History Fanfic / HecksingUlumateCrconikals

[[caption-width-right:220:Yeah, [[CrackFic it's]] [[StylisticSuck a]] [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed little]] [[CrackPairing like]] [[Film/UndercoverBrother that.]][[note]][[Characters/MillenniumNazis Rip's]] to the left, [[Characters/HellsingHellsingOrganization Seras]] is to the right. [[ParodySue Carl's]] in the center.[[/note]]]]

*** The very beginning says that "Fakebook" is not unlike a joke from ''the Simpsons'', a comment on said show's debatable overuse of WereStillRelevantDammit and their [[ShallowParody Shallow Parodies]].

* {{Bishonen}}: The fan fic describes Alucard and Luke as this. To the extent that when Alucard kills Luke, he says "[[TalkLikeAPirate Ar]], there be only won bishie [[NoFourthWall in this fan fic!]]" Carl, though, is ''not'' bishonen, and the narrator would like to point out.

** ''Dawn'' has an HRG composed of two people: Haxxor, and... Kenny. Hecksing also gets two completely new original characters for members: [[AwesomeMcCoolName Kaitana]] and... Denise.

''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7380145/1/Hecksing_Ulumate_Crconikals Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals]]''[[note]]While the "Ulumate" and "Crconikals" are "typoes" of "Ultimate" and "Chronicles," it is in fact supposed to be "Hecksing" instead of "Hellsing."[[/note]] is the third entry the StylisticSuck ''[[FanFic/SBIGSeries SBIG]]'' series by @/GreatPikminFan and the first one longer than a one-shot to be completed. Unlike its other installments, this one actually follows the story of the original canon of ''Manga/{{Hellsing}} at first'' before slowly turning into an unusual adventure.

* {{Hell}}: There's four of them, actually. [[LethalLavaLand Red Hell]], [[TheLostWoods Purple Hell]], [[SpaceZone Gray Hell]], and [[EldritchLocation Black Hell]].

* LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters: The first four chapters only have the absolute central characters, but then side-characters such as Dracula, Homer Simpson, David Hasselhoff, and the jury in chapter 9 are introduced. Ed, Eddy, and Sonic of the jury even play a role in the aformentioned chapter (providing Hecksing with some rides), and all of them get a mention in the epilogue. Except Dracula and Wiggim.

* SomethingCompletelyDifferent: Chapter 9 sticks out like a sore thumb from the rest of the series, being the only chapter that is neither the beginning nor the epilogue that's focused on a villain ''not'' part of the Millennium. In fact, Rip is the only (ex-)member of the group to ''appear'', which is noteworthy considering how the previous chapter was about breaking into their base and even ended with Carl fending off against [[spoiler:Jan again]]. It's also probably the most side-character heavy chapter aside from the epilogue. WordOfGod said that he liked the latter attribute, and stylized ''Housestuck''[='=]s story flow so that most of it would have the same "sidequest" based plotlines as that.

* BiggerBad: [[spoiler:Hitler.]]

** [[spoiler:Hitler, on account of being the story's BiggerBad and the reveal that he's the one responsible for Alucard's backstory.]]

* [[spoiler:UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler: It's a badfic of a series with Nazis as the main villains. Him being the BiggerBad is kind of a given.]]

** Tucalcain "Dandy"/"Card Guy" Alhambra's cards blocking all of Alucard's bullets. Because in this fic, [[BadassDecay Alucard can apparantly only shoot things and lacks most of his other abilities,]] this makes their battle a stalemate... until Carl's sonic wave guitar blows the cards away with wind ''and'' kills Card Guy.

Alucard [[IronicName Badguy]] is a powerful vampire who kills other, evil vampires by the word of Integra [[UnfortunateNames Heck]]. Then, one fateful night during an attack of a forest, he ends up needing to do an EmergencyTransformation to Seras Victoria. Finding out that the vampire who caused this was a part of a former co-organization [[PunnyName Heavensing]], Integra then sends Alucard and the newly vamperized Seras to "SERCH AND DESTROY TOES TRADERS." After a short battle, a spell that was keeping out all non-Hecksing or Heavensing vampires is broken with the death of Heavensing's leader... [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Ned Flanders]] (yes, you read that right), who got himself killed after Alucard killed his lover Father Alexander Anderson and he tried to avenge him (yes, you read ''that'' right too). With this spell broken, the mysterious Millennium are now free to wreek havok (or, rather, UNLEESH HECK [sic]) on the [[CriticalResearchFailure United Kingdoms of London]]. For most of the following chapters, Hecksing has to foil the various plans of the Millennium.

