History Fanfic / WelcomeToSandHands

* ChekhovsClassroom: When you're punch a mummy, it collapses with a ''clank'' noise. You recall a lesson from Mrs. Ankle's history class and realize that mummies should make a thud noise, since they're "made of flesh and bone and guts, not metal."

* AmbiguouslyBi: You make some suggestive comments after Brad saves your life, and seem quite taken with [[KissingCousins your cousin]], Zoe.
-->''You glance at him lovingly... You can jerk off to his winning smile later.\\

* AndThatsTerrible: Getting eaten by zombies isn't very fun.

%%* TheManyDeathsOfYou

* NoodleIncident: Oh, so many. One highlight is Tombo the Man-Piano eating your feet.

* RiddleForTheAges: We never find out what "shmare" is, even though it's referenced several times. All we know is it's a food.

* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: You describe an elevator in the middle of a zombie-filled forest as "normal."

--> ''You glance at him lovingly... You can jerk off to his winning smile later.''
--> ''She has the most amazing scent you've ever seen. Sometimes you bump into her on purpose.''

* EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep: Big One and Little One, the vampire children. {{Justified}}, as the narrator tells us that they don’t actually have names.
* EvilSmellsBad: It's mentioned several times that the zombies smell putrid. {{Justified}}, as they are decaying corpses. Later, they are described as smelling of robots and scabs.

** At one point you will start thinking about having a baby with Zoe, your cousin. She asks you to wait until you’re not in a zombie-filled forest.

* TheManyDeathsOfYou

* TheNineties: The Zombie Forest route is implied to take place in the 90s. Specifically, 1997.

Due to the nature of the medium, the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you.

* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: If you accidently kill your cousin Zoe and then [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone reflect on what you've done]], the LemonyNarrator - the one that constantly [[ThisLoserIsYou mocks you]] and makes [[DeadpanSnarker snarky jokes at your expence]] - will suddenly become very supportive of you, consoling you and convincing you to move on... [[SubvertedTrope Only to return to his old persona]], [[BlackComedy ironically remarking]] how you're lucky that [[ForgottenFallenFriend nobody mentions Zoe]] because you killed her.

* AmbiguouslyGay: You make some suggestive comments after Brad saves your life.

* ADateWithRosiePalms: After Brad saves you, the book tells you to "jerk off to his winning smile later."

* PatheticallyWeak: It's said that your ''grandmother'' is stronger than you are. The game repeatedly insults you for being a wimp and making stupid decision.

* AbusiveParents: Possibly your mom, if her threats about "the hook" are anything to go by.

''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a {{Gamebook|s}} “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, unintentional sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.

--> ''You can't imagine what it's like to be good-looking.''

* WeHardlyKnewYe
--> ''"I need help with this maze!" you scream. The friendly Maze Monkey pops up from the maze and is immediately snatched by its greatest enemy, the Maze Monkey Eagle.''\\

* TorchesAndPitchforks: In the Music/{{Rush}} ending[[spoiler:, you turn the crowd against your vampire kids and someone kicks their teeth in]]. The book tells you this is a GoodEnding.

* BalefulPolymorph: At one point you can be turned into a broom in Dr. Backpack's lab.

** Attacking Dr. Backpack gets you [[BalefulPolymorph turned into a broom]].

* AccidentalMisnaming: A ghost horse calls you “Denny”. Granted, your name is [[NoNameGiven never specified]], but if you tell the horse your name is Denny, the LemonyNarrator will point out that you are lying.

* ADateWithRosiePalms: After Brad saves you, the book tells you to "jerk off to his winning smile later".

* AmbiguousSituation: The book mentions that a man named Pancakes Rocky used to be your stepdad. It is unclear whether he and your mother divorced or if he died. The fact that you consider calling him implies he is alive, but the story has shown that [[DeathIsCheap death isn’t quite the roadblock it used to be.]]
* [[AmicableExes Amicably Divorced]]: Pancakes Rocky used to be your stepdad, and is apparently on good enough terms with the family that you consider calling him to ask for pancake batter. Y’know, to fill the batter crate.
* AndThatsTerrible: Getting eaten by zombies isn’t very fun.

