood trusts her after having talked to her. Hopefully that'll be enough to smooth things over. She's a mess though. A real mess.

“I know a great many things about you six young ladies. But don’t worry... I am not an enemy - quite the opposite, in fact. Ah, you’ll forgive my mild theatrics, I’ve always wanted to do stuff like this,” she chuckled, “My name is Tick Tock, and I... I am here to help send you home...”

Good place to end the chapter.

So. Not much happened in this chapter, but it set the stage for some interesting stuff down the line. I guess it was all right. When the mane six weren't talking to each other. Seriously though, why are they even friends in this story at all? They're all cunts. I am officailly rooting for everybody except the mane six. Go Nihila! Go Tick Tock! Go die in a fire Rarity!

Comments

Sereg Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 21st 2012 at 11:03:30 AM

"This is...disappointingly underwhelming. I can see where the author is coming from with the tranquil rage thing, and approve of that; but other than that sentence, there's little evidence in his actions or words that indicates he's angry. This is a classic case of telling instead of showing. He doesn't even need to change all that much either. Throw in a few details about him taking some bites from his breakfast and leaving deep scratches in the plate with his knife or something. Drag it out with little details like that, make us wonder if that tranquil fury is on the verge of becoming non-tranquil. As things stand right now, there's no tension in the scene at all. "

You do have a point here, but Silvertongue's future rages are a bit more satisfying.

"This is actually a bad policy for any villain in charge to take. Instant-death-on-failure results in an extremely high turnover rate and you'll never get anypony to stay on long enough to build up the required experience to do the jobs you want. And the ones who are experienced and competent are valuable even if they have screwed the pooch big time. Severe punishment to put the fear of God into them is acceptable. Even demotion and humiliation if they're not up to working in that environment, but don't waste your best men unless they're an active danger to your continued prosperity. I take this as more evidence of Stupid Evil. The Chaotic traits I noticed in his first introduction have been toned down a lot, but not enough for me to declare an alignment change yet. "

You do have a point here, but Silvertongue's not as bad as some villians about this and he doesn't always punish through death as you'll see.

"If you really wanted to throw a bit of chaos into the mix, you'd charge a not inconsiderable fee for those mandated immunizations. Better yet, say it's free, but then hit them upside the head with other charges. Like a "waiting room fee." "

Another reason that the place is less of a dystopia than I expected.

"-facepalm- Never mind. Seriously, this sort of shipping seems really out of place in this story. "

Yeah, I get you there. But at least it kind of becomes relevant later on.

"Okay. The gag with the doctor trying to take Pinkie's readings is actually quite funny. I want to know what the Japanese part says. "

Same here!

"So. Not much happened in this chapter, but it set the stage for some interesting stuff down the line. I guess it was all right. When the mane six weren't talking to each other. Seriously though, why are they even friends in this story at all? They're all cunts. I am officailly rooting for everybody except the mane six. Go Nihila! Go Tick Tock! Go die in a fire Rarity! "

And now you understand why we love the O Cs so much more than the canon characters. Seriously, there's a chapter where they don't even appear and it's a very well regarded chapter!

Still, you have some very fun stuff to look forward to.

ThePulse Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 21st 2012 at 1:14:47 PM

If you don't like the gay jokes about RD and Pinkie, Just wait until Chapter 18 or so.

Also, get ready, because the next few chapters are the slow unveiling of the best characters in the fic.

Seraphem Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 21st 2012 at 2:01:47 PM

Oh no, not Stupid Evil, at all, jus wait and see.

love how your treating Dash, 'Stop saying the sme thing as me but making it sound stupid." yeh that's her big issue for most of it, what she says makes sense, but she says it in the most irrational argumentative, and inanely aggravating way possible.

but yeah the early mane 6 were rather annoying, they do get better later...MUCH later in dash's case...but the OO Cness of them is the fics biggest flaw, the story and OC's are epic.

DarkLink313 Since: Dec, 1969

Jun 22nd 2012 at 1:28:08 AM

Seriously, I think everyone is on your side when you say that the O Cs in this fic are better than the canon characters. Seriously, this fic has THE BEST O Cs in the fandom as far as I'm concerned. Even the brief little one-shot characters are all extremely good. Seriously, if there isn't a single OC in this fic you legitimately like by this point in the story, there is something wrong with you, and you're not even at the best ones yet (Tick Tock excluded)!

Slight spoiler, but he does a much better job of handling some of the other canon characters.

Live Blogs CRISIS: Equestria, the livebloggening CDRW2012-06-21 10:30:39

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Live Blogs CRISIS: Equestria, the livebloggening
CDRW2012-06-21 10:30:39