History Funny / DragonBallZAbridgedNamekFreezaSaga

** Even better given it's a brick joke to [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOVORQzNmrM&feature=related this]].

'''Krillin''': ''(eyes rolled back in his head, foaming at his wide-open mouth)''\\

'''Freeza''': ...yes! Yes, you win!

* When Goku says to Freeza that he won the game because he fought without his shirt (long story). He asks what his prize is.
-->'''Goku:''' What do I win?\\

* Beat*\\
'''Goku:''' But I'm not dir-\\
[[GilliganCut *Cut to Goku being drowned by Freeza*]]\\

-->'''Toilet:''' [[GratuitousJapanese Koi de arimasu!]]

-->'''Toilet:''' [[GratuitousGerman Ich bin ge filled vith piss wasser!]]

-->'''Briefs:''' Well I'm working on your translator but all I can get it to do is translate the Namekian language into another language I don't understand.

-->'''Bulma''': Yep, I've gotten everything worked out. Well, except for one thing. We couldn't fix the translator for the toilet.

-->'''Toilet:''' [[GratuitousGerman Ich bin da filled vith piss wasser!]]

'''Piccolo:''' I think RidleyScott's gonna sue somebody.\\

''(At Freeza's ship, Freeza hears it)''\\

'''King Yemma:''' ''(flipping through a book)'' Purgatory, hell...''(hears the scream)'' huh? Denise? Denise, is that you? Oh god, is that my wife?! LEAVE ME ALONE! YOU ALREADY TOOK THE KIDS; WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!\\

'''Trunks:''' Alright, mom; once that time machine is finished, I can go back into the past, to save Goku, and my fath--huh? ''(hears the scream)'' ...daddy?

'''Dende:''' Like everyone I know and love is dead.\\0

-->'''Nail:''' Lord Guru that would leave you totally unguarded.
-->'''Guru:''' No, I would have Dende.
-->'''Dende:''' Please don't leave me alone with him.
-->'''Guru:''' He is the third strongest of our kind.
-->'''Nail:''' Lord Guru, there are only three of us left.
-->'''Guru:''' Dende, how does it feel to be the bronze medal?
-->'''Dende:''' Like everyone I know and love is dead.
-->(''{{beat}}'')
-->'''Guru:''' (monotone singing) Every party needs a pooper, that's why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper.\\

-->'''Goku:''' Finally! I'm on Planet Namek!
-->'''Krillin''' (O/S): Help us!
-->'''Goku:''' So beautiful... so serene!
-->'''Krillin''' (O/S): Oh, God, he's killing us! Help!
-->'''Goku:''' I think I hear a duck. But this far out in space? That doesn't make any sense!
-->'''Krillin''' (O/S): QUACK!
-->'''Goku:''' Oh, no! That sounds like Krillin! I'm 'a comin!

--> '''Freeza:''' I'll dispatch of this worm and then I'll be back for you, ''slug''.
--> '''Super Kami Guru:''' [[CallForward Leave my brother out of this!]]

-->'''Nail:''' (attacks Freeza mid-sentence) HAAAAA!
-->'''Freeza:''' [[NoSell Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we were starting.]] Here, allow me. (rips Nail's arm off)
-->'''Nail:''' AAAAAAHHHHHH! (falls to his knees in agony)
-->'''Freeza:''' Looks like someone's going to be missing this! (Drops Nail's severed arm in front of him)
-->'''Nail:''' [[GoodThingYouCanHeal No, not really.]] (grows a new arm)
-->'''Freeza:''' Ooh, that looks like it hurts a ''lot''. [[AffablyEvil Are you okay?]]
-->'''Nail:''' I'm fine!
-->'''Freeza:''' Good to know. [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud Yoink!]] (rips off Nail's new arm)

-->'''Vegeta:''' It'll take a while, though. This is the only other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.
-->'''Krillin:''' What happened to the newer model?
-->'''Vegeta:''' Blew it the f*** up.
-->'''Krillin:''' What, did it have an opinion?
-->'''Vegeta:''' Eat me. [...] Now, both of you, [[EvilSoundsDeep STRIP.]]
-->'''Krillin:''' Ummmm...
-->'''Vegeta:''' I've got body armor for you.
-->'''Krillin:''' ...Less awkward.

