History Funny / TheWitcher2AssassinsOfKings

* "Bow low elf. You stand before a head crowned." *Camera pan down to Demavend's severed head on a stump*

Geralt rolled one more time, this time to the right, down the alley. He paused and cast the Quen sign upon himself, surrounding his armor with a glowing, magical shield. He then rolled back toward his foes, accidentally rolling straight into a swinging sword. In the blink of an eye, he rolled away from them again, then rolled twice more. He rolled into a merchant’s cart, then rolled away from it. Then he stood up and cast another Quen sign upon himself.''
* If you take Triss to pluck a Rose of Remembrance, she expresses breathless admiration for the beauty of the garden and the statue at its center, both rare and precious relics of the glory days of the Elves. Then three loutish humans turn up and start discussing how they're going to chop the statue to pieces to drag it back to town. Whomever rendered the look of [[YouMonster absolute outraged horror]] on Triss' face deserves some kind of award.

** Another one from Vergen, when Philippa gives Saskia the antidote to the poison, finishing with a kiss through a Rose of Remembrance petal, we hear the town Elder, Cecil, say "Now that's my favorite kind of magic - [[GirlOnGirlIsHot lesbomancy]]!" (It's made HarsherInHindsight after we learn that the purpose of said kiss was to magically brainwash her, but still.)

** Another one from Vergen, when Philippa gives Saskia the antidote to the poison, finishing with a kiss through a Rose of Remembrance petal, we hear the town Elder, Cecil, say "Now that's my favorite kind of magic - [[GirlOnGirlIsHot lesbomancy]]!" (It's made HarsherInHindsight after we learn that the purpose of said kiss was MoreThanMindControl brainwashing, but still.)

** Another one from Vergen, when Philippa gives Saskia the antidote to the poison, finishing with a kiss through a Rose of Remembrance petal, we hear the town Elder, Cecil, say "Now that's my favorite kind of magic - [[GirlOnGirlIsHot lesbomancy]]!" (It's made HarsherOnHindsight after we learn that the purpose of said kiss was MoreThanMindControl brainwashing, but still.)

** Another one from Vergen, when Philippa gives Saskia the antidote to the poison, finishing with a kiss through a Rose of Remembrance petal, we hear the town Elder, Cecil, say "Now that's my favorite kind of magic - [[GirlOnGirlIsHot lesbomancy]]!"

** At the start of said quest, there's a ContinuityNod to a noonwraith in the first game before Dandelion pleads that Geralt not involve him in "another [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal messy monster matter]]". Once Geralt explains that it's a [[HornyDevils succubus]], [[AManIsAlwaysEager however]]...

* While in Vergen (on Iorveth's path), you have to play dice against a dwarf to win a quest-related item. After winning twice (gaining a sword and the quest-item), we get this exchange [[https://youtu.be/DeEQF7XNO2g?t=2m9s when Geralt asks how Skalen even came across those items to begin with]].

Geralt rolled one more time, this time to the right, down the alley. He paused and cast the Quen sign upon himself, surrounding his armor with a glowing, magical shield. He then rolled back toward his foes, accidentally rolling straight into a swinging sword. In the blink of an eye, he rolled away from them again, then rolled twice more. He rolled into a merchant’s cart, then rolled away from it. Then he stood up and cast another Quen sign upon himself.''

* One in the beginning of chapter II (Iorveth's path) and related to the main plot, the sorceress Phillipa needs an artifact with an ungodly amount of power. She suggested one of the legendary Twenty Rings of Power, leading to Iorveth snidely quoting from the famous ring verse "[[LordOfTheRings one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.]]" Then Geralt envisions himself running barefoot up a volcano.

* Roche gets a small one that doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome near the end of Chapter II on his path. As he and Geralt charge through Vergen, killing every Kaedweni soldier in sight, he runs across a bridge... which falls out under him. Roche curses as he tumbles, rolls as he hits the ground, and without missing a beat, takes a Kaedweni soldier down with a tripartite set of punches and kicks as he gets up.

-->''(Geralt and company are being harassed by a giant dragon)''
-->'''Roche:''' Is it true you Witchers don't hunt dragons?
-->'''Geralt:''' [[{{Catchphrase}} Mhm]].
-->'''Roche:''' This one doesn't seem to know that.
-->'''Geralt:''' You want me to go over and tell him?

-->'''Triss:''' I can burp the Nilfgaardian emperor's title without reaching for beer and I've discovered that Shorty's [[NonIndicativeName name has nothing to do with]] [[TeenyWeenie his manhood]].

-->'''Ves:''' Geralt, do something!
-->'''Geralt:''' ''(sighs)'' I'll try. ''Vernon''. Leave them alone, they're not worth it.
-->'''Vernon:''' [[LameComeback You don't know shit!]]

-->'''Geralt:''' My doppelganger was in Vizima. [[BlatantLies I have three of them.]]

-->'''Golem:''' [[PrecisionFStrike Bullshit.]] STOP THE INTRUDERS!

* In Chapter II of Roche's path, if you opt to get information out of the Visionary by 'converting' to his religion. To do so, you have to imbibe a potion of his own make in front of a shrine and have a special vision. Said [[MushroomSamba vision]] involves [[FreudWasRight giant phallic 'mushrooms']] appearing in the forest, alongside an enormous chicken. Made all the more side-splitting in that reporting this back to the Visionary is ''exactly'' what he wanted to hear!

* The fantastic inversion of Geralt's ultimatum from the launch trailer, left some fans choking with laughter.

* The fantastic inversion of Geralt's ultimatum from the launch trailer. This Troper was choking with laughter.

* What about the party with the Blue Stripes themselves? "TO PARADISE! ON WHORE'S ARSES!"

* What about the party with the Blue Stripes themselves? TO PARADISE! ON WHORE'S ARSES!

* The fantastic inversion of the Main page's image quote. This Troper was choking with laughter.

-->'''Vernon Roche:''' Nasty... [[SarcasmMode And after all we've been through together.]]
-->'''Geralt of Rivia:''' Opposite sides of the barricade then, same sides of the table now.

** Especially if you ask Triss for help - when Geralt says she can stop laughing about it, she gasps between bouts of laughter: [[NeverLiveItDown "No, I can't!"]]

* Once Roche and Iorveth first meet in the forests on Flotsam, Iorveth [[BaddieFlattery greets Roche with a long-winded, scornful speech in which he lists several of Roche's accomplishments, titles]] and says how he has spent the past few years setting up traps and devising plans [[WorthyOpponent as he eagerly awaited for the day when the Special Forces Commander would wander into his forest]]. Unimpressed, Roche bluntly responds with --

-->'''Geralt:''' ''(moments later, truly astonished)'' I don't believe it! [[TooDumbToLive That fucking idiot actually went in!]]

-->'''Dandelion''': Are you crazy? Do you want to see a hoofed hag ride me to death? ''({{Beat}})'' On the other hand, [[OutWithABang we all have to die of something.]]