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Ephraim 225

[table of contents]
UltimaterializerX reviews Final Fantasy X-2
Installment number thirteen...let's do something REALLY controversial! I already know your reaction to the title. Final Fantasy X-2 is the first-ever official sequel to an FF title. That and other factors contribute to the game's Broken Base. One side loves it for its cool battle system and kick-ass all-female cast. The other side is Ultimaterializer X.

The word "pervert" is in the title. How do you get away with that?!

A little while ago, Square decided to do the unthinkable and make a direct sequel to one of their Final Fantasy titles, which was Final Fantasy X in this case. With Final Fantasy X being one of the best movies ever made, it was only fitting that they created a sequel for the game.

Errrr wait...movie...? Oh, haha, good one, saw what you did there, etc.

After all, movies get sequels when they kick ass. But as we have seen so many times in the past, good originals need to be left alone more often than not.

Assuming there was a good original to begin with.

Thus, you begin the atrocity known as Final Fantasy X-2. There are plenty of bad games out there, but this thing is damned near unplayable.

Unplayable? How is it unplayable? It plays just fine. It's not Daggerfall.

Paine is the one new character introduced to the game,

I hope you mean PLAYABLE character, otherwise you missed Le Blanc, Nooj, etc.

but she's nothing more than an ugly, female Auron wannabe. She spends the entire game going on and on about the darkness of her past while making sarcastic, snide comments to everyone. She also has a pension for the word 'hurt', which is somewhat tolerable for a little while, but gets annoying fast.

I don't remember that from the game, do you? Other than bad "pain" jokes, I mean. I recall Paine only talking of her past if you pursue a sidequest. Then again, I never got 100%, fucking moogle...

Rikku isn't much better either, despite all the hype that surrounded her return before this game was released. Her new attire has her decked out like even more of a slut than she was in Final Fantasy X (a truly difficult task, though it shows an odd talent on the part of the game's designers), and she also has no problems acting like it throughout the entire game.

Ooh, a sexist insult! Disasteriffic!

And let us not forget about the High Summoner Yuna herself. The woman who is absolutely revered by the people of Spira has donned her own slutty outfit as well, while spending the entire game lying to herself about her true personality.

That's a funny way to spell "Ultimaterializer X".

She's like one of those nerdy girls in school who is trying to fit in with the cheerleaders.

Except for the guns.

It doesn't work, and she completely ignorant to it. The girl spends the entire game trying not to be herself, fails miserably, and by the end of the game goes against all of the values that she had set for herself in Final Fantasy X. Not only does Yuna ruin her image, but she also ruins her beliefs and essentially the entire character that Final Fantasy X worked so hard to build.

I don't recall her character/beliefs being "ruined", she just spreads her wings a little...er, Lulu said that.

The supporting characters also take their roles among the collective disgrace, especially when compared to their Final Fantasy X counterparts. Buddy is a complete moron in this game,

I don't remember Buddy being in FFX. Nor do I remember him doing stupid things in X-2.

the townspeople do nothing but hang on Yuna's underwear after every visit she makes,

0_0 >_< 0_0

and Brother went from being a badassed airship pilot to being a incestuous lusting idiot.

Incest? When - OH. They're cousins. Wow. Call me crazy, but I don't even think they know this.

Let's also not forget about the lovely little war still going on between Yevon and everyone else, and the fact that Yuna originally joined in all of this to find Tidus. Yet after all of this, his name is barely mentioned in the game. In fact as the story goes on, Tidus, the original focal point is forgotten a good deal of the time save for random flashbacks from Yuna that exist solely to remind the player of what the original goal is.

He forgets, the fact that Shuyin looks like Tidus is the entire reason she gets involved in the first place.

This is a pathetic, overdone writing style that doesn't work.

I know! This review stinks!

The High Summoner and friends acting like complete sluts is bad enough, but dressing like sluts makes it even worse. Isn't it funny how guys think they know how girls act, yet dress them up like prostitutes?

I think it's funny how you find the girls' outfits to be "like prostitutes". Personally I'd take their clothes off before —— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S RUBBING OFF ON ME!!!

So the story is pathetic. But surely, a Square title can make up for this with solid gameplay and a legendary battle system.... right?

Wrong. This game is unplayable.

Okay, I'll humor you. How is it unplayable?

