Welcome back! Today Yasmin goes over to Sasha's because Sasha promised they'd hang out to find Sash with her cheerfriends. Instead of inviting Yasmin in to watch the practise and hang, she says "Um sorry, next week?" and closes the door on her.
Dear Yasmin, find new friends, now.
Two years later Yasmin and Jade have cool expensive cars, Sasha has a cool expensive motorbike and POOR CLOE has a cool expensive moped. But...
EVERYTHING'S CHANGED
They park next to each other and don't even notice! Wow. Now that is an effective system.
Of course, even two years later, Yasmin has no friends. At all.
POOR Cloe films stuff with her expensive new camera and gets a shot of Cameron, who she now is crushing on (Jade is also crushing, on Dexter, a nerd) but her dream world is shattered when Meredith makes out with him, a lot.
Yasmin is also crushing, on Sasha, WHY WON'T SASHA TALK TO HER? (Just kidding, kind of).
Its Mers' (Meredith) last year and she's on and on about this talent show she's going to win. There's a scholarship involved. Oh my goodness, they can post their auditions on My Space! MYSPACE WAS STILL A THING WHEN THIS MOVIE WAS OUT!
Yasmin and Jade reconnect over lip-gloss, for three seconds becasuse Jade has to go to class. The scene has this romantic song in the background and ends with Yas saying 'I miss you'. Yasmin is like a fashionable Les Yay machine.
We meet Mers little sister, who is fond of bad puns, the scene fails to be relevant.
Dylan is back, and is playing the piano, which he does very well. A teacher reminiscent of Steve Harvey in a bastard son kind of way teaches him to feel the vibrations of music and he instantly becomes a super DJ. So now Dylan is a deaf super DJ. Did I mention Very Special Episode?
Oh my goodness, I just notices how predatory this seems, especially when Dyl's teacher seemingly carresses his neck as he puts headphones on him... Brrr...
Cloe and Cameron meet in the middle of a ramp, but can never escape Meredith's view, and therefore she sends her dog after Cloe. Cloe drops her lunch and it hits Jade who is dressed like a brunette Lady Gaga before that was cool. Jade lands on a mobile bun and her food hits Sasha, Sasha steps on a skateboard and it trips Yasmin. Yasmin's pent up sexual frustration causes her to lash out at her crush and... oh, it's a foodfight.
Did I mention Mers dodges all food thrown her way and catches a mid-flight burger during the fight? It's kind of cool. She's really shaping up to be a Joseph Stalin x Barbie figure.
In the fray, the Principals stone bust is broken and Meredith convinces her dad it was the Bratz fault (Which it was, both the foodfight and bust-breaking, butMeredith is to blame for the initial food dumping). The girls get detention.
In detention, Jade mentions how Clumsy started the foodfight, starting a whole other fight. But this fight is pretty realistic (Minus Cloe's actresses failing to act even here). Sasha steps over the line by mentioning how Cloe doesn't have a dad or bank account, leading Yasmin to defend her before Cloe kicks her head in on something. In the end, they all just want to be friends again.
They remember all the good times. Like when Cloe and her mom were TOTALLY THERE for Sash when her parents got a divorce. And how Sash canceled her ski-trop to help Cloe study for finals (HOW DOES THAT WORK? Were Cloe's finals after school ws closed for the summer? Is that possible?). And when Yasmin slammed the girls who made fun of Jade's big ears (Don't worry, they're normal now). Yuri writers, yeah, you can steal all these plots.
Yasmin pinpoints the problem, it's the Cliques, they're all in them (Except for you, I don't think any clique even wants you Yas). How do we stop it? Jade asks, Yasmin says it's time to be themselves.
They totes BFF it up and hug and I've been watching this movie for way too long if I start using expressions like that.
Guess what? Mers is watching all of this from the surveillance camera in the detention hall. Yeah, she so doesn't have OCD. She shouts at Cam, why was he talking to a girl that wasn't in his clique? Wait, isn't this like blaming someone for getting robbed.
Mers threatens using the JUMP DRIVE, which contains information on every student ever so she can blackmail them back into their cliques, but her posse (I can't call it a Girl Posse since it contains Cameron, who seems to do nothing but follow Mers around) slightly calms her down. This is getting creepy. REALLY REALLY creepy.
Yasmin is jamming in her room (side note: The outfit she's wearing is a direct match for the original Bratz Sleepover line). Grandma/mother/auntie comes and jams with her while her brother records it with his phone for blackmail use later.
Actual Dialogue from the Movie
Bubbie: So tell me chica why so happy? Is there a boy? Yasmin: No boys Bubbie, it's Sasha Jade and Cloe!
When they're done talking about how awesome it is to be friends again, Bubbie hands her shoes and she gives her chocolates again.
So the girls are hanging out and talking about their issues:
- Jade still has to hide her fashionality (In the same vein as trying to hide gayness)
- Yasmin is writing songs about missing the girls
- Everybody but Yasmin is into Dylan... or is just that them treating him like a piece of meat...
