AUTHOR'S NOTE: This installment will be rated a light "R" for references to mature content. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.
(We begin this installment with Rika drinking)
Tranza: How do you manage to stay alive?!
Rika: Willpower.
Tranza: That's insane! Even for me!
Rika: Some people don't have willpower, especially if they go through a lot of chapters. You're talking to someone who liveblogged at least 100 chapters of the Prayer Warriors series. Yes, even counting the dumbass parody.
Tranza: Prayer Warriors?
Rika: They're the worst group of heroes you could ever hope to never meet. Let's just put it that way.
But where were we on our story?
Tranza: ...gory stuff happened. And the Changeman arc ended. Also, you were happy with how Andros was portrayed, right up until the very end.
Rika: Ah, that's right! So let's continue with...
(click!)
- "Spike can be seen in his room one night dreaming of Kaoru was a damsel in distress from the Nanashi."
(Rika spittakes)
We begin our chapter with...the dumbest first! SENTENCE!
I mean...seriously. Yeah, it's a dream, but I can't let that slide so easily. Kaoru? Damsel in distress? She probably would have sliced the shit out of the Nanashi!
...at least, that's what I, a person who hasn't watched Shinkenger (I should probably get around to doing just that), think.
An enlarged Doukoku holds Kaoru hostage, and she cries for help. After being taunted, Spike defeats Doukoku with a huge magical sword. The dream ends with Spike marrying Kaoru, and Takeru calling him "papa".
And then Spike wakes up, kissing his pillow. Realizing that it was, yes, all a dream, he becomes upset. Then he's determined to win Kaoru's heart, and now he must do it in a flash.
...
I hope to God that wasn't a pun.
So we get another scene with the group who'll go onto the Flashman mission—Marvelous, Luka, Kai, Katherine, and Adam. Marvelous and Kai are playing a game of ships, and the latter loses. Marvelous brags about how he's so good at the game, since he's a captain of one, and Kai replies in bitter sarcasm.
...I'm sorry, but I don't quite think Marvelous and Kai are assholes in their respective canons.
As the group talks, we get another scene, this time with five girls relaxing in a bath. They're Kimberly, Ranru, Nanami, Jasmine, and Sakura. (And, somehow, Jasmine cloned herself. Uh...wrong series...kind of?)
(Rika shrugs)
The girls talk a bit until they realize that Spike's crashing their party. With a waterproof camera, to boot. (How did he obtain that?) Why? Because...he wants to take pictures of them. So he can sell them.
...excuse me. I think my wall needs a long-overdue new coat of red. (Rika slams her head into a wall) Tranza...take...over.
Tranza: Uh...
(he looks at the story)
The girls panic, except for Nanami, who just knew it. Spike, somehow, asks them if he can sell pictures of them. You don't want to know what kinds of pictures they are...
(Rika slams her head into a wall harder)
...
(Tranza can't bring himself to continue, and he pulls Rika out of the wall, wrapping her forehead with cloth)
Rika, it's not worth killing yourself over this!
Rika: Who said I was? (is a bit woozy)
Tranza: I realize how bad this is. But you need to pull yourself together! For the future of the world!
(Rika groans)
Rika: ...you're becoming a lot nicer...the hell is up with that? It just...bugs me.
Tranza: ...let's just say that there are a lot worse things in the world. Plus, with the being regaining my sanity...
Rika: Somehow, it made you a lot nicer as a result.
Tranza: Who said it did? Your tenacity inspired me...
Rika: Dude, that's just fucking creepy. So, somehow, this story broke you so much, it...wha?
(she doesn't get it, and she wonders if Tranza's losing it himself)
...you know what, never mind. IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!
(she turns to the fanfic)
So! Spike becomes rather excited over his new "prospect", and he really wants to take pictures of Mako...and Kimberly. With the latter being stated here that she looks like, and I ain't shitting you, "Mako's older sister". And yes, I have read some of Akizuki's blogs, and I think he once stated that Rin Takanashi (Mako's actress) is the Amy Jo Johnson of current Sentai in terms of prettiness.
I am dead serious.
