History Quotes / MoralGuardians

--> ''"If anything in this book offends you, please feel free to buy and burn as many copies as you like. Volume discounts are available."''
-->-''Stalking the Night Fantastic'', Richard Tucholka

->''"Now and then it seems that banning is all they can do. It's all they seem to ''want'' to do. That's the problem with a free nation: you can't [[DelusionsOfGrandeur make yourself significant]] by granting freedoms, so you spend your time looking for freedoms to restrict in the name of a [[UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans greater good]], and there's ''always'' a greater good."''

->''"I will admit that I too am something of an outrage addict...Yes, the world is full of outrageous things -— acts of astonishing dishonesty. But outrage, or, I should say, ''other people’s'' outrage is really, really tedious."''

I hate this. It’s like every football coach and fan out there is [[Series/TheWaltons Papa Walton]] or something. The entire SPORT of football is immature. It’s grown men treating a sport like war, which is the most childish behavior possible. "''

->''"'{{Think of the children}}' being a slogan that almost completely forecloses any possibility of actually doing so. 'The children' are in the end a nebulously defined potential utopia severed from the lived experience of any actual people. They are non-existent but ideal citizens, defined by the very fact of their non-participation in sex or politics. When the child becomes an adult -- i.e. an actual functioning citizen, they notably lose this aura of protection, rendering the [[{{Hypocrite}} ugly fallacy]] of this rhetoric clear."''

->''"Naughty shows. There are a lot of naughty shows on TV, whether it's sex, language, violence or bad writing. And the truth, which no one at the Parents Television Council will ever admit, is that bad writing (and bad acting and bad direction, but mostly bad writing) trumps sex, language, and violence for making a show bad. The critics – the real ones as opposed to amateurs like me – laud a show like {{Series/Dexter}} because of the writing and the acting and the directing. But of course the PTC doesn't care about the quality of stories. The PTC are a bunch of bean counters who enumerate the number of incidents of sexual content, expletives (deleted or not) and acts of violence. And it is of course the PTC which defines what constitutes a "violent act" or a "sexual encounter" or even tells us what an expletive is."''

[[TakeThat Yeeeeah]]."''

->''"The football culture is obsessed with maturity. You’ll see that word tossed around on Twitter, and in draft reports, and all over pregame shows...the big red MATURITY siren goes off somewhere deep in the bowels of [[{{NFL}} league headquarters]], and Roger Goodell whips out [[BadBoss his emergency suspension letter-writing pen.]]\\\

[[/folder]]
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->''"I was approached by several evangelical students who were gravely concerned that I might worship Satan and I'd better attend seminary quick before Beelzebub gets a devil set aside for me. I was even hauled before the principal and warned that I would be expelled for gambling (because of [[AllCrimesAreEqual the funny-shaped dice]]) if I didn't stop bringing [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons my devil books]]...Luckily we're beyond such crackpot theories now. Oh wait, people still think HarryPotter is turning kids into witches. Never mind."''

->''"Naughty shows. There are a lot of naughty shows on TV, whether it's sex, language, violence or bad writing. And the truth, which no one at the Parents Television Council will ever admit, is that bad writing (and bad acting and bad direction, but mostly bad writing) trumps sex, language, and violence for making a show bad. The critics – the real ones as opposed to amateurs like me – laud a show like ''Series/Dexter'' because of the writing and the acting and the directing. But of course the PTC doesn't care about the quality of stories. The PTC are a bunch of bean counters who enumerate the number of incidents of sexual content, expletives (deleted or not) and acts of violence. And it is of course the PTC which defines what constitutes a "violent act" or a "sexual encounter" or even tells us what an expletive is."''

-->--'''''Webcomic/{{XKCD}}'''''

-->-- '''[[http://www.eruditorumpress.com/blog/outside-the-government-torchwood-children-of-earth-day-two/ Dr. Phil Sandifer]]'''

-->-- '''Creator/RobertAHeinlein''', ''{{The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress}}''

->''"You know what, it's okay. If BillOReilly needs to have an enemy, he needs to feel persecuted, you know what, here's my Kwanzaa gift to him...I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality! And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's Homobortion Pot and Commie Jizzporium!"''