-->'''Krillin:''' You know, Gohan. It just occurred to me.
-->'''Gohan:''' Yeah, Krillin?
-->'''Krillin:''' [[ArcFatigue We're still on Namek.]]
-->'''Gohan:''' What do you mean?
-->'''Krillin:''' Well, it feels like we've been here for like, a year.
-->'''Gohan:''' [[ComicBookTime But we've only been here for six days!]]
-->'''Krillin:''' I know, right?!

-->'''Krillin:''' Hey, by the way, don't I look like that one guy that Vegeta landed with back on Earth? What was his name, again? [[CallBack Hey, Vegeta!]] What was that one guy's name? [[RunningGag Vegeta? Vegeta? Vegeta?]] [[OverlyLongGag Vegeta?]] (Nappa's head appears) [[MostAnnoyingSound Vegeta? Vegeta?]]
-->'''Vegeta:''' (Scowls) Goddamnit, Nappa.
-->'''Krillin:''' Oh, right! Good ol' Goddamnit Nappa.

-->'''Goku:''' Who's that, King Kai?
-->'''King Kai:''' It's George Takei. Somehow we made this into a [[AccidentalInnuendo three-way.]]
-->'''George Takei:''' [[CatchPhrase Ohhhh]] ''[[CatchPhrase my!]]''
-->'''King Kai:''' ''[[ThatCameOutWrong Call!]]'' Three-way ''call''!

-->'''Krillin:''' Holy crap, your dragon's on steroids!
-->'''Porunga:''' (In Namekian) ''I am Porunga, Dragon of Dreams, and I-- [sees Krillin]...Why is there an Albino Namekian amongst you? I thought they were wiped out in the purge!''
-->'''Dende:''' ''Actually, they're earthlings.''
-->'''Porunga:''' ''[[HumansAreUgly God, they're ugly.]]''
-->'''Dende:''' ''And annoying.''

-->'''Krillin:''' We get three wishes? That's awesome! I want a three foot long-
-->'''King Kai:''' Stop screwing around and wish these idiots off my planet!
-->'''Krillin:''' Holy crap, I can hear a voice inside my head!
-->'''Dende:''' Is it telling you my name is Dende?
-->'''Krillin:''' Hush, Little Green! The voice speaks to me.
-->'''King Kai:''' This is King Kai. Wish these guys back to life before I kill myself.
-->'''Krillin:''' Wait, can gods kill themselves?
-->'''King Kai:''' I'M ABOUT TO TRY!

-->'''Krillin:''' Little Green, wish our friend Piccolo back to life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek.
-->'''Piccolo:''' Hold on a minute, don't do that! That is a terrible i--(is resurrected and brought to Namek)--dea!
-->''[Piccolo's can be heard screaming in the distance.]''
-->'''Dende:''' He is on Namek.
-->'''Gohan:''' Wait, where is he?
-->'''Dende:''' On Namek.
-->'''Piccolo:''' (in the distance) You dumbass!
-->'''Krillin:''' Why didn't it bring him here?
-->'''Dende:''' You must be specific.
-->'''Gohan:''' Oh, so it's a [[ViewersAreGeniuses sort of monkey's paw.]] [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.]]
-->'''Piccolo:''' (still in the distance) [[CatchPhrase NEEEEEEEERRRRDDD!]]

--->'''Krillin:''' (on what he should use the third wish for) I want my three-foot-
--->'''Vegeta:''' (visibly furious) '''HEY!! WHAT'S UP GUYS?!'''
--->'''Krillin:''' I'm never gonna get my hoagie.
--->'''Vegeta:''' '''SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!'''
--->'''Gohan:''' What am I doin'?
--->'''Vegeta:''' '''WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!'''
--->'''Gohan:''' Nothing much.
--->'''Vegeta:''' '''THWARTIN' MAH PLANS?!'''
--->'''Gohan:''' Thwartin' your plans?
--->'''Vegeta:''' '''ARE YOU?!'''
--->'''Gohan:''' ...Yes.
--->'''Vegeta:''' '''...I'M GONNA F***ING KILL YOU!'''

