Capter 16
Vampire, now healed by Dumblidore thanks to a truce, overcomes the Mind Rape with sheer heroic badasser powurz. Then he kills Crab and Gar Goyle with a killing saw which killed the fuck out of them so fast dat dere screams didn't even make any1 see they were dead. Then Vlodimorte comes back, only to be attacked with a with a twenty five barrel bazooka which kiled the fuck out of him...but he wuz still alived, and eskaped. Then why did you say he was dead?
And then dey watched all teh Goffik movies and did cok crak and put and booz. And then they had IKEA Erotica and everyone was squicked.
We are then treated to a description of Linda's clothes and another mention of her Informed AttractivenessAnd then JOAN RETURMED FROM DEH DEAD ONEZ!
AND she wuz always bibl pushing and being a prik. Joan sed to Hogwertz by hackin te loadspeaker, "I will purje all naught holly influnces from dis school, mark mi words!111" Huh, I tought that 'Joan' was a misspelling of 'Johan' from Monster. Guess I was wrong. (Recent edit: Turns out she's from another Twilight fic, Bedrewing Love.)
And then she ataked Lidna and Vampyre by bulldozing the entrance of their drom with...THE BULLDOZER ZOMBIE GOAST!
But Vampyre sed, "Begoine JOAN cuz u r a Headcarb ZOMBIE!"
And then Joan truned into a Big zombie monster wit a lot of judiocristian simbolysm goin on liek dat Evangilion show evry1 is talkin aboot. Religious symbolism does not make a story instantly good, especially when it's in Rouge Angles of Satin.
Joan attacks, but the Hogwarts Rangers, a previously unmentioned group of OC's, attacks and defeats her. Then, Vlodimort and Glori do a Make My Monster Grow and turn her into a giant monster.
She roared, "I AM NOT BEATABLE BEAT ME NOW WILL YA CUZ I AM MAKIN THE DESTRCTION OF YUR TOWNZ AND HAUGSMEEDEZ!11111111!" Famous last words, Joan. Linda and her friends do have some Badassery in them after all.
Linda, Vampire, and all the goffs in Hogwarts did a BLAST O DEATH that kills Joan and transforms her into Ludicrous Gibs.
And then the preppi singing aligator apered and sang an evil song to reanmate joan, and he sang and sang and the ludicrus gibs got up and danced to a britney spears song that wuz worse then the song sang by the singing alligator.
Lidna shouts, "ENOUGH!" and attacks the gibs with the zap spell which zapped them rite away. The aligator kept singing and the gibs of formed from the gibs danced to a shakra song sung by nobody, cuz nobudy wud sing dat song eccept a prepi.
And then the aligator danced and the gibbs went back togetter and Lidna was forced to call upon GOTHMECHA, which kiled the asembled gibs and then the aligater went away. Go use Sepiroth's Supernova instead of making up Goffic versions of Super Robots! You may be stealing awesomeness, but at least you're not failing at making your own.
Linda then goes back to her doem to shower, but ends up MIND CONTROLLED by...an evil NERD!