-->-- '''[[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2014/02/outside-government-torchwood-children_10.html Dr. Phil Sandifer]]'''

[[HypocriticalHumor Before somebody thinks of blaming us!]]

->''"Wertham wasn’t the only anti-comics hysteric, but he was the first to do a whole book out of the subject, and his testimony formed the bulk of the anti-comics portion of the 1953 juvenile delinquency hearings that ended up crippling the industry. Wertham’s testimony, equal parts irate nonsense and also book tour promotional stop for ''Seduction'', which had just come out, got half the mothers in the country terrified of just what comic books were doing to their poor, susceptible ''LeaveItToBeaver'' [[TheFifties 1950s]] kids. His testimony contained no scientific data, was based on no credible research, and willfully misrepresented the content of the comics he was using as examples, but he brought with him [[KnowNothingKnowItAll the veneer of a very respectable doctor]] [[ThinkOfTheChildren fighting the good fight for the kids]]."''

-->--"The Morality Squad", '''{{GWAR}}'''

->family values: ''An abstract concept that is often made reference to by fundamentalist fuckmuppets as a way to condemn working mothers, gay people, single parents, sex education, and anything else that wasn't on ''Series/LeaveItToBeaver''.''

->''"I will admit that I too am something of an outrage addict...Yes, the world is full of outrageous things—acts of astonishing dishonesty. But outrage, or, I should say, ''other people’s'' outrage is really, really tedious."''

->''"'Think of the children' being a slogan that almost completely forecloses any possibility of actually doing so. 'The children' are in the end a nebulously defined potential utopia severed from the lived experience of any actual people. They are non-existent but ideal citizens, defined by the very fact of their non-participation in sex or politics. When the child becomes an adult - i.e. an actual functioning citizen, they notably lose this aura of protection, rendering the [[{{Hypocrite}} ugly fallacy]] of this rhetoric clear."''

->''"Wertham wasn’t the only anti-comics hysteric, but he was the first to do a whole book out of the subject, and his testimony formed the bulk of the anti-comics portion of the 1953 juvenile delinquency hearings that ended up crippling the industry. Wertham’s testimony, equal parts irate nonsense and also book tour promotional stop for ''Seduction'', which had just come out, got half the mothers in the country terrified of just what comic books were doing to their poor, susceptible ''LeaveItToBeaver'' [[TheFifties 1950s]] kids. His testimony contained no scientific data, was based on no credible research, and willfully misrepresented the content of the comics he was using as examples, but he brought with him the veneer of [[KnowNothingKnowItAll a very respectable doctor]] fighting the good fight for the kids."''

->''"I agree with the minority of Christians who eschew {{Christian rock}} as 'the music of the devil', although not for the same reasons: it is immaterial whether Christian rock substitutes 'Jesus Christ' for 'Peggy Sue', permitting its listeners to associate putatively Christian music with secular music with implied sexual content. It is diabolical...it is a form of idolatry."''

-->--'''''{{XKCD}}'''''

->''"But let’s be clear about the kind of effect the Holy Spirit’s Voice has on us. When He speaks to your heart, you don’t end up feeling beat down, discouraged, and hopelessly flawed...If it feels like someone is shoveling wet cement onto your back and you’re feeling more and more burdened with every word you read, then you’re not hearing from the Holy Spirit. You’re hearing from that nasty old deceiver Satan, or [[DirtyCommunists one of his many sordid friends.]]"''