-->'''Nail:''' (''Enjoying this moment'') The earthlings have the password.
-->'''Freeza:''' [[FlatWhat ...What?]]
-->'''Nail:''' Remember the little Namekian you passed on the way to Guru's? On his way to the humans with the password. By now he's probably already there and they're about to summon the dragon!
-->'''Freeza:''' (''Barely concealed rage'') Grk...Jch...
-->'''Nail:''' Yeah, if I could guess your biggest mistake, it would be ''not stopping him''. That or the purple lipstick.
-->'''Freeza:''' '''I WILL F***ING MURDER YOU!!'''
-->'''Nail:''' Whatever.
-->'''Freeza:''' (''flies off and turns on scouter'') ''Why aren't the Ginyus showing up!?'' Oh, they're dead. *beat* '''''WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!'''''

--> '''[[spoiler: Krillin]]:''' (After seeing Piccolo taken out) Oh, for a moment I thought that was going to be me.
--> '''Freeza:''' Ohoho, you're next.
--> '''[[spoiler: Krillin]]:''' Wait, what'd I ever do to you?
--> '''Freeza:''' Remember [[spoiler: my tail]]?
--> '''[[spoiler: Krillin]]:''' Can't you take a joke?
--> *Freeza gives an ugly stare at [[spoiler: Krillin]], while [[spoiler: Krillin]] gives a smile*
--> '''[[spoiler: Krillin]]:''' [[spoiler: [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH!]] *explodes*]]
--> *Beat*
-->[[spoiler: *Krillin's Owned Count goes to 28*]]

-->'''Freeza:''' That's stupid! ''You're'' stupid! ''Stop being stupid!''
-->'''Goku:''' Or...maybe I'm being rhetorical.
-->'''Freeza:''' ''NO! NO YOU'RE NOT!'' God, it's like you just use words you hear randomly to try and sound smarter!
-->'''Goku:''' Huh. Well, now you're just acting transcendent.
-->'''Freeza:''' RR! (''Kicks Goku'')

-->'''Burter:''' Whoa, little quick to the trigger there, Ace!
-->'''Guldo:''' Sorry, I kinda lost my head there after I... [[LosingYourHead lost my head]].

-->'''Freeza:''' What is that glare? That's not a sun, it's not a moon and [[StarWars it's certainly not a space station]] - what is that? (''looks up'') What... is... that - [[RuleOfThree What is that!?]]
-->'''Goku:''' Are we still playing twenty questions?
-->'''Freeza:''' You were planning to use this on me, weren't you!?
-->'''Goku:''' ...Yeah...

-->'''Piccolo:''' Shut ''up!''
-->'''Krillin:''' Too scared!
-->'''Piccolo:''' Damn it!
-->'''Freeza:''' What is that fool yammering on about?
-->'''Goku:''' He's talking about...ghosts.
-->'''Freeza:''' ...Ghosts.
-->'''Goku:''' (''Eyes shifting'') Yeah, you know... Spirits? ...Ghosts?

-->'''Goku:''' [[BadassBoast I'm going to break you.]]
-->'''Freeza:''' What?
-->'''Goku:''' (very angrily) [[BadassBoast Like a Kit-Kat bar.]]
-->'''Freeza:''' ...what?! *Goku sends him flying* '''''WHAT?!'''''

--> '''Goku:''' I am the hope of the omniverse! I am the light bulb in the darkness! I am the bacon in the fridge for all living things to cry out in hunger! I am the alpha and the Amiga! [[WesternAnimation/DarkwingDuck I am the terror that flaps in the night!]] I am Son Goku, and I am a Super-
--> ''Freeza laser blasts his face''
--> '''Goku:''' (''[[NoSell leans forward unharmed]]'') Saiyan.