The idea of a job class system was easy enough, but the way it is executed is extremely poor. To unlock a job class in this game, you need to find what are known as Dresspheres. Remember, this game has nothing but girls in battle at all times so everything must be named after something feminine to make the motif even more lame. To get in to the job class you want, you must put these Dresspheres on grids known as Garment Grids, then equip them. The idea is decent enough, as well as simple to do. If you really want to, you can press L1 in battle to bring up the Garment Grid you have equipped to the character, then simply change job classes by moving in the Garment Grid to another Dressphere. Sounds complicated, but it isn't. And not only is it not complicated, it's also completely pointless. Outside of some of the enemies lurking in the Via Infinito, no enemy in this game cannot simply be defeated by repeatedly pressing X and healing after battle. But more on that later.

You can't say that. You can't say mashing X makes you win every battle. I tried that. It didn't work. No really, I set everyone to Warrior and mashed X against Dark Ifrit. I died. Maybe this guy has nothing better to do but level grind while staring at busts.

Most of the job classes feature the girls dressed in revealing clothing, and it makes little to no sense to be able to switch classes mid-battle when the fights are easy as hell in the first place.

Yeah! Adding strategic depth makes no sense!

The Sphere Grid in Final Fantasy X was wonderful,

WHAAAHAHAHAHAHA really?! Okay, here's a thought. That Sphere Grid that everyone adores may as well have been a basic leveling system because it's so damn linear in the first place. (I know about the International Sphere Grid, but it's kinda the INTERNATIONAL Sphere Grid. Yep.)

Another reason why special skills and such are not used often is that they all have a charge time. Even when you are using simple items, a little purple bar appears on the screen. When it runs out, the skill being used comes to resolution. While this would make plenty of sense in a strategy RPG, it has no place in an ATB-based battle system. It creates a gigantic mess of confusion in terms of what to do and when, and you the player are stuck reverting back to simply hitting X until the battle is over and healing afterwards.

Again, I have to question how he got ANYWHERE in the game without a healer in his party, because he leads me to believe that he always used 3 Warriors!

So what about mini games and sidequests? Surely our good friends at Square would be able to save their title from going into the depths of oblivion by at least giving us something to have fun with, yes?

Stop insulting Oblivion!...wait...

The entire storyline of this game plays as a gigantic, open-ended sidequest. You have an airship from the very beginning, and you can go anywhere you want to in the world with your only guide being various Hot Spots on the world map. In essence, you complete one sidequest after another with the game disguising it all as a 'storyline'. There are some actual sidequests, but they aren't the least bit fun to do. Pressing Square towards every townperson in the game isn't much in terms of a good time, and the Chocobo sidequest in this game is very tedious

...what Chocobo sidequest? What do you mean, "Actual Sidequests"? Going someplace not marked as a Hotspot doesn't count? Bleh.

Find the closest animal or small child, grab them by the feet and beat them into the closest brick wall a few times. If you record the sounds emanating from this little exchange, then you too are worthy of producing Final Fantasy X-2's soundtrack. It's bad to the point that you may want to consider playing the game with the volume off. Come to think of it, that's one of the few ways that this game can save face.

...Right. I must have low standards if that's seriously what you thought of the music and weren't covering your ears and going "YAP YAP YAP"

It's a Playstation 2 title, so graphics are rarely, if ever an issue.

He's even a PS2 fanboy. How wonderful.

However with this said, the folks over at Square decided to make one of the main selling points of the game to be the main characters in their skimpy clothing. This could be appealing if you're into sexism or girls feeling the need to dress like whores in an effort to express their "true selves", but such things do not a good game make.

Wow. You're like that one stupid lady who thought Jynx was racist.

This game ranks right up there with chemotherapy as something one should never have to go through. Aside from a couple of mini games, the game simply has nothing to offer; and a game that has nothing to offer in the main storyline or gameplay is not a game worth playing. The characters are horrible, the script is horrible, the battle system is a struggle to get through, and whether or not you finish this game is more a test of your will than it is of your gaming skill. Play at your own risk.

I must have a pretty strong will, then. I played it to the end. Endgame bosses are pretty tough, but other than that the game's cool. I don't really see how the battle system is a struggle; the ATB system that's been in every other FF is actually pretty fucking easy to handle.