- Somehow, they manage to convince Yasmin that Dylan is into her
- BFF WOO!!
Back at school, Mers is auditioning acts for the Talent show and after some shilling Myspace they get down to it. Real life boy band NLD or whatever audition and steal my heart amaze everybody, and that is why Mers tells them they're not ready. Next is real life girl group Prima J, who are famous for Gainaxing in music videos songs about not having to feel like you're alone. They also get shot down de to their goodness. There are also some bad acts (Like one where it's implied that the magician killed his assistant via swordpunctuation.)
"If I see one more violin playing contortionist I am going to scream." - Meredith.
The girls are hanging out and decide that they should just 'lead by example', just hanging out together. 'Lead by example', seriously, you only hear this stuff in the worst Mary Sue fanfics. People start staring at them (personally, I think it's at Yas and Sash's awesome shoes) and Mers is so pissed that steam is flying out of her ears.
Prima J provide the music for a montage in which the Bratz show that merciless consumerism is for everyone you can be fashionable despite having braces! Yas even teaches the soccer girls that it's cool to walk in high heels (Despite the damage that they do to your feet).
"I just want to stay vertical!" Scary Black Soccer girl in Yas' heels.
We head to class where a stupid jock (Who I'm assuming is on Dyl's team) tries to hit on Jade, Dexter threatens him and beats him up because it's a guys job to defend women... (GO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT!). Jade then teaches football jocks math, because anybody good at sports can't be good at math. The football jock even gets a C after extensive tutoring!
Cameron hits on Cloe, who then kicks his stomach in with a football. HOW CLUMSY OF YOU CLOE!
Back at Mers, we're by the pool where Mer is hanging out and that grade school sister of her's is doing yoga. Mers' is totally in the idea zone (Oh my goodness I have to stop watching this NOW), she's throwing another MTV Super Sweet Sixteen because that was the height of her popularity and control, so she hopes to reach that zenith again. I must admit, this is a pretty good plan for any Alpha Bitch, Mers doing her homework.
Yas' brother shows up, since Mer's sister Cherish left her shows at ballet class. He then starts hitting on her.
HE'S IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SHE'S IN GRADE SCHOOL. (GO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT).
Anyways, Mers uses the opportinuty to get that embarrassing clip from earlier.
Also, Yas' brother's phone has a port big enough to fit a computer USB into. Must be high-end.
So they're giving out invites but the Bratz... seemingly decide to ditch school and go shopping for it... (GO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT)
But POOR CLOE HAS NO MONEY, so Sasha hands her a gift certificate meant for her mother or father.
SO now they're trying on clothes and hanging out all over the city. So I get it now, we should all ditch school and hang out in the city. Thanks so much for the lesson BRATZ THE MOVIE!
The Bratz also give makeovers to the target demographic some poor grade school girls who previously went WITHOUT MAKE-UP!
More shopping montage. Sketchers is logodropped and Cloe fights over a pair of tube socks with an older lady (GO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT), don't worry, she wins after throwing her over a table.
The next day in school, Mers has her posse dress up like circus acts and tells everybody that seating is according to clique...
... This is her big plan? What does this even mean? You go to a party where you can only interact with people of the same group you do every day at school? Ugh...
Yas has this journalism thing on her invite, but I have NOT seen a journalism clique. The Bratz decide to skip Mers entire ego trip and hang out at home or spend more money or whatever.
Meredith gets her fashion on, except she doesn't go shopping, she has dudes present the dresses to her and even has a photo shoot before the party.
Yasmin is singing to herself when Dylan comes into the choir room and feels her singing through a speaker, he thinks she's amazing. I wouldn't believe the guy who feel vibrations to judge singing quality, but whatever. Dylan tells her to sign up for the talent show, but she's SHY, he still charms her into it though since we wouldn't have the last quarter of the movie without the talent show.
Cloe goes home to find her mother sick, But OH NO! She has a major catering job!... Wait, POOR CLOE's mother is a caterer...
Dear Bratz The Movie writers, Poor people are not caterers who just got a major job. Sincerely, wings.
CLOE'S MOM: I have to cook the food! I have to cook the food!
Cloe will not let her poor (literally) mom overwork herself, so instead of calling her mom's staff (Because I dunno, that's how caterers WORK) she calls Jade, Sasha and Yasmin. Sasha, despite never having cooked before (And yet was still better at making toast than her adult father) manages to catch on and they produce one of the most professional looking spreads this side of the Food Network. By spread, I mean 150 of each dish, by the afternoon.
...Wait, don't caterers make most of the non-perishables at least a day before the event?
But OH NO! The servers can't make it (Okay this is seriously beginning to feel like a really bad Mary Sue fanfic), so the bratz have to be the servers.
But OH NO! It's Meredith's party!
Wait, this is what you define as poor Bratz The Movie writers? Someone who gets jobs like MTV SWEET 16 BIRTHDAY PARTIES? ARE YOU INSANE? ARGHHHHH!!!!
Well, more insanity next time on the BRATZ MOVIE MEGABLOG thing.
Comments