* ThirteenIsUnlucky: There's thirteen chapters, and the fan fic both begun and ended on a 13th.[[note]]The "beginning" publish date is more of a happy coincidence. It begun on 9/13 so that chapter 3, the introduction of Carl, will be on the same day that ''Two and a Half Men'''s season priemere showing Charlie's replacement airs. It ending on 4/13 was because the author had gotten an intrest in ''Homestuck'' sometime between the making of chapters 4 and 5 and wanted the fan fic to conclude on HS's third anaversary. The ending date is not a coincidence, since 413 is an ArcNumber for said comic.[[/note]]

* BrotherSisterIncest: For side characters. "[[spoiler:John and [=JAde=] made a sucessful TV series based on ther pasrt intrests Nick Cage Squidels and Ed Edd and Eddy the Mis-Edcventures. '''Also the 2 got maried and have kids''', but they also have genderbend clones after a lab expiriment wqent wrong. John's clon is Jean and Jade's is Jude.]]"

* {{Stripperiffic}}: Rip as well the the Brazilian "chiks" [sic].

[[caption-width-right:220:Yeah, [[CrackFic it's]] [[StylisticSuck a]] [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed little]] [[CrackPairing like]] [[Film/UndercoverBrother that.]][[note]][[Characters/MillenniumNazis Rip's]] to the left, [[Characters/HellsingOrganization Seras]] is to the right. [[ParodySue Carl's]] in the center.[[/note]]]]

* FamousLastWords: All of these are taken directly, typo-for-typo, from the fan fic.
** "NO WAT DA FU-" [[spoiler:Alexander Anderson]]
** "No didly o! my boyfriend is dead! We wheere lovers! I kill you!" [[spoiler:Ned Flanders]]
** "Uh oh im starting to thik THIS IS BAD IDEA." [[spoiler:Luke Valentine]]
** "HA HA THAT MY POWER!" [[spoiler:"Card Guy" (Tubalcain Alhambra)]]
** "MOOOO!" [[spoiler:Alucard Badguy]]
** "RAWR! I AM GOING TO EET YOURE BRANS!" [[spoiler:Giant Mutant Homer Simpson]]
** "HEY THE MANOPR IS KINDA CLOSE LET ME JUST CROSS THIS LAWN." [[spoiler:A Millennium mook]]
** "OMG IS THIS BE MY HOUSE?" [[spoiler:The last member of the Wild Geese, aside from Carl]]
** "CAN I JOIN?" [[spoiler:Another Millennium mook, asking if he could make the Carl/Seras/Rip/Zorin foursome a fivesome]]
** [[OhCrap "Oh fuck."]] [[spoiler:Walter C. Dornez, human form]]
** "I'M AM SORY BUT YOU CNT HURT ME I WHEREWOLF I INVISIBIBEL TO ANYTHIG BUT SILVER SO YO MITE GIVE UP I MEEN I AM THE GOODEST FIHGTER OF THEM ALL ACSEPT MABEY RIP SHES ALSO KOOL SHES MY BESTIE SO SHE CAN GET SECOND TEER LIST WILE I AM GOD TEER." [[spoiler:The Captain, although Rip brings him back by making him her familiar]]
** "Remember wen I said i was also named Angel of death? Ya well gess what, IM RELLY A ANGEL!" [[spoiler:Walter C. Dornez, after revealing his angel form]]
** "AND NOW I OUT, YOU WILL DAED!" [[spoiler:Jan Valentine]]
** "And Seras... I know you can avenge [[spoiler:Alucard]] for me." [[spoiler:Integra Heck]]
** "OH CARP! I BETTER [[FreudianSlip GET MYSELF OFF]] OR ELSE I FAL INTO LAVA AND MELT!" [[spoiler:Lawyer Guy. Specifically, the unit that was sent to kill Hecksing]]
** [[TemptingFate "YOU HAVE NOT SEEN MY LAST!"]] [[spoiler:The Doctor]]
** [[MamaBear "DONT SHOOT MAH GIRL BICH!"]] [[spoiler:Seras's Mom]]
** "Ow my ass! OW! MY HEAD!" [[spoiler:The Major]]
** "How the fuck you kill a guy like that?" [[spoiler:Kamina, as this is technically the last thing he says before Hitler life-drains him, although unlike most examples there's a bit of a space between the line and his death]]
** "I WWILL UNLEECH BADGUY ON YOU" [[spoiler:Hitler Badguy]]
** "If my life is tobe sucked into another then I cant existing myself anymore so I am now just..." [[spoiler:"Cat Boy" (Schrodinger)]]
** "HA HA HA! I HAVE A KATANA OF AWSOMENESS AND I WIL: USE IT TO KILL OFF ALL YOUR VAMPERER IDIOTS BY THE CUTTINGS OF THE HEAD AND-" [[spoiler:Yumie Takagi]]
** "YOU DON'T SCARE ME! I EXPERT IN VAMPIRE KILL LIKME ANDERSON! AND IT TOOK ALUCARD FUCKING BADGUY TO TAKEOUT HIM! BUT [[spoiler:AL'S DEAD NOW]] SO THAT MEENS THERES NOONE TO STOPME!" [[spoiler:Heinkel Wolfe]]
** "FUCK I CANT ALL THIS SMOKE!" [[spoiler:Enrico Maxwell]]