-->'''[[http://www.gq.com/story/antonin-scalia-supreme-court-gay-marriage Drew Magary]]''', "Scalias Smash!: Our Ragiest Supreme Court Justice"

-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/maturity-is-horseshit-1676956087 Drew Magary]]''', "Maturity is Horseshit"

->''"It’s gross when outside observers jump up on their soapboxes and point out a player’s off-the-field behavior and cry out YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS, like an angry parent demanding a curfew. The football culture is obsessed with maturity. You’ll see that word tossed around on Twitter, and in draft reports, and all over pregame shows. It’s one of those meaningless blanket terms like "distractions" that football people can recycle again and again and again...the big red MATURITY siren goes off somewhere deep in the bowels of [[{{NFL}} league headquarters]], and Roger Goodell whips out [[MeanBoss his emergency suspension letter-writing pen.]]\\\
I hate this. It’s like every football coach and fan out there is [[Series/TheWaltons Papa Walton]] or something. The entire SPORT of football is immature. It’s grown men treating a sport like war, which is the most childish behavior possible. The 55-year-old man running the whole operation [[BornInTheWrongCentury just found out THIS YEAR that wife-beating is, like, A Thing.]] Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder run their teams like deranged 15-year-old fantasy owners. Coaches abandon their families to spend 140 hours a week sitting in the office, staring at game tape. NO ONE HERE IS A FUCKING GROWNUP. It’s a bunch of boys running around [[TheNeidermeyer pretending that they can make men out of all the other boys.]]"''

->They train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write 'fuck' on their airplanes [[SkewedPriorities because it is obscene.]]

->Nearly all a poor bastard's desires are punishable by jail.

->Must be a yearning deep in human heart to stop other people from doing as they please. Rules, laws — [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence always for other fellow]]...always something they hated to see neighbors doing. Stop them 'for their own good' — not because speaker claimed to be harmed by it.

->Freedom of speech is one thing, the word '[[SexIsEvil penis]]' is another.

->You know what, it's okay. If BillOReilly needs to have an enemy, he needs to feel persecuted, you know what, here's my Kwanzaa gift to him...I, Jon Stewart, hate Christmas, Christians, Jews, morality! And I will not rest until every year families gather to spend December 25th together at Osama's Homobortion Pot and Commie Jizzporium!

->The only time your children should be playing "Doctor" is when ''you'' break the other one's arm! If we don't teach our kids that our bodies are filthy, disgustin[='=] and dirty, that women are sin, and that emotions ''can'' be suppressed by cold showers, how in the ''hell'' are they supposed to grow up well-adjusted? Next caller.

->You're like the religious zealots who are ''burdened'' [[SmallNameBigEgo by their sad duty]] of decrying the ''obvious'' [[NostalgiaFilter moral decay of each new generation]]...More harm has been done by people panicked over societal decline than societal decline ever did.

->I will admit that I too am something of an outrage addict...Yes, the world is full of outrageous things—acts of astonishing dishonesty. But outrage, or, I should say, ''other people’s'' outrage is really, really tedious.

->It’s gross when outside observers jump up on their soapboxes and point out a player’s off-the-field behavior and cry out YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS, like an angry parent demanding a curfew. The football culture is obsessed with maturity. You’ll see that word tossed around on Twitter, and in draft reports, and all over pregame shows. It’s one of those meaningless blanket terms like "distractions" that football people can recycle again and again and again...the big red MATURITY siren goes off somewhere deep in the bowels of [[{{NFL}} league headquarters]], and Roger Goodell whips out [[MeanBoss his emergency suspension letter-writing pen.]]\\\
I hate this. It’s like every football coach and fan out there is [[Series/TheWaltons Papa Walton]] or something. The entire SPORT of football is immature. It’s grown men treating a sport like war, which is the most childish behavior possible. The 55-year-old man running the whole operation [[BornInTheWrongCentury just found out THIS YEAR that wife-beating is, like, A Thing.]] Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder run their teams like [[PointyHairedBoss deranged 15-year-old fantasy owners]]. Coaches abandon their families to spend 140 hours a week sitting in the office, staring at game tape. NO ONE HERE IS A FUCKING GROWNUP. It’s a bunch of boys running around pretending that they can make men out of all the other boys.

->Now and then it seems that banning is all they can do. It's all they seem to ''want'' to do. That's the problem with a free nation: you can't [[DelusionsOfGrandeur make yourself significant]] by granting freedoms, so you spend your time looking for freedoms to restrict in the name of a [[UtopiaJustifiesTheMeans greater good]], and there's ''always'' a greater good.