** There's also "Tombo the Man-piano", [[NoodleIncident whoever he is]].

* BadlyBatteredBabysitter: You become one when you have to watch your vampire stepchildren while their mother is “knocking golf balls toward targets.”
* BalefulPolymorph: At one point you can be turned into a broom in Dr. Backpack’s lab.

** When you're captured by a dragon, what do you say to it? "Barf pants". The narrator even points out how idiotic that is.
** The dragon's name-calling isn't any better. He calls you 'mean names' like "bathroom boy" and "worst idiot".

* BreakingTheFourthWall: At one point you're offered the choice of vacuuming the floor instead of advancing the plot, in which case the text tells you to “put this book down, Mom.” [[spoiler:If you select this option you're redirected to the front cover.]]

* CoolOldGuy: Dr. Backpack. Despite being an old man with an [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin “old man voice”]], he is a scientist who invented a time machine and lives in a house with vampire tigers, a room full of disembodied screams, and a secret floor panel into a tube that turns would-be assailants into brooms.

* FatherIWantToMarryMyBrother: You’re a bit ''too'' fond of your cousin Zoe, and at one point outright contemplate having a baby with her.

* TheFriendNobodyLikes: Scoop, Mysterious Mark and the Elevator Twins are all described as “your least favorite friends.”

* HisNameReallyIsBarkeep: “Mom” may actually be your mom’s name, since your cousin Zoe calls her “Aunt Mom”. Also, Big One and Little One, your vampire stepsons.

* IceCreamKoan: Dr. Backpack explains time this way, staring with "Let's say time is like a pair of kids pretending to be sunglasses, And space is the man in white coveralls munching on alien eggs. Then you can think of my machine as the cutoff jeans...", and finishing with "...squeezing the life out of an orange. [[SarcasmMode Does that make sense?]]"
* IDontLikeTheSoundOfThatPlace: Zombie Forest and The Room of Your Scream both qualify. [[spoiler: The scream room is actually just a room that contains the sound of screaming.]]

** When Zoe punches you in the face you think it's "kind of hot".

* TheNameless: Your vampire children are referred to as "the big one" and "the little one." The narrative outright states “They don't have names.”

** The ball rolling off into the zombie-filled woods is described as "not a good thing".

* NeverSayDie: The talking dog announces that "you're about to get rid of your life".

** Your aunt (Presumably Zoe’s mother) getting stabbed by “that man”.

* NoSympathy: Whenever Zoe brings up her MissingMom the protagonist callously ignores her. Since the protagonist is “[[SecondPersonNarration you]]” this becomes a case of ProtagonistCenteredMorality.

* OhMyGods: At one point you exclaim "What in heaven's hands!".

** When you turn into rock the narrator calls you "bad to the stone".
** If you are turned into a broom the narrator points out that there's "no sweep for the wicked".

* RiddleForTheAges: We never find out what “shmare” is, even though it's referenced several times. All we know is it's a food.

** Happens to your hands if you get the titular "Sand Hands".

** Zoe has "the most amazing scent you've ever seen".
** The school bus sounds of "rubber wheels and yellow".

** If you do not retrieve the ball from the forest you try to justify this to yourself by saying "It's not like it was a ''medicine'' ball". However, when you get to school Brad is ill and can apparently only be cured by playing basketball.

** A pretty jarring example; when you and Dr. Backpack hide from the vampire tigers, Backpack suddenly jumps from under the cover and proclaims "I'm Backpack!". Naturally, this gets him mauled to death.

* {{Understatement}}: Being eaten by zombies is said to be "not very fun".
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: You describe an elevator in the middle of a zombie-filled forest as "normal".

* YouNeedABreathMint: On one route you sink into the ground and die. As you do so, a worm tells you that your breath stinks.

** Zoe blames the skateboard for the three of you getting lost in the forest, so [[DisproportionateRetribution it strangles you and her]] for ''[[UpToEleven five hours]]''.

Due to the nature of the medium, the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up [[AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you]].

-->''It's over. You lie there, black and red. But you've lived more in five minutes than you have in your nicest dreams, and you die a huge golden man with a smile.''

* MoodRingEyes: Zoe's eyes turn pink when she gets angry at you for shrinking.

* GoOutWithASmile: Happens to you in one ending [[spoiler:if you go to the future and fight the spy in the oil slick.]]

