1 | ---- |
2 | |
3 | ->''A long time ago, when the gays weren't all in your face about it...'' |
4 | |
5 | [[center:[[AC:It is a dark time for the\ |
6 | Rebellion. Although the\ |
7 | Death Star has been\ |
8 | destroyed, Imperial troops\ |
9 | have driven the Rebel\ |
10 | forces from their hidden\ |
11 | base and pursued them\ |
12 | across the galaxy. But you\ |
13 | know this story.\ |
14 | \ |
15 | What you may not know is\ |
16 | that Creator/TwentiethCenturyFox [[ItWillNeverCatchOn had\ |
17 | so little faith in the "Star\ |
18 | Wars" franchise]] that they\ |
19 | let Creator/GeorgeLucas keep all\ |
20 | the merchandising rights.\ |
21 | \ |
22 | Are you listening,\ |
23 | stockholders? [[BitingTheHandHumor How can you\ |
24 | invest in a company that\ |
25 | makes such short-sighted\ |
26 | decisions?]] I mean, this is\ |
27 | [[ScrewedByTheNetwork the same company that\ |
28 | canceled]] "Family Guy" twice.\ |
29 | [[WhoWritesThisCrap Who's running that joint?]]\ |
30 | Monkeys? I mean, if they're\ |
31 | gonna be that foolish with\ |
32 | their money, then I guess\ |
33 | that means we can be\ |
34 | foolish with their money,\ |
35 | too. Like spending a\ |
36 | bunch of it to animate\ |
37 | [[https://youtu.be/iHtpT1KXq3g?t=63 a computer-generated\ |
38 | cartoon elephant that has\ |
39 | nothing to do with the rest\ |
40 | of the episode]].\ |
41 | \ |
42 | Did you see that? Know\ |
43 | what that cost? $58,000.\ |
44 | I mean, what a waste. It\ |
45 | wasn't even that funny. \ |
46 | That's $58,000 that could\ |
47 | have gone to curing\ |
48 | leukemia. Or muscular\ |
49 | dystrophy. Or... what does\ |
50 | Creator/MichaelJFox have? [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson%27s_disease That]]. \ |
51 | Alright, let's watch some\ |
52 | goddamn cartoons.]]]] |
53 | |
54 | |
55 | |
56 | ---- |
57 | |
58 | |
59 | |
60 | ->''A long time ago, after ''Series/{{MASH}}'' but before ''Series/AfterMASH''...'' |
61 | |
62 | [[center:[[AC:Luke Skywalker has returned to\ |
63 | his home planet of Tatooine in\ |
64 | order to-— okay, you know what,\ |
65 | [[CreatorsApathy we don’t care. We were thinking\ |
66 | of not even doing this one.]] {{Creator/FOX}}\ |
67 | [[ExecutiveMeddling made us do it.]] When we did\ |
68 | "Blue Harvest", they said, "Oh,\ |
69 | you guys are crazy." They tried to\ |
70 | talk us out of it, and it ended up\ |
71 | making a ton of money. By then\ |
72 | we were just finishing "Empire",\ |
73 | and we were absolutely exhausted. \ |
74 | But Fox suddenly had dollar signs\ |
75 | in their eyes, and they said,\ |
76 | "Seth, if you don't do 'Jedi', we're\ |
77 | not gonna let you leave to go\ |
78 | direct [[Film/{{Ted}} your movie]]."\ |
79 | \ |
80 | I'm sorry. I took a muscle relaxer\ |
81 | earlier and it's kicking in. I'm\ |
82 | just so stressed because there's\ |
83 | been a car parked in front of my\ |
84 | house for three straight days and\ |
85 | there's a pillow in the back seat. \ |
86 | And I've never seen anyone get in\ |
87 | or out of it, but it moves a couple\ |
88 | feet one way or the other each\ |
89 | day. Wouldn't it be funny if it was\ |
90 | [[RascallyRaccoon a bunch of raccoons]] living in\ |
91 | there, moving it? [[DinkyDrivers You know, with\ |
92 | their little paws on the steering\ |
93 | wheel? And then another one\ |
94 | working the brake and the gas?\ |
95 | And the steering wheel raccoon\ |
96 | and the pedal raccoon have to\ |
97 | talk back and forth to each other\ |
98 | 'cause the brake pedal guy can't\ |
99 | see the road?]] I'm gonna keep\ |
100 | thinking that, 'cause I know really\ |
101 | it's probably a car bum.\ |
102 | \ |
103 | [[SelfDeprecation Look, just do me a huge favor and\ |
104 | lower your expectations, okay?]] \ |
105 | Just this one time. I promise I'll\ |
106 | make it up to you. I mean, "Star\ |
107 | Wars", fine. "Empire" —- still not\ |
108 | bad. But on this one we ran out\ |
109 | of gas. Seriously, we let the\ |
110 | assistant write it. Hell, even the\ |
111 | [=FedEx=] guy got a joke in, and he\ |
112 | calls the baby "Steve." Anyway,\ |
113 | here's "Film/ReturnOfTheJedi" starring\ |
114 | Steve as Darth Vader.]]]] |
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