History Funny / Nextwave

* The Celestials telling [[strike:Machine Man]] Aaron Stack exactly what they think of him. Complete with "L-for-loser" hand sign.

---> [[CrossesTheLineTwice Mommy was a slut-lizard that did the]] [[CargoShip Bad Thing with]] [[ILoveNuclearPower suggestively-shaped piles of nuclear waste, and]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice nine months later...]]
---> '''FIN FANG FOOM!'''
---> Has been burning with the need to mate since 1956!
---> '''FIN FANG FOOM!'''
---> Has absolutely no genitals whatsoever!
---> '''FIN FANG FOOM!'''
---> Oh, you cannot imagine how annoyed he is.
* [[http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070926052847/marveldatabase/images/d/da/DevilDinosaur3.jpg A giant red dinosaur in a smoking jacket holding a revolver and a glass of champagne.]]

* A TakeThat aimed at a certain scene from ComicBook/TheUltimates: "Victim? VICTIM!? DO YOU THINK THIS € ON MY CHEST STANDS FOR AMERICA!?"

-->'''''Yes!'''I HAVE A HUNDRED OF THE EARTH DOLLARS!'' ''[{{Beat}}]''
--> Ahem. This is acceptable to Dread Rorkannu. Yes.
--> And the girls. I like those "Suicide Girls." On the website. The girls with tattoos and piercings. I like those. No blondes.

-->'''Tabby''': (''kicking a cop'') I ''hate'' cops! Because, like, cops keep ''arresting'' me and stuff? For ''stealing?'' Like stealing's a ''crime'' or something?"
-->'''Aaron:''' Hey! What's going on?
-->'''Tabby:''' He's a ''cop'', Aaron!
-->'''Aaron:''' (''joins in the kicking'') Cops -- the most annoying fleshy ones of '''all'''!

* "Widdle cuddly bears...of ''[[FluffyTheTerrible death?]]'' AAAAAAAAAAA! DEATH BEARS!"
-->'''Aaron''' ''(with a smug look, and a drop bear on his head that has shattered teeth):'' "Ha. Fear my robot head."

Aaron! [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Is going to organise your sock drawer.]]\\

-->'''Dirk Anger:''' So you're the fresh fish, huh? New H.A.T.E. trainees, wondering if you're going to make the grade as full agents. You know who I am? I'm Dirk Anger, director of H.A.T.E. I've been director of H.A.T.E. for longer than you've been alive. Except maybe you. You look kinda old.
-->'''Recruit:''' I'm thirty, sir.
-->'''Dirk Anger:''' Thirty? You look like a bag of dried buttskin. I'm older'n you. I'm ninety years old. You know how I look so pretty? I take drugs. Special H.A.T.E. drugs. Life-extending drugs. H.A.T.E. has the best drugs. Because H.A.T.E. loves me. And I love H.A.T.E. Every day of my horrible drug-extended terrorist-fighting life. Every day I smoke two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars and drink a bottle of whisky and three bottles of wine with dinner. And dinner is meat. Raw meat. The cook serves me an entire animal and I fight it bare-handed and tear off what I want and eat it and have the rest buried. In '''New Jersey'''! '''''For H.A.T.E.!'''''

-->That's '''''it!''''' I wanted to ''play'' with you! I wanted to ''torture'' you! But '''''YOU ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO SPOIL MY FUN!''''' You know who you are? You know what you're like? You're just like my ''wife!'' That's '''''right!''''' Everything was fine and dandy, and then I ask you to do '''''one little thing!''''' What did I say to you, Monica? I mean, what was so ''awful'' about it? I said perform the weapons tests and don't worry your little girly head about the weapons coming from a company that used to be a terrorist cell! I said blow up chunks of America for ''freedom!'' But '''''no!''''' You '''''couldn't! ONE LITTLE THING!''''' It's like you suddenly turned ''forty'' and your ''face'' went south and suddenly it was no, ''Dirk'', I '''''won't''''' do [[NoodleIncident those things with the chicken and the wig and the bath full of acid]] for you anymore! And by the ''way'', Dirk, give me all your ''cash'', let me paint everything ''pink'', adopt a million screaming little snot-factory ''children'' for me and don't you '''''dare''''' touch me or my '''''womb''''' will fall off! And you know what I '''''did?'''''\\
''(only then he realizes everyone else at the bridge of the Aeromarine is staring at him...)''\\
Heh. Let's just kill 'em, then. Engage main batteries.