--->'''Freeza:''' You... You're different. What happened? WhatTheHellAreYou
--->'''Goku:''' Can't you tell Freezer? It's [[CallBack just like Vegeta said.]]
--->'''Freeza:''' NO YOU F[[SoundEffectBleep **]]KING DON'T!

--> '''Freeza:''' If you let me power up... I'll give you a pizza!
--> '''Goku:''' ...You killed my best friend, Freezer. That's '''not going to work anymore.'''
--> '''Freeza:''' TWO PIZZAS!
--> '''Goku:''' '''''I SAID I'M DONE!''''' [Goku charges at him.]
--> '''Freeza:''' ''With'' stuffed crust.
--> [Goku immediately stops on a dime.]
-->''{{Beat}}''
-->'''King Kai:''' ''Goku...''
-->'''Goku:''' Now hear me out, King Kai... If I let him power up to 100% and beat him then, it will demoramalize him and he'll never threaten anyone again.
-->'''King Kai:''' Goku that is retarded.
-->'''Goku:''' STUFFED CRUST, KING KAI! YOU CAN EAT IT IN REVERSE. (Inside Goku's eye is an actual stuffed crust pizza being ripped apart.)

---> '''Shenron:''' Then how might I be of service, Lord Popo?
---> '''Popo:''' Good question. Kami, the f**k am I doing?
---> '''Kami:''' Good question. King Kai, the f**k is he doing?
---> '''King Kai:''' Aw, my head!

--> '''King Kai:''' How the hell do you work with this guy?
--> '''Kami:''' It's easier than you think.

--> '''Goku:''' Wait, I zoned out there for a second. Wha?
--> (''explosion'')
--> '''King Kai:''' ...No...! NO NO SONUVABITCH! GAAAH!!

--> '''King Kai:''' Are you questioning GOD?
--> '''Kami:''' Are ''you''?

--> '''Goku:''' D-Did you miss?
--> '''Freeza:''' How could I ''miss''?!
--> '''Goku:''' I dunno, how ''did'' ya?
-->'''Freeza:''' I know I hit the core... God, this ''always'' happens when I try and perform under stress.

--> '''Vegeta:''' [[Film/DawnOfTheDead When there's no more room in Hell, Vegeta shall walk the]]-
--> (Vegeta notices the world blowing up around him)
--> '''Vegeta:''' (deadpan) Other Hell, what the hell.

-->'''Guru:''' Remember when I said that [the albino Namekians] were responsible for the disappearance of our precious water?
-->'''Namekian 1:''' We slaughtered ''thousands''...
-->'''Guru:''' It was me.
-->'''Namekian 2:''' How!?
-->'''Guru:''' I drank it.
-->'''Namekian 3:''' Wha-!?
-->'''Guru:''' How do you think I got so FAT?
-->'''Namekians:''' *Stunned Silence*
-->'''Guru:''' And now I can die with a clear conscience. Hurk! Err! [[spoiler:*still alive* Uh... UGH! *still alive* Uh oh.]]
-->'''Namekian 4:''' [[spoiler:KILL HIM!]]
-->'''Guru:''' [[spoiler:NO! NAAAAAAAAAAAIL! *carnage* Choke on them! Oh god why?!]]

--> [Everyone on the planet except Goku and Freeza vanishes sent away] '''Freeza:''' What? No! This isn't what I wished for? ''What's going on?!''
--> '''Dende:''' Down here!
--> '''Freeza:''' ''YOU!'' No... ''No you didn't!''
--> '''Dende:''' So what if I did? What are you going to do about it, huh? ''Come at me bro!'' [Freeza fires at him, then Dende poofs away before it hits]

