History Quotes / ChewbaccaDefense

- ->- - '''[[FishPeople Harvey Alibastor]]''', ''VideoGame/{{LISA}}''

->''They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving [[CavemenVsAstronautsDebate Green Lantern could totally beat Superman]]...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.''

->"If you argue correctly, you're ''never'' wrong."

->''Don’t forget, infidelity is what they sent Nelson Mandela to prison for too (and if you don’t know that, you’ve been reading The Man’s history books). The only visitors William X has received are his attorneys, and that’s just what he wants. Not even Camille has visited him there, though he does talk to her on the phone 3-times a day “for a total of about nine minutes”. She’s probably performing phone sex for him by pretending to snore.''
-->--'''''[[https://dlisted.com/2019/02/13/bill-cosby-loves-prison/ DListed]]''''', "Creator/BillCosby compares himself to the likes of Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, and Malcolm X"

->"So one day, the meter reader comes by your house -- uninvited -- and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' [[FluffyTheTerrible mauls the guy up pretty good]]. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.\\\
Oh '''no''' you aren't! Better Call Saul™!\\\
Remember this key phrase: ''That's not my tiger.'' Together we'll prove the ancient truth: that the best defense is a good offense. ''Where'd the tiger come from?'' The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them. ''What were you doing buying 80 lbs. of raw meat every week?'' Ever hear of the Atkin's Diet?"

->"You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!"

->"Winning isn't about being the best. It's about being so incredibly bad that no one can ignore you!"

->"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."

-->-- Antonin Scalia in United States v. Gonzalez-Lopez

->I only saw him once up close, which happened to be when he got a question he didn't like. Was it true that his staff in the 1980 debates had stolen President Carter's briefing book? (They had.) The famously genial grin turned into a rictus of senile fury: I was looking at a cruel and stupid lizard. His reply was that maybe his staff had, and maybe they hadn't, but what about the leak of the Pentagon Papers? Thus, a secret theft of presidential documents was equated with [[{{Dissimile}} the public disclosure of needful information.]]

->"If at times during this trial there was evidence that was confusing to you, it is the fault of the evidence, and not your own faults. ...There was a lot of debate about a lot of things that may or may not have made any sense to you. If they didn't make sense, you are entitled to assume that's because they were nonsense...."

!!StandUpComedy
->"'But if you call Johnny Cochrane, you look guilty!' Yeah, but you ''going home!'' You want to look innocent ''in jail?'' I’d rather look guilty in the mall!"
-->--Creator/ChrisRock on Kobe Bryant

->"'But if you call Johnny Cochrane, you look guilty!'" "Yeah, but you ''going home!'' You want to look innocent ''in jail?'' I’d rather look guilty in the mall!"

->''It’s like writing an article about ''Film/ApocalypseNow'' where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see who is dumb enough]] to keep nodding along.''

->If you can't convince them, try to confound them.

->"The amount of energy needed to refute bullshit is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

[[AC: Fan Works ]]
->Chewbacca Defense Used in Greedo Shooting Trial.

[[AC:Film -- Live-Action]]

->If you argue correctly, you're ''never'' wrong.

[[AC:Newspaper Comics]]

->If you can’t win by reason, go for volume.

[[AC:Stand up Comedy]]

->"Your ass better call Johnny Cochrane!" (imitating a concerned public) "[[OnlyBadGuysCallTheirLawyers But if you call Johnny Cochrane you look guilty!]]" "Yeah, but you going home! You want to look innocent in jail? I’d rather look guilty in the mall!"
-->--Creator/ChrisRock while discussing a court case involving Kobe Bryant.


[[AC:Theatre]]

[[AC:Video Games]]

->That's just a way to shut them up. It's not proving that you're right in any way.

[[AC: Webcomics]]

->Sure, the prosecution has presented a lot of 'evidence' that my client killed her husband. But, if she were really guilty, wouldn't she not want to get caught? If she didn't want to get caught, why would she leave any evidence? Their own argument defeats itself!

