History Quotes / CluelessAesop

->''"Just to make sure we get that Chisolm’s a bad guy, we note that he’s really fat and greasy looking. He quotes [[UsefulNotes/FranklinDRoosevelt FDR]], noting that while [[CardCarryingVillain he mistakenly got us to fighting with the Nazis]], he was still a 'very brilliant man.' (They have Chisolm mispronounce ‘Delano,’ just to make sure that we know he’s a fraud and a doofus.) As Roosevelt was the architect of Big Government as we know it today, I’d have thought that he would be the last guy [[CrazySurvivalist militia types]] would be quoting. But what do I know? ...Let’s put aside that the filmmakers might have feared alienating the presumably large pro-gun segment of [[StevenSeagal Seagal]]'s fanbase (such as it now is). More to the point, most if not all of Seagal’s films revolve around [[TheConspiracy evil plots perpetrated by elements of the U.S. Government]] So he’s hardly in a position to point at others and yell ‘paranoia.’"''

->''"If ''Mazes & Monsters'' is supposed to be a warning to parents about the dangers of role-playing games, it's not a very good one. I mean, [[NotHelpingYourCase it's making a better counter-argument than anything.]] Consider all of the troubled youths in this picture: most raised by unbalanced or broken families ranging between neglectful to oppressive, patronizing to alcoholic and abusive. It's a strong indicator that the true failure here lies (if I may wax Jungian here) with the poisoned home environments and (or am I waxing Freudian?) repressed issues with their parents, be it Jay Jay's inferiority complex, Robbie's guilt over his brother, or Kate's exclusive attachment to male friends as an outlet for her Electra complex brought on by the denial of a strong male influence in her life... What I'm saying-- what ''the movie'' appears to be saying-- is that these kids were messed-up long before they heard of ''Mazes & Monsters''. Hell, if anything, I'd suggest the game brought relatively unlikeable characters like Jay Jay and Robbie into a group where their youth and childhood traumas might have otherwise alienated them. Dare I say the fellowship of their gaming group kept them doing violent acts to themselves or others as evidenced by Jay Jay being saved frοm suicide by the notion of bringing a new dimension to the game and enjoyment to his friends. Don't get me wrong, Robbie is unquestionably Xenu-shit insane, but he's not insane because he played ''Mazes & Monsters''. He plays ''Mazes & Monsters'' and happens to be insane."''

->''The episode's message ends up completely garbled. Intended as a condemnation of homophobia, the episode instead comes off as the story of one woman's [[AcceptableFeminineGoalsAndTraits brave quest for cock]] [[StrawFeminist in the face of lesbian tyranny.]]''

->''Bruce says he's spent his entire life trying to defeat death, but unfortunately, "I can't save you." Then he adds, "And with great power {{comes great responsibility}}. Oh, wait, wrong movie." Alfred, probably feeling the effects of his [[SoapOperaDisease Movie Illness]], lets off a total stream of non sequiters about how there's "no defeat in death" because "victory comes in defending what we know is right while we still live!" (Translation pending.)''
-->--'''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' on ''Film/BatmanAndRobin''

-> When Molly told Nephrite how she felt, [[BeYourself she was being true to herself!]] [[LifeDrain See where that got her?]] Stupid bitch should have kept her mouth shut.

-> So, this episode was about cheating. I don't know how, exactly. I mean, it seemed pretty kosher to me. The pencil was hers, after all. Just, uh, don't cut corners, kids!

-> But it's not. It's ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. ''Twi-fucking-light''! They don't know what they're talking about! You have to know... you don't know what you're talking about! It's like Website/ThatGuyWithTheGlasses dot com, all the people, off to do ''{{Hamlet}}''. Okay, we don't go there. We know we're not good enough. It's like Creator/AdamSandler doing a Holocaust movie. No. He makes dumb movies but he doesn't make dumb mistakes. [...] You're bringing abortion into this!
-->-- '''Creator/DougWalker''' on ''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Breaking Dawn Part 1]]''

-> If your movie has a problem with showing people doing stuff, then maybe you shouldn't make a movie about people doing that stuff. You're just confusing the audience.

->''Bruce says he's spent his entire life trying to defeat death, but unfortunately, "I can't save you." Then he adds, "And with great power comes great responsibility. Oh, wait, wrong movie." Alfred, probably feeling the effects of his Movie Illness, lets off a total stream of non sequiters about how there's "no defeat in death" because "victory comes in defending what we know is right while we still live!" (Translation pending.)''
-->--'''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''' on ''Film/BatmanAndRobin''

->''The J'naii are a genderless androgynous race, which deeply opposes any kind of sexual activity. Now most men would likely be deterred in the face of overwhelming cultural opposition and a confusing genital situation, but Commander William T. Riker isn't most men.\\\
The episode's message ends up completely garbled. Intended as a condemnation of homophobia, the episode instead comes off as the story of one woman's brave quest for cock in the face of lesbian tyranny.''