See, this is the kind of crap FFX-2 gets. Maybe I only like it because I'm not a huge fan of the franchise? Hm, it's possible, but I'd rather not be called a sexist perv only on account of my gaming preferences. Heck, I'd consider FFX-2 better than FFX simply because you can skip the cutscenes in X-2!

Finally, I would like to take this opportunity to recommend a GOOD review. This review by D'Hoost is automatically better because I'm not offended by it. Not only that, the review is in fact unbiased as advertised. This review is a model for all others on GameFAQs.
9th Jun '11 2:02:38 PM flag for mods
comments
Let me put this out there: No matter what your opinion, you should NEVER insult...anyone, really.

But then, later:

And let us not forget about the High Summoner Yuna herself. The woman who is absolutely revered by the people of Spira has donned her own slutty outfit as well, while spending the entire game lying to herself about her true personality.

That's a funny way to spell "Ultimaterializer X".

Isn't that a little hypocritical?
Shortcake 9th Jun 11
And that's why this is installment number 13. You have a point, though.
Ephraim225 9th Jun 11
Yeah, you can tell this review was written by someone who either 1)drank Spoony's Kool-aid or 2)refuses to accept that any game past VII can be any good.
ManCalledTrue 9th Jun 11
Or 3) Both

Ulti's review here may have been awful, but I completely agree with D'Hoost's review, although I probably would have given the game a bit more than a 3 out of 10. He seems to be one of those rare good reviewers out there.
SomeColorMage 10th Jun 11
"Yeah! Adding strategic depth makes no sense!"

Far be it from me to defend idiots, but he makes a good point. Gameplay And Story Segregation may be forgivable, but it's hardly necessary. FF 7 had Materia, which was both part of the plot and gave similar levels of customizability.

Square could have come up with a similar idea that would add strategic depth without making no sense from a story/world perspective. Not doing so may be forgivable, but it's also unquestionably lazy. And a reviewer certainly should have the right to call them out on it.

"Wow. You're like that one stupid lady who thought Jynx was racist. "

I've never played FFX-2, so I have no idea if the guy is right or not. However, this does not constitute a counter-argument to his claim. If he is indeed correct about every returning female character from the previous game dressing in skimpier attire for little to no adequately explored reason, then I'd say that his point is at least potentially valid.

It's all well and good to snark at idiots; I endorse this wholeheartedly. But while you're snarking, you should at least put forth some evidence for your dismissal of their claims. Here's how it's done:

"While this would make plenty of sense in a strategy RPG, it has no place in an ATB-based battle system."

This is errant nonsense. FFIV, the very first ATB game, had spells and abilities that had different casting times. It may not have shown bars to know how long it would take, but different spells certainly did take longer to cast. Later FF games would go back and forth on casting times, and FFX-2 appears to be no different.

In short: he's an idiot.

"drank Spoony's Kool-aid"

Right. Because a review written in 2003 certainly was due to Spoony's review of the prequel to this game in 2010. Totally.

If you're going to dump random hate on Spoony for not liking the things you like, could you at least attempt to make it relevant?
Korval 11th Jun 11
Alrighty. Confession Time. I am guilty of the same kind of thing D'Hoost did. I actually have done a review of Modern Warfare 2 on Gamefaqs, giving it a 6/10. I gave it that score for the same reason as the aforementioned review. I don't think it's a bad game. I think that the gameplay is very solidly put together. I think the set pieces and level design is suberb. I think that the Multiplayer is okay, but there are just too many cheap Gamebreakers and Killstreak overload. Plus I glossed over it, simply not being a fan of online multiplayer FPS' in general.

No, I hated Modern Warfare 2 for it's story, and what it meant for the series. I don't have the time to get into it here, but I loathed it with a passion for what it represented for the series and how it took a steaming dump all over the first game. I don't think my words came out well in that review.

You can see it under this very username. I do have plans to so more reviews to practise my writing abilities. Yeah, the GF Review is Shit. But I do want to have some outlet. I might do Mother 3 or the Castlevania DS games next.
Emperordaein 13th Jun 11
Searching my own name in Google once in awhile leads to some funny results. I mean yeah that isn't one of my best reviews, but an entire page dedicated to bashing it is hilarious. Some people are just destined to die virgins, I guess.
24.0.249.207 15th Nov 11
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