History Quotes / VideoGameMoviesSuck

-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic ''', on the ''Film/DoubleDragon'' movie

-->--'''Joshua Ovenshire''', ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuZHZIQjL1M&list=PLFWHlH4koGZAeH9x2wWeTB32VCESjRI51 Best & Worst Video Game Movies]]''

-->--'''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', "[[http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/issue184.htm Bad Video Game Movies]]"

->''After watching this, in mounting aghastment, I've now realized why it's so bad. It's because it's good. Unfortunately, what it's good at is being a movie of a computer game. If you've played your way through the TR games you'll realize that. The atmosphere of the locations, the way Lara runs and fires, the traps ... someone sat through all the games, taking notes. It's truer to the feel of the games than most novel-based movies are to the original novel. Time and care was spent on that. Then, since the games have no characterization, or any plot much above the level of "get all the bits", they pasted together an inconsistent load of old garbage in twenty minutes and hoped the SFX would carry it. They don't.''\\
-- [[http://news.ansible.co.uk/a173.html Terry Pratchett]], on the ''Film/LaraCroftTombRaider'' movie.

-> "Quick! Change the channel!"\\
--'''Zangief''', ''Film/StreetFighter''

->''"Folks, why is it that movies based on video games always seem to suck monkey tits?"''\\
--'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic ''', on the ''Film/DoubleDragon'' movie

->"Nintendo games rock. Movies based on Nintendo games blow. Therefore, movies ''about'' Nintendo games ''[[BreadEggsBreadedEggs blow rocks]]!''\\
--'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' on ''TheWizard''

-> ''"In a world, where video games to film adaptations suck ass, this movie will totally fall beyond your expectations. And then some more. Street Fighter, the leyend of chun li!"''
-> - VgCats AWNN [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Net6nLi0-WI&feature=BFa&list=PLDB860B964AF74494&lf=plcp]]

->''Rule number one in making a movie about ''{{Street Fighter}}'' is to take the characters and have them fight. Rule number two shouldn't have to exist, but if it did, it would be filling the time between fights with musical training montages or [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs musical montages of shorter fights]]. Ignoring these simple rules I just invented ten years after they made it, ''Street Fighter'' was so desperate to keep a fight from breaking out they went so far as to turn Dhalsim into a lab technician and Chun Li, E. Honda, and Balrog into telejournalists.''

->''They tried to apply characters and a plot to this? It's ''{{DOOM}}''! People play DOOM to get away from talking. We only liked it because it was all about blowing stuff up REAL GOOD. The game was made during an era when people didn't care a kangaroo's nipple about plots in a first-person shooter. In fact, at the first sign of plot or text screens, our left hands would jerk spasmodically to the ESC key SO WE COULD GET BACK TO THE SHOOTING.''

-- [[http://news.ansible.co.uk/a173.html Terry Pratchett]], on the ''Franchise/TombRaider'' movie.

-- [[http://news.ansible.co.uk/a173.html Terry Pratchett]], on the ''TombRaider'' movie.

-->--'''{{Seanbaby}}''', "[[http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/issue184.htm Bad Video Game Movies]]"

->''Hollywood doesn't make good video game movies for the same reason General Motors doesn't make motorized unicycles: they're stupid ideas, there's very little money in it and they aren't very good at making their regular product to begin with. They're not adapting the license to tell the epic story on the cinematic field of wonder--they're doing it because they are literally out of ideas.''\\

-- '''[[http://www.cracked.com/funny-2232-video-game-movies/ Cracked.com]]'''

->''{{DOOM}} has a script. That's the problem. The DOOM game's plot can be summarized with a bottle of Bawls and a barely-coherent series of spittle-spraying sound effects. Three words, and three words only: Marines. Mars. Demons. Just three simple checklist items. And they still screwed it up. They tried to apply characters and a plot to this? It's DOOM! People play DOOM to get away from talking. We only liked it because it was all about blowing stuff up REAL GOOD. The game was made during an era when people didn't care a kangaroo's nipple about plots in a first-person shooter. In fact, at the first sign of plot or text screens, our left hands would jerk spasmodically to the ESC key SO WE COULD GET BACK TO THE SHOOTING.''