By the way, the girls' screams are so loud, and I ain't shitting you on this one, either, it actually sounds off the Detention Center alarms. (Rika exhales) Not this shit again...
The girls decide to instant change into ninja outfits (no, seriously), and they go off, wanting to kick Spike's ass. This...this is hugely OOC. Not just for the girls, but also Spike as well! How does he even...is this part of Akizuki's sense of "humor"? THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE!
(Rika drinks a lot)
(as Rika gets wasted once again, we go back to the All-Stars)
Rin: How much longer, do you think, until we finally arrive at Radiguet's fortress?
Ryota: According to this map, we're almost halfway there.
Brittany: That's awesome!
Alex: Are there any other dangers to go through? (completely unaware that Sean's giving him the "are you just trying to tempt fate, dude?" look)
Ryota: I don't know—
(then the group reaches a huge maze, with water routes, a lava pit, the works)
Christopher: You just had to say it, didn't you, Alex?
Alex: Well...to be fair, aside from Ryota finding that out, did any of you guys expect this?!
Sean: ...he's not wrong.
All-Stars: Huh?!
Mao: Yeah. We actually saw that particular part...and it was hell to go through.
Tori: Even though there was a shortcut to go through it. And that shortcut...is the forest, where we had to defeat some of the golem guards.
Christopher: So it's another wonderful game of "Choose Your Own Death", isn't it?
Mako: That depends!
Ryota: So it would be easier to go through the maze...everyone! We must work together!
(the group prepares themselves...)
Sean: (to Alex) By the way...congratulations for not cursing us to another unfortunate happening.
Alex: What unfortunate happening?
(Sean laughs)
Sean: You think I'm that crazy to tempt fate? (winks)
Alex: Right...
Ryota: Everyone! Let's make a show of survival!!
(and so, the group dashes through the maze)
Rika: We get a scene where Hoji, Ban, and Sen find out about the Detention Center alarm. They realize what's going on, and they decide to have the ladies handle it. Why? Because they now need to find a way to cut the U.A.O.E's cash flow.
I always wonder, what the hell happened to the Time Crystal?
Meanwhile, we get hilarious moments where the girls try to get Spike, but fail every single damn time. And who ends up saving their asses?
Kaoru. Because apparentally, her hitting Spike with her fan and being a damn jerk towards him is just not enough.
She tells Spike that she's not his love, continuously hitting him with the fan. And yes, the five other girls beat the shit out of him. Geeze, ladies! Why not try a restraining order? In fact, why the hell is Spike even...gah!
So the girls drag him to the Detention Center as Kaoru hits him again. And trust me, it gets worse. Because he's tied up as the girls tell Aya about what happened. Jasmine pretty much pities everyone, even Kimberly, who is revealed to be a stalking victim.
(Rika just sits down quietly)
By the way, the whole "stalking" thing? That's really real. It can happen anytime, anywhere. To anyone. And I just feel wholly uncomfortable with Akizuki invoking this talk in a supposedly-"comedic" situation.
Especially when this happens.
- Jasmine: "After all, you're that pretty and hot so anybody would want to violate your privacy. I am afraid you might even catch more attention soon even the most unwanted one."
(Rika facepalms)
Yes, because that is a nice thing to say to someone who has been fucking stalked. Way to make her feel better, Jasmine! And then...
- Ranru: "For one thing, I would gladly blow Spike up in the chemistry lab!"
...
(Rika, wide-eyed, just whispers "the fuck?")
And so...(she sighs) Jasmine is taking the camera. And yes, they'll arrest it. I'm sorry, but I don't know if arresting an item even happens in the real world. I could be wrong, but...come on!
Also, they show up in Aya's office. Uh...didn't they already show up before already? Regardless, the girls bring Spike in, and somehow, Aya remembers when Ryu fell into the bathing area. As the girls beat the crap out of him, with Sakura twisting his arm...
(Rika raises her arms and just slams them)
...and Mako slapping Spike hard...
...
This is gonna be one long installment, isn't it?
Jasmine decides that it's time for the camera (yes, a fucking camera!) to face judgment. And after the "X" is shown...oh, God. Do I really have to do this? Yes?
...fine.
