History Quotes / SadistShow

->As expected, DrPhil’s “intervention” with Bobbi Kristina Brown’s boyfriend Nick Gordon was an erratic, [[AttentionWhore fame whore train wreck]] that ended with the lukewarm butt plug of smug Dr. Phil patting himself on the back. If Everlast sold punching bags [[DartboardOfHate with Dr. Phil’s face on it]], they would become the richest company in the world and we’d all have arms as thick as Creator/JonHamm’s dick.

->As expected, DrPhil’s “intervention” with Bobbi Kristina Brown’s boyfriend Nick Gordon was an erratic, [[AttentionWhore fame whore train wreck]] that ended with the lukewarm butt plug of smug Dr. Phil patting himself on the back. If Everlast sold punching bags [[DartboardOfHate with Dr. Phil’s face on it]], they would become the richest company in the world and we’d all have arms as thick as Creator/JonHamm’s dick... I blame {{Oprah|Winfrey}} for this for giving us Dr. Phil. And when is somebody going to stage [[TheCobblersChildrenHaveNoShoes a fame whore intervention for Dr. Phil?]]

->Wrestling/NewJack and Vic Grimes fell ''20 feet!'' They aren't stuntmen. They're on concrete, it should've killed them! And what would've happened if they would've died? [[WeHaveReserves They'd have moved 'em over and kept goin']].\\\
Y'know, to me, two guys almost die, that's a big deal. And it's not a big deal to the fan, [[ViewersAreGoldfish because they're so MTV-minded]], they're gonna say "What's next?" Unless you ''slow things down'' to show them the gravity of what they just saw.

-->-- '''''Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial'''''

->The next time you’re at a family reunion and you’re watching your uncles drunkenly fight on the patio after one of them said that the other one’s wife has lonjas for days, try to ignore the sound of your auntie hysterically screaming while trying to break up the fight with her shoe and think to yourself, ''“Well, at least they’re not AS trashy as Bobby Brown’s family.”''\\\
When Bobby Brown’s family got into that big, messy fight at his birthday party, they probably realized that the next time they fight, it should be in front of cameras, because [[RealityTV they might as well get paid for their trashiness]]. That IS the American way...I wonder which network would actually pay money for this mess. The answer: ALL OF THEM (but you know it’s going to be {{TLC}}).
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/03/03/bobby-browns-family-is-allegedly-shooting-a-reality-show-because-this-is-the-world-we-live-in/ Michael K.]]''', "Bobby Brown’s Family Is Allegedly Shooting A Reality Show Because This Is The World We Live In"

-->-- Stewie Griffin''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Grumpy Old Man"

When Bobby Brown’s family got into that big, messy fight at his birthday party, they probably realized that the next time they fight, it should be in front of cameras, because they might as well get paid for their trashiness. That IS the American way, after all...I wonder which network would actually pay money for this mess. The answer: ALL OF THEM (but you know it’s going to be {{TLC}}).

->A entire season of ''Series/HereComesHoneyBooBoo'' was shot, but {{TLC}} is not airing it and has canceled the show over the allegations that Mama June is dating a convicted child molester. TLC executives fed cheese balls and sketti sauce to a bull and waited around until it shit up this pile of bullshit:\\\
''[-Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children’s ongoing comfort and well-being.-]''\\\
'''''[[HaHaHaNo AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!]]'''''"
-->--[[http://dlisted.com/2014/10/24/and-there-goes-honey-boo-boo/ Michael K.]], "And There Goes Honey Boo Boo..."

-->--'''Adam Steltzner'', Mars Science Laboratory lead engineer for Entry, Decent and Landing on why the Curiosity Rover Landing was so popular.

->''Million Dollar Drop'' was a short-lived game show where couples had $1,000,000 they wagered on trivia knowledge. They placed stacks of bills on trapdoors that of course clanked open when they got a question wrong. It was crushing for people to watch their actual dreams fall away, but the demilich beneath FOX studios demanded a sacrifice of cash tainted with despair.

->Time now for ''Life on Tatooine'', brought to viewers everywhere in the hope that our own lives may be uplifted by the comparison and enriched with the gratitude of relief.''

->''"Oh, and ''FearFactor'', I watched maybe a half hour\\

'Next week on {{FOX}}, watch ''Lions Eat Christians''!'"''
-->-- Music/WeirdAlYankovic, "Couch Potato"

->''"Look around. We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don't have to ''achieve'' anything; you just gotta have fucked up-shit happen to you."''

->''"Why is everybody we know depressing?"''

->''"It is not enough for me to succeed. Others must fail."''
-->-- GoreVidal

->''"...thousands of people are waiting [[NightmareFetishist to see if we could successfully land]]. And although we go there for the science questions, I don't think they were there at 1:30 in the morning because they're dying to know about the pH and salinity of the ancient aqueous environmental stability of Mars."''
-->--Adam SteltznerMars Science Laboratory lead engineer for Entry, Decent and Landing on why the Curiosity Rover Landing was so popular.

->''"''Million Dollar Drop'' was a short-lived game show where couples had $1,000,000 they wagered on trivia knowledge. They placed stacks of bills on trapdoors that of course clanked open when they got a question wrong. It was crushing for people to watch their actual dreams fall away, but the demilich beneath {{FOX}} studios demanded a sacrifice of cash tainted with despair.''