-->--'''{{Seanbaby}}'', "[[http://www.seanbaby.com/nes/issue184.htm Bad Video Game Movies]]"

->''Rule number one in making a movie about ''{{Street Fighter}}'' is to take the characters and have them fight. Rule number two shouldn't have to exist, but if it did, it would be filling the time between fights with musical training montages or [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs musical montages of shorter fights]]. Ignoring these simple rules I just invented ten years after they made it, Street Fighter was so desperate to keep a fight from breaking out they went so far as to turn Dhalsim into a lab technician and Chun Li, E. Honda, and Balrog into telejournalists.''

-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]'''

->"{{DOOM}} has a script. That's the problem. The DOOM game's plot can be summarized with a bottle of Bawls and a barely-coherent series of spittle-spraying sound effects. Three words, and three words only: Marines. Mars. Demons. Just three simple checklist items. And they still screwed it up. They tried to apply characters and a plot to this? It's DOOM! People play DOOM to get away from talking. We only liked it because it was all about blowing stuff up REAL GOOD. The game was made during an era when people didn't care a kangaroo's nipple about plots in a first-person shooter. In fact, at the first sign of plot or text screens, our left hands would jerk spasmodically to the ESC key SO WE COULD GET BACK TO THE SHOOTING. DOOM should have opened up with an exterior shot of Mars, panned over to The Rock stepping out of a teleporter, who raises the People's Eyebrow at the camera and proceeds to blast stuff for 100 minutes, nonstop, without uttering a single solitary word. Throw $40 million and three dozen stunt coordinators at this thing, and just let them make the most ungodly loud stunt reel in history. Sort of like Navy [=SEALs=]. Oh it would have been one of the worst movies ever made, repetitive and wretchedly shallow. But it would have been DOOM. That's what DOOM is: mindless, repetitive blasting, usually with Music/{{Pantera}} screaming on your CD player in the background."\\

->''The movie has been "inspired by" the famous video game. No, I haven't played it, and I never will, but I know how it feels ''not'' to play it, because I've seen the movie. VideoGame/{{Doom}} is like some kid came over and is using your computer and won't let you play.''\\
-- '''RogerEbert'''[='s=] review of the same movie

-> "If Film/SuperMarioBros was the first nail in the coffin of movies based on videogames, then Film/WingCommander was the last, because believe me, nobody ever took video game movies seriously after this complete and utter ruination of gaming's best original sci-fi saga. They should have just saved themselves some trouble and put some kid's LetsPlay of Wing Commander 4 in theaters. Would have made a lot more money."\\
--''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]'', again

->''The movie has been "inspired by" the famous video game. No, I haven't played it, and I never will, but I know how it feels ''not'' to play it, because I've seen the movie. {{Doom}} is like some kid came over and is using your computer and won't let you play.''\\

-- '''[[TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]'''

--'''WebOriginal/TheNostalgiaCritic ''', on the ''Film/DoubleDragon'' movie
----
<<|QuotesWiki|>>

->''After watching this, in mounting aghastment, I've now realized why it's so bad. It's because it's good. Unfortunately, what it's good at is being a movie of a computer game. If you've played your way through the TR games you'll realize that. The atmosphere of the locations, the way Lara runs and fires, the traps ... someone sat through all the games, taking notes. It's truer to the feel of the games than most novel-based movies are to the original novel. Time and care was spent on that. Then, since the games have no characterization, or any plot much above the level of "get all the bits", they pasted together an inconsistent load of old garbage in twenty minutes and hoped the SFX would carry it. They don't.''
->-- [[http://news.ansible.co.uk/a173.html Terry Pratchett]], on the ''TombRaider'' movie.