** In chapter 8, Carl asks Jan if he was the guy [[spoiler:who killed Alucard. Except the exact quote [[FoeYay was if he "fucked Alucard," with the "up" that should have been in there missing]]. Thankfully, Jan answers that by saying that he killed him]], getting rid of any ambiguity in Carl's question.

* WinToExit: Non-game example: The Don makes "[[YouKeepUsingThatWord invisible]]" walls in his pocket dimension that prevent Hecksing from leaving. They have to kill him for him to free them from the dimension.
* YouKeepUsingThatWord: "Invisible" walls. They're not invisible if you can see the blue chakra composing them.

* {{Crossover}}: With ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', ''VideoGame/{{Halo}}'', ''Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann'', ''VideoGame/{{Pikmin}}'', and briefly with ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'', ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'', ''Manga/{{Bleach}}'', ''Manga/OnePiece'', ''Manga/{{Naruto}}'', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', and ''VideoGame/MegaManClassic''. But not ''[[WesternAnimation/TotalDrama Total Drama]]''. That's a different anime. [[spoiler:For crossing over in ''Housestuck'' instead.]]

* ParodyStu: Carl was ''supposed'' to be a parody of JerkStu, but Seras ends up filling that role if anything. An exception is Carl's introduction in chapter 3; he acts like a total jackass, but every chapter after he's wise and planning.

** Within the first set of chapters, [[WesternAnimation/TotalDramaIsland Noah]] is referred to as being "from a different anime" twice. This gag seems to have been abandoned until the very last line before the closing AN.

* {{Crossover}}: With ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', ''VideoGame/{{Halo}}'', ''Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann'', ''VideoGame/{{Pikmin}}'', and briefly with ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'', ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'', ''Manga/{{Bleach}}'', ''Manga/OnePiece'', ''Manga/{{Naruto}}'', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', and ''VideoGame/MegaManClassic''. But not ''[[WesternAnimation/TotalDramaIsland Total Drama]]''. That's a different anime. [[spoiler:For crossing over in ''Housestuck'' instead.]]

* RunningGag: In the opening AN, "'''Disclaimer:''' The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert vampires and one badass [person who is relevant to the chapter, usually the VillainOfTheWeek]. Do not attempt any of these at home. [[WesternAnimation/TotalDramaIsland Seriously, it could mess you up!]]"

** At one point, the fan fic compares Seras/Carl to [[WesternAnimation/TotalDramaIsland Courtney/Duncan]], and is implied to be compared to other pairings that go [[SlapSlapKiss in a]] [[DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale related way]], a jab at those kinds of couples.

