History Funny / TheHeroesOfOlympus

-->'''Percy:''' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar "Schist!"]]

-->'''Leo:''' WHAT’S UP, ENCHILADAS? NICE DAGGER IN YOUR FOREHEAD.

--> Jason imagined trying to get food at a restaurant. ''I'll have a cheeseburger and - Ahhh! My friend's on fire! Get me a bucket!

--> '''Leo:''' His name is ''Boreas''? What is he, the God of Boring?

* Happy the dragon.

* Leo, Jason and Piper are at Aeolus, trying to convince him to help free Hera. He's checking the situation with Zeus (via a device like a wireless earphone). The answer is something like, "yeah sure go ahead but uhm... I have a party scheduled next week so can you tell them to rescue her ''after'' that?" Cue a yell from Aeolus, because Aphrodite is yelling Zeus' head off on the other side saying the solstice is in a couple of days, and ''[[OOCIsSeriousBusiness Hephaestus actually agrees with her]]';.

* Leo, Jason and Piper are at Aeolus, trying to convince him to help free Hera. He's checking the situation with Zeus (via a device like a wireless earphone). The answer is something like, "yeah sure go ahead but uhm... I have a party scheduled next week so can you tell them to rescue her ''after'' that?" Cue a yell from Aeolus, because Aphrodite is yelling Zeus' head off on the other side saying the solstice is in a couple of days, and [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness ''Hephaestus actually agrees with her'']].

--> '''Aphrodite:''' That painter Botticelli had quite an imagination. I never stood on a seashell, thank you very much.

* As in the [[PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians first series]], half the things Tyson is involved in.

* Frank and Hazel both know French and try to talk to each other in that language. They unfortunately find out that a) neither of them was too good in school, apparently, and b) Canadian French and Hazel's New Orleans French have two entirely different meanings.

* Percy's [[LessEmbarrassingTerm masculine accessory bag]]

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'''As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked [[Administrivia/SpoilersOff as per policy.]] Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''

* One of the Hephaestus cabin members tried to create a mosquito killing centaur robot, but it goes haywire, shooting arrows everywhere whilst screaming, "Die mosquito! Die mosquito!"

* "Percy was tired of water. If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of P oseidon's Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn't care."

* Leo hacking Coach Hedge's megaphone to make him sound like [[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader]] and say "The cow says moo!" at random moments

* Frank and Hazel both know French and try to talk to each other in that language. They unfortunately find out that Canadian French and Hazel's New Orleans French have two entirely different meanings.

* Finding out that Amazon.com is run by Amazons

** Another show of friendly rivalry, after what happens in Kansas, Jason tries to apologize for almost killing Percy... only for Percy to counter that he could just as easily have killed Jason, which leads to this exchange

--> '''Annabeth:''' Boys, I'm sure you both would've been wonderful at kiling each other. But right now you need some rest.

-->'''Leo:''' Just curious how much I'm going for these days. I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe ... but am I worth, like, [[StealthInsult two Franks or three Franks]]?

* [[ItMakesSenseInContext "Oh, no. I am turning into a crazy dolphin]]."

* '' We've arrived. Time to Split.''

* Jason wondering malts were invented in Malta.

** While trying to find the goddess Nike/Victoria

** Made even funnier when Nike/Victoria does show up:

* Victory taking a victory lap

* After Nico got his clothes shredded by werewolves, he ends up spending a lot of his story wearing a [[HawaiianShirtedTourist tropical patterned shirt covered in parrots and palm trees]].

-->[[CapsLock THAT'S YOUR REQUEST? SERIOUSLY? (answers Leo's question) (WRECK VENGEANCE UPON GAIA, LEO VALDEZ.)

* Mellie describing her new job:

* Coach Hedge calling the Hosue of the Faun the "House of the ''Satyr''" since he was on guard duty

--> WHO DIED? WHO CAME BACK? WHO'S YOUR FREAKIN' SUPERSIZED {{McSHIZZLE}} NOW, BABY?!

