History Main / HonorableMarriageProposal

In some societies, a [[AlwaysFemale woman's]] sexual reputation is a very important thing. As she is [[NatureAdoresAVirgin expected to be a virgin]] on her wedding night, having sex before marriage (especially with a man other than the one she marries) is just about the most scandalous thing she can do. Not only will she have to suffer the disapproval of those around her, but it will [[DefiledForever seriously lower her chance of getting an offer of marriage in the future.]] In settings where women are economically dependent on their husbands and may not be educated, this could all but condemn her to a life as a beggar or [[TheOldestProfession a prostitute]]. She might even be at risk of being [[HonorRelatedAbuse harmed or killed by her family or society]]. If she already has a fiancé, he would be considered [[MyGirlIsNotASlut justified in breaking off the engagement.]] The stigma is so bad that if a woman is [[MaliciousSlander even suspected]] of having had sex with a man, due to being alone with him for an extended length of time--typically overnight (there is no such thing as InnocentCohabitation in the mind of society)--she will still have to suffer the consequences. The only thing that can avert this is for her to get married as quickly as possible.

A woman may also try the same tactic in order to force or encourage a proposal from a reluctant man. The phrase "make an honest woman of me" may come into this discussion.

Subtropes: ShotgunWedding (where the proposal is coerced), GiveTheBabyAFather (where the woman is pregnant or has a child when the proposal takes place).

* toyed with and ultimately played straight in the ''Sebastian St Cyr'' mystery novels by CS Harris, set during the Regency period. In the fifth book, St Cyr and his [[BelligerentSexualTension acquaintance]] Hero Jarvis are trapped together in a crypt. With every expectation that they will die of starvation or lack of air, they have sex in an act of defiance of their fate. By a downright-miraculous chance they are discovered and released. As soon as their rescuer leaves, Sebastian [[InvokedTrope invokes this]], saying "I am prepared to do the honorable thing." Hero, who is an ahead-of-her-time feminist and determined never to marry, is horrified at the idea and flees. In book six, Hero discovers she's pregnant: rather than take Sebastian up on his offer, she arranges to have the baby in secret and give it up for adoption. But the friend is charge of the arrangements is murdered, and Sebastian called in to solve it, which leads him to discover the pregnancy. At the end of book six, Hero and Sebastian end up marrying after all; to their mutual astonishment (though [[EveryoneCanSeeIt not the readers]]) they're actually extremely well matched and their marriage swiftly [[MarriageBeforeRomance becomes a real one]].

* At the beginning of ''Literature/{{Pachinko}}'', teenaged Sunja got pregnant by an older, married man who won't marry her in Korea because his Japanese father-in-law (also his business mentor) was a powerful Yakuza. Sunja was going to have trouble finding a man to marry her anyway since her father had a cleft palate and most families didn’t want it in the bloodline, being a non-virgin pregnant with another man's baby just added to her complications. When a young minister named Isak staying at their boarding house heard Sunja's predicament from her mother, he decided to ask Sunja to marry him and be the baby’s father. Isak had tuberculosis and didn't expect to be long for the world and didn’t know if he'd ever get another chance to get married or have a kid. Being a NiceGuy, he also just saw it as the right thing to do.

* ''Series/{{Bones}}'' has Wendell tell Angela he’ll marry her when she thinks she’s pregnant but it’s a false positive and she’s more moved by Hodgins’ words anyway and they’re soon back together.
* ''Series/{{CSINY}}'': Danny asks Lindsay to marry him when she’s pregnant with Lucy but it gets {{Zigzagged}} when she refuses and the actual wedding happens several episodes later.

* In Literature/Mabinogion, Math fab Mathonwy discovers that his virgin servant, Goewin, was raped by his nephew Gilfaethwy, who was helped by his brother, Gwydion. He married her to save her honor and punished his nephews by turning them into animals for three years.