The episode's message ends up completely garbled. Intended as a condemnation of homophobia, the episode instead comes off as the story of one woman's brave quest for cock in the face of lesbian tyranny.

-> The J'naii are a genderless androgynous race, which deeply opposes any kind of sexual activity. Now most men would likely be deterred in the face of overwhelming cultural opposition and a confusing genital situation, but Commander William T. Riker isn't most men.

-> The episode's message ends up completely garbled. Intended as a condemnation of homophobia, the episode instead comes off as the story of one woman's brave quest for cock in the face of lesbian tyranny.

-->--'''Saiilor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 17 of ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged''

-->-- '''{{Website/Cracked}}''', ''On Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration, Episode 117''

-->-- '''Sailor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 16 of ''SailorMoonAbridged''

-->--'''Saiilor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 17 of ''SailorMoonAbridged''

-> But it's not. It's ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. ''Twi-fucking-light''! They don't know what they're talking about! You have to know... you don't know what you're talking about! It's like ThatGuyWithTheGlasses dot com, all the people, off to do ''{{Hamlet}}''. Okay, we don't go there. We know we're not good enough. It's like Creator/AdamSandler doing a Holocaust movie. No. He makes dumb movies but he doesn't make dumb mistakes. [...] You're bringing abortion into this!
-->-- '''DougWalker''' on ''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Breaking Dawn Part 1]]''

-> '''[[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic Raoul Puke]]:''' Why?! What did he teach him?! There was no meaning to the story. Those little bastards are still making fun of him, so nothing’s changed. Is the moral, "never grow up?" "Always be a momma’s bird?" Bullshit! This is a horrible lesson.

----
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-> But it's not. It's ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. ''Twi-fucking-light''! They don't know what they're talking about! You have to know... you don't know what you're talking about! It's like ThatGuyWithTheGlasses dot com, all the people, off to do ''{{Hamlet}}''. Okay, we don't go there. We know we're not good enough. It's like AdamSandler doing a Holocaust movie. No. He makes dumb movies but he doesn't make dumb mistakes. [...] You're bringing abortion into this!

-> '''[[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic Raoul Puke]]:''' Why?! What did he teach him?! There was no meaning to the story. Those little bastards are still making fun of him, so nothing’s changed. Is the moral, "never grow up?" "Always be a momma’s bird?" Bullshit! This is a horrible lesson.

-> The J'naii are a genderless androgynous race, which deeply opposes any kind of sexual activity. Now most men would likely be deterred in the face of overwhelming cultural opposition and a confusing genital situation, but Commander William T. Riker isn't most men.

-> The episode's message ends up completely garbled. Intended as a condemnation of homophobia, the episode instead comes off as the story of one woman's brave quest for cock in the face of lesbian tyranny.
-->-- '''{{Website/Cracked}}''', ''On Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration, Episode 117''

-->-- '''{{Cracked}}''', ''On Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration, Episode 117''

-->-- '''Doug Walker''' on ''[[Literature/{{Twilight}} Breaking Dawn Part 1]]''

-->-- '''{{Cracked}}''', ''On Series/StarTrekTheNexGeneration, Episode 117''

-->-- '''{{Cracked}}''', ''On StarTrek: The Next Generation, Episode 117''

-> For Lita, finding out Andrew was dating his mom was a huge blow! [[AccidentalInnuendo In fact, life is]] ''[[AccidentalInnuendo full]]'' [[AccidentalInnuendo of blows! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!]]
-->-- '''Sailor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 25 of ''SailorMoonAbridged''

-> For Lita, finding out Andrew was dating his mom was a huge blow! [[DoubleEntendre In fact, life is]] ''[[DoubleEntendre full]]'' [[DoubleEntendre of blows! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!]]

-> For Lita, finding out Andrew was dating his mom was a huge blow! [[DoubleEntendre In fact, life is ''full'' of blows! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!]]

-> For Lita, finding out Andrew was dating his mom was a huge blow! [[Double Entendre In fact, life is ''full'' of blows! Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!]]

==>-- '''Sailor Moon''', giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 25 of ''SailorMoonAbridged''

-->-- '''{{Cracked}}''', ''On StarTrek: The Next Generation, Episode 116''