Dwarf Fortress Succession Game III:Jawmetal

Strike the Elf!

Remember to leave a survivor or two to tell tales of your atrocities. Otherwise they won't know what happened.

Bladebound, what's the current fate of Jawmetal? Do I need to step in and show you the proper way to incite a war?

Have gotten slightly sidetracked by life. Should have an update tomorrow, will try to make it a big one.

Edit: In the grim darkness of the far tomorrow, there is only war...

edited 8th Jun '14 3:27:05 AM by Bladebound

'*This message menaces with spikes of crayon.* The Tale of Bladebound II Àggoden, "Bladebound II Overrope", Prince of Dwarfkind, part 1: Granite 2nd: Uncle Durza has given me permission to take a more active hand in ruling the fortress! Whee! The first order I had to sign was one to remove the stockpile someone had placed in the IMPERATOR and shore it up against "Purely Hypotetical Unwanted Negative and Terrible Immersion in Magma and Eternal Sadness", or PHUN TIMES. The second order was one dealing with a lever test in the chamber of the Iron Throne. Vabok Rigòthoddom Edandur Alron, the Butt Monkey, immediately ran off to do the latter.

Granite 4th: Upon further inspection of THRONE, I have found a statue of a guineafowl at the entrance to the room. I have ordered its removal, as it is not fitting for my father's tomb.

Apparently the lever inside room with the Iron Throne controls some of the PSYKER spikes, but not all of them. According to Durza, my father ordered the plans showing how to connect the PSYKER with the lever destroyed, so I will leave the lever as it is.

Granite 5th: I have signed an order to have the winding passageways around THRONE flooded.

Granite 21st: Apparently Uzol Ríbarakrul, "Uzol Homagetin", the daughter of Viha VIII, has lost herself in the rapidly flooding passageways around THRONE. Oops? In related news, Alåth Rulushkûbuk, "Alåth Splashedlances", has left his robe where it jams one of the recently installed doors meant to keep the water inside the passageways around THRONE. Durza has promised me that the matter will be dealt with.

Granite 28th: I have found a strange area above the ground floor where bridges line the walls. I suppose this is an atomization facility. No one has told me where the control lever is, but I don't think I will need to use this facility. Word is, dwarf scientists are working on how to split the atoms given during atomization in a controlled manner. I asked Uncle Durza about this and was told that he would gladly sponsor any attempt to split atoms, given that we exported this opportunity to a human or elf town. The human settlement of Sparklebulwarks was mentioned as a possible location for the "Atomization and Transformation of Optimally Manufatored Inverted Creation, or Better Obliteration of Malign Beings", or ATOMIC BOMB.

Slate 26th: Work on the flooding continues, though the miners are failing at digging through critical tiles in a symmetrically pleasing manner.

8th Felsite: Several miners and masons are failing to move to a safe (or accessible) location before completing their job. Durza has provided the paperwork required for the "Dwarfy Attempt to Reduce Work-related Idiocy and Negate Attempts to Weaken or Annihilate our Righteous Dwarf Society", or DARWIN AWARDS, and I have made a nice crayon signature at the bottom.

Felsite 12th: The elves are here! To arms! To arms!

Felsite 15th: There are seven merchants. We have seven squads, so I have assigned one squad to each elf.

Pest control completed.

Felsite 16th: I was just told that one of the miners assigned to prepare one of the magma ducts required for Phase 2 of the attempt to protect the IMPERATOR against desecration had managed to misread his orders and had brought the liquid blood of the earth forth into the passage already. Luckily, the protective cover for the IMPERATOR was done, but the magma is approaching Durza's quarters as I write this, and no one has seen fit to contstruct the wall I requested.

Felsite 17th: The wall has been constructed. Durza has suggested that I look into the old EXTERMINATUS decree that my father wrote down somewhere and that it might be applicable with regards to the miner responsible for almost desecrating the IMPERATOR and Durza's quarters. Apparently there is a link between "usurper" and "heretical lackey of the vile Viha who seeks to burn the true rul... Emperor Regent to death in his sleep". I trust that Durza knows what he is doing.

Felsite 19th: Madness Incarnate Oltafotthor, "Madness Incarnate Gildforest", is spamming me with "cancels Store Item in Stockpile: Drop-off Inaccessible" messages. Stupid revolting peasant! If Grand Spamming isn't punishable by summary execution already, someone needs to rewrite the law retroactively!

Also, a snatcher arrived and walked into a cage trap. A second one joined him moments later.

Felsite 21st: An ambush!

Felsite 23rd: The goblins are dead or have fled from Holy Jawmetal. There were no losses or wounded on our side. Madness is still spamming me, and even Durza, who at first claimed that "Sanity is for the WEAK!" is starting to reconsider.

Felsite 24th: A second ambush announced itself by walking into the various traps next to the entrance.

Felsite 26th: The second ambush has been destroyed, mostly due to its own stupidity.

Felsite 28th: Madness Incarnate has been convicted of three old murder cases, as Durza claims that it will take time to make the Grand Spamming stick. The sentence has been set to 100 hammerstrikes and 201 days in prison. Sorry, sister mine, you should have thought your spamming through. I hope Father is merciful.

