Line #12 Main/PersonalHorror


1	%%%
2	%%
3	%% This page has been alphabetized. Please add new examples in the correct order. Thanks!
4	%%
5	%%%
6
7	->''"It's your sense of alienation from self that provides, perhaps, the deepest terror. Where other meters measure how traumatized you are by the things that happen to you, Self measures how traumatized you are by your own reactions to those things. To put it another way, the only thing you can ever really be 100% sure of is 'I think, therefore I am.' The Self meter measures how uncertain you are about the 'I' in that statement."''
8	-->-- ''TabletopGame/UnknownArmies'' corebook
9
10	This trope is when a painful betrayal of one's self-image, self-loathing, internal conflict, personal failing/flaw or guilt is PlayedForDrama. It can be [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone because of what someone did]], [[AccompliceByInaction didn't do]], [[IShouldHaveBeenBetter tried and failed to do]], or they were just unlucky and got caught up in a bad situation. The key part of this trope is that something goes against the character's [[CodeOfHonor personal moral code]], leading to the alienation of self.
11
12	Can lead to HeelFaceTurn or the character becoming TheAtoner. Sometimes results in {{Past Experience Nightmare}}s or the character crossing the DespairEventHorizon. Some characters have an overlap with YouAreWhatYouHate. Often results in HeroicBSOD, sometimes after running HeroicSafeMode. Can be invoked in and/or by a BreakingLecture.
13
14	Because this trope is [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin personal]], examples will be of a different kind for different characters. When editing, keep in mind to explain why an example is this trope for that character.
15
16	Related to PsychologicalHorror and ExistentialHorror. Very much TruthInTelevision, but please keep examples civil. ''Not'' related to IKnowWhatYouFear or AuthorPhobia.
17
18	Compare PrimalFear, DeathOfPersonality, and CessationOfExistence.
19
20	!![[Administrivia/TropesAreFlexible Can cover:]]
21	[[index]]
22	* AccompliceByInaction: You didn't do something, and now you feel guilty about it.
23	* AndIMustScream: Being in an endless FateWorseThanDeath, and unable to do anything about it.
24	* BecameTheirOwnAntithesis: You became what you used to hate.
25	* BrainwashedAndCrazy: Being horrified by what you've done while under mind control.
26	* ColdEquation: Almost out of supplies? Have fun [[SadisticChoice deciding who gets to live.]]
27	* DeadAllAlong: You find out that you or someone else was dead without being aware of it.
28	* ForcedIntoEvil: You were forced to do something evil.
29	* GollumMadeMeDoIt: Your other personality did it.
30	* HeelRealization: You realize you're the bad guy.
31	* HisOwnWorstEnemy: Your flaws and insecurities prevent you from achieving something or becoming a better person.
32	* HumanAlienDiscovery: You discover you aren't human, but a HumanAlien.
33	* IdentityBreakdown: Insecurity about your identity causes a breakdown.
34	* ILetGwenStacyDie: You blame yourself for being unable to save a loved one.
35	* IShouldHaveBeenBetter: You feel guilty about not doing enough/not doing everything.
36	* TheKillerInMe: Especially the amnesiac variant.
37	* LossOfIdentity: [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin You lose what makes you you.]]
38	* LossOfInhibitions: You lose your restraint and you feel horrified and regretful of the things you've done without it.
39	* TheMindIsAPlaythingOfTheBody: {{Shapeshifting}} changes your personality.
40	* MomentOfWeakness: A temporary lapse in judgment causes you to make a mistake with disastrous consequences.
41	* MyGodWhatHaveIDone: You feel remorseful of something you've done after realizing how malicious your action was.
42	* MyGreatestFailure: You're motivated by an unfortunate mistake you made in the past.
43	* OrganAutonomy: Your body betrays you.
44	* PowerfulAndHelpless: All of those powers you rely on and you can't do anything.
45	* PsychosexualHorror: An exploration of psychosexual development, including themes of sexual development and sexual activities.
