Romance

If you want to be in a relationship, you will know if it's in your heart. Start small and be friends to expand your social circle. Look into your mind and ask if you want to be in a relationship. Settle your standards to normal intent.

If you want to meet new people, go ahead and explore your horizons. Save your money and find your other. They may be looking for you as well. They may be far away, they may be across the street, they may be a close friend. They'll be there.

It's ok to be overwhelmed but just start small. Start slow. Start out walking and then jog to the path you wanted to go through.

So I started college today & I already have a crush on a classmate (actually four, but I’m focusing on one for now). What should I do so I don’t mess this up?

Start with the person you want to get to know the most. Listen to your thoughts? Attractive? Get to know them more? Which one stands out to you?

Whomever you pick, take your time and go to them and talk. It doesn't have to go anywhere, just talk. And keep talking until you get to know each other. Then build on top of that. They're probably nervous about this so take it slow.

How does one find a relationship?

As far as I know, most people meet their eventual spouses in school.

I have been out of school for six years and I can’t afford college. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and while I have a job and a car now, the idea of meeting a girl who likes me, and that I like, seems very improbable. I don’t talk at work (trying to make friends at work hurts productivity), the similarly-aged girls in my church group aren’t interested in me, and I don’t really do anything else.

Having a romantic relationship is something I’ve always wanted, but I have responsibilities and obligations now. I’ve started to believe that I’ll never find someone, because I never had a girlfriend in school and the other venues that “normal” adults use to meet people (bars) are places I don’t want to go.

Find a local activity/club/class/group. Ren faire, bowling league, game night, whatever. Something you enjoy doing and could do weekly. Even if you dont' find someone you date, it can be a good way of expanding your friend group, which increases your chance.

What is 'most' people? Certainly I know some people who got together at university and are stil going strong 10 years later, but at school, going through your teenage years and everything that encompasses, you have yet to really learn about yourself, let alone how to be in a sustainable relationship. I know some people do marry their high school sweethearts, but I suspect their relationship requires far more work than those who meet later. No one at school is who they end up becoming, and I'd be worried if someone did stay exactly the same as when they were 15.

From personal experience - I'm very happy to say that I've just entered into a new relationship! I'm 30, she's 35. We met on a Christian run holiday and we just clicked, we spent the whole week together finding out about each other, enjoying each others company, and by the end of the week we knew we were for each other. Some might say its luck that while we met 1000 miles from home and that she's spent her whole life living 170 miles from me, that two days after we got back she was due to move to within 15 miles of me, and due to move even closer in a few months - however we're both Christians so I'm going to chalk it up to Divine Providence

Work people can be met up with after work, my work generally has after work drinks most nights (I genrlaly don’t attend, but it’s an option), otherwise pick a hobby you enjoy and try and find either a social group or league that engages in said hobby. Book clubs, gaming stories, board game nights, poker nights, church groups, ect...

Personally I met my girlfriend at university, my first girlfriend I met at school but in the end it didn’t work out, we wern’t the right people for each other in large part because we dealt with things in different ways. Likewise with my second girlfriend, we had different desires for the kind of partner we wanted and how we viewed the world.

As for college crushes, get to know them, it gives you a chance to work out if they’re someone you’d mesh well with in a relationships, it gives them a chance to do the same, hang out a bit and spend time together, see where things go naturally, don’t try and plan for a 6 step program of how to make a relationship form.

There’s a connection you feel, follow it and see where you end up.

Edited by Silasw on Sep 5th 2018 at 10:57:10 AM

I'm kinda bummed that I haven't seen that gothy chick I saw first day of class off in the distance again. Meh. Was going to try to (admittedly terribly as I have terrible charisma) flirt with her if I saw her again.

I finally decided which girl I’m going after. Wish me luck!

Maybe I should just admit I'm afraid of being with someone.

Good luck, Spino!

If you're afraid of bring with anyone, it's OK. It could mean you're not ready to be in a relationship, it could mean that you're not confident to be in a relationship. Just remember, that negative thoughts that build up will badly affect your future relationships, friendly or more. So, if you're not ready, its fine. Everything takes time so ride it out until you're ready.

Thanks. I'm still trying to figure out why this is.