Malachite 2nd: Zasit Eshonmîstem, "Zasit Goodportal", a child, has organized a party! Whee!

OOC: Turns out I had some time to play earlier than expected. Should have another update tomorrow.

Also, I didn't notice that Madness was my dwarf's sister until it was too late. Oops?

edited 8th Jun '14 4:37:36 PM by Bladebound

Yay! We're all doomed again!

(By the way, if you hit F7 I believe that brings up CONDORITOVISION!)

So you just risked your own tantrum?

Does the Hammerer still have that toy hammer we gave 'im? This may be important in the future. If not to us, then at least to Madness Incarnate.

The Tale of Bladebound II Àggoden, "Bladebound II Overrope", Prince of Dwarfkind, part 2: Malachite 12th: The mayor has mandated the construction of two spears. I passed the order along to the forges immediately.

Malachite 18th: Apparently the suspected atomization facility is the HELLFIRE reservoir. Durza has told me not to mention it to anyone.

Malachite 24th: An attempt to dig next to the MAGMA CON CARNE water reservoir has resulted in some flooding. Various emergency procedures are being put into place.

Galena 4th: A horse bone weapon rack has been created by Kosoth Isegoslan, "Kosoth Apeswinds", a craftsdwarf, called Edtûlshukar, "Groovetall".

"This is a horse bone weapon rack. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. It is encrusted with cushon dacite cabochons and rectangular limonite cabochons, decorated with alpaca bone and encircled with bands of cat bone and horse leather. This object menaces with spikes of horse bone and larch. On the item is an image of Nil Tradejudged the dwarf and dwarves in llama wool. Nil Tradejudged is surrounded by the dwarves. The artwork related to the ascension of the dwarf Nil Tradejudged to the position of king of The Ecru Road in 6. On the item is an image of two three-pointed stars in feather wood. On the item is an image of Kumil Smithtunnel the dwarf and Ós Rigthsaqua the Flax of Copper the cyclops in clear glass. Ós Rightsaqua the Flax of Copper is striking down Kumil Smithtunnel. The artwork relates to the killing of the dwarf Kumil Smithtunnel by the cyclops Ós Rightsaqua the Flax of Copper in The Lined Hill in 53."

Galena 9th: A masterwork of Phoenixator Koganineth, "Phoenixator Boatscity", has been lost due to the emergency procedures. She seems to be ecstatic at the moment, so hopefully it will be worth it.

Galena 10th: The mayor is demanding an alunite cabinet in her non-existent dining room. Request denied.

Galena 12th: Now she is demanding the construction of crowns. I might grant that as soon as the flooding has been dealt with.

Galena 16th: The humans are here. To arms!

Galena 26th: The last of the humans have reached the depot. Time for the army to move in! Everything and everyone on top of the depot has been marked for extermination.

In unrelated news: The flooding situation is mostly under control, but the work I have made inside THRONE has been set back by at least half a year due to the water. I will have to adapt the existing design to the current conditions, if possible.

Galena 27th: There are some wounded on our side, but the humans and their beasts have been exterminated.

Limestone 9th: Madness Incarnate has been found dead. Someone forgot to give her water. My other sister has changed her name to Madness Incarnate II.

Limestone 10th: The mayor is forbidding the export of crowns. I still have not gotten around to producing the ones she demanded before.

Limestone 28th: The water reservoir has finally dried sufficiently to allow repairs. The work scheduled for THRONE is going rather well; half a year of delays is starting to sound like more than the actual delay.

Sandstone 6th: I have ordered the repaired reservoir to be filled with water. I have also been informed that the dwarves of The Permanent Town now know something about taming badgers. Good for them, I suppose.

Timber 19th: The dwarven caravan has arrived. I wonder if we need anything...

OOC: The flooding situation is mostly dealt with. Some tiles under deep water still need to dry, but nothing important was flooded (except for the lowest level of THRONE).

I have no idea on the status of the named hammer that the Hammer of JUSTICE carries.

Any requests regarding the caravan? I am not going to start a loyalty cascade, but other than that I am uncertain when it comes to what should be traded.

Just a heads up, I'm in the middle of gathering and looking up stuff to add to the main page; it's been over two months since anybody's touched it. ^note Which, incidentally, is when I finally got a full-time job doing something I studied at college, but that's not why I'm late catching up. It's because I spent almost all my free time making this thing over the past two months

EDIT:Wait, what? I died somehow and there wasn't a report on it? That just gives me free reign to write in-character stuff so long as it doesn't contradict established events. Can I formally ask to be re-dorf'd?^note Am I correct in thinking "Avie" comes from "Avatar" for making a human player character in the other thread? I was going to suggest "Hum'd" or "Hume'd" ("Hewmd") for that, but Avie'd works if it means what I think it does No particular preference, but craftsdwarf or whatever acts as a historian/bookkeeper would be fine; my in-character writing will probably depend on what the new dwarf is.

edited 9th Jun '14 3:05:52 PM by Hyokai

I'll re-dwarf you next time I play (I should be able to find the time to finish the year before the weekend). There should be a bunch of craftsdwarves without custom names around.