[[AC:Web Original]]

->It’s like writing an article about ''Film/ApocalypseNow'' where you routinely reference the dance numbers, just to see [[TheGadfly who is dumb enough]] to keep nodding along.

->''"I’m surprised they didn’t say, 'No, Tracy ''[Morgan]''[=’=]s limo ran into OUR truck. It ran into OUR truck ten times!' But I’m sure they’ll settle, and then the evil minions of Lucifer who run Walmart will roll-forward prices a little bit, because it’s not like that settlement money is going to come out of their year-end bonuses."''
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/09/30/of-course-walmart-blames-tracy-morgan-for-his-crash-injuries/ Michael K.]]'''

->As well as wasting your time, assholes want those specific lists so they can move on to their second front: wasting more of your time. They'll try to disprove your points with all the obsession and specificity of someone proving [[CavemenVsAstronautsDebate Green Lantern could totally beat Superman]]...They write like Vulcans cheating at Scrabble.

->The book, a 200-page collection of implausible family secrets strung together incoherently, sounds as if it were dictated under hypnosis by one of those crooked therapists — you know, the ones who take in a patient with mild stress issues and end up convincing them their parents forced them into satanic rituals as a child.

->'Yes, he knocked his fianceé out, but he's not the kind of guy I think of when I think of people who knock women out, so he really only half knocked her out.'\\\
Who cares what you think? Again, you're the PR guy. [[YesMan You're paid to like everyone.]] You're a Pete Hammond film review in human form. 'Ray Rice is a slambang action thriller! [[DeadBabyComedy Best time at the elevator]] you'll have all summer!'"
-->--'''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-baltimore-ravens-1627040424 Drew Magary]]''' on Baltimore Ravens Vice-President of Public Relations, Kevin Byrne

[[AC:Web Video]]

->So one day, the meter reader comes by your house -- uninvited -- and gets himself a big surprise. 'Fluffy' or 'Princess' [[FluffyTheTerrible mauls the guy up pretty good]]. You're facing 3-to-5 in an orange jumpsuit.\\\

Remember this key phrase: ''That's not my tiger.'' Together we'll prove the ancient truth: that the best defense is a good offense. ''Where'd the tiger come from?'' The zoo! And you can bet we're gonna sue the bars off of them. ''What were you doing buying 80 lbs. of raw meat every week?'' Ever hear of the Atkin's Diet?

[[AC:Western Animation]]

->You are confused, so I am the winner. Ho ho ho!

->Winning isn't about being the best. It's about being so incredibly bad that no one can ignore you!

[[AC:RealLife]]

->If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither is on your side, pound on the table.
-->--'''Traditional lawyers' joke'''

->If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

->I don't want a competent lawyer. I want a lawyer who's going to get me off. I want a lawyer who will invent the Twinkie Defense... I would not consider the Twinkie Defense an invention of a competent lawyer... but I want a lawyer who's going to win for me.

----

->If the evidence is on your side, pound on the evidence. If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If neither one is on your side, pound on the table.

->"If at times during this trial there was evidence that was confusing to you, it is the fault of the evidence, and not your own faults....There was a lot of debate about a lot of things that may or may not have made any sense to you. If they didn't make sense, you are entitled to assume that's because they were nonsense...."

->"Your ass better call Johnny Cochrane!" (imitating a concerned public) "[[OnlyBadGuysCallThierLawyers But if you call Johnny Cochrane you look guilty!]]" "Yeah, but you going home! You want to look innocent in jail? I’d rather look guilty in the mall!"

->Chris Rock while discussing a court case involving Kobe Bryant:
"Your ass better call Johnny Cochrane!"
(imitating a concerned public)"But if you call Johnny Cochrane you look guilty!"
"Yeah, but you go home!"

-->-- '''Gazpacho''', ''{{Chowder}}''