Quotes: Clueless Aesop

Jack Chick is of course the guy behind Chick Publications. His tracts deal with various aspects of the Christian faith, including the principles of tolerance and love as well as the Catholics' satanist conspiracy to overthrow God's reign on earth (the Jesuits, in particular, created the Qu’ran, were responsible for the Holocaust, communism and the current conspiracy that controls American media)... Life would have been much duller without people like Jack Chick.

The episode's message ends up completely garbled. Intended as a condemnation of homophobia, the episode instead comes off as the story of one woman's brave quest for cock in the face of lesbian tyranny.
Cracked, on Star Trek: The Next Generation's "The Outcast"

It is laudable that TNG is taking on subjects as drug abuse but it doesn’t have the sophistication or the subtlety to handle it with any great sensitivity. You have one race of affluent, arrogant drug dealers and one race of desperate addicts and Picard in the middle reminding them all that both sides are behaving unsuitably... I think the ending is supposed to be hard hitting because Picard left the planet to their fate but its another example of the idiocy and hypocrisy of the Prime Directive. I wonder if Picard would so happily spout his philosophy if he were suffering from agonising withdrawal – it makes me think once again that Gene Roddenberry’s vision (in this case the lesser species suffer so the enlightened ones can feel morally superior) was fundamentally flawed.

Some religions consider knowledge a sin. Again, it’s a very Christian image – the apple in the Garden of Eden. However, it seems weird for a show embracing Buddhist philosophy to condemn the pursuit of scientific knowledge. Indeed, it seems especially hypocritical to suggest that the Third Doctor’s cardinal sin is 'greed for knowledge' and that this merits the character’s death. Every iteration of the character has a thirst for knowledge. That’s why the Doctor stole the TARDIS, and that’s why he would never give it back. If anything, the Third Doctor is less greedy than his other iterations. Even after his exile is lifted and he’s free to return to the cosmos to continue pursuing knowledge, he anchors himself to Earth with the U.N.I.T. family. It feels like Planet of the Spiders almost doesn’t understand the Third Doctor and this era of the show at all. It tries to wrap up the era with a few of the superficial trappings of the last half-decade... If anything, the Third Doctor’s biggest sin is that he didn’t venture out into the universe enough, and it feels like Planet of the Spiders misrepresents that.

Somehow shooting a diamond and consigning Rassilon to death in the hell of the Time War is acceptable, but shooting Rassilon himself is not. Letting the Master walk into the Time War is acceptable, putting a bullet in him is not. Apparently 'how the Master started' has everything to do with projectiles and nothing to do with an actual system of ethics. Wilf's military service renders him noble, but the use of a gun is wrong. There is no substance to this, just a mess of would-be principles masquerading as a moral.
Dr. Phil Sandifer on Doctor Who, "The End of Time"

Orlando Jordan started using an extremely over-the-top bisexual gimmick — a version of which he'd been pitching to WWE before it let him go. This gimmick included such segments as him pouring semen-like liquid on himself, descending from the top of the arena wrapped chiefly in caution tape, and talking dirty to a cardboard cutout of Rob Terry. Jordan (who is actually bisexual) defended the gimmick by saying he hoped it would "help troubled teens." Of course, it had the opposite effect: much like the Rainbow Express in early TNA, Jordan was portrayed as a freak while (announcers) Tenay and Taz both acted completely disgusted with everything he did. After the gimmick was poorly received, he was taken off television before having a short lived comedy tag team with Eric Young...in which he did the usual "gay guy" comedy schtick wrestling fans have come to loathe.

Just to make sure we get that Chisolm’s a bad guy, we note that he’s really fat and greasy looking. He quotes FDR, noting that while he mistakenly got us to fighting with the Nazis, he was still a 'very brilliant man.' (They have Chisolm mispronounce ‘Delano,’ just to make sure that we know he’s a fraud and a doofus.) As Roosevelt was the architect of Big Government as we know it today, I’d have thought that he would be the last guy militia types would be quoting. But what do I know? ... Let’s put aside that the filmmakers might have feared alienating the presumably large pro-gun segment of Seagal's fanbase (such as it now is). More to the point, most if not all of Seagal’s films revolve around evil plots perpetrated by elements of the U.S. Government. So he’s hardly in a position to point at others and yell ‘paranoia.’
Jabootu on Steven Seagal's The Patriot

This movie haaaaaaaaaaaaates the media. Kinda ironic considering what created the Spice Girls in the first place.

If Mazes & Monsters is supposed to be a warning to parents about the dangers of role-playing games, it's not a very good one. I mean, it's making a better counter-argument than anything. Consider all of the troubled youths in this picture: most raised by unbalanced or broken families ranging between neglectful to oppressive, patronizing to alcoholic and abusive. It's a strong indicator that the true failure here lies (if I may wax Jungian here) with the poisoned home environments and (or am I waxing Freudian?) repressed issues with their parents, be it Jay Jay's inferiority complex, Robbie's guilt over his brother, or Kate's exclusive attachment to male friends as an outlet for her Electra complex brought on by the denial of a strong male influence in her life... What I'm saying— what the movie appears to be saying— is that these kids were messed-up long before they heard of Mazes & Monsters. Hell, if anything, I'd suggest the game brought relatively unlikeable characters like Jay Jay and Robbie into a group where their youth and childhood traumas might have otherwise alienated them. Dare I say the fellowship of their gaming group kept them doing violent acts to themselves or others as evidenced by Jay Jay being saved from suicide by the notion of bringing a new dimension to the game and enjoyment to his friends... he's not insane because he played Mazes & Monsters. He plays Mazes & Monsters and happens to be insane.

"When Molly told Nephrite how she felt, she was being true to herself! See where that got her? Stupid bitch should have kept her mouth shut."
Sailor Moon, giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 16 of Sailor Moon Abridged

"So, this episode was about cheating. I don't know how, exactly. I mean, it seemed pretty kosher to me. The pencil was hers, after all. Just, uh, don't cut corners, kids!"
Sailor Moon, giving a "Sailor Says" for episode 17 of Sailor Moon Abridged

"It's Twilight. Twi-fucking-light! They don't know what they're talking about! You have to know you 'don't know what you're talking about!"
Doug Walker on vampires and abortion, Breaking Dawn Part 1

"If your movie has a problem with showing people doing stuff, then maybe you shouldn't make a movie about people doing that stuff. You're just confusing the audience."
Diamanda Hagan on Sting: Moment of Truth

Rex: Good night, little tough guy. Remember my story.
Raoul Puke: Why?! What did he teach him?! There was no meaning to the story. Those little bastards are still making fun of him, so nothing’s changed. Is the moral, "never grow up?" "Always be a momma’s bird?" Bullshit! This is a horrible lesson.

It is interesting to see them try to draw positive messages from what was not inherently a positive strip; at times, it’s bending it a bit. Peppermint Patty gets quoted for “The world is full of beautiful plants and flowers, but I’m just an ugly weed. I’m a poor ugly weed trying to push her way up through the sidewalk of life!” That is linked to the uplifting message “Be Real”. Ah, the negative self image is a virtue!
The AAUGH Blog on the Peanuts book Be Unique

Obviously people were going out to [drum 'n' bass] nights then, just as they are now, but by 2009 it had long since stopped being at the bleeding edge. [The Drum 'N' Bassment is] not completely incongruous as a name for a club, but it does help bolster the argument that Moore’s out of his depth here ... this is where the youth is, where the new stuff’s happening. Don’t be wagging your finger and telling everyone creativity’s dead if the last time you had any idea what was going on in popular music was 1995.