* [[spoiler: Khione]] offering Leo to turn his back on his friends and be her champion. Leo refuses the offer and yells, "I can't believe I thought you were hot!"
* Jason waking up after seeing [[spoiler: Hera's true form]]:

* Mellie describing her [[spoiler: new]] job:
--> '''Mellie''': I love this job. It's - um - a breeze.

* [[spoiler:Mars']] prophecy:

--> [[spoiler:'''Mars:''']] Yes. Is that not clear?

--> [[spoiler:'''Mars (casually pulling out a grenade):''']] Yes?

--> [[spoiler:'''Mars:''']] Good answer.

-->'''Grain spirit''': Wheat! I'll give you wheat!

* Anything to do with schist. For instance, Percy's reaction to accidentally finding [[spoiler: Polybotes leading the invasion army south toward New Rome]].
-->'''Percy''': [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar "Schist!"]]

--> '''Polybotes''': I am Polybotes! Kneel before me so I may destroy you quickly.

-->'''Frank''': I've got ... um ... amazing powers - and stuff.

--->'''Whale''': [[TakeThat Promise not to feed me this, and I will take you north.]]

* [[spoiler: Frank bashing Alcyoneus repeatedly on the nose with his shield to keep him unconscious while they drag him out of Alaska.]]

---> '''Tyson''': Bad pony-men! BOO!
---> '''Tyson''': General Tyson says [[SuddenlyShouting GO AWAY]]!

---> '''Ella''': The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive.

---> '''Ella''': Good. Yes. [[GroinAttack Tyson found its groin]].

* During the chaos of some very angry Romans due to a [[spoiler: possessed Leo calmly firing at New Rome from the ''Argo II'']] many fauns took advantage of this and ran off with whatever food they could carry.

** While it's funny out-of-context, it's even better in context. [[spoiler: Percy manages to improvise a plan to scare Chrysaor and his dolphin-men soldiers off the ''Argo II''. This plan involves convincing the dolphin-men that Dionysus is the captain of this boat, since he's the god that turned them into dolphin-men in the first place. Piper and Hazel fake having suddenly gone insane, and Percy hints to Frank that he should pretend to go crazy too, while transforming into a dolphin to really convince them. Unfortunately, Frank doesn't quite catch on to the plan immediately.]]

* "Piper didn't plan to shoot blueberry muffins. The cornucopia must have sensed her distress and thought she and her visitors could use some warm baked goods." [[spoiler: Cal and Zethes]] react by catching one muffin each to eat.

* Piper [[DeadpanSnarker snarking]] at [[spoiler:Khione]]:
--> [[spoiler:'''Khione:''']] Jason will ''[[{{Pun}} grace]]'' my throne room.

* [[spoiler: Cal and Zethes]] finding [[BrickJoke Hera's "D-list goddess" insult from ''The Lost Hero'']] ActuallyPrettyFunny
* When Leo is [[spoiler:in Ogygia, Calypso's island]]:
** The first time Leo meets [[spoiler: Calypso]] she seems highly offended as she looks at Leo murderously when he says that she's named after "Caribbean music".
** The clothes [[spoiler:Calypso]] made for Leo fitted so well, Leo thinks she just used her generic pattern for SCRAWNY MALE.
** ''[[spoiler:Calypso]] obviously didn't want to see him. One time he poked his head inside the cave and she freaked out, yelling and throwing pots at his head. [softreturn] Yeah, she was ''definitely'' on Team Leo.''
** Both Leo and [[spoiler: Calypso]] trying, ''and failing'', to convince themselves that they are not falling in love with each other.
-->''It occurred to him that there is nothing hotter than a girl who was willing to get her hands dirty. Though that was just a general observation and did not apply to [[spoiler: Calypso]]. Obviously.''
-->''[[spoiler: [Calypso]]] was wearing red today - Leo's favorite color. That was irrelevant. She looked really good in red. Also irrelevant.''

