Quotes: Chewbacca Defense

If you can't convince them, try to confound them.
— Spanish proverb

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    fiction 
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus, bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
Billy Flynn, Chicago

If you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
Joey Naylor, Thank You For Smoking

That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in any way.
Prinny Commentary, Disgaea

You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!
Dad, The Brak Show!

If you canít win by reason, go for volume.
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Sure, the prosecution has presented a lot of 'evidence' that my client killed her husband. But, if she were really guilty, wouldn't she not want to get caught? If she didn't want to get caught, why would she leave any evidence? Their own argument defeats itself!

So one day, the meter reader comes by your house — uninvited — and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' mauls the guy up pretty good. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.

Oh no you aren't! Better Call Saul™!

Remember this key phrase: That's not my tiger. Together we'll prove the ancient truth: that the best defense is a good offense. Where'd the tiger come from? The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them. What were you doing buying 80 lbs. of raw meat every week? Ever hear of the Atkin's Diet?

Winning isn't about being the best. It's about being so incredibly bad that no one can ignore you!
Gazpacho, Chowder

Octavia: ... that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.
Vinyl: Hurray, that means I win by default!

    real life 
If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither one is on your side, pound on the table.
Traditional lawyers' joke

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
W.C. Fields

I don't want a competent lawyer. I want a lawyer who's going to get me off. I want a lawyer who will invent the Twinkie Defense... I would not consider the Twinkie Defense an invention of a competent lawyer... but I want a lawyer who's going to win for me.
— Antonin Scalia in United States v. Gonzalez-Lopez

I only saw him once up close, which happened to be when he got a question he didn't like. Was it true that his staff in the 1980 debates had stolen President Carter's briefing book? (They had.) The famously genial grin turned into a rictus of senile fury: I was looking at a cruel and stupid lizard. His reply was that maybe his staff had, and maybe they hadn't, but what about the leak of the Pentagon Papers? Thus, a secret theft of presidential documents was equated with the public disclosure of needful information. This was a man never short of a cheap jibe or the sort of falsehood that would, however laughable, buy him some time.

Itís like writing an article about Apocalypse Now where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see who is dumb enough to keep nodding along.
Amanda Marcotte on Ann Coulter

As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving Green Lantern could totally beat Superman. But less connection to reality...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.
Luke McKinney on Men's Rights Activists, Cracked

Phylicia used a lot of words to say: "This is destroying my residuals. Letís make it go away. The mortgage on my vacation house is due."
Michael K., "Phylicia Rashad Thinks The Bill Cosby Allegations Are Part Of An Orchestrated Takedown"

The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists ó you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child.

To sum it all up, the Rand belief system looks like this:
  1. Facts are facts: things can be absolutely right or absolutely wrong, as determined by reason.
  2. According to my reasoning, I am absolutely right.
  3. Charity is immoral.
  4. Pay for your own fucking schools.
Matt Taibbi, Griftopia

'Yes, he knocked his fianceť out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.'

Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. You're paid to like everyone. You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! Best time at the elevator you'll have all summer!'"
Drew Magary on Baltimore Ravens Vice-President of Public Relations, Kevin Byrne

His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from Dr. Seuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from North Korea.
Rational Wiki on Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)