''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a {{Gamebook|s}} “written” by the folks at Creator/BotnikStudios [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, unintentional sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.

Due to the nature of the medium the plot varies depending on the choices you make, but the story is primarily about [[SecondPersonNarration you]] and your cousin [[TheAce Zoe]] trying to get to school through a [[EverythingsDeaderWithZombies zombie]]-infested [[DontGoInTheWoods forest]]. [[ForWantOfANail Or, if you choose to stay home from school,]] you end up [[AndNowForSomethingCompletelyDifferent a middle-aged loser dad to two vampire children who walk all over you]].

** The skateboard in Zombie Forest, who can move, talk, and seems to have hands and shoulders.

* EerilyOutOfPlaceObject: The pay phone and elevator in the middle of Zombie Forest.

** There's a gulliotine and you can try and stick your neck in it. Even ''the Narrator'' will warn you against this action, but if you persist, you can end your life in a very silly fashion.

* TheUndead: Both [[OurZombiesAreDifferent zombies]] and [[OurVampiresAreDifferent vampires]] are prevalent.

''[[https://botnik.org/goosebumps/ Welcome to Sand Hands]]'' is a {{Gamebook|s}} “written” by the folks at [[https://www.botnik.org/studios.html Botnik Studios]] using predictive text keyboards trained on books in the ''Literature/GiveYourselfGoosebumps'' series, similarly to their other production, ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndThePortraitOfWhatLookedLikeALargePileOfAsh''. Like that work, this results in a hilarious mix of WordSaladHumor, unintentional sarcastic {{parody}} and mind-melting insanity.

* MurderInTheFamily: In one route you mistake Zoe for a zombie and kill her.

* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: If you accidently [[MurderInTheFamily kill your cousin Zoe]] and then [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone reflect on what you've done]], the LemonyNarrator - the one that constantly [[ThisLoserIsYou mocks you]] and makes [[DeadpanSnarker snarky jokes at your expence]] - will suddenly become very supportive of you, consoling you and convincing you to move on... [[SubvertedTrope Only to return to his old persona]], [[BlackComedy ironically remarking]] how you're lucky that [[ForgottenFallenFriend nobody mentions Zoe]] because you killed her.

* YouNeedABreathMint: On one route you sink into the ground and die. As you do so, a worm tells you that your breath stinks.


%% * FamilyUnfriendlyAesop: If you don't lie to the ghost horse about being Denny you don't get the hint to eat the orange rather than the pear. You eat the pear and die, and the narrator outright mocks you for valuing honesty too much [[BrokenAesop (even though when you first meet the ghost horse, there's nothing that suggests lying would be more beneficial than telling the truth)]].

* {{Adorkable}}: The magician. He acts sheepish and awkward around you, but he offers you cookies and gives you a sword.

** The {{Adorkable}} magician who gives you the sword looks pretty harmless... But if you dare to bite him, he WILL kill you without remorse.

* IceKoan: Dr. Backpack explains time this way, staring with "Let's say time is like a pair of kids pretending to be sunglasses, And space is the man in white coveralls munching on alien eggs. Then you can think of my machine as the cutoff jeans...", and finishing with "...squeezing the life out of an orange. [[SarcasmMode Does that make sense?]]"

** Zoe's husband is also particularly unpleasant toward you, refusing to let you see your own cousin, unless you answer his question correctly.

* CoolOldGuy: Dr. Backpack. Despite being an old man with an [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin “old man voice”]], he is a scientist who invented a time machine and lives in a house with vampire tigers, a room full of disembodied screams, and a secret floor panel into a tube that turns would-be assaulters into brooms.

** Zoe blames the skateboard for the three of you getting lost in the forest, so it strangles you and her for ''five hours''.

* SadistTeacher: In one of the endings, Coach Curly ''beheads'' Zoe, using her head as the ball and later [[YouHaveFailedMe beheads you as well for losing a game]]... [[DisproportionateRetribution all because you lost "the lucky ball" in the forest.]]

** [[{{Jerkass}} Sal the Bus Driver]] also qualifies, first he stops at your house just to throw a rude joke and drive away without you. Later, he can show up at the Zombie Forest and try to murder you [[ForTheEvulz for no apparent reason]], taunting you all the way. Luckily, [[KarmicDeath you can kill the bastard]] with the Magician's sword if you have one.