* As Percy faces off against [[spoiler:Akhys and has found out that he can't touch her due to the Death Mist, he hopes she can't touch him in turn.]] This leads to an unexpected (but hilarious) bit of 1337 lingo:

* "[Annabeth] has been at Camp Half-Blood since she was seven. Probably she'd classes Percy never got, like [[spoiler: How to Fight While Partially Made of Smoke]]."
* [[spoiler:Annabeth and Percy are up against Nyx, the primordial goddess of Night, who is forty-feet tall, [[CastingAShadow made of darkness]], and is in a flying chariot pulled by [[CoolHorse vampire shadow horses]]. What do they do? ''Pretend to be disgruntled tourists traveling Tartarus and distract her long enough to jump into her Mansion of Night.'' All in some of the funniest chapters in the book.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Nyx:''' You — miserable — tourists! How dare you not whimper and beg for my autograph and a picture for your scrapbook!]]
* [[spoiler: Annabeth]] writing [[spoiler: her]] own obituary:
-->[[spoiler: Annabeth Chase]], died aged 17. Died of massive injuries while leaping like an idiot into the [[spoiler: abyss of Chaos]] and splattering on the [[spoiler: entry hall floor of Nyx's mansion]]. Survived by [[spoiler: her father, stepmother, and two stepbrothers who barely knew her]]. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to Camp Half-Blood, assuming Gaea hasn't already destroyed it.

* Coach Hedge retelling the story of how Piper [[spoiler: reactivated Festus and defeated Khione and the Boreads]], but in his version, Piper was a kung fu assassin defeating [[spoiler: Khione]] with a roundhouse kick and there were a lot more [[spoiler: Boreads]].

* Small Bob's name changing to [[spoiler:No-Longer-Small Bob]] in the narration when [[spoiler: he grows into a full-size tiger]]
* Leo's reaction to one of [[spoiler:Clytius']] boasting speeches:

* "It felt a little weird, helping Hazel make a portrait of [[spoiler:Calypso]] - as it he were talking to a police artist: ''Yes officer, that's the girl who stole my heart!'' Sounded like a freaking country song."

--> '''Percy''': [[ItMakesSenseInContext I might kill my bro, Jason.]]
--> '''Jason''': And I might kill my bro, Percy.

-->'''Leo''': [booming over the Argo II's PA system] SURRENDER! YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ONE SPANKING HOT WAR MACHINE!
-->'''Enceladus''': [howling in outrage due to remembering the last time they fought] Valdez!
-->'''Leo''': WHAT’S UP, ENCHILADAS? NICE DAGGER IN YOUR FOREHEAD.
* Nico and [[spoiler:Will Solace]]'s BelligerentSexualTension, starting with them arguing while Nico [[BlatantLies completely coincidentally]] remembers meeting [[spoiler:Will's dad,]] Apollo:

* The fate of Thoon, the giant made to slain the Moirai. [[spoiler: The last times he's seen, the Moirai are beating him to death. In the form of three old ladies. Let's remember that, while smaller than his brothers, Thoon is still a ''giant''.]]

* There is honestly something humorous [[spoiler: how Octavian met his demise; he tried to attack the Greeks, but it just sent him flying overhead screaming while no one is paying attention to him. Also, the revived Leo has no idea about the missile screaming like a little girl.]]
* [[spoiler: Leo is alive and flying on Festus to Ogygia and whooping with glee to be alive.]]

* Speaking of Nico, after getting his clothes shredded by werewolves, he ends up spending a lot of his story wearing a [[HawaiianShirtedTourist tropical patterned shirt covered in parrots and palm trees.]]

