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Live Blogs The Adventure of Failure Shepard or How Not to Play the Mass Effect Trilogy
lrrose2013-03-07 09:43:14

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I'm back from my real life and "Citadel" induced hiatus. First thing's first: "Citadel" is awesome and I am going to have Fail Shep do it as an epilogue to this liveblog. Back to Mass Effect 2.

Thane has learned that his son, Kolyat, is planning to become a hitman. Fail Shep and Thane go to the Citadel to stop him.

While at the Citadel, Fail Shep ignores an advertisement that addressed him by name and decides to meet with the Council to see if they can give him an army or something. He finds Admiral Anderson pleading with the three alien councilors to side with Shepard. Unfortunately, the Council seems to have forgotten that they acknowledged the existence of the Reapers at the end of the first game and refuses to help Fail Shep beyond reinstating him into the Spectres, a gesture that they admit is purely symoblic. Fail Shep tells them to stuff their offer up their asses. Councillor Udina arrives and threatens to fire Anderson for that "political shitstorm," though according to Anderson, he does that a lot.

Fail Shep goes to the office of Captain Bailey, head of C-Sec for the Zakera Ward to help him find Thane's son. Bailey directs him to a petty criminal named Mouse. Things get awkward when it turns out that Mouse worked as a spy for Thane back when he operated out of the Citadel. They get even more awkward when Fail Shep threatens to crush Mouse's throat. Mouse reveals that a crime lord named Elias Kelham has hired Kolyat to kill someone, although Mouse doesn't know who the target is. Fail Shep has Bailey bring Kelham into an interrogation chamber.

Fail Shep and Thane try using "Good cop, good cop" to get Kelham to talk. When that doesn't work, Fail Shep threatens to cut Kelham's balls off and sell them to a krogan. Kelham reveals that he paid Kolyat to kill Joram Talid, a turian politician known for his racist views of humanity. Before Fail Shep leaves, Kelham asks him who sold him out. Fail Shep betrays Mouse. According to "Citadel", Mouse is still alive during ME3, so he doesn't die, but he probably is going to get an asskicking.

Fail Shep and Thane track Talid via the catwalks above the Citadel Wards in hopes of spotting Kolyat before he goes too far. But those catwalks are very cozy and Fail Shep quickly falls asleep. Kolyat kills Talid and escapes. Whoops.

Death List:

  • Countless Mooks and civilians
  • Jenkins (Squadmate, Plot)
  • Nihlus (Plot)
  • Fist
  • Stirling
  • Anoleis
  • Gianna
  • Ventralis
  • Benezia (Plot)
  • Rachni Queen
  • Peak 15 Scientists
  • Talitha
  • Conrad
  • Jeong
  • Zhu's Hope Colonists
  • Fai Dan (Plot)
  • The Thorian (Plot)
  • Shiala
  • Tonn Actus (Mission)
  • Wayne
  • Toombs
  • Kirrahe
  • Menos Avot (Plot)
  • Droyas (Plot)
  • Ganto Imness
  • Ashley (Squadmate, Love Interest)
  • Saren (Plot)
  • Sovereign (Plot)
  • Pressly (Plot)
  • Fail Shep (Plot, Resurrected)
  • 20 Normandy Crewmen (Plot)
  • Wilson (Squadmate, Plot)
  • Prazza (Plot)
  • Whitson
  • Jaroth (Plot)
  • Garm (Plot)
  • Jentha (Plot)
  • Tarak (Plot)
  • Kuril (Plot)
  • Jedore (Plot)
  • Okeer (Plot)
  • Daniel
  • Abducted Horizon Colonists (Plot)
  • Kal'Reeger
  • Kureck (Mission)
  • Aresh
  • Niftu Cal
  • Wasea (Mission)
  • Nassana (Mission)
  • Niket (Mission)
  • Enyala (Mission)
  • Weyrloc Guld (Mission)
  • Maelon
  • Rael'Zorah (Plot)
  • Joram Talid

Comments

Korval Since: Dec, 1969
Mar 9th 2013 at 2:07:39 AM
When that doesn't work, Fail Shep threatens to cut Kelham's balls off and sell them to a krogan.

Fem Shep sells that line so much better than Male Shep...
lonelyloner Since: Dec, 1969
Jan 1st 2014 at 11:01:49 PM
Exact same fail happened to me first time doing this mission, i thought just following Joram's so easy it's boring, and I momentarily snoozed. Just enough for me to lose sight of Joram and I could not find him again in time. I felt like an idiot.
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