History Funny / FinalFantasyVIIMachinabridged

** After Barret gets knocked down by the Zolom, Choco-Bill gives them a Chocobo Lure materia, and tells them to look around in the track-covered areas for Chocobos. After many, ''many'' Chocobo-bereft fights, Cloud returns to the ranch to complain that the materia wasn't working. [[WhatAnIdiot Turns out Cloud forgot to equip it.]]

'''Aerith:''' [-[[DangerouslyShortSkirt At least someone finally will…]]-]

** The [[YouMakeMeSic Doktrr]] also sounds ''way'' too into the idea of giving Barret a gun arm.

'''Heidegger:''' I believe the kids call it a "[[ItsPronouncedTroPAY donk mee-mee]][[note]]dank meme[[/note]]", sir.\\

-->'''Barret:'''(''off-screen'') ''HOW THE F*** SHE TALKING TO THAT SNAKE?!?!''!\\
'''Red-XIII:'''(''off-screen'') [-[[HypocriticalHumor YEA! Animals can't talk!]]-]

'''Rufus:''' ''(annoyed)'' You have no idea.

'''Palmer:''' Oh, well that's easy. First you take both your hands and make a telescope out of them. And then — what you see in the night sky there — that's one space. And then you take one billion gil - which is how much one space costs, by the way - and then you toss it into a fire! [[InsaneTrollLogic And the smoke delivers the payment to space]]! And ''that's'' how ya buy space!\\

-->'''President Shinra:''' ''(smugly)'' Well, well, well. ''(even more smugly)'' Well! Well! Well! (smugger still) WELL--\\

'''Baby Phoenix:''' RAWK RAWK! BABY WANT WALKIES! RAA--KK! BABY WANT...WALKIES! RAAAAKK! BABY...!\\

* After Shinra has taken out Sapphire weapon, Tifa makes an escaping before being confronted by Scarlet who threatens her. Tifa responds with her own threat and expressing an offer of mercy in exchange for info on Cloud's whereabouts before Scarlet slaps her. Tifa's response to that is punch Scarlet clean off the cannon which doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome.

-->'''Bird Guardian:''' Farewell old friend, fate has claimed you, but you leave behind a heroic legacy, and a beautiful child.\\

'''Bird Guardian:''' ''(sighs)'' Fate's a bitch.

* Once Priscilla learns Cloud has scored passage on Rufus' vessel, Priscilla says the next step is obvious. And it turns out Barret's NotSoDifferent from Heidegger.

* Cloud and Cait Sith bond over [[NotSoDifferent their mutual emasculation at the hands of a female coworker]] and status as NoRespectGuy.

''(Cait Sith tosses a pair of giant dice to the ground. RealityEnsues and [[NegatedMomentOfAwesome it does nothing]].)''\\

* Apperently, Barret used his one phone call on Priscilla... [[RealityEnsues and of course,]] she's in no mood to hear from him after they botched TSUNAMI's plans to assassinate Shinra's leaders. [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Also the dolphin raises a flipper in a hostile fashion, complete with censor mosaic.]]

** In the background, an employee shouts "[[CorruptCorporateExecutive President Shinra]] is dead!! All hail President Shinra![[note]]In the Japanese version, President Shinra's first name ''is'' "President". The employee calls Rufus the President after the former's death[[/note]]

'''Barret:''' How 'bout I shoot her, so it's even?

'''Sam:''' No! No, don't slow-mo away!" *sighs* "Dammit, at least the censor guy was on point.\\

'''Shinra Soldier #1:''' Kill 'em?\\
'''Shinra Soldier #2:''' Ain't goin' outta style! (''opens fire'')\\

--->'''Nappa:''' I'll be honest, guys, [[EarlyInstallmentWeirdness you're new to this whole scene]]. And I think it's safe to say you're not the most overwhelmingly well received [[DarknessInducedAudienceApathy group of characters]]. ''(camera pans to a pile of tissues marked: "[[TakeThat THE SALTY TEARS OF TIFA FANS]]")'' So, I think if we do this, we should probably stick to the music that was actually in the show...\\

* The AmbiguousSyntax conversation about Ultimate Weapon.
-->'''Cloud:''' In order to get my ultimate weapon, we need to kill the ultimate weapon, [[RuleOfThree Ultimate Weapon]].\\

'''Red XIII:''' So that would make this ultimate weapon THE ultimate weapon of pure ultimacy?\\

'''Sephiroth:''' Don't care. ''(attacks)''

''(Cait sith tosses a pair of giant dice to the ground. RealityEnsues and [[NegatedMomentOfAwesome it does nothing]].)''\\

'''Cloud:''' (''offscreen'') ''Oh'', nothin' but net!\\

''({{Beat}})''\\

'''Tifa''': [[CrashingDreams -you useless f**king waste of oxygen]]!!

'''Reno:''' Ha! I'd pay good money to see ''you'' [[DraggedIntoDrag in a dress.]]\\

** When Barret tearfully breaks down and wonders if there's any good left in the world. With a soft, kind, heartwarming voice, Tifa tells him how Cloud came to save her from Don Corneo while dressed as a woman, [[MoodWhiplash under the alias]] "[[DoubleEntendre Thunderhead]]." [[NeverLiveItDown Barret cheers up instantly]].

** Naturally, it's the sex-obsessed Red that goads them into going at it.

-->'''Tifa:''' Uh, [[OhCrap why is there music?]]\\
'''Yuffie:''' Oh crap, [[ThisIsGonnaSuck he's got a theme song!]]\\