---> ''Nextwave'' should only be taken in 100 mg doses and never through the urethra.

* Two words: [[spoiler: ''Elvis M.O.D.O.K.s'']].
** Two more words: [[spoiler:''{{Wolverine}} primates'']].
* Number None's true identity - [[spoiler:a baby M.O.D.O.K.]]
-->'''Monica:''' [[spoiler:I didn't know they came this small. This one's almost like...a...nah. Can't be.]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Baby M.O.D.O.K:''']] [[spoiler: '''Can too!''' Oh yes! A M.O.D.O.K and a M.O.D.A.M made sweet monkey love by the light of a rack of ''Worlds of Warcraft'' servers, and I was the result!]]
* TheReveal of who exactly is behind ''everything''. [[spoiler:Devil Dinosaur, who for no adequately explainable reason is wearing a smoking jacket and holding a glass of chianti.]]
-->'''[[spoiler:Devil Dinosaur]]''': [[spoiler:Moon Boy hated me. Moon Boy had to die. Moon Boy tasted bad and gave me considerable rectal distress.]]
* After Steve Rogers is turned into Captain America, two scientists give him advice for impressing Franklin D Roosevelt in his presentation. One suggests lifting something heavy. [[CrossesTheLineTwice The other suggests standing up.]]
* Forbush Man is ''easily'' able to disable the entire team with disorienting and cruel visions of other lives. One exception - ''Tabby'', who is stated to have ''no brain'' to manipulate. She promptly blows him up, and claims she did it ''because'' she's smart.
* [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Aaron Stack refuses to take off the]] [[http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f95/klu824/Nextwave.jpg giant bra he's wearing.]]

* Finished reading [[ARareSentence all those entries]]? [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer None of it was made up.]] And it's even ''weirder'' than we can describe.

* [[http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070926052847/marveldatabase/images/d/da/DevilDinosaur3.jpg A giant red dinosaur in a smoking jacket holding a revolver and a glass of champagne]].

* [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Aaron Stack refuses to take off the]] [[http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f95/klu824/Nextwave.jpg giant bra he's wearing]].

* The Captain's origin story. First, his discovery that all the good Captain names were taken; then, his short run of going by Captain ☠☠☠☠, which ended when he introduced himself as such to Captain America. (Who then beat seven kinds of it out of The Captain and left him in a dumpster with a bar of soap in his mouth.)

* Dirk Anger. Whenever he is on a panel, hilarity ensues. The guy is a walking, talking, dress-wearing, [[DrivenToSuicide pill-stuffed ice-cream chugging]] CrowningMomentOfFunny.

** The caption for that last panel? "''Nextwave'' is love."

** Pretty much the whole book is MadeOfWin. Go and read it already.

-->That's '''''it!''''' I wanted to ''play'' with you! I wanted to ''torture'' you! But '''''YOU ALWAYS FIND A WAY TO SPOIL MY FUN!''''' You know who you are? You know what you're like? You're just lie my ''wife!'' That's '''''right!''''' Everything was fine and dandy, and then I ask you to do '''''one little thing!''''' What did I say to you, Monica? I mean, what was so ''awful'' about it? I said perform the weapons tests and don't worry your little girly head about the weapons coming from a company that used to be a terrorist cell! I said blow up chunks of America for ''freedom!'' But '''''no!''''' You '''''couldn't! ONE LITTLE THING!''''' It's like you suddenly turned ''forty'' and your ''face'' went south and suddenly it was no, ''Dirk'', I '''''won't''''' do [[NoodleIncident those things with the chicken and the wig and the bath full of acid]] for you anymore! And by the ''way'', Dirk, give me all your ''cash'', let me paint everything ''pink'', adopt a million screaming little snot-factory ''children'' for me and don't you '''''dare''''' touch me or my '''''womb''''' will fall off! And you know what I '''''did?'''''\\