--> '''Goku:''' I'm done.
--> '''Freeza:''' What?
--> '''Goku:''' I'm done fighting you. I'm bored. ''You're boring me.''
--> '''Freeza:''' Wha-- Oh, I get it. You're ''scared'', aren't you? Afraid knowing this planet has ''one minute left'' before it explodes!
--> '''Goku:''' Question.
--> '''Freeza:''' Huh?
--> '''Goku:''' [[LampshadeHanging Do you have a watch?]]
--> '''Freeza:''' No, why?
--> '''Goku:''' [[YouKeepUsingThatWord Do you know what a minute is?]]
--> '''Freeza:''' What? Of course I do!
--> '''Goku:''' I don't think you do...
--> '''Freeza:''' Bu--I--uh--

-->'''Goku:''' (thinking) ''I know! A distraction!'' Hey, look, Freezer! A giant dragon!
-->'''Freeza:''' What? (Sees Porunga) Well I'll be damned. Immortalityismine! (Flies off)
-->'''Goku:''' (thinking) ''Ohhh, I am become error.''

-->'''Guru:''' Nail! NAIL! NAAAAAAAAIL!
-->'''Piccolo:''' (thinking) I think he's looking for you.
-->'''Nail:''' Do ''not'' tell him I'm here.
-->'''Guru:''' Nail! I can sense you.
-->'''Nail:''' Donotmakeeyecontact!

-->'''Goku:''' AH! Bad touch! Kidney shot! ''(whap!)''
-->'''Freeza:''' HOIIIK
-->'''Goku:''' Kidney shot, ''(whap!)'' kidney shot, ''(whap!)'' kidney shot ''(whap!)'', and pause...
-->'''Freeza:''' ''(whimpering in abject pain)''
-->'''Goku:''' STOMACH PUNCH!
-->'''Freeza:''' ''(collapses, pukes up blood)'' Gonna whiz red.

-->'''Dende:''' May I hug you?
-->'''Piccolo:''' ''No!''
-->'''Dende:''' Oh...

-->'''Goku:''' SAY YOU'RE SORRY! (repeatedly slaps Freeza's face, with particular slow motion focus to how his face looks each hit) ARE YOU SORRY YET?!
-->'''Freeza:''' I think I peed a little.

-->'''Freeza:''' You're nothing but an overgrown monkey!
-->'''Goku:''' And you're nothing but an overgrown that thing Chi-Chi keeps in her drawer!
-->'''Freeza:''' Will you just piss off?
-->'''Goku:''' I don't have to use the bathroom!

-->'''Freeza:''' AGH! My organs! Stay in there, stay in your home, daddy needs you!
-->'''Goku:''' Wow, Freezer, you really were a ''cut above the rest''. (Freeza groans) But too bad you ''didn't make the cut''. (Freeza groans harder) I guess you could call this a ''slice of life''.
-->'''Freeza:''' Please stop!
-->'''Goku:''' Alright, I'll ''cut you a break''. I gotta ''split''.

-->'''Goku:''' The controls! Where is it, where is it?
-->'''King Kai:''' It's about to blow!
-->'''Goku:''' Come on, come on! (finds the button) There! (presses it) [[spoiler: (Out comes... [[BrickJoke a muffin]].)]] Yes!!! [[spoiler:(keeps pressing button and more muffins pop up)]]
-->'''King Kai:''' ...''oh my god...''
-->'''Goku:''' ([[spoiler:muffins keep popping up]]) YAAAAAAAAYYYYY-- (Namek explodes)

-->'''Tien:''' We're literally waiting to go back. Hell, this is Chiaotzu's second time.
-->'''Chiaotzu:''' Next time I get a free sundae!

-->'''Bulma:''' Well, uh... Gohan, Goku's dead...
-->'''Gohan:''' Dammit!
-->'''Bulma:''' Namekians, your planet blew up...
-->'''Namekians:''' (in unison) Dammit!

--> '''Mecha Freeza:''' [[RevengeOfTheSith What happened to Namek? What happened to the Dragon Balls]]?
--> '''King Cold:''' [[RevengeOfTheSith It seems]], [[CallBack my little princess]], [[RevengeOfTheSith in your anger, you destroyed them both]].
--> '''Mecha Freeza:''' [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!]]