* Annabeth's response to Piper's unflinching decision to [[ViolationOfCommonSense leap down a randomly-timed fire geyser tunnel, even if it was the only way down there.]]
-->"Piper, that was without a doubt the ''dumbest'' thing I've seen anyone do, ''and I'' '''date''' ''a dumb risk-taker!''"
* "Do ''not'' call me ''Aquaman''. That's worse than ''Water Boy''."
* Really, this book takes the opportunity to have characters who haven't interacted enough have moments together, Like Percy/Leo, Percy/Jason, Piper/Annabeth, Piper/Frank, and Reyna/Nico/Hedge. Though this gives us a lot of SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments, it also creates a lot of potential for snark.
--> '''Jason''': Atlantis?
--> '''Percy''': That's a myth.
--> '''Jason''': Uh...don't we deal in myths?
--> '''Percy''': No, I mean it's a MADE-UP myth. Not like, an actual true myth.
--> '''Jason''': So this is why Annabeth is the brains of the operation, huh?
--> '''Percy''': Shut up, Grace.
* Leo calling Frank, Hazel, Percy and himself "the ultimate non-competitive dream team" and Annabeth and Frank exchanging "war-godly looks" right after.
** Percy being the worst runner of the bunch when Nike's underlings chase them, and nearly collapsing afterwards with almost no breath in his lungs. Think back to Lightning Thief where Percy was out-runned by ''trees'' (tree nymphs to be more precise).
* Will Solace was a very secondary character until the last part of the book and, as a son of Apollo, was assumed to have the usual talents. When he gets a little more limelight and joins the action, it turns out his single "musical talent" is ''ultrasonic whistling''. Which he ''weaponizes''.

* [[spoiler: Leo is alive and flying on Festus to Ogygia and whooping with glee to be alive.]]
--> WHO DIED? WHO CAME BACK? WHO'S YOUR FREAKIN' SUPERSIZED {{McSHIZZLE}} NOW, BABY?!
* There is honestly something humorous [[spoiler: how Octavian met his demise; he tried to attack the Greeks, but it just sent him flying overhead screaming while no one is paying attention to him.]]

* Frank turns into a dragon carrying Annabeth and Percy in his talons. Annabeth is screaming for blood whereas Percy says, "I hate flying!!"
* "Greeks! Let's um... fight stuff!"
** Jason fondly notes that what the Greeks lacked in order, they certainly made up with enthusiasm.

* The fate of Thoon, the giant made to slain the Moirai. [[spoiler: The last times he's seen, the Moirai are beating him to death. In the form of three old ladies. Let's remember that, while smaller than his brothers, Thoon is still a ''giant''.]]
** Let's digress on the fact that even the gods are a bit nerved out by three old ladies with canes. Some were seen edging a bit nervously from the Moirai. Also counts as a [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome Crowning Moment of Awesome]]

* The Seven are in Athens while Gaea is rising on Long Island, and trying to get a ''very'' annoyed Zeus to help them find a way back to help.
-->'''Jason''': "The winds. Father, can't you unleash the winds to send our ship back?"
-->'''Zeus''': [glowering] "I could slap you back to Long Island."
-->'''Jason''': "Um, was that a joke, or a threat, or--"
-->'''Zeus''': "No, I mean it quite literally."
* After the fight with the giants but before the trip back to Camp Halfblood, one of the demigods asks ''why'' the gods even need them. Cue the gods all looking like someone forced vinegar mustard and castor seed oil down their throats.
--> '''Aphrodite''': Don't you think we are all asking ourselves that, honey?

* Hades got Nico a present once. It was a zombie.
** An 18th-century French zombie chauffer named Jules-Albert, actually.

* Nico and [[spoiler:Will Solace]]'s BelligerentSexualTension, starting with them arguing while Nico [[BlatantLies completely coincidentally]] remembers meeting [[spoiler:Will's dad,]] Apollo:
-->He remembered Apollo, smiling and tanned and completely cool in his shades.
-->Thalia had said, ''He's hot.''
-->''He's the sun god,'' Percy had replied.
-->''That's not what I meant.''
-->Why was Nico thinking about that now?
** The fact that they were too busy bickering to notice ''the entire First Cohort'' approaching.