->"{{DOOM}} has a script. That's the problem. The DOOM game's plot can be summarized with a bottle of Bawls and a barely-coherent series of spittle-spraying sound effects. Three words, and three words only: Marines. Mars. Demons. Just three simple checklist items. And they still screwed it up. They tried to apply characters and a plot to this? It's DOOM! People play DOOM to get away from talking. We only liked it because it was all about blowing stuff up REAL GOOD. The game was made during an era when people didn't care a kangaroo's nipple about plots in a first-person shooter. In fact, at the first sign of plot or text screens, our left hands would jerk spasmodically to the ESC key SO WE COULD GET BACK TO THE SHOOTING. DOOM should have opened up with an exterior shot of Mars, panned over to The Rock stepping out of a teleporter, who raises the People's Eyebrow at the camera and proceeds to blast stuff for 100 minutes, nonstop, without uttering a single solitary word. Throw $40 million and three dozen stunt coordinators at this thing, and just let them make the most ungodly loud stunt reel in history. Sort of like Navy [=SEALs=]. Oh it would have been one of the worst movies ever made, repetitive and wretchedly shallow. But it would have been DOOM. That's what DOOM is: mindless, repetitive blasting, usually with Music/{{Pantera}} screaming on your CD player in the background."
-->-- '''[[TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]'''

->''The movie has been "inspired by" the famous video game. No, I haven't played it, and I never will, but I know how it feels ''not'' to play it, because I've seen the movie. {{Doom}} is like some kid came over and is using your computer and won't let you play.''
-->-- '''RogerEbert'''[='s=] review of the same movie

->''Are there five less inspiring words in the English language than "based on a video game"?
-->--'''Steven D. Greydanus''', [[http://decentfilms.com/reviews/princeofpersia reviewing]] ''[[Film/PrinceOfPersia Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time]]''

->''"Folks, why is it that movies based on video games always seem to suck monkey tits?"''
--> --'''WebOriginal/TheNostalgiaCritic ''', on the ''Film/DoubleDragon'' movie

--> "Quick! Change the channel!"\\

--> -- '''[[TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One]]'''

->"Folks, why is it that movies based on video games always seem to suck monkey tits?"

--> --'''TheNostalgiaCritic ''', on the ''Film/DoubleDragon'' movie

--> --'''The Nostalgia Critic ''', on the ''Double Dragon'' movie

->"{{DOOM}} has a script. That's the problem. The DOOM game's plot can be summarized with a bottle of Bawls and a barely-coherent series of spittle-spraying sound effects. Three words, and three words only: Marines. Mars. Demons. Just three simple checklist items. And they still screwed it up. They tried to apply characters and a plot to this? It's DOOM! People play DOOM to get away from talking. We only liked it because it was all about blowing stuff up REAL GOOD. The game was made during an era when people didn't care a kangaroo's nipple about plots in a first-person shooter. In fact, at the first sign of plot or text screens, our left hands would jerk spasmodically to the ESC key SO WE COULD GET BACK TO THE SHOOTING. DOOM should have opened up with an exterior shot of Mars, panned over to The Rock stepping out of a teleporter, who raises the People's Eyebrow at the camera and proceeds to blast stuff for 100 minutes, nonstop, without uttering a single solitary word. Throw $40 million and three dozen stunt coordinators at this thing, and just let them make the most ungodly loud stunt reel in history. Sort of like Navy [=SEALs=]. Oh it would have been one of the worst movies ever made, repetitive and wretchedly shallow. But it would have been DOOM. That's what DOOM is: mindless, repetitive blasting, usually with {{Pantera}} screaming on your CD player in the background."

--> --'''The Nostalgia Critic ''', on the ''Double Dragon'' Movie

--> -- '''The Nostalgia Critic '''

->"Folks, why is it that movies based on video games always seem to suck monkey tits??"
--> The Nostalgia Critic