Quotes: Chewbacca Defense

If you can't convince them, try to confound them.
— Spanish proverb

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Give 'em the old razzle dazzle, razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give 'em the old hocus pocus, bead and feather 'em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
Billy Flynn, Chicago

If you argue correctly, you're never wrong.
Joey Naylor, Thank You For Smoking

That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in any way.
Prinny Commentary, Disgaea

You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!
Dad, The Brak Show!

If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.
Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

Sure, the prosecution has presented a lot of 'evidence' that my client killed her husband. But, if she were really guilty, wouldn't she not want to get caught? If she didn't want to get caught, why would she leave any evidence? Their own argument defeats itself!

So one day, the meter reader comes by your house — uninvited — and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' mauls the guy up pretty good. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.

Oh no you aren't! Better Call Saul™!

Remember this key phrase: That's not my tiger. Together we'll prove the ancient truth: that the best defense is a good offense. Where'd the tiger come from? The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them. What were you doing buying 80 lbs. of raw meat every week? Ever hear of the Atkin's Diet?

Winning isn't about being the best. It's about being so incredibly bad that no one can ignore you!
Gazpacho, Chowder

Octavia: ... that's so stupid, I don't know how to respond.
Vinyl: Hurray, that means I win by default!

    real life 
If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither one is on your side, pound on the table.
Traditional lawyers' joke

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
W.C. Fields

I don't want a competent lawyer. I want a lawyer who's going to get me off. I want a lawyer who will invent the Twinkie Defense... I would not consider the Twinkie Defense an invention of a competent lawyer... but I want a lawyer who's going to win for me.
— Antonin Scalia in United States v. Gonzalez-Lopez

I only saw him once up close, which happened to be when he got a question he didn't like. Was it true that his staff in the 1980 debates had stolen President Carter's briefing book? (They had.) The famously genial grin turned into a rictus of senile fury: I was looking at a cruel and stupid lizard. His reply was that maybe his staff had, and maybe they hadn't, but what about the leak of the Pentagon Papers? Thus, a secret theft of presidential documents was equated with the public disclosure of needful information. This was a man never short of a cheap jibe or the sort of falsehood that would, however laughable, buy him some time.

It’s like writing an article about Apocalypse Now where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see who is dumb enough to keep nodding along.
Amanda Marcotte on Ann Coulter

As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving Green Lantern could totally beat Superman. But less connection to reality. They'll apply more minute attention to detail than the search for the Higgs boson, and act like their results have more massive effects on reality.

These commenters are Kings of Polysyllabilogic (the art of proving a point with really long words they aren't actually using correctly). They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble. They try to sound like alien energy beings who've never even heard of these hu-man "testicles" but feel an altruistic compulsion to list impossible errors in anything threatening their scrotal sanctity. As if the desire for equal rights was a Star Trek computer malfunction that could be exploded if you convince it of one mistake.

Dr. Keith Ablow is a psychiatrist, author, and media personality, who tends to appear on such intellectually enlightening shows as The Tyra Banks Show and Glenn Beck as an expert on psychoanalysis. He even writes for Fox News’ blog devoted to health matters, where he tends to make claims that go against all evidence when it serves a particular political point, and runs a self-empowerment community based around his book Living the Truth. Though his credentials are fine, his psychiatric analyses of famous individuals or talk-show guests on the basis of thirty-second interviews or news headlines have not been recognized as methodologically sound by any psychiatrist with any integrity...According to Ablow’s professional opinion people have been suffering from the Stockholm Syndrome after 9/11 and therefore elected someone “who has names very similar to two of our archenemies, Osama, well, Obama. And Hussein."
The Encyclopedia of American Loons on Keith Ablow

Another thing that drives Hari is an intense competitiveness, which she attributes to her talent as a high school debater. Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, the goal of a debater is not to find out what is accurate from a scientific standpoint (or any other standpoint, for that matter). It is to defend her position. It is to attack her opponent’s position. It is to win the debate based on rhetoric and carefully selected evidence (not to mention carefully constructed attacks on your opponents evidence). Winning a debate involves marshaling evidence to support a given position, not following the evidence where it leads. Actually, Hari’s love of high school debate and her competitive nature, when coupled with her scientific ignorance, provide a pretty darned good explanation why she is so impervious to correction...And like Jenny McCarthy, Hari thrives on the opposition her crusade provokes. She thrives on victimhood. It’s how she rallies her troops. It’s what she did a a couple of months ago in response to the NPR article mentioned above. She spent a lot more verbiage claiming that her critics were all in the pay of pharmaceutical companies and agribusiness than she did actually trying to refute anything.
Orac on The Food Babe

Yes, a group of evil schemers have been hiding in the shadows and after they released the first accusations decades ago, they patiently waited to let it all out and completely destroy the memory of the TV show that went off the air over 20 years ago. That evil, shifty mastermind the Clabber Girl, who makes Royal Gelatin, was obviously behind it. She’d do anything to ruin the Godfather of Jell-O. Detective La Toya just handed her golden magnifying glass over to Phylicia Rashad, because Phylicia Rashad is a true master sleuth. You must call her Detective Clair from now on.

And Phylicia used a lot of words to say: "This is destroying my residuals. Let’s make it go away. The mortgage on my vacation house is due."
Michael K., "Phylicia Rashad Thinks The Bill Cosby Allegations Are Part Of An Orchestrated Takedown"

A trendsetter in broadcasting, pioneering AM radio, the wonderful debate tactic of cutting off someone who disagrees, spinning the facts like they're in a dryer, and putting party-line politics over his own credibility, including contradictions, denial, and news items.

Printed after her divorce from Davey Boy Smith but before The British Bulldog’s death, Diana Hart’s autobiography contains not so much her life story as a non-stop barrage of insane allegations and third-hand stories presented as fact...The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child...The name on the cover says, 'Kirstie McLellan,' but I could swear Diana paid Grampa Simpson to write her book.

'Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.'

Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. You're paid to like everyone. You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! Best time at the elevator you'll have all summer!'"
Drew Magary on Baltimore Ravens Vice-President of Public Relations, Kevin Byrne

As a Senator, Cruz came to prominence during the party's efforts to obstruct Obamacare by near-singlehandedly attempting to blow up the world economy. His 21-hour filibuster on the matter failed, but was interesting for its wanderings into... well, readings from Dr. Seuss don't often happen in Congress, while Darth Vader impersonations are not unheard of in the Senate. The first time he really made the news, however, was by just asking questions about whether or not the Secretary of Defence was taking money from North Korea.
Rational Wiki on Sen. Ted Cruz (TX)