--> '''Dende:''' Cause, we're just gonna bring you back in four months and do this crap again, plus we're just bringing some schmucks back to life.
--> '''Porunga:''' Well, it is unconventional, but considering the ease of these wishes, I will accommodate.
--> '''Dende:''' And a new planet.
--> '''Porunga:''' Now that is just a dick move!
--> '''Dende:''' Well, let's get the hard one out of the way. Build the Namekians a new Namek!
--> '''Porunga:''' ''({{beat}})'' Donezo!
--> '''Dende:''' Sweet!

-->'''Vegeta:''' Sayonara, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitches!]]
-->'''Dr. Briefs:''' Sonuvabitch took my scotch!
-->'''Bulma:''' [[AllGirlsWantBadBoys Call me]]!

-->'''Freeza:''' As one neighbor to another, can you spare a cup of energy?
-->'''Goku:''' (''contemplating'') Well...
-->'''King Kai:''' (''telepathically'') NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
-->'''Tien:''' (''referring to King Kai not telling them about what's happening'') I'm not even asking anymore.

* {{Beat}}*\\

--> '''DrBriefs:''' What a fa[[CurseCutShort **Cut to the ending music**]]

* {{Beat}}*\\

-->'''Freeza:''' Now you're Super Saiyan soup! High in vitamin dumbass! Haha- huh? Oh god, what's up with the sky? This planet really ''is'' about to blow! I give it, like, two minutes tops! I better get to my ship- (''Gets hit by Goku'') Ahh! Stop that! Stop... not-dying!
-->'''Vegeta:''' HOPE YOU'RE READY TO PARTY, BECAUSE IT'S VEGETA C-(poof)

* {{Beat}}*\\

--->'''Krillin:''' (on what he should use the third wish for) I want my three-foot!-

'''Kami:''' (poofs) Fan-freaking-tastic, We're back here again.\\

'''Kami:''' [[DidWeJustHaveTeaWithCthulhu Are you kidding? That sh*t's great for my glaucoma!!]]

* {{Beat}}*\\

-->'''Gohan:''' Then again, I don't really know anyone my own age. My best friends are a 26 year-old dwarf, and a giant green alien who [[HilariouslyAbusiveChildhood constantly hits me.]] [[ParentalNeglect Still, better than my dad. At least they're ''around'' ]]. ...Huh. Where did [[CallBack that]] come from?

--> '''Goku!Ginyu:''' Just...just allow me a customary moment of silence.\\
* {{Beat}}*\\

** Even funnier, the Daddy's Little Princess dance.
-->'''Freeza:''' (''indignant'') My father would command no such thing!\\
'''Ginyu:''' You are correct, Lord Freeza.\\
'''Freeza:''' Very well...\\
'''Ginyu:''' (''cheerfully'') It was your brother!\\
'''Freeza:''' HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

* The entire Spacey's skit. It's good food. InSpace.

'''Vegeta:''' Dragon...'''ball'''. I...need...that-Dragonball. ''Give it to me''. The-one-you-took. I Need my wish.\\

'''Gohan:''' Um, Krillin? [[HellIsThatNoise do you hear that]]?\\

'''Guru:''' So, the son of Katat has passed. Unfortunate.\\
'''Krillin:''' We just called him 'Kami'.\\
'''Guru:''' Oh, so he calls himself 'God'. Pretentious prick. Nail.\\

*** And when Goku arrives after they're getting beaten by the Ginyu Force, Goku DOES think that it's a Space Duck (It's Krillin shouting 'Help!' instead), but recognises Krillin when he weakly yells "Quack!"

--> '''Bulma:''' "Oh God, it's everywhere!!"

'''Nappa:''' ''(wearing [[Disney/{{Aladdin}} Jafar]]'s headdress'') Here's what you gotta do: you need to sit him down...\\

'''Nappa:''' ...look him dead in the eye...\\

'''Nappa:''' [[HorribleJudgeOfCharacter He'd have to be awfully rotten for it not to]]. And--[[SuicidalOverconfidence not gonna lie...I like the cut of his jib]].