When we last let our heroines, they were being arrested for walking around naked. ... There is a phrase that you never think you'll have to type up in relation to ponies... We open to somepony identified as the police chief grumbling to himself about just how much paperwork he has to deal with today. Well either this means he's going to be in a really bad mood, which would be bad for the Mane 6, or that he'll be so busy that he just wants to get them out of his mane ASAP and doesn't really care, which could be either.
And it looks like that statement is even truer then you'd think since it turns out that in this city, the cops also act as judge and jury for criminals. We also learn that the place they ended up is called "New Pandemonium City"... that doesn't sound ominous at all...
Okay this scene is both good and bad. What we learn is good, gives us a nice, quick view of this new place, sets up some of just how it works, the overall tone of the city. But the how is just wrong. This is framed as the police chief's thoughts but, why would he be thinking about these things when they are just so common? Especially this part.
he took a brief look throughout the empty courtroom, which lacked many of the proper necessities of a courtroom:
Why would he consider this to be anything except a "proper" courtroom if this is the standard layout for one in this town? The whole thing is just a means of getting exposition out, and it does work at that, but the delivery is just one step removed from an omniscient narrator simply telling it to us. Again really like the set up for the 'justice' system here, though the delivery of the information could have used some work. Like seeing the differences in the courtroom from one of the Mane 6's perspective, having the way things work here explained to them when they seem lost, adding to how odd the ponies already feel they are. maybe even leading to the pony commenting on how different it is, my guess would be RD, getting asked by the rest how she knows so much about how courtrooms work. Which would fit some other stuff later in this scene.
Anyway, we move on to the first case of the day, which just happens to be the Mane 6. Dressed in bright orange jumpsuits, much to Rarity's obvious disapproval. Also, seems only an hour between arrest and trial, well what ever other flaws their system has, and given the set up it's got to have plenty, at least it works fast. Well anyway, time for their trial.... you know I'm kind of liking this police chief/judge guy. When Twi brings up that they were never actauuly told what the charges are, though she should have some idea.. then again getting arrested for being naked really isn't something any of the would consider possible.. they realized it was a social taboo but full on illegal? yeah can see them not quite getting that.
Anyway, after a brief "Huh, that's not the 'not guilty' I usually get' he goes on.
“Hmph, I suppose if you’re that interested, we may as well do this one professionally. It’s been a slow day, so I could use a break in the monotony. Let’s go through these one at a time, shall we? Maybe you can explain to me what excuses you have. Oh, I can’t wait to hear these.” He breathed a dreamy sigh. “I hear that some of the patrol officers are making a game of the most creative excuses they hear. Isn’t that right, Flathoof?”
Just, really love that line for some reason. This whole scene is just hilarious.
The charges are pretty much what was expected, public indecency (though AJ only gets half charge, since at least she had a hat) disturbing the peace, both the nakedness as well as.
“One call in particular was from a mare that said she had been psychologically harassed by a pink earth pony mare.” Then, he glanced at Rarity. “And another from a stallion claiming to have been propositioned by a ‘snow white concubine’.”
Rarity slapped the pastern of her hoof to her forehead and over-dramatically fainted.
And failure to provide identification. Twilight, being Twilight, manages to shock the judge by pleading guilty. Much to RD's surprise as well... why do I get the feeling this isn't RD's first time before a judge of some kind? Though this does seem to impress the judge, and does seem to make him a bit more willing to give them the benefit of he doubt so, yeah good job Twi.
Twi tries to explain they were new in town and so didn't know about the laws or get ID's yet. The bailiff actually standing up for them, saying they were only a few blocks from "the NPRD building" whatever that is, and that they wouldn't be the first ponies he's heard of that forgot to deal with all their paperwork before coming to the city. Though both of them are rather skeptical about them coming from a place named 'Ponyville', just barely accepting that maybe it was somewhere in a place called 'Utopia'. Yeesh, you six end up a world with a place called Utopia, and a place called Pandemonium, and you end up in the latter, figures.
Oh and this little bit, from the bailiff who was already described as being a rather large, well built, red coated stallion.
"Nnnope"
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm interesting.