* CharacterizationMarchesOn: The entire first season barely had any consistency with its characters compared to how they would be later on. Seras was actually rational at first, Carl was more of a perverted asshole and way more GenreSavvy than the other characters, and Rip acted like an idiot (which makes less sense considering how she acts as a sane, intelligent guide to Seras in chapter 8).

* PerfectlyCromulentWord: Unlike ''Hecksing'' proper, this seems to make up words at times. Like "susperection" (a very unfortunate typo of "suspicion" that, for some reason, turned into "[[FreudWasRight erection]]" partway through) in chapter 2.

** The "Wild [[CodeGeass Geass]]."

* MusicalAssassin: Carl, with his [[TheSpongebobSquarepantsMovie Sonic Wave Guitar]].

** The David Hasselhoff ride is a blatant reference to the ''Film/TheSpongebobSquarepantsMovie''.

''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7380145/1/Hecksing_Ulumate_Crconikals Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals]]'' (Which is supposed to be ''Hecksing Ultimate Chronicles''; not ''Hellsing'') is the third entry the StylisticSuck ''[[FanFic/SBIGSeries SBIG]]'' series by Tropers/GreatPikminFan and the first one longer than a one-shot to be completed.[[note]]Also of note, ''Zombie Attack!'', the work before HUC, ended on a CliffHanger[[/note]] Unlike its other installments, this one actually follows the story of the original canon of ''Manga/{{Hellsing}} at first'' before slowly turning into an unusual adventure.

Alucard [[CardCarryingVillain Badguy]] is a powerful vampire who kills other, evil vampires by the word of Integra [[UnfortunateNames Heck]]. Then, one fatefull night during an attack of a forest, he ends up needing to do an EmergencyTransformation to Seras Victoria. Finding out that the vampire who caused this was a part of a former co-organization [[PunnyName Heavensing]], Integra then sends Alucard and the newly vamperized Seras to "SERCH AND DESTROY TOES TRADERS." After a short battle, a spell that was keeping out all non-Hecksing or Heavensing vampires is broken with the death of Heavensing's leader... [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Ned Flanders]] (yes, you read that right), who got himself killed after Alucard killed his lover Father Alexander Anderson and he tried to avenge him (yes, you read ''that'' right too). With this spell broken, the mysterious Millennium are now free to wreek havok (or, rather, UNLEESH HECK [sic]) on the [[CriticalResearchFailure United Kingdoms of London]]. For most of the following chapters, Hecksing has to foil the various plans of the Millennium.

A semi-sequel, ''FanFic/HousestuckHurrcainCrconikals'', was released on the anniversary of HUC's first chapter. It takes place in the same universe as HUC, and focuses on the ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'' characters, as well as elaborating a little more on the rest of the chapter 9 jury and the world in general. First through means of taking place in the same general timespan as the events of HUC, but as of the end of its fifth season, it's going to start going forewards past chapter 12. (13 being a DistantFinale.) There is also a sort of {{Crossover}}, ''FanFic/CarlStevensUniverse'', where the members of Hecksing who survived in HUC ([[spoiler:Carl, Seras, Rip, and the Captain]]) get into a bit of a quarrel with the [[WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse Crystal Gems.]] Finally (for now; seeing how often this is expanded it could really go on for quite a while), the author announced a prequel fic called ''Hecksing: The Dawn'', set to bring more light to some of the members that ''didn't'' survive by virtue of taking place in the past. ([[spoiler:Alucard, Integra, Walter, and for the second half Kamina have been confirmed along with a re-appearance of Rip; Zorin appears to have no such luck until further notice and Pip seems to be jossed if the beginning is any indication]].) ''Dawn'' is more of a MonsterOfTheWeek format and composed of six chapters, and can be found [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10442944/1/Hecksing-The-Dawn here]]. Until it gets the need to be split off on its own page, tropes for ''the Dawn'' will be listed here.

** Major's man boobs.

** ''TheSimpsons''[='=] fourth season mentioned ''TheRenAndStimpyShow'' twice; once was a clip that Bart and his new "brother" were watching, the other was during a reward show where it was competing against ''Itchy and Scratchy''. Both of these contexts were used in this fan fic to provide two clips of ''Ren and Stimpy''.

** Homer Simpson has been reincarnated to Hank Hill, who later on started this universe's version of ''KingOfTheHill''.