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* In ''The Breaking of Northwall,'' Jestak's primary motivation for most of the novel was rescuing Tia from slavery. Meanwhile, while a slave, Tia was raped at least once by the guards, and faces DefiledForever as a result. After everyone escapes, the elders agree to ignore the time while Tia was enslaved, but ask Jestak to marry her since the two were together (and unchaperoned) for a few nights during the escape. This misses ShotgunWedding because both Jestak and Tia are eager to wed.

* In the beginning of ''Literature/{{Pachinko}}'', teenaged Sunja got pregnant by an older, married man who won’t marry her in Korea because his Japanese father-in-law (also his business mentor) was a powerful Yakuza. Sunja was going to have trouble finding a man to marry her anyway since her father had a cleft palate and most families didn’t want it in the bloodline, being a non-virgin pregnant with another man’s baby just added to her complications. When a young minister named Isak staying at their boarding house heard Sunja’s predicament from her mother, he decided to ask Sunja to marry him and be the baby’s father. Isak had tuberculosis and didn’t expect to be long for the world and didn’t know if he’d ever get another chance to get married or have a kid. Being a NiceGuy, he also just saw it as the right thing to do.

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* In Literature/TheBible, the young girl Miriam (Mary) is visited by an angel and told to rejoice, as she is now pregnant. Her fiancé Joseph accepts her anyway and marries her so that no shame falls on her. He then brings up her firstborn child as his own. (Zigzagged a bit because they were already engaged at the time, but Joseph mentally re-committed to marry her in order to save her reputation.)
** Joseph almost gave her an honorable divorce proposal. Under Jewish law, he had two choices when he found Mary was pregnant--publicly divorce her and have her stoned (which was the penalty for adultery), or quietly give her a certificate of divorce and send her on her way (which would still leave her an unwed mother with a bad reputation, but was the more merciful of the two options). Before he could do this, an angel came and told him not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife--that she had not been unfaithful: she had become pregnant by the Holy Spirit. To outsiders, this was probably viewed as an HonorableMarriageProposal, because the real reason was understandably difficult to understand at best and thought as bunk at worst.
* In Myth/CelticMythology, Math fab Mathonwy discovers that his virgin servant, Goewin, was raped by his nephew Gilfaethwy, who was helped by his brother, Gwydion. He married her to save her honor and punished his nephews by turning them into animals for three years.

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* In one episode of ''Series/WelcomeBackKotter,'' Arnold proposes to Charlene, who is trying to guilt-trip the macho boys in the class with a pregnancy scare (which she made up whole-cloth). It earns him a second date when she drops the charade.

* In one episode of ''Series/WelcomeBackCotter,'' Arnold proposes to Charlene, who is trying to guilt-trip the macho boys in the class with a pregnancy scare (which she made up whole-cloth). It earns him a second date when she drops the charade.

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* In Myth/CelticMythology, Math fab Mathonwy discovers that his virgin servant, Goewin, was raped by his nephew Gilfaethwy, who was helped by his brother, Gwydion. He married her to save his honor and punished his nephews by turning them into animals for three years.

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* Memorably inverted and parodied twice in ''WebComic/{{Axis Powers Hetalia}}''
** When Italy hugs Japan (and in the comic, kisses him on the cheek), Japan is so shocked that he immediately demands for Italy to marry him as compensation.
** A flashback to Japan's days as a HikikoMori shows Japan's dog, Pochi, ''demanding exactly the same'' from the Netherland's pet bunny after the other licks him on the cheek.

* In "Film/SailorOfTheKing" Richard Saville offers one of these to Lucinda and is firmly turned down.

** Happens twice in ''Devil's Cub.'' First Vidal insists he must marry Mary to make up for compromising her reputation by taking her to France with him. Then Mr. Comyn, who happens to meet them in France, offers her a way out of that dilemma by offering to marry her himself.