Though when asked by the judge for his opinion, he says he believes them, both because of how helpful they are being, the fact they didn't actually do any damage to anything. Plus their excuse is so new and weird, that it almost has to be the truth either that or they are very very smart, which if they were that smart, they wouldn't be here in the first place. The judge agreeing with him, saying he'd amend the charges and that the new ones would reduce their potential sentence by quite a large amount. Though, this only seems to take care of the failure to provide ID charge, there's still the public nudity one. Which RD decided to use the exact same excuse for, though Twi elaborating that where they are from, they don't normally wear clothes, so it was quite a shock to them that they needed to hear.
This astounds the judge, making him comment that he might just want to take his next vacation in wherever they are from if this is true, and hoping it was near a beach. Though he accepts it, dropping that charge too, though he won't budge on the disturbing the peace one. He offers the Mane 6 two options for sentence. Either spend some time in jail, or agree to become properly documented, tax paying citizens and be released on parole. Making a few comments that make clear he'll get a nice pay bonus for adding ponies to the tax registers. No, no corruption potential here at all, though at least this one seems to work out for the Mane 6.
Well after a quick huddle where everypony pretty much agrees the latter option is best, well other then Pinkie, who the rest finally notice has been very very quite for some reason this whole time. Turns out she'd been planning how to through a "Prison Break Party"
Oh I have the best ideas! We could have nail files in the cake, and instead of fancy cookies and candies we’d have gruel and—"
Again really love this whole scene, the OC's are amusing and fun, the Mane 6 are all IC and it's overall, just plain hilarious.
"“Come along, ladies. Time to join the herd, as they say.”"
-*facepalm*-
Flathoof, the very familiar looking and sounding bailiff leads them out to get their paperwork filed. When Twi tries to thank him for standing up for them, he lets them know despite what he said in the courtroom, he really doens't believe any of what they said. But he also doesn't think that they deserve to waste jail space that could be better used for more violent criminals. Thinking they are simply ponies from 'the wastes' (Are we in the FOE vers or something? heh) that snuck into the city looking for food and shelter. Saying that this way, the jails stay a bit less crowded and they get a chance to get on their hooves. Twi saying that regardless of why, they are grateful for his help, formally introducing the group to him, though AJ seemed a might... distracted, by... something.. when it came time for her.
Overall, I really like Flathoof right from the get go. He comes off as a very straight, honest, decent pony. And we've already gotten more then enough evidence that those aren't all that common in this city. But yeah a nice introduction to one of this story's very very many amazing characters. Plus, the fact that it never really becomes clear at first just how major a character he will be so, as he gets deeper and deeper linked to the Mane 6, it simply feels rather organic, not forced. Like it's just the result of who he is as a pony, not because the story says it will be so. Really like that.
He leads them through the building to the right place, right from the start the mare behind the counter clearly has a thing for him. All to willing to help him out. And during the exchange the mares find out that not really is he helping them just to help, but he also is going to be there parole officer, so making sure all this gets done is his job. Though he does grouse about how he'd rather not have to do it. Not because he doesn't like them, but he'd simply rather be out there catching crooks, not dealing with paperwork of foalsitting. But, it's his job so he'll do it.
Oh and in a quick line we find out that while they clearly are not in their world anymore, this one is still called "Equestria" though.. that raises some questions. Here Equestria seems to be the name of the world, yet, where they are from, it's simply one country in the larger world. Odd
Well his little speech about why, even if he would rather be doing something else, he does still want to help and look after the Mane 6 really just further makes me really like him, he's a good pony, and AJ is clearly very very impressed by him.
The pony returns with their forms and gets to work, after a short argument with Twilight over exactly what shade and hue her coat is. After all Twi figures, this IS an official report, so might as well make sure it is as accurate as possible. The other mare finally just telling her it doesn't matter, she just wants to get this done as fast as possible.
The whole registration scene, again hilarious. both Shapshot's reactions to the Mane 6, and what more we find out about the city and how things work from Flathoof, as well as yet more in the "this is a great pony" list for him. Oh and the best bit is probably Snapshot making sure that Twi gets the worst possible ID photo, even for an ID photo, that was bad.