46	* RestrictedRescueOperation: Outside forces restrict how much you can do to help.
47	* SadisticChoice: If forced to choose between different things that betray your sense of self. Especially if [[TakeAThirdOption taking a third option]] is not available or possible.
48	* ShootTheDog: You're forced to go against your or society's moral code in order to do the right thing.
49	* TomatoInTheMirror: You're not who you thought you were.
50	* TrappedInThePast: Your legal identity and everyone that knows you won't exist for decades.
51	* WhatHaveIBecome: You no longer recognize yourself in a new form.
52	[[/index]]
53
54	----
55	!!Works with their own subpage:
56
57	[[index]]
58	* ''PersonalHorror/BabylonFive''
59	[[/index]]
60
61	!!Examples:
62	[[foldercontrol]]
63
64	[[folder:Anime and Manga]]
65	* ''Manga/{{Inuyasha}}'':
66	** The titular protagonist goes through this after his evil side takes over.
67	** [[BrainwashedAndCrazy Kohaku]] realizing that he was BrainwashedAndCrazy and killed his family.
68	* ''Anime/NeonGenesisEvangelion'': All the main cast, but Shinji Ikari might be the poster boy for this trope. A person with very high moral standards, but a weak and tender heart that cannot shoulder them against the odds. He develops a ''bad'' case of self-loathing, reaching a DespairEventHorizon after the final angel and a MoralEventHorizon for himself after DudeShesLikeInAComa.
69	* ''Manga/{{Sankarea}}'': Rea has this when she starts to succumb to her zombie nature.
70	* ''Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann'': Happens to the Spiral King in the prologue/parallel works.
71	[[/folder]]
72
73	[[folder:Comic Books]]
74	* The origin of ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'' involves this, as Uncle Ben's death is indirectly caused by Peter's irresponsibility.
75	[[/folder]]
76
77	[[folder:Film -- Animation]]
78	* In ''WesternAnimation/BrotherBear'', Kenai is first transformed into a bear. Then he finds out that the bear he killed earlier [[spoiler:was Koda's mother]].
79	* In ''WesternAnimation/Frozen2013'' Elsa freezes her sister Anna while trying to drive her away to protect her.
80	* Toothless in ''WesternAnimation/HowToTrainYourDragon2'' after being [[spoiler:BrainwashedAndCrazy and killing Stoick.]]
81	* In ''WesternAnimation/TheHunchbackOfNotreDameDisney'', Quasimodo inadvertently [[spoiler:leads Frollo to The Court of Miracles when he goes there to warn everyone that Frollo is coming]].
82	* In ''WesternAnimation/JusticeLeagueDoom'', the plan against Green Lantern relies on this trope.
83	* ''Film/TheLastUnicorn'' starts losing her sense of self when she's transformed into a human.
84	* ''Anime/PerfectBlue'', along with a healthy dose of PsychologicalHorror and SurrealHorror. Yay, LossOfIdentity and emotional insecurity!
85	* In ''WesternAnimation/TurningRed'', both Mei and her mother Ming face this.
86	** The red panda transformation shatters Mei's self-control; she wants desperately to get rid of it and be her old self again, but the more she fights to repress it, the more often she transforms. At the same time, the discovery that her parents knew about the panda and didn't warn her breaks her trust in them in a way that she never dreamed possible.
87	** Ming fears two things above all others: losing control, and losing her daughter's love. Unfortunately, like many people she equates "love" with "obedience," so when Mei starts disobeying her, she thinks that the thing she's long dreaded is finally happening. When Mei [[spoiler:openly defies her during the red moon ritual and chooses to keep the panda]], Ming's fear turns to UnstoppableRage, driving her to lose control, [[spoiler:unwittingly set her own panda free, and go on a destructive rampage at the concert]].