->''"Everybody knows that the only watchable episode of ''AmericanIdol'' is the first one of the season. Therein all the self-delusional idiots fly off the handle when the judges tell them what their hearts already whisper: ''You are terribly ordinary.''"''
-->--''{{Website/Cracked}}'', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-star-performers-who-never-let-lack-talent-stop-them/ "5 Star Performers Who Never Let a Lack of Talent Stop Them"]]

->''"A entire season of ''Series/HereComesHoneyBooBoo'' was shot, but {{TLC}} is not airing it and has canceled the show over the allegations that Mama June is dating a convicted child molester. TLC executives fed cheese balls and sketti sauce to a bull and waited around until it shit up this pile of bullshit:''
->'Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children’s ongoing comfort and well-being.'
->'''''[[ImplausibleDeniability AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!]]'''''"

-->-- Creator/Seanbaby}}, "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-biggest-cheaters-in-game-show-history/#ixzz2eGWH8FH0 The 5 Biggest Cheaters in Game Show History]]"

->''"A entire season of ''Series/HereComesHoneyBooBoo'' was shot, but {{TLC}} is not airing it and has canceled the show over the allegations that Mama June is dating a convicted child molester. TLC executives fed cheese balls and sketti sauce to a bull and waited around until it shit up this pile of bullshit:''\\\
'Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children’s ongoing comfort and well-being.'\\\
'''''[[ImplausibleDeniability AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!]]'''''"''

-->-- '''Music/WeirdAlYankovic''', "Couch Potato"

--> -- '''[[spoiler:Jill Roberts]]''', ''{{Film/Scream 4}}''

-->-- '''Stewie Griffin''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Grumpy Old Man"

-->-- '''GoreVidal'''

-->--'''Adam Steltzner''', Mars Science Laboratory lead engineer for Entry, Decent and Landing on why the Curiosity Rover Landing was so popular.

-->-- '''''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''''', "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-biggest-cheaters-in-game-show-history/#ixzz2eGWH8FH0 The 5 Biggest Cheaters in Game Show History]]"

-->--'''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-star-performers-who-never-let-lack-talent-stop-them/ "5 Star Performers Who Never Let a Lack of Talent Stop Them"]]

->''"Hear me very clearly: If there is another way to pimp out my eight children on television, please tell me, because the money I’ll make off this 2-hour TLC special will only pay for 3 weeks of Botox injections and half a pack of polyester ''My Little Pony'' hair. I’d skipper a boat named ''The Minnow'' and take them all on a fateful 3-hour tour if it could get me a 22-episode reality show called ''Gosselin’s Island''. When do you want to start filming? I can have the kids on a boat in 90 minutes."''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/06/21/kate-gosselin-has-to-pimp-out-her-child-army-on-tv-says-kate-gosselin/ DListed]]''''', "[[Series/JonAndKatePlusEight Kate Gosselin]] HAS To Pimp Out Her Child Army On TV, Says Kate Gosselin"

->''"Every clip that TLC has released to promote their 2-hour special on [[Series/JonAndKatePlusEight Kate Gosselin’s]] never-ending quest to pimp out her litter of pups has done nothing but remind everyone that Kate’s still an awful, greedy, horrible shameless [[AttentionWhore fame whore]] who would volunteer all 8 of her children as tribute for ''Film/TheHungerGames'' if it meant she could get her rubber face on television. Someone at TLC must have finally realized that no one is going to tune in to their 2-hour documentary on Pennsylvania’s [[Series/KeepingUpWithTheKardashians Pimp Mama Kris]] when they can tune in to E! and watch the real thing, so today they released a clip to ''People'' of a humbled, struggling Kate in an attempt to make her seem more sympathetic and less evil ([[ZeroPercentApprovalRating not possible]], but good try TLC)."''
-->--'''''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/06/25/kate-gosselin-says-she-cries-crocodile-tears-of-sadness-behind-closed-doors/ DListed]]'''''

->''"Every clip that TLC has released to promote their 2-hour special on [[Series/JonAndKatePlusEight Kate Gosselin’s]] never-ending quest to pimp out her litter of pups has done nothing but remind everyone that Kate’s still an awful, greedy, horrible shameless [[AttentionWhore fame whore]] who would volunteer all 8 of her children as tribute for ''Film/TheHungerGames'' if it meant she could get her rubber face on television. Someone at TLC must have finally realized that no one is going to tune in to their 2-hour documentary on Pennsylvania’s [[Series/KeepingUpWithTheKardashians Pimp Mama Kris]] when they can tune in to E! and watch the real thing, so today they released a clip to ''People'' of a humbled, struggling Kate in an attempt to make her seem more sympathetic and less evil (not possible, but good try TLC)."''

'Next week on FOX, watch Lions Eat Christians!'"''

->''"...thousands of people ''[were]'' waiting [[NightmareFetishist to see if we could successfully land]]. And although we go there for the science questions, I don't think they were there at 1:30 in the morning because they're dying to know about the pH and salinity of the ancient aqueous environmental stability of Mars."''

->''It is not enough for me to succeed. Others must fail.''

->Million Dollar Drop ''was a short-lived game show where couples had $1,000,000 they wagered on trivia knowledge. They placed stacks of bills on trapdoors that of course clanked open when they got a question wrong. It was crushing for people to watch their actual dreams fall away, but the demilich beneath {{FOX}} studios demanded a sacrifice of cash tainted with despair.''
-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', "[[http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-biggest-cheaters-in-game-show-history/#ixzz2eGWH8FH0 The 5 Biggest Cheaters in Game Show History]]"

->''"Why is everybody we know depressing?"''
-->-- '''Stewie Griffin''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Grumpy Old Man"

-->-- '''''{{Website/Cracked}}''''', "http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-biggest-cheaters-in-game-show-history/#ixzz2eGWH8FH0 The 5 Biggest Cheaters in Game Show History]]"

-->-- '''Stewie Griffin''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Grumpy Old Man"