He leaves them to talk amongst themselves while we finishes up the paperwork on his end, giving them a chance to actually try and work out what was going on, since as unbelievable as their cover story was, they knew the real one would likely get them locked up in a nut house. They all agree the best course is to settle in here, get themselves stable and somewhere safe, then start trying to figure out a way to get home. Twilight mentioning that the portal they came out of in this world was closing as they did so, wondering who could have enough power to seal it, given her own issues with it. (Though of course it isn't a case of raw power, but skill and knowing the right way to do so. )
Okay.. okay I don't remember this scene from the first time.... Pinkie going on about how she'll throw them all a housewarming party, (that part I remember), then.. going up to Flathoof just as he comes back to tell them he found a place for them to stay to invite him to the party, in song.. (I'm assuming it was set to the tune of her "Singing Telegram" song, at least that's how I read it). His reaction... just priceless.
Flathoof stared blankly at Pinkie for several moments, his eyes glazed over between blinks. Then, he turned to the nearest pony he could ask, Applejack. “Does... she do that often?”
Applejack smirked and patted Flathoof on the shoulder. “Oh, you’ll get used to it. Trust me. You’ll have ta.”
He sighed and adjusted his hat. “What have I gotten myself into?”
Okay, that, I LOVE that scene. So so freaking perfect.
After Flathoof gets a brief glimpse of the utter insanity that is in store for him, the story jumps to another pony, only listed as a mint green unicorn.... who lives on the hundredth floor, of a building with no elevator... okay even with as bad as the air pollution is, the ponies in this city must be in ridiculous good shape overall, given the daily stair climber exercise.
The apartment complex wasn't particularly well-kept, but it was cheap. Really cheap. Which was good, since her job didn't actually have much in the way of monetary compensation. Her superiors ensured she would have a place to live and plenty of food to eat, but she had almost no spending money for use in her free time, not that she ever had much of that anyway. She often wondered, daily in fact, if any of her counterparts had this sort of difficulty working in their worlds.
Wait, what? Other worlds? Okay story, you have our attention. This, as with so many others in this story, is a great introduction to a new character. Really that is one of the stories greatest strengths, establishing amazing, unique and interesting characters quickly. Even ones who are only in one or two scenes are still good enough to leave an impression. As to.. that one OC... well even then, it did a great job introducing his character quickly, it was just a horrible character. And doing this naturally, through their actions, their speech, their behavior, by showing us, not telling us. And when having to resort to telling, managing to do so in way that feels natural, that fits with the character, the scene, the doesn't feel like we are being told.
Like here. Just her physical description is amazing in how it's being given. Not all at once. First, just her coat color to give us some basic idea who we are watching. Then a comment about her brushing some dust/cobwebs out of mane and tail, giving us those colors simply as an adjective, the focus staying on what she was doing, not on describing her. Again with her outfit, the first mention of what she was wearing wasn't just describing it, or her thinking about something odd or forced like with the police chief thinking about the difference between his and a normal courtroom he'd never seen. It's simply mentioning them as she adjusts them, taking off her vest, loosening her tie etc... Again the focus is on what she is doing, learning things about her comes secondary to that, while still being the deeper point of it. I really love this introduction.
Also, a mention about her job, having to deal with fifteen cases, whatever they are, today, with on being interrupted by a bunch of nudists. Clearly the Mane 6. (yeah should have been obvious that she was the pony from the last chapter but, never caught it till someone told me.) Followed by even more mystery, as a grandfather clock in the room starts to glow, she digs a stopwatch out of her vest, clicking it and causing the clock to open up, leading to a dimensionally transcendental room.
AKA "it's bigger on the inside" again love the references to Doctor Who, while still being something different and unique.
Inside is filled with tech of some kind, though the description is left rather vague. She heads to a bank of monitors, one of them activating to show Doctor Whooves. (yeah yeah I know 'Time Turner', but I prefer the original name, just works better.) He tells her about the incident with the portal, how six ponies from his side got sucked through and ended up on her side. Something that Tick Tock (again nice touch, we don't actually get her name until Doc says it) says is rather routine, giving a rather quick "Do I really need to explain this to you" recap of how easy it would be to send them back. So, good news for the Mane 6, they just have to find this pony, or have her find them, which if she's looking shouldn't be hard, and boom home they go. Wow, this should be a short fic.
Wait.. possible snag... Doc says that while he agrees it should be fairly standard and easy, something isn't right. There is an issue on his side, some sort of buildup of Chaos Magic happening ever since the ponies got sucked in. He needs her to find out who exactly these ponies were. (He knows they most likely came from Ponyville, why doesn't he just ask around to see if there are six ponies missing from there? Given who they are, shouldn't be that hard to find out they are gone.) Wanting to know if they were important, if something about them disappearing could have caused this issue.