->Now it is hard to keep these groups apart, but any organization with “Family” in their name is guaranteed to be, shall we say, [[ChewbaccaDefense over the top.]]

->'Think of the children' being a slogan that almost completely forecloses any possibility of actually doing so. 'The children' are in the end a nebulously defined potential utopia severed from the lived experience of any actual people. They are non-existent but ideal citizens, defined by the very fact of their non-participation in sex or politics. When the child becomes an adult - i.e. an actual functioning citizen, they notably lose this aura of protection, rendering the ugly fallacy of this rhetoric clear.

->Wertham wasn’t the only anti-comics hysteric, but he was the first to do a whole book out of the subject, and his testimony formed the bulk of the anti-comics portion of the 1953 juvenile delinquency hearings that ended up crippling the industry. Wertham’s testimony, equal parts irate nonsense and also book tour promotional stop for ''Seduction'', which had just come out, got half the mothers in the country terrified of just what comic books were doing to their poor, susceptible ''LeaveItToBeaver'' [[TheFifties 1950s]] kids. His testimony contained no scientific data, was based on no credible research, and willfully misrepresented the content of the comics he was using as examples, but he brought with him the veneer of [[KnowNothingKnowItAll a very respectable doctor]] fighting the good fight for the kids.

->I was approached by several evangelical students who were gravely concerned that I might worship Satan and I'd better attend seminary quick before Beelzebub gets a devil set aside for me. I was even hauled before the principal and warned that I would be expelled for gambling (because of [[AllCrimesAreEqual the funny-shaped dice]]) if I didn't stop bringing [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons my devil books]]...Luckily we're beyond such crackpot theories now. Oh wait, people still think HarryPotter is turning kids into witches. Never mind.

-> If you're watching a TV show, and you decide to take your values from that, you're an idiot. Maybe you should take responsibility for what values your kids are getting. Maybe you shouldn't be letting your kids watch certain shows in the first place if you have such a big problem with them, instead of blaming the shows themselves.\\\

[[TakeThat Yeeeeah]].

->Call me a "killjoy", but I think that because this is not to my taste, [[IResembleThatRemark no one else should be able to enjoy it.]]

->WON'T SOMEBODY '''''PLEASE''''' {{THINK OF THE CHILDREN}}?!!

->Ask yourselves if this is the kind of book you would wish your wife [[ValuesDissonance or servants]] to read.

->There are those who so dislike the nude that they find something indecent in the naked truth.

->Next to enjoying ourselves, the next greatest pleasure consists in [[StopHavingFunGuys preventing others from enjoying themselves]]...There is an element of the busybody in our conception of virtue: unless a man makes himself a nuisance to a great many people, we do not think he can be an exceptionally good man.

->There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as 'moral indignation,' which permits envy or hate to be acted out [[KnightTemplar under the guise of virtue.]]

->It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.

->The lust to standardize and regulate extends to the most trivial minutia of everyday life.

->I like a moral problem so much better than a real problem.

->I agree with the minority of Christians who eschew {{Christian rock}} as 'the music of the devil', although not for the same reasons: it is immaterial whether Christian rock substitutes 'Jesus Christ' for 'Peggy Sue', permitting its listeners to associate putatively Christian music with secular music with implied sexual content. It is diabolical...it is a form of idolatry.

->I don't mind the homosexuality. I understand it. Nevertheless, goddamn, I don't think you glorify it on public television, homosexuality, even more than you glorify whores. We all know we have weaknesses. But, goddammit, what do you think that does to kids? You know what happened to the Greeks? [[HeteronormativeCrusader Homosexuality destroyed them!]] Sure, Aristotle was a homo. We all know that. So was Socrates!

->But let’s be clear about the kind of effect the Holy Spirit’s Voice has on us. When He speaks to your heart, you don’t end up feeling beat down, discouraged, and hopelessly flawed...If it feels like someone is shoveling wet cement onto your back and you’re feeling more and more burdened with every word you read, then you’re not hearing from the Holy Spirit. You’re hearing from that nasty old deceiver Satan, or [[DirtyCommunists one of his many sordid friends.]]