88	* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Zootopia}}'', Judy Hopps' self-esteem takes a big hit when [[spoiler:[[InnocentBigot her own unconscious prejudices]] cause her to inadvertently start a [[FantasticRacism speciesist panic against predators]] and betray Nick Wilde's trust, leading to their PlotMandatedFriendshipFailure. Her guilt over what happens is so strong that she resigns from the ZPD for a while because she feels she betrayed her own ideals]].
89	[[/folder]]
90
91	[[folder:Film -- Live Action]]
92	* In ''Film/FourteenOhEight'', the overall schtick of the titular hotel room seems to be dragging guests kicking and screaming through the darkest corners of their own subconscious and beating them over the head with their own doubts, fears, and regrets. Mike Enslin discovers this to his extreme detriment.
93	* In ''Film/FantasticBeastsTheCrimesOfGrindelwald'', Leta Lestrange is dealing with this after [[spoiler:swapping her brother for a baby who wasn't crying so she could get some sleep. The ship sunk directly afterward, and her brother died]].
94	* ''Film/GhostStories2017'' begins as a fairly unique but still pretty standard movie about a noted professor and skeptic being challenged to explain three cases that have haunted his mentor for years. It ends as a movie about [[spoiler:a man suffering from locked-in syndrome, doomed to live in the world of dreams created by his own brain as a coping mechanism over the choices he's made in life]].
95	* ''Film/{{Inception}}'' deals with the aftermath of this. In TheReveal, we find out that [[spoiler:Cobb planted the idea that her reality isn't real in his wife's head when they were stuck in a dream. This resulted in her [[DrivenToSuicide suicide]] to wake up. It's unclear if she died or [[DreamWithinADream woke up]]]].
96	* Elise in ''Film/{{Insidious}}'' discovers that despite her life's goal being to help people who are afflicted with supernatural entities, she [[spoiler:unknowingly let a woman in her house die as a teenager because she believed her to be a spirit and didn't save her from being murdered by her father]].
97	* In ''Film/IronSky'', Renate has a HeelRealization followed by a HeelFaceTurn when she finds out who the Nazis were.
98	* In ''Film/RedRover'', Kylie [[spoiler:killed her mother with her powers, and all of Kylie's problems and life events since then have revolved around her denial of what she is. The film ends with her acceptance and owning of her powers]].
99	* In ''Film/SarahsKey'', the eponymous Sarah has to live with [[spoiler:the fact that she inadvertently locked his brother in the closet during the Nazi raid. He died there because she couldn't manage to rescue him, and her depression eventually leads her to commit suicide as an adult]].
100	* ''Film/TaxiDriver'' is all about the protagonist projecting his self-loathing on others, where his antagonists are just placeholders for the things he hates about himself or wants for himself.
101	[[/folder]]
102
103	[[folder:Literature]]
104	* This is what the horror of Room101 in ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'' is all about. Using your greatest fears to get you to betray the most important thing about yourself, to destroy your self-image by making you betray everything and anything that's left of what you valued before they arrested you.
105	* ''Literature/Alice2014'': Christopher is horrified by the idea that [[spoiler: his sexual orientation may be apparent to everyone on the island]].
106	* The title character in ''Literature/EdenGreen'' is a rationalist young woman infected with an alien needle symbiote that gradually takes over her body. Her intelligence is her main weapon, and her greatest fear is losing it to the symbiote's survival-obsessed instincts.
107	* ''Literature/FunnyBusiness'' is entirely about the guilt the main character feels as a result of misusing her RealityWarper powers.
108	* The Imperius Curse in ''Literature/HarryPotter'' can result in this. Both times when Voldemort took over many people were being mind controlled by him.
109	* Tom Bertram of ''Literature/MansfieldPark'' behaves as though his only responsibility as the heir to a baronet's estate is to [[IdleRich spend money and have fun]], causing numerous problems for his family that he refuses to take responsibility for. Near the end of the book, he gets ill while on a trip with his friends and they ditch him to continue their own entertainments, which allows his condition to worsen until his life is in real danger. Realizing how quickly he was abandoned by his "intimate friends" and how close he came to death leave him severely shaken and forces him to acknowledge the consequences of his careless behavior.
