History DarthWiki / UselessNotes

* [[CanadaEh Canada]] is that rugged piece of [[GhibliHills wilderness]] above America where it's always cold and snowing and the trees bleed maple syrup. The locals, where it's populated at all, consist of Natives, [[HelpfulMook bumbling mooks]] who are overly polite and a few French guys. It's main exports are the aforementioned syrup and hokey sticks (which are harvested annually from the same trees that the syrup comes from), and its main industries are various kinds of woodwork and igloo-craft. The state religion is also Hokey, which all young children begin their training in at birth. The country has never been involved in, or associated with, [[ActualPacifist anything remotely relating to war. Ever.]]

* The Holocaust was the only genocide ever, in all of history.
** Corollary: All bigots are antisemites, even if they've never even heard of Jews.

* There is a country to to north of Europe which can be known as Britain, [[BritainVersusTheUK the UK]] or England. The capital city is [[BritainIsOnlyLondon London, where Stonehenge is]]. The only other city in this country is Cardiff, which is where everyone speaks with a [[MistakenNationality weird version of an English accent]] and [[AliensInCardiff all the aliens are]]. Except the ones that [[AliensOfLondon are from London]].

** Brazil (one of the only countries in South America), is a primitive country [[TheCapitalOfBrazilIsBuenosAires whose capital is Buenos Aires]]. Like all Latin-Americans, they speak Spanish and all have brown skin. They live in jungles villages full of monkeys, snakes and drug dealers. There are no male clothes in Brazil. Men wear women's clothes and women don't wear anything.

* All Africans are beautiful refugees who are stuck living in displaced persons camps despite having deceased millionaire fathers who were in the oil business. They're willing to share these millions with the first naive, lovesick American they find on a dating website, as long as the American first gives them their name, address, phone number, credit card number and social security number.

* Segregation started up in the 1950's, but only in Alabama and Mississippi. It was quickly ended by the Civil Rights movement. When Martin Luther King Jr. gave his "I Have a Dream" speech, that was the end of racism, forever.

* And Satan is a Brit, simply because [[EvilBrit they're evil]].

* [[MenArePerverts Sex is all men ever think about.]] [[WomenArePrudes Women never think about sex.]]

** The SovietUnion may have had a brief scuffle with Germany too, or SoIHeard, but it was unimportant.

* Texas is the largest state in the US. Some people claim it's Alaska, but if you look at any map of the US you can clearly see that Alaska is actually about half the size of California and stuffed in the corner of the map right next to Hawaii (which is right off the coast of California, by the way). Both states are surrounded by an odd box-like landmass.

* Texas is the largest state in the US. Some people claim it's Alaska, but if you look at any map of the US you can clearly see that Alaska is actually about half the size of California and stuffed in the corner of the map right next to Hawaii (which is right off the coast of California, by the way).

* FREE B--ow ow OW! Okay, okay, I'll stop, I swear!

* In [[LandDownUnder Australia]], the land is populated by aborigines, [[EverythingsBetterWithKangaroos kangaroos]], koalas, alligators, [[LooneyTunes Tasmanian Devils]], poisonous tarantulas and scorpions, maybe the occasional [[TheRescuers giant bird]], and plenty of other creatures that can't wait to kill you. Besides the aborigines you've got rugged outback men who [[CrocodileDundee don't call anything less than a 12-inch dagger a knife]], say "G'day mate" a lot, eat [[strike:shrimp]] prawns off the barbee, and [[CrocodileHunter enjoy harassing the deadly creatures that populate the continent.]] The terrain consists of the barren outback, maybe a rainforest here and there, but watch out [[FernGully for any evil pollution spirits trapped in the trees]]. And apparently the word for 'beer' in the local tongue is 'Foster's'.

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* Everyone in the Middle East is Islamic, except in Israel. Everyone's a terrorist suicide bomber in the Middle East too. And there's lots of oil everywhere. The terrain is otherwise pretty much the same as the desert part of Africa including sand dunes and pyramids and cacti, just with oil.