History Funny / FreemansMind

* The conclusion of 'Jump Training':
-->'''Hologuide:''' Now that you're up here, there's only one way down.\\
'''Freeman:''' ''(Looking around)'' Where?\\
'''Hologuide:''' Find the target on the floor below, and do your best to hit it.\\
'''Freeman:''' [[FlatWhat What.]]\\
'''Hologuide:''' If you take any damage from the fall, we will administer medical care at the next station.\\
'''Freeman:''' Is this a joke? They want me to jump from this height onto ''flat concrete?!'' There must be a typo with the instructions or something that no one corrected. I could climb down, but they want me to hit that target. I'm not doing that, that's retarded! So... I guess I failed the "lemming" portion of the test, but hopefully that's not required to pass the whole course. Well, training's over! I think I'll get out of here and go take my lunch break. ''(pause)'' I'll just tell everyone I passed training. Nobody's going to check this.

* You know, some people might argue [[AccentuateTheNegative I'm only focusing on the negative]], but I think that's because I can't think of one thing today anyone else has done right. All anyone has been doing today has been [[DieChairDie breaking things]], [[YouCanPanicNow running around screaming]], [[UnfriendlyFire shooting the wrong people]], or [[TooDumbToLive dying]]. I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? [[SarcasmMode "Wow, you sure did a good job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or "Way to lock yourself inside the freezer! I'm so proud of you."]]

-->"Fucking dumbass! He ran right in front of my sh... Jesus Christ! See, this is why I don't have friends! All they ever do is [[YouCanPanicNow run around screaming causing problems for everyone until someone tries to kill them.]] Friends are like weeds that scream."

-->'''Freeman:''' Fuck this, I don't need this job! I know you weren't gonna tip, either! Fucking dinner shift, man. Is this how you behave at home?

-->'''Grigori:''' May they become like dust in the wind!\\

-->'''Freeman:''' Fuck this, I don't need this job! I knew you weren't gonna tip, either! Fucking dinner shift, man. Is this how you behave at home?

* Freeman frequently misconstrues Father Gregori's rambling "sermon", but this one takes the cake:
-->'''Gregori:''' May they become like dust in the wind!\\

** Even better, Freeman initially thinks Gregori is his ''dad'', before concluding that can't be the case because of his accent.

* Freeman frequently misconstrues Father Gregorovitch's rambling "sermon", but this one takes the cake:
-->'''Gregorovitch:''' May they become like dust in the wind!\\

** Even better, Freeman initially thinks Gregorovitch is his ''dad'', before concluding that can't be the case because of his accent.

* Freeman starts to think the situation in Ravenholm is the end result of an episode of European ''Series/{{Jackass}}'' GoneHorriblyWrong

* "Ultimate ''Ultimate'' Frisbee!"

* "Huh, or maybe this is Electro Jesus. ({{Beat}}) Maybe.

* When Lamarr screws up the teleporter, Gordon's initial reaction is one of ''annoyance'' instead of panic. It's as if, by this point, he fully ''expects'' [[MurphysLaw the worst to happen]].

* "They can blow up the damn dam for all I care! ''(briefly wanders out of cover and narrowly avoids getting blown up)'' Dammit! Pretty sure this is unconstitutional, even cops aren't allowed to [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill mortar people]]. I mean what happened? Was there an emergency session of congress to vote on bombing me!?"

** His only criticism with the grenades is the way they're designed, and proceeds to imagine a grenade shaped like a potato.

---> '''Freeman:''' Why not, just build it next to the manufactoring plant. Floating island space ''is'' limited, after all. If I get up there and find some religious symbols, I'm gonna wear them as a hat. If I'm lucky, they'll bow down to me, but if not, I'll at least demoralize them. If I want to go the extra mile, I could cut off the leader's head and wear it around my neck. I think, even among complete aliens, that still sends a pretty universal message. Eh, I probably won't do that. It would smell awful, plus I don't have any rope. There has to be ''some'' way to instill fear in these things.

-->'''Freeman:''' This is just a giant pair of nostrils... so that means I'm about to enter the moustache... it's good to go in heavily armed.

* Freeman smacking his head on the roof twice after using the alien jump pad.

* Seeing the Vortigaunts working throughout the facility worries Gordon a lot. When he sees they're also ''cooking'', he declares his appetite is gone.
* When Eli makes a ShipTease comment about Gordon not being able to handle Alyx, Freeman assumes he's trying to pawn her off on him. "It's the same logic you apply to hand grenades."

-->'''Freeman:''' (Talking to Alyx as he would talk to a child) Why don't we play with Dog later, because Uncle Gordon has some grown up things he needs to care of?

* Rather than a decontamination spray, the airlock into the rebel base ''gases'' Freeman and knocks him out.

* Freeman ragging on Mossman's {{Technobabble}} about teleportation and saying he'll need to check her work. He feels vindicated about his opinion when he learns that she thought she could do his job better.

* When Eli makes a ShipTease comment about Gordon not being able to handle Alyx, Freeman assumes he's trying to pawn her off on him. It's the same logic you apply to hand grenades.
* Freeman finally gets to try the Gravity Gun, only to learn that -- contrary to the games -- "equal but opposite reaction" is in full effect here, and every shot sends ''him'' flying as well as the target object.

* Gordon reasons that Alyx's apparent nonchalance about the Combine invasion is because, due to her growing up under said invasion, had a stunted development and has the mind of a child as a result.

* Freeman spends most of the episode trying to warn the others the Combine's been following him, [[CassandraTruth but no one listens]]. Of course, they end up attacking the base, which exasperates Gordon to no end.
-->'''Freeman:''' Why am I cursed to be right about ''everything''? I'M A MODERN GREEK TRAGEDY! THEY'LL WRITE POEMS ABOUT ME!