110	* Hollyleaf in ''Literature/WarriorCats'' is a staunch follower of the warrior code. After finding out her birth broke the code, she feels horrified by what she is, which is worsened when her first reaction is to murder the cat threatening to reveal the secret of her and her siblings' parentage. The increasing realization her actions and her birth have betrayed everything she is leads her to end up revealing the same secret she killed to prevent coming out.
111	[[/folder]]
112
113	[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
114	* In the ''Series/GameOfThrones'' episode "[[Recap/GameOfThronesS5E8Hardhome Hardhome]]", Jon Snow, the rest of the Night Watch, and surviving Wildlings can only watch as the army of the dead grows by the almost 100,000 Wildlings they went to save.
115	* In the ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' episode "[[Recap/StarTrekTheNextGenerationS3E26S4E1TheBestOfBothWorlds The Best of Both Worlds]]", Federation Captain Jean-Luc Picard is forcibly assimilated into the Borg Collective. The trauma this caused him is explored over the course of several later episodes, the movie ''Film/StarTrekFirstContact'', and the later series ''Series/StarTrekPicard''.
116	[[/folder]]
117
118	[[folder:Music]]
119	* The song "Trees and Flowers" by ''Music/StrawberrySwitchblade'' is about a person who does not sleep at nights, dislikes bright and upbeat things like trees, flowers, sunshine etc. Considers home to be a prison. Hates buildings in general. Admits feeling frightened but does not elaborate on it. One could say it is agoraphobia but there is definitely something else about the case. This person is lost in a horror of a very personal kind.
120	[[/folder]]
121
122	[[folder:Roleplay]]
123	* After fatally wounding Devin and Daigo in ''RolePlay/DawnOfANewAgeOldportBlues'' Harriet is horrified to discover that she feels nothing about trying to kill them. She questions whether she's an Empty Shell, which causes her to experience severe cognitive dissonance.
124	[[/folder]]
125
126	[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
127	* The ''Bond'' and Sanity mechanics in ''TabletopGame/DeltaGreen'' bring this, as Agents will start slowly burning their sanity and becoming stressed as they lose relations with the external world and isolate themselves from friends and family as their lives fall apart.
128	* Done in both ''TabletopGame/OldWorldOfDarkness'' and ''TabletopGame/NewWorldOfDarkness'', especially the [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade Vampire]] [[TabletopGame/VampireTheRequiem gamelines]].
129	* ''TabletopGame/UnknownArmies'' has the Self madness meter, which is meant to address this trope specifically.
130	[[/folder]]
131
132	[[folder:Video Games]]
133	* ''Videogame/HonkaiImpact3rd'': The protagonist Kiana has several cases of this, from her GuiltComplex over having her closest people get hurt while trying to help her and her not being able to do anything about it, to realizing that [[IAmAMonster she's a "monster" or a "time bomb"]] [[spoiler:due to her SuperpoweredEvilSide, in which she was controlled to hurt her closest ones]]. It's "horror" enough for her that she keeps getting nightmares about it. Her whole struggle is about how she could become a "hero that saves the world" despite suffering from all of the above.
134	* ''VideoGame/{{Overwatch}}'': Imagine that one day, you decide to join a group of bank robbers, and to ensure that nobody can figure out that you're no longer a law-abiding citizen, you come up with a criminal alias. That alias quickly snowballs out of control to the point that years later, long after you've quit the outlaw lifestyle [[ReformedCriminal and are now trying your hardest to uphold the law]], practically everyone still called you by said alias, which you now regard as a shameful reminder of your mistakes that you wish to part with. This is what [[TheExpyWithNoName Cole Cassidy]] had to deal with, and in the ''New Blood'' tie-in comic, [[FriendlySniper Ana Amari]] comments that she could tell that he felt trapped by the life that he was living beforehand.
135	