Aya gives Mako the go-ahead to destroy the camera. The director then tosses the fucking camera up into the air. And then Mako slashes it, where Jasmine shoots the shit out of it, completely obliterating the camera and its memory card. I am not kidding. These...gah!
Yes. What Spike did was wrong, but come on. This entire situation is even more fucked up than the lab explosion problem! I just...GAH!
And so, Takeru and Mako drag Spike to the rock piles as he screams. Yes, it's all so OOC. As they do, Aya thinks that if her long-lost daughter was still alive, what will she say to all this?
...
Yeah. The long-lost daughter. Kids, hold onto that scene, we'll get to that bullshit when it's time.
But for now...as Moune and Agri are sent in to bring in rocks, Gai experiences yet another OOC moment for him. This time, he's drinking green tea. And he's not going to touch another bottle of whiskey.
I've glanced a bit of Gai's character sheet. The more I thought about it, the more I realize that him being this...Deputy Commander does not make any damn sense. He's a badass. A womanizer. A guy who is just a cool bad boy all around. You know it's sad when fucking Gokaiger gave him more of a tribute than this! And the thing is? He was dead there!
Also, yes. We finally see Eri and Natsuki into the office, just...crying. Aya glares at them, telling them that she hopes they learned their lesson. And yes...the girls' arms hurt from working.
...
Now do you see why it's hard for me to root for the USSPRA, with the exceptions of Tanba and Andros?! At least with the former, for now, he's staying out of sight!
Oh, and the punishment? It ain't over yet. Both the Boukengers and Goseigers force Natsuki and Eri to write "I will not play in the laboratory" over and over again. Seriously. I...I think it's more than enough punishment; by that, I mean...what the fuck, Boukengers and Goseigers?!
Also, scenes with Houka wanting to help the group out, and she flirts with Cole. And another with Bulk and Skull talking, and Leo and Aya conversing. I DON'T CARE.
(Rika drinks)
(in the maze, the group tries to navigate through. Tori tries to use her water powers to have her team—Rin, Jason, Sean, and Natsuki—swim/surf their way through. Christopher uses the power of levitation to make sure his team—Dan, Alex, Mako, and Ryota—don't really get wet. As for Xander, he uses the vines from the trees so that he and his team—Brittany, Saya, Mao, and Matoi—can swing across)
Jason: W-whoa...I don't think I've ever surfed before!
Natsuki: I know, but this is too fun!
Mako: ...hopefully we make it.
Brittany: Wow...! (she screams happily as she continues swinging)
Ryota: Come on, guys! We're almost there!
(...then there's a tidal wave, just ready to crush the surfing and vine-swinging groups)
Christopher: Oh, fuck me. (he's unable to do anything...)
(at the base...)
Rika: So...now that I've spent so much time complaining about this situation now...I think it's high time for me to just summarize this shit.
- So we finally see Marvelous' team in the Flashman era. As they morph, the Flashmen themselves—Jin (Red Flash), Dai (Green Flash), Bun (Blue Flash), Lou (Pink Flash), and Sara (Yellow Flash)—see them and wonder if Mess sent them. But then we see Tranza, Ryuuwon, and Pope Hat. Also, Ahames and Giluke—somehow—join the party. I have no fucking idea, either.
- As the Flashmen get their asses handed to them, Marvelous' team saves them. Jin thanks them, and they head to the base, where the Flashmen stare at the Time Train, and Marvelous tells them what's going on.
- With the villains, Ra Deus is not happy that Giluke and Ahames are joining the U.A.O.E. Lee Keflen, the right-hand man, uses Giluke's DNA with Dariru's cells...and the cells of the defeated Aria (no, I'm not kidding) in order to create a new monster. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Giraidon.
- After RINO is happy with the results, Giraidon is sent to the city to create havoc. Marvelous' team and the Flashmen find that out, and so they're sent to defeat them. Unknown to anyone, Cole's trying to find the Changemen so that way, they can team up and defeat the new enemy. And yes, Cole's still troubled about his powers. (facepalms)
- The two teams see Giraidon. And with them? Ley Wanda and Ley Nefel.