Just look in yourself and find what you're looking for the answer. Sometimes, deep thoughts are key.

I fucking hate how I always wind up falling for someone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings. It's frustrating.

She has a boyfriend, but what else is new?

@Scarecrow It sucks. It really does. We've all been there. But you cannot control how one feels. Who knows? Maybe there is someone who likes you but you don't reciprocate their feelings. it just takes a matter of loving yourself. These things build up over time but you'll find someone.

@Spino Are you ok?

I’m not sure. It feels like everyone at my school already has someone & it’s hurting my self-esteem (which was virtually nonexistent to begin with).

Everyone has self esteem issues. There are no perfect couples.

It's understandable if you're feelin alone in a crowd, everyone does at one point. There are probably people who are thinking the same way as you. I know I don't know much but you seem to be a nice person. You will be ok. Just don't make wanting to be in a relationship for 1st priority. Enjoy being your own person, enjoy just being with people you love. Laugh if you're happy. Cry if you're sad. That's life. Live it up and take steps to be a better person.

Great. Just fucking great.

I've been dealing with a lot of stress recently from my parents and getting ready to apply to college. Then, my crush asked me out of nowhere if I still had feelings for her. I was hesitant, then told her the truth. And now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and her friends (which were my friends too) have all started to ignore me.

Now I feel genuinely sorry for this happening, I know I fucked up and should've just moved on, and I'm trying to figure out a way to fix all this. I want to just try and work something out with her and her friends and not have to deal with a bunch of people fucking hating me for something I'm sorry about and want to fix as best I can.

Also, I'm just going to try and stop thinking about relationships for awhile. This has made me so fucking fearful of trying to pursue a relationship now.

It's not your fault about telling your crush the truth. It's better if you ripped that band-aid off instead of flat out lying. If she, and your friends, turned away just because you told the truth, it's THEIR loss, not yours. Lying would have done even more damage in the long run and they would have flat out resented you later on.

You did NOT fuck this up. I repeat, you DID NOT fuck this up. No one can control how they feel inside. It's not like you forced yourself on this person, it's not like you went out to hurt this person. You. Told. The. Truth. If she continues to ignore you and resent you, fuck that person and move on. And your friends aren't your friends if they walk away from your confession.

On the other hand, maybe she needs some time alone. Maybe she needs to assert herself and see what is what. Maybe leave her alone, either way.

Be happy with yourself. Make new friends who understand where you are coming from. Figure yourself out. It's not the end of the world. You'll get through this, single or with a girlfriend. You'll be ok. Please keep going.

Apparently she thinks that this is the fourth time I've asked her out. Now I know it hasn't been four times. I know of two times (and I will be the first to admit that was wrong and I shouldn't have done that) but that's it, and I was actually trying to forget about her and move on for a while.

However, I did ask her if she wanted to see a movie sometime (she's one of the few people I know who loves horror movies as much as I do and we talked about them a lot). I explicitly stated AS FRIENDS (she thought I was asking her out on a date when it never even crossed my mind), and I don't know what she thought of that.

Not to mention the fact that I was always nice to her whenever I talked to her and actually gave her something for her birthday. Now I don't want to take her out if she thinks I'm a fucking creep. What I want is for her and her friends to see the real me (which they have, and they actually liked me) and just have this whole thing work out for the best.

It’s pretty hard to feel like you’re human (let alone your own person) when you’ve never known romance even though some your classmates are married. I don’t even have any hobbies to take my mind off of things.

My long distance relationship isnt making me happy anymore. Its over 2 years in and still dont know if we will ever see each other. I dont know. I didnt want to leave and feel even more alone than i do now since i have no have friends

Edited by MacronNotes on Sep 21st 2018 at 8:56:05 AM

You are not alone. Sorry if this is a bit late.

You will feel bad for a while. It will hurt. For a long while. But you will find someone. No one should be alone. You'll be ok.

I'd feel bad if I even flirted with the women at my college; a 28 year old man shouldn't be hitting on 18 year olds. That, and thanks to my depression my self-loathing has almost entirely consumed me at this point, so I won't have any of that "confidence" and other bullshit women, I'm told, are attracted to.

Think it's too late for me, too be honest. Whatever. As long as I can study viruses and drink whiskey, I'll be fine.