* "ZOMG! There are French people in Canada? That's like, right next ''door!'' OH NOES!"
** Made better when you realize that she didn't say "Zee Oh Em Gee", she said "Zom-guh".
*** Whaat, who pronounces it like an abbreviation? The Z doesn't even stand for anything. . .

** "''Nextwave'' is love."

--> Nextwave: Blatantly wasting your money since 2006.

** "Nextwave: Is love."

** Then the rest of the team (sans the Captain, who is lying unconscious in the mud) proceed to beat him with shovels.

-->[[spoiler:'''Baby M.O.D.O.K:''']] [[spoiler: '''Can too!''' Oh yes! A M.O.D.O.K and a M.O.D.A.M made sweet monkey love by the light of a rack of ''Worlds of Warcraft'' servers, and I was the result

** Then the rest of the team (sans the Captain, who is lying onconscious in the mud) proceed to beat him with shovels.

-->'''Yes!''' ''I HAVE A HUNDRED OF THE EARTH DOLLARS!'' ''[{{Beat}}]'' Ahem. This is acceptable to Dread Rorkannu. Yes.

-->'''Yes!''' ''I HAVE A HUNDRED OF THE EARTH DOLLARS!'' Ahem. This is acceptable to Dread Rorkannu. Yes.

* A TakeThat aimed at a certain scene from TheUltimates: "Victim? VICTIM!? DO YOU THINK THIS € ON MY CHEST STANDS FOR AMERICA!?"

-->'''Yes!''' ''I HAVE A HUNDRED OF THE EARTH DOLLARS!'' Ahem. Your offer is acceptable.

** Then the rest of the team proceed to beat him with shovels.

-->'''[[spoiler:Devil Dinosaur]]''': [[spoiler:Moon Boy hated me. Moon Boy had to die. Moon Boy tasted bad and gave me considerable intestinal distress.]]

* Forbush Man is ''easily'' able to disable the entire team with disorienting and cruel visions of other lives. One exception - ''Tabby'', who is stated to have ''no brain'' to manipulate. She promptly blows him up, and claims she did it ''because'' she's smart.

** The first splash page of issue eight, featuring the Mindless Ones [[Theatre/WestSideStory snapping their fingers while dancing down the street]], has been cited by some on the Internet as the greatest page in comic book history. "[[http://www.shelfbound.com/2009/04/dance-contest-1/ Dance, critters.]]"

** The first splash page of issue eight, featuring the Mindless Ones [[Theatre/WestSideStory snapping their fingers while dancing down the street]], has been cited by some on the Internet as the greatest page in comic book history. "Dance, critters."

* After Steve Rogers is turned into Captain America, two scientists give him advice for impressing Franklin D Roosevelt in his presentation. One suggests lifting something heavy. [[CrossesTheLineTwice The other suggests standing up.]]

-->'''[[spoiler:Devil Dinosaur]]''': [[spoiler:Moon Boy hated me. Moon Boy had to die. Moon Boy tasted bad and gave me considerable intestinal distress.]]

* [[http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070926052847/marveldatabase/images/d/da/DevilDinosaur3.jpg A giant red dinosaur in a smoking jacket holding a gun]].

** '''Aaron (With a smug look, and a drop bear on his head that has shattered teeth):''' "Ha. Fear my robot head."

** Two more words: [[spoiler:''{{Wolverine}} primates'']].

* [[FluffyTheTerrible "Widdle cuddly bears...of ''death?'' AAAAAAAAAAA! DEATH BEARS!"]]