Herro! I iz Jared Dimundz! U may remember me frum my othur book, Gunz Germz and Steelz. Now I iz in dis book soon to be moovy played by Alec Baldwinz. I iz right cuz I iz Jared the Dimundz. Now letz me explainz, dis book has t e h right geografomical conditunz to makez it awezum. Now iz wil explainz futhur. See, I iz cheezburger madez at mcdonuldz in detroitz. Wich iz cuul and stuffz, cuz I waz made by a Hobbitz named Criz Tuckerz. I iz a cheezburger makes sum sense cuz lotz I peoplz thinks I iz one of da Chik Fil A cowz. Wixh iz cool cuz I haz utterz. Long, dangly, squishy utters. My uttur waz in da ninja turtl moovy, just leik me. My favorit waz t e h forth 1 cuz I gotz to hang out withz John Paul Jonez atz t e h Carlz Jr. Now I haz to cut dis forwardz short cause I haz a pokemanz turnament. Eet mor chikn.
- Jarud in the sky with Diamonds
