Feranard
Since: Jan, 2001
04/08/2018 14:01:04
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FanficRecs Pretty Good, Needs Polish
Has multiple Grammar errors and has shipping of Harry/Hermione but seeing Harry progress into a cynical, ultra-prepared slytherin is quite something.
FanficRecs Great ideas, terrible execution
Don't let the "peggy sue" label deceive you; it's not your average time-travel story (although it is of the standard "multiple timelines" type). The time travel is this story happens infrequently and is relatively short-range (from a few days to a few months). Every time Harry dies, he travels back to a little while before that happened, and that would give him some time to process what happened, learn about the circumstances and try to prevent it. This (especially when he spoiler:survives (or rather, failing to) multiple assassination attempts even *before* he got to Hogwarts) ended up making him a lot better at self-preservation (and essentially turning a miniature Moody, who sadly doesn't have much screen time). It's also realistic about the effects of this kind of trauma; Harry becomes jumpy and a little too paranoid for a while and almost ends up killing people by mistake. Another fact I liked was that it has a powerful, independent Harry without demonizing Dumbledore (canon-consistent personality).
That being said, the effect was ruined by the sloppy writing. I have found typos, grammar errors, missing/repeated phrases and paragraphs *all over the place*. Too often the author tells but not shows and it ended up being vague and repetitive (Harry thought this, Harry thought that, etc.); it just doesn't seem to flow very well.
Even worse, the writing was awkward, even cringey at times. The most glaring example is found in chapter 56, as Harry reflects on his relationship with Fleur and Hermione, and remarks that Fleur was "an ideal woman, older, mysterious and unobtainable", whereas Hermione was "as familiar as a pair of well worn shoes [sic]".
Okay, I just cringed so hard at this. Leaving aside the fact that it could be considered sexist, that is not something that Harry would have said. Even though the fic mostly avoids the mistake that too many strong!Harry fics make - thinking that strength (and maybe being a little desensitized) inevitably leads to arrogance, a devil-may-care attitude and womanizing (i.e. HP turns into James Bond without much explanation, which I just don't find realistic at all). Not to mention, Harry is unlikely to use terms that are simply so stupid (especially since he's supposed to be a Slytherin). And even if we disregard all of that, it just sounds *plain embarrassing*.
Nope.