(Rika pauses)
I think it's time for me to stop the summarization to share some...important information about these two. Ley Nefel is played by Sayoko Hagiwara. Remember Dynaman? She was Dyna Pink. And I'd like to point out Ley Wanda, as his actor has...quite the interesting history.
Who am I talking about? Ladies, gentlemen, and readers, Ley Wanda's actor is none other than Yutaka Hirose.
Tranza: ...?
Rika: Yutaka is known for playing primarily villainous roles for Tokusatsu. Aside from Ley Wanda, he has played several other roles, namely Dr. Kemp, Jin Matoba, and everyone's favorite backstabber (well, at least in canon), Tranza!
Tranza: I don't quite understand...
Rika: ...just ignore it, man. Your brain may explode.
(to the audience) By the way, there were a few times where Yutaka actually auditioned for heroic roles, only to end up getting either the villain ones or minor ones instead. This series was one of them, having auditioned for Jin, but ended up getting Ley Wanda and proving to be very damn popular. He became a sort of muse (can muses be male, too?) for writer Toshiki Inoue, writing the roles for him.
So what happened to Yutaka? To this day, he has retired (for now?) from acting, running a talent division agency. In 2003, on his site, he even had a message, saying that he didn't care about the turn Tokusatsu took at the time. This proved for him to be just as popular.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: The reason why Tranza's so out of character like this, being nice to Rika? Part of the reason is because it's a bit of a shout-out to the aforementioned Yutaka auditioning for hero roles early on his career.)
So where was I? Oh, yeah!
- Giraidon does what you expect it does—beat the shit out of our "heroes". It gets to the point where the Flashmen try to use the Rolling Vulcan, but to no success. The groups escape when Giraidon unleashes the weapon's attack right back at them.
- In the New Skybase, Cole trains hard, but he still thinks about Sakura.
Cole: "Sakura if you can't love me, I can't force you. I must forget you if I am to be effective in this mission but it's going to be very hard. Sakura… but if given the chance, I will beat Satoru Akashi out of your heart."
...I honestly don't know what's worse. Cole wanting to beat Satoru out of her heart, or the dumbass tweet Rick once made about crushing a morning after pill in a woman's drink. Screw it, both are equally as bad!
- Aka Red tells Cole that the "heroes" are in danger, and he should try to find the Changemen. Wait, didn't they do that already? Guess not...
- As Cole's transported, realizing that the battle's dragging him to unknown proportions beyond, I shit you not, "what his muscular body and incredible strength could handle"...(Rika double-facepalms and drinks)...he sees the Changemen together with their commander. They talk about their lives as the Changemen—and I'm sorry, but did Mai go "hee hee"? I expect for her to say stuff like "CHAMONE!" next.
- Cole shows up before the Changemen, thanks to Aka Red. The Changemen don't believe him at first until Giluke and Ahames show up. Turns out that RINO himself revived them.
- After the Changemen and Cole morph, the latter beat the mooks, transforming into Red Mask, Red Falcon, and Red Turbo to do so. Then he turns into Shinken Red and strike at Ahames and Giluke.
- Just before the Changemen defeat the two villains with the Change Bazooka, Tranza and Giraidon show up, the latter taking the attack and making sure it has no effect. This shocks Hiryu, and Giluke tells them what we already know.
- And so we end this chapter with Giraidon taking ahold of Cole, until Aka Red speaks up. He tells him that his true power doesn't lie within him, but rather the hearts of other Rangers and Sentai Warriors. Didn't this get covered already? Regardless, this gives Cole so much energy that his sword glows, using the powers of Hiryu and Jin to temporarily defeat the enemies. With that, it allows Cole and the Changemen ample time to escape.
(Rika pants)
Damn, what a stupid chapter. And with everything that happened in the beginning, I just feel that if, say, Linkara ever reads it, I can imagine what his reaction would be like.
"This! Fanfic! SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!"
But hey. I, a Power Rangers fan and Sentai admirer, liveblog this stupid mess so you don't have to!
(Rika drinks, and Tranza rubs his head. He's starting to break...)
Will Rika manage to get through the Flashman tribute? Will the All-Stars survive their trek? And will Tranza regain his sanity?
Emergency Signal; Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers!!
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