Yay for updates!

Yes, Avied derives from avatar. Just put in a request there and you'll be Avatarred and feathered.

The page is updated; I'll see if I can't do so more often from now on. Some miscellany that I didn't put in the earlier post is a list of recent dorf/redorf requests:^note  In post 1484, Condorito reported the following as needing to be confirmed by their players to be redorf'd into desired postions:
☐ Illus Maximus
☐ Hyokai
☐ Oblivion Mobile
☑ Oscar The Second
☐ Snugglesquid
☐ Besserwisser
☑ Azrael341
☐ Tarsen
with regular dorf requests and their post numbers/positions being:
☐ adameltablawy 531 (Mad Scientist)
☑ Shroobot 3000 1499 (male siege engineer or mason)
☐ Sorrowinsanity 1709

As for Durza, we do have something hotter than magma, but I don't think the game has plasma (yet). If it ever does, I think we'd expect stuff along the lines of "Armok's Fiery Blood's Plasma", complete with puns relating to other civs needing "plasma donations" and only our dorfs can supply them:
Urist: "Oh, I gotcher "plasma" right here; just hold still and it'll only sting a tiny bit"

edited 9th Jun '14 9:26:13 PM by Hyokai

Well, that's a lot of acronyms in a short space of time. Did you manage to save my bedrooms, or will I have to find a different way to hide from reverse time travel?

Nice job on the page, by the way. I remember trying to update it at one point and losing focus after like three entries. Hrm. I seem to have covered a pretty reasonable chunk of the evil tropes.

Also, not entirely sure how this happened: Durza:[M]embers of the militia that decide that ҩnside the training roomҠmeans ҩn the room near the training roomҠor Ҭooking into the training room and holding the door open so babies and cats can get inҮ

But some editing has been done.

edited 10th Jun '14 2:28:53 PM by Durza

Your quarters are safe. The large chamber to their north has been sacrificed as a magma reservoir, however (I needed to get some magma down below it in a specific tile and sacrifices had to be made; including the miners digging into the volcano).

Some (most?) of the acronyms I have used have not actually been implemented. ATOMIC BOMB is purely hypotetical (and incompatible with dwarvern physics due to trying to un-atomize stuff), PHUN TIMES is your usual threat about invoking LAVA:MAGMA:HELLFIRE:etc., DARWIN AWARDS are just leaving the idiots to die (which has been implemented as I got tired of dealing with stupid dwarves causing major delays), EXTERMINATUS was a purely hypotetical plan that looks a lot like LAVA:MAGMA:HELLFIRE:etc, and the SIGISMUND (which is not on the page) was also a non-implemented (and non-feasible) plan.

edited 10th Jun '14 3:48:31 PM by Bladebound

I'll really need to activate LAVA some day, or people just won't take my threats seriously any more. Or course, if they're dead they won't take my threats seriously either, but for those last ten minutes, they'll all know they shouldn't have called my bluffs.

Ah, I figured it out. At one point during the editing I switched to Unicode, and it thought some letters should be converted when they really shouldn't have (This was so's I could put the radiation symbol as the footnote-opener for ATOMIC BOMB's acronym). As for SIGISMUND, what was that?

SIGISMUND: Super Invincible Giant Imperial Sentry/Massive Unbeatable Noble Dwarf. Basically a Dwarf Mecha (and therefore impossible).

Not entirely. He might not be able to go anywhere yet (some future release is going to involve movable fortress parts, and won't THAT lag up the fortresses!) but you can build a massive statue over the entrance, and rig him so he drops a massive object on enemy heads as they pass by. Hell, stick the control lever in his head, keep him hollow so a dwarf can eat drink and sleep inside him, and he can still be a giant dwarven sentry with a little dwarf inside him.

Not impossible, you say? I might have plans for my next turn already (I cannot afford to divert dwarves from my work inside THRONE, so the remainder of this year needs to be spent working there)...

Whew, finally caught up after these last few months! Crazy stuff as always.

So what's the stats on my new dorf after the last one got himself trapped in a ravine?

You are my new dwarf's older brother. An unfortunate accident is being planned for you, just in case someone is advocating primogeniture rather than ultimogeniture. Keep in mind that our sister, Madness Incarnate, was imprisoned for a triple murder she didn't commit (and died as a result), just in case we have gender equality in addition to the primogeniture...

I would avoid balconies, magma, carriage rides, magma, masked people bearing large knives, and magma if I were your dwarf...

YOUSAWNOTHING!

"I would avoid run headfirst toward balconies, magma, carriage rides, magma, masked people bearing large knives, and magma if I were your dwarf..."

Fixed that for you.

No, the true plan is to collapse the roof on top of him when he is running away. Or to "accidentally" burrow him right in front of the main goblin army.

But I suppose I will have to arrange for contingencies...

Nope, sorry. This is like Crusader Kings 2. Expect the little weasel you want dead to become an army of one and start killing off entire enemy armies.