... Hmmm, the fic opened by hammering home over and over that these are the Bearers of Harmony, and as soon as they are gone, their world starts to get a build up of chaos magic.. Nope don't think there's a connection, just coincidence. He does say it might just be a glitch caused by the Twi's super charging the portal before he came along to close it.
Oh and more bad news for the Mane 6, as Tick Tock mentions that she hopes it's nothing major, since she isn't due to have another portal open she could use for another month or so. Though does mention there are emergency measures she could take. Oh but turns out that Doc was able to give her reading that would let her track the ponies that came through, so shouldn't be to hard for her to meet them, little good news at least.
And finally, the last line before the scene break we get a hint at just what she, and the Doctor are.
A Chronomancer’s work was never done.
Can I say again how much I loved this as an introductory scene?
Cut to world building. The other amazing thing this story does. We get some descriptions of the ares, focusing on the Belt of Tranquility, well...
A place filled with magic that lived and breathed of its own accord, spurned on by the relentless power that fueled it. A place where one could watch as lightning danced for an eternity, and where fire smoldered yet never burned out.
Really, again the descriptions are just amazing. We find that the belt is along the equator, the result of two forces of magic coming together, one generated from a large tower at each pole, the northern one coating the sky in a sooty orange glow, the southern one clean, pure. (gee wonder which side the Mane 6 got stuck on, and if one of these is a good the other not so good.) Though, that does raise a question I never noticed. If NPC... (Seriously that's it's initials, hehe) is right smack on the North Pole.. why the hell isn't it frozen? The one at the south pole is.
Anyway, we find out there is an entity of some kind watching the Belt, and noticing that something is off. That the light side of it is slowly growing stronger, and it will have none of this. Going to contact a pony it knows will see to fixing this issue.
Hmmm, Chaos magic getting stronger on the side the Mane 6 left, Light magic getting stronger on the side they show up on... sure it's just a coincidence.
We jump to another pony. Now unlike my last gushing about showing, not telling, this scene does simply tell quite a lot. Most of it set up, exposition about how things work, stuff that really could have been given in a better way, like with Tick Tock's scene, but, can't really be to upset since it is about Lord Silvertongue here, and his pure awesomeness eclipses those issues. Though they are still there.
We get, basically exposition. He is the person in charge of New Pandemonium City, but from behind the scenes. That the city is built on a lie, ponies kept there by believing that life in Utopia was worse, or at least impossible for them. That it would be to expensive, to exclusive, that they wouldn't be good enough for those snobs over there and not allowed to live there, etc... That the entire city was designed not to work, to make no sense, the be full of crime and corruption, all to power the Beacon built into his tower, the one maintaining the dome of magic over the hemisphere. Why? We aren't told. We also get see clearly that he is a very refined, very high taste pony. Everything neat and immaculate, not a hair out of place, his leather uniform perfect..... wait... LEATHER! ummmmm... what!?
Anyway, umm yeah going on... He is also the Warden of a being called Nihila. Who contacts him, speaking in his mind, and also giving us this little tidbit
There was no physical thing to even look at. In all things Silvertongue knew, he knew this: Alicorns were the most exquisite creatures in existence, blessed with such incredible magicks that they were above a mortal form. A mortal body was not worthy enough to contain their elegance, their raw power. Physical beauty, even of the absolute highest caliber, was not even worth the slightest fraction of what Alicorns appeared like to one’s mind’s eye.
Ooookay then, that is some, really really odd stuff. More differences with the 'real' Equestria, more questions, more "what the hell is going on" for the readers to consider.
Turns out she was the being at the Belt, the one seeing a change in the balance of it. Silvertongue sating that 'Harmonia' couldn't be behind it, that she would never act that way. Nihila asking if he doubts her, doubts that she saw this herself. If he does not trust her.
“It would be folly of me to trust you unquestioningly, milady. Deception comes as naturally to you as fish take to water and birds to the sky. I did not mean to sound as though I doubted you. I merely state the obvious:
Again great set up for both there characters, and, just so damn interesting.
In the end she agrees that while the imbalance is happening, it is unlikely to be due to Harmonia's actions, telling Silvertongue to investigate, to find out that cause. Nihila mentioning feeling a large number of points of Void magic in the city today, all fading quickly, mentioning it was the result of a Chronomancer in the city, lamenting the loss of all the dark power they were sealing away. Silvertongue saying it was possible. Calling up his secretary and demanding a list of all odd reports from the city that day.