* The Battle of the Parthenon is [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome awesome]] overall, but Leo's entrance takes the cake for funny and awesome:
-->'''Leo''': [booming over the Argo II's PA system] SURRENDER! YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ONE SPANKING HOT WAR MACHINE!
-->'''Enceladus''': [howling in outrage due to remembering the last time they fought] Valdez!
-->'''Leo''': WHAT’S UP, ENCHILADAS? NICE DAGGER IN YOUR FOREHEAD.

* Coach Hedge's megaphone is [[BrickJoke still malfunctionong]].

* Speaking of Nico, after getting his clothes shredded by werewolves, he ends up spending a lot of his story wearing a [[HawaiianShirtedTourist tropical patterned shirt covered in parrots and palm trees.]]

--> '''Aphrodite''': "Don't you think we are all asking ourselves that, honey?"

--> WHO DIED? WHO CAME BACK? WHO'S YOUR FREAKIN' SUPERSIZED McSHIZZLE NOW, BABY?!

* Leo pretending to be Dionysus.
* Leo being his awesome self when Piper and Jason ''just don't get'' his explanations.
--> '''Piper:''' Um... could you make the short explanation shorter?
--> '''Leo:''' Fine. One hour. Fluids mix. Bunker goes ka-boom. One square mile of forest turns into a smoking crater.
--> ''' Piper:''' Oh. [[AskAStupidQuestion Can't you just... turn it off?]]
--> '''Leo:''' [[SarcasmMode Gee, I didn't think of that!]] Let me just hit this switch and - ''No'', Piper. I can't turn it off.

* Luke's incredible talent for snarking gives us this wonderful gem:
-->He (Hal) showed us the computer's internet browser. Great. Now we could order pizza and watch the monsters eat the delivery guy.

* Nico meeting with Hades at the church. He's so confused at this, unsure if he should hug his father, or kick him in the groin and run for it. He considered the second option.
* Leo setting the mechanical Hygeia and her pet snake on "[[ArtificialStupidity idiot mode]]." Highlights include the snake bashing itself into a wall repeatedly. But even funnier is what Leo puts on the waiting room screen afterwards:
-->THE DOCTOR IS: IN DA HOUSE
-->NOW SERVING: ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO!
** Hygeia playing the role of a receptionist for Asclepius, one who's obsessed with health insurance and cleanliness. And Asclepius himself is exasperated by this, saying she takes all the fun out of medicine, and also mentions the ''real'' Hygeia isn't at all like the statue.
* Annabeth's response to Piper's unflinching decision to [[ViolationOfCommonSense leap down a randomly-timed fire geyser tunnel, even if it was the only way down there.]]
-->"Piper, that was without a doubt the ''dumbest'' thing I've seen anyone do, ''and I'' '''date''' ''a dumb risk-taker!''"
* Any interaction between Percy and Leo
-->"Like your zodiac sign?" Percy said. "I’m a Leo."
-->“No, stupid.” Leo said. “I’m a Leo. You’re a Percy."
** While trying to find the goddess Nike/Victoria
-->"What if we promoted, like, Adidas shoes?" Percy wondered. "Would that make Nike mad enough to show up?"
-->Leo smiled nervously. Maybe he and Percy did share something else-a stupid sense of humor. "Yeah, I bet that would totally be against her sponsorship deal. '''THOSE ARE NOT THE OFFICIAL SHOES OF THE OLYMPICS! YOU WILL DIE NOW!"'''
** Made even funnier when Nike/Victoria does show up
-->He just had to invoke Adidas, the goddess of off-brand shoes
* "Do ''not'' call me ''Aquaman''. That's worse than ''Water Boy''."

** Really, this book takes the opportunity to have characters who haven't interacted enough have moments together, Like Percy/Leo, Percy/Jason, Piper/Annabeth, Piper/Frank, and Reyna/Nico/Hedge. Though this gives us a lot of SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments, it also creates a lot of potential for snark.

* Coach Hedge calling the Hosue of the Faun the "House of the ''Satyr''" since he was on guard duty

* Percy drowning his pancakes with syrup and Annabeth chides him for it. He claims that if he's the son of Poseidon and he can't drown, then neither can his pancakes.