Crowning Moment Of Funny: Discworld
These moments just make you burst out laughing. This is for all the scenes that were just flat-out hilarious.
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+27 (yeas:29 nays:2)
A.E Pessimal's attack on the troll. With his teeth.
'Mr. A.E Pessimal? You are sure? Small man? Very clean shoes?'
+20 (yeas:30 nays:10)
Any mention of Bloody Stupid Johnson.
+18 (yeas:18 nays:0)
Captain Carrot's Repeat After Me
scene in Men at Arms
"I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma do solemnly swear by square bracket recruit's deity of choice square bracket to uphold the Laws and Ordinances of the city of Ankh-Morpork comma serve the public trust comma and defend the subjects of His stroke Her bracket delete whichever is inappropriate bracket Majesty bracket name of reigning monarch bracket without fear comma favour comma or thought of personal safety semi-colon to pursue evildoers and protect the innocent comma laying down my life if necessary in the cause of said duty comma so help me bracket aforesaid deity bracket full stop Gods Save the King stroke Queen bracket delete whichever is inappropriate bracket full stop."
+13 (yeas:13 nays:0)
The translation of the "Departure" aria from Maskerade, lamenting how difficult it is for the heroine to leave her beloved.
This damn door sticks
This damn door sticks
It sticks no matter what the hell I do
It is marked "pull" and indeed I am pulling
Perhaps it should be marked "push"?
+10 (yeas:11 nays:1)
, Colon and Nobby's musings on the difference between Art and pornography.
+8 (yeas:12 nays:4)
When Agnes Nitt in Maskerade is shown how to sing an opera song by the musical director, and is told 'just like that' she sings in Tenor.
The man tells her to sing like Christine (her rival in the book) she sings in a high, breathy tone (Kewsta!? Mallydetta?! Porter see bloker?!) and is told then to "Sing it the way it was meant to be sung" ... and is shooed out off the office while he wipes his glasses with his back turned. (He's crying.)
+8 (yeas:8 nays:0)
From Reaper Man, when Bill Door gets found out by a little girl:
"You are a skellington, aren't you," she said. "I can tell, because of the bones."
"YOU ARE MISTAKEN, SMALL CHILD."
+7 (yeas:7 nays:0) +6 (yeas:8 nays:2)
From "The Last Continent":
"One opened up in the cellars, once. Just a round black hole. Anything you put in it just disappeared. So old Archchancellor Weatherwax had a privy built over it."
"Very sensible idea."
"We thought so too, until we found the other one that had opened in the attic. Turned out to be the other side of the same hole. I'm sure I don't need to draw you a picture."
"I've never heard
of these. The possibilities are amazing!"
that when they first hear about them. But when you've been a wizard as long as I have, my boy, you'll learn that as soon as you find something that offers amazing possibilities for the improvement of the human condition it's best to put the lid back on and pretend it never happened."
"But if you could get one to open above the other you could drop something through the bottom hole and it'd come out of the top hole and fall through the bottom hole again... It'd reach meteoric speed and the amount of power you could generate would be-"
"That's pretty much what happened between the attic and the cellar. Thank goodness for air friction, that's all I'll say."
+3 (yeas:4 nays:1) +3 (yeas:3 nays:0)
Carrot decides to arrest a dragon.
+2 (yeas:9 nays:7)
Pyramids: The camel is actually a mathematical genius. (Bonus points: its name is You Bastard because that's what everyone calls it.)
+1 (yeas:1 nays:0)
Vetinari inspected the captured custard. He dipped a finger into it and
tasted the blob thereon. He cast his eyes upwards, thoughtfully, while the room held its communal breath, and then said, pensively: "I do believe it is pineapple."
There was a thunder of applause. There had to be; even if you hated Vetinari, you had to admire the timing.
+1 (yeas:1 nays:0)
It is generally thought, on those worlds where the mall lifeform has seeded, that people take the wire baskets away and leave them in strange and isolated places, so that squads of young men have to be employed to gather them together and wheel them back. This is exactly the opposite of the truth. In reality the men are hunters, stalking their rattling prey across the landscape, trapping them, breaking their spirit, taming them and herding them to a life of slavery. Possibly.
0 (yeas:0 nays:0) 0 (yeas:0 nays:0)
Small Gods, when Brutha and the Great God Om
search for a philosopher in Ephebe and first come across a philisophical bar fight:
And then a door burst open down the street and there was the cracking noise of a quite large wine amphora being broken over someone's head. A skinny old man in a toga picked himself up from the cobbles where he had landed, and glared at the doorway.
"I'm telling you, listen, a finite intellect, right, cannot by means of comparison reach the absolute truth of things, because being by nature indivisable, truth excludes the concets of "more" or "less" so that nothing but truth can be the exact measure of truth. you bastards," he said.
Someone from inside the building said, "Oh yeah? Sez you."
The old man ignored Brutha but, with great difficulty, pulled a cobblestone loose and hefted it in his hand Then he dived back through the doorway. There was a distant scream of rage.
"Ah, philosophy," said Om.
-1 (yeas:1 nays:2)
Going Postal:Lord Vetinari's whole speech regarding the Golem, Mr. Pump, and why Moist Von Lipwig has no chance of escaping from him.
Total number: 18. Number shown: 17.
Total number of votes: 206