Quotes / Chewbacca Defense

If you can't convince them, try to confound them.
— Spanish proverb

Film — Live-Action

If you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
Joey Naylor, Thank You for Smoking

Newspaper Comics

If you canít win by reason, go for volume.
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Stand up Comedy

"Your ass better call Johnny Cochrane!" (imitating a concerned public) "But if you call Johnny Cochrane you look guilty!" "Yeah, but you going home! You want to look innocent in jail? Iíd rather look guilty in the mall!"
Chris Rock while discussing a court case involving Kobe Bryant.


Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus, bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
Billy Flynn, Chicago

Video Games

That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in any way.
Prinny Commentary, Disgaea


Sure, the prosecution has presented a lot of 'evidence' that my client killed her husband. But, if she were really guilty, wouldn't she not want to get caught? If she didn't want to get caught, why would she leave any evidence? Their own argument defeats itself!

Web Original

Itís like writing an article about Apocalypse Now where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see who is dumb enough to keep nodding along.
Amanda Marcotte on Ann Coulter

"Iím surprised they didnít say, 'No, Tracy [Morgan]ís limo ran into OUR truck. It ran into OUR truck ten times!' But Iím sure theyíll settle, and then the evil minions of Lucifer who run Walmart will roll-forward prices a little bit, because itís not like that settlement money is going to come out of their year-end bonuses."

As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving Green Lantern could totally beat Superman...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.
Luke McKinney on Men's Rights Activists, Cracked

The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists ó you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child.

'Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.'

Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. You're paid to like everyone. You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! Best time at the elevator you'll have all summer!'"
Drew Magary on Baltimore Ravens Vice-President of Public Relations, Kevin Byrne

Web Video

So one day, the meter reader comes by your house — uninvited — and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' mauls the guy up pretty good. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.

Oh no you aren't! Better Call Saul™!

Remember this key phrase: That's not my tiger. Together we'll prove the ancient truth: that the best defense is a good offense. Where'd the tiger come from? The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them. What were you doing buying 80 lbs. of raw meat every week? Ever hear of the Atkin's Diet?

Western Animation

You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!
Dad, The Brak Show!

Winning isn't about being the best. It's about being so incredibly bad that no one can ignore you!
Gazpacho, Chowder

Real Life

If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither one is on your side, pound on the table.
Traditional lawyers' joke

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
W.C. Fields

I don't want a competent lawyer. I want a lawyer who's going to get me off. I want a lawyer who will invent the Twinkie Defense... I would not consider the Twinkie Defense an invention of a competent lawyer... but I want a lawyer who's going to win for me.
— Antonin Scalia in United States v. Gonzalez-Lopez

I only saw him once up close, which happened to be when he got a question he didn't like. Was it true that his staff in the 1980 debates had stolen President Carter's briefing book? (They had.) The famously genial grin turned into a rictus of senile fury: I was looking at a cruel and stupid lizard. His reply was that maybe his staff had, and maybe they hadn't, but what about the leak of the Pentagon Papers? Thus, a secret theft of presidential documents was equated with the public disclosure of needful information.