* In ''Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire,'' Robb Stark marries Jeyne Westerling after sleeping with her, putting her honor ([[DefiledForever of a girl deflowered before marriage]]) above his own ([[ArrangedMarriage he promised to marry another]]). It's clearly also HonorBeforeReason and Robb pays for it with [[spoiler:being murdered by the family whose daughter he'd promised to wed]].

* In the first book of ''Literature/TheYoungAncients'' Tor offers to marry his best friend's fiancee after she becomes pregnant with another man's child. Despite a generally sexually libertine culture (she would be expected to have several politically strategic lovers on the side in any case) her fiancee Rolph is a crown prince, so it's widely understood the first child must be his. The offer is much appreciated, and does a lot to smooth things over, but ultimately the king and queen decide to marry her off to an entirely fictitious minor noble who will suffer a tragic accident after five years, leaving the widow a small estate and the ability to remarry without shame.

* In Literature/TheBible, the young girl Miriam (Mary) is visited by an angel and told to rejoice, as she is now pregnant. Her fiance Joseph accepts her anyway and marries her so that no shame falls on her. He then brings up her firstborn child as his own. (Zigzagged a bit because they were already engaged at the time, but Joseph mentally re-committed to marry her in order to save her reputation.)

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* In ''Disney/LadyAndTheTramp'', after learning that Lady has been out with [[ReallyGetsAround Tramp]], Jock and Trustee try to gently persuade her to take one of them, as [[MayDecemberRomance even though they're older]], they're still in the prime of life (no mention is made of what anyone would say when [[ChocolateBaby "their" puppies don't resemble them]], as GenderEqualsBreed is in full force for Lady's litter). They're angry when she turns them down, as they're afraid Tramp would ruin her reputation.

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* Gender-Inverted in ''Literature/ABrothersPrice''; [[spoiler: Cira, who has been rescuing Jerin from kidnappers]] reassures Jerin that she is willing to marry him to protect his reputation. He doesn't believe her, as she would never be able to pay the brother's price for him all by herself. (Monogamy is unheard of in the setting, sisters share a husband.) [[spoiler:Since she's the missing Princess Halley, she's already one of his wives, so it's not a ''real'' issue, but he doesn't know that.]]

Men in these societies are, of course, aware of the negative consequences as well. So a man who sees a woman at risk of getting a bad reputation may decide to help her out by offering to marry her, whether or not he was the one who initially caused her reputation to be in jeopardy. He may have other motivations for making the offer, of course--from being in love with her to needing a wife in a hurry for reasons of his own--but saving her reputation is the main impetus for the proposal.

* On ''Series/MadMen'', Bob Benton offers to marry Joan Harris in part because her unmarried status means that she is getting less respect at work, despite being one of the senior partners, and in part so that she can avoid the stigma of being a single mother. (He also wants to avoid questions about his sexuality.) She turns him down, not wanting to get stuck in another unhappy marriage.

* In the {{Bible}}, the young girl Miriam (Mary) is visited by an angel and told to rejoice, as she is now pregnant. Her fiance Joseph accepts her anyway and marries her so that no shame falls on her. He then brings up her firstborn child as his own. (Zigzagged a bit because they were already engaged at the time, but Joseph mentally re-committed to marry her in order to save her reputation.)

Note that thanks to the good old DoubleStandard, men typically [[AManIsNotAVirgin do not suffer the same stigma]] if suspected of having sex before marriage. Therefore, the proposer is basically AlwaysMale, while the proposee is basically AlwaysFemale.

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* In ''Disney/LadyAndTheTramp,'' after Tramp spends the night alone with Lady, Jock and Trusty discuss proposing to her to protect her honor. (Possibly also a case of GiveTheBabyAFather, since Lady and Tramp have puppies at the end of the movie.)

* A variation in ''Literature/EvilUnderTheSun'': Kenneth Marshall, described as "one of those incurably chivalrous men", is said to have serially rescued two women from infamy by marrying them. A variation in that the reason for the women's ignominy was something other than sex.