And here we meet Shroud. Probably one of the biggest Ensemble Dark Horse's in the fic, (and given how many of those there are, that's saying a lot) and possibly the poster pony for Hyper-Competent Sidekick. Who, manages to get the information her boss wanted withing seconds. First mentioning the portals, or, odd spheres of energy that appeared then disappeared around the city, Silvertongue telling her to move on, next up, six new ponies were added to the tax roles today.
... seriously for a place that is supposed to be as chaotic and unordered as this is, it has some DAMN efficient bureaucracy. That.. just feels all kinds of wrong.
One of the remarks giving an aside to further show how the City works. Being technically run by a "Committee" whose job was to keep the city running, to try and keep it at least with the illusion of order, enough so that the city can still operate, but not to much. Silvertongue pulling the strings from the shadows to keep things chaotic, nonsensical, prevent TO much order from taking hold. Just enough for things to operate smoothly, but still leaving quite a lot of stuff wrong. It really is quite impressive and, it makes an odd kind of sense.
Within seconds he has the full file on the new ponies. Not only has all the paperwork been filed, approved, and finalized, but also been reviewed by the committee and annotated with there own thoughts. Those being the same as Flathoof, that they weren't from Utopia, but rather refugees from the wastelands, though not pressing the matter cause, hey, more tax money for us. Though they do note odds are they were let by just so the police chief could get his bonus.
Silvertongue, is even better, seeing all this, noting just how rare it is for ponies to move to this city from Utopia, Nihila remarking there was one exception to that. (foreshadowing FTW). And given they were arrested for public indecency, something he was a bit surprised was even a law, and lack of ID. Add in the Chronomancer being active today, sealing portals. He quickly realizes what went on, where these six new ponies came from.. in general not the exact world.. and that odds are, they have something to do with the imbalance.
Even more great set up and mystery as he tells Shroud to inform Shadowstep he wants to see him. Dimming his horn and all the lights in the room for a few minutes. Turning them back up to find a pegasus sitting in the chair across from him that was empty when he turned them off.
Again, for a place as chaotic as this is supposed to be, it is scarily efficient. Also, the description alone of the pegasus is unsettling, and only gets more so the more you learn about him. The stallion eagerly asking what task Silvertongue has for him, hoping it's another assassination.
His assignment though was simply to find and track the Mane 6. Not attack, not confront, simply identify who they are, where they are, and note anything odd about them. As well as notice if any other pony is paying any special attention to them, if so, identify that pony ASAP, and if needed, enure they don't interfere with or contact the Mane 6.
Uh oh... things aren't looking good for Tick Tock.
Once the assassin is gone, Silvertongue turns back to his record player, selecting a new record and setting it to play. Sure that who ever these six new ponies were, this would be very interesting.
... he has no idea...
Thoughts-Overall, a really really great chapter. It is a great setup for the bigger story, giving us hints, foreshadowing, giving us some answers as to what's going on, while opening up more questions. And the characters. This is where we start to see the single greatest thing about this story, the unbelievably amazing OC's in it. All of them are introduced well, showing us right off what sort of ponies they are, giving us looks at them, how they think, and, it is done so so well. Especially Tick Tock's. All of them nail Establishing Character Moment's. Setting the feel of the character from the start, and making them ones that the reader is almost instantly invested in, wants to see more of.
Not sure how much was changed, really unless it's glaring, or something that stands out to me from my first read through, odds are I'll miss it, but, yeah this whole chapter just works perfectly, even the subtle little things that pop up later. Like Silvertongue commenting about how bad AJ's ID photo is. Given how obviously she was crushing on Flathoof, Snapshot's own feelings for the stallion... that can't be a coincidence, just, the subtlety there, so so epic. Really, as good as it was the first time, they definitely did a great job with the edits and this is shaping up to be even better then before.
Add in the imbalance from the title giving us the first hints at something much much larger then just the Mane 6 getting home being in store. Other then maybe wishing some of the exposition we got about the city and Silvertongue's role in it was delivered in a way more like how we found out everything about Tick Tock, but it's not really done badly either, just, could have been better.
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- Starts taking notes...*
