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Oh God, this is worse than My Immortal.... much worse.

Of what Ive read, Noah makes crazy assumptions. At times hes even worse than his brother. In his own fanfic he condemns random people to hell for no reason what so ever.

OK, now I know none of y'all have ever read the Bible before if you're claiming Dumbledore's beard is a sign of evil. Because apparently, you're not aware of the fact that God likes the rugged look. Heck, what about the Grandpa God depiction? What about the most common depiction of Jesus, man?

I don't remember much pot smoking in the movies.

... what puzzles me about this is your problem with naked preteens dancing in the rain. I mean, kids running and dancing around naked is pretty normal, isn't it? I see that all the time at the beach.

Yeah, I'm sure this has to be a parody. There is too many allusions to My Immortal. At one point point, the author even write this:

"I may be a Hogwarts teacher", he yelled loudly, "but I`m also a Christian!" And everyone cheered.

You can't tell me that's not a reference to My Immortal?

I can actually picture Hagrid being Christian, but not 'cuz he's crazy and would get a kick out of stoning things. Because he's a big-hearted guy who would probably agree in a number of ways with Jesus' message of LOVE AND MOTHER-EFFING TOLERANCE. That, and, as we've already mentioned, God digs the unshaven.

And even if he was, Hagrid's the last person who'd try to convert anyone to anything, save trying to convince them of the beauty of a blast-ended skrewt.

I personally think you were a little to harsh on Noah. I mean granted, his author's note wasn't exactly nice but to be fair since he was living with Thomas at the time, I have no doubt that he wrote stuff to avoid Thomas' wrath. If you read it again it does sound rather forced and passionless.

Also, for those who still think this is all troll stuff answer me this, why the Hell would the author continue to write 3 more fucking sequels after this! You'd think he stop with the first one.

Hermione wasn't a Muggle. Her parents were both Muggles, so she's what the wizard community calls a Muggle-born, but she still uses magic. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure Muggles aren't allowed in Hogwarts. No point in going to a school to learn about magic you can't use.

Also, why would Hagrid help them kill magical creatures? Dumbledore made him the groundskeeper of Hogwarts because of his love for animals, even the scary ones like giant spiders and dragons. I could imagine him helping them take down Dumbledore if they promise to leave the Fobidden Forest alone. But that's only slightly less stupid because he and Dumbledore have been friends for years. I guess Tommy thinks that if a Christian does it, it's not immoral.

I don’t think that was the right “has standards” trope

This has to be a troll fic. There are too many My Immortal references for it not to be.

Those are probably Noah in origin- a silent protest against his brother.

Wait a second...he hates his brother so much he killed an expy of him in the story, and yet he's still letting him write?

am I the only guy how wants to beat the shit out of Jerry

(grabs meat cleaver) Nope!

I have to admit, it would be actually kind of fun to have a boyfriend who would introduce me to people as "[His] Satanic whore..."

Another error in this story: The citizens of Rome did, in fact, breath occasionally. Yes, even while speaking.

Is it wrong the Adulteress!Molly is where I have to draw the line? I'm pretty sure Mollywobbles cheating on Arty is the last thing that would happen in the Potterverse.

No, it's not wrong. And, in my head, I seriously doubt that Molly would cheat on Arthur.

Which, after all, brings the question: how the hell would Ebony know that Molly's cheating on Arthur? After all, how horrible would she feel when, say...the child is Arthur's?

Oh, wait, she would still not feel horrible at all, because she's so sadistic. -__-

I can't help thinking that Thomas Brown has a little Jesus handpuppet that he talks to.

Have strength and courage, Rika! YOU CAN DO EET!

"And Michael and his psychotic friends were exterminated with the rest of the Muggles and non-pureblood wizards when Voldemort and the Death Eaters took over the world. The end."

Rika I pity you

At least you're not IN the fanfic. yet.