History Quotes / ChewbaccaDefense

->''"Seen above looking like a cast member in the all-Muppets version of a ''Stepford Wives'' remake, Teresa Giudice of ''[[Series/TheRealHousewives The Real Grifters of New Jersey]]'' owes a shit load in restitution and has to pay the $13 million she and her husband Juicy Joe swindled from creditors. Where oh where are they going to get that money from? Teresa can’t try to get a $14 million loan using fake W2s, because every bank has got their number now. A leaked sex tape is out of the question since bestiality porn is still illegal. But don’t worry, Teresa’s got a genius plan. She’s suing her lawyer!''

->''"[='=]Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so [[ChewbaccaDefense he really only half knocked her out.]][='=]''

->''"As a Senator, Cruz came to prominence during the party's efforts to obstruct Obamacare by near-singlehandedly attempting to blow up the world economy. His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from [[DrSeuss Doctor Seuss]] don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from NorthKorea."''

->''"The Ravens could employ a war criminal and they would treat him like a fucking prince just because the rest of the world disapproved. This is a whiny, arrogant franchise that is constantly braying for respect even though they've done exactly nothing to earn it. The rest of the world found this out a few weeks ago, when Ray Rice got off with a two-game suspension...This is what kills me. Here are the Ravens doing the exact wrong thing in handling the Rice matter, and they're just so goddamn PROUD of it. They treat the spinning of Rice's domestic violence charge like an act of supreme, Gandhi-like unselfishness. 'By God, if it's wrong to piss in a bucket and throw it on everyone, I don't want to be right!'"''
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-baltimore-ravens-1627040424 Drew Magary]]''' on the Baltimore Ravens Ray Rice scandal.

->''"I think unhinged wingnuttery can sometimes be viewed almost like [[Giftedlybad musical pieces]]…. certainly the type of music produced by a bunch of kids entering into their first Battle of the Bands without practicing because their '[[SmallNameBigEgo natural talent]]' is going to make them '[[TheyCalledMeMad megastars]]'.\\\

->''"Printed after her divorce from Wrestling/DaveyBoySmith but before The British Bulldog’s death, Diana Hart’s autobiography contains not so much her life story as a non-stop barrage of insane allegations and third-hand stories presented as fact...The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child...The name on the cover says, 'Kirstie McLellan,' but I could swear Diana paid [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Grampa Simpson]] to write her book."''

->''"Printed after her divorce from Wrestling/DaveyBoySmith but before The British Bulldog’s death, Diana Hart’s autobiography contains not so much her life story as a non-stop barrage of insane allegations and third-hand stories presented as fact...The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child."''

-->--''RationalWiki'' on Congressman Ted Cruz (TX)

->''"Printed after her divorce from /Wrestling/DaveyBoySmith but before The British Bulldog’s death, Diana Hart’s autobiography contains not so much her life story as a non-stop barrage of insane allegations and third-hand stories presented as fact...The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child."''

-> ''[If I am a defendant,] I don't want a competent lawyer. I want a lawyer who's going to get me off. I want a lawyer who will invent the Twinkie Defense [...] I would not consider the Twinkie Defense an invention of a competent lawyer [...] but I want a lawyer who's going to win for me.''

->'''Octavia:''' ... that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.
->'''Vinyl:''' Hurray, that means I win by default!
-->--''Fanfic/TheVinylScratchTapes''

->''If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither one is on your side, pound on the table.''

-->-- '''Prinny Commentary''', ''{{Disgaea}}''

->'''Octavia:''' ...that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.

-> ''"If you can't convince them, try to counfound them."''

-->-- '''Billy Flynn''', ''{{Chicago}}''

-> ''"Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em. Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it and the reaction will be passionate. Give 'em the old hocus pocus, bead and feather 'em. How can they see with sequins in their eyes?"''

-->-- ''TheBrakShow!''

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--> '''Prinny Commentary''', ''{{Disgaea}}''

-->--''{{The Brak Show}}!''

-> ''"That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in anyway."''
--> '''Prinny Commentary''', ''{{Disgaea}}''

--> '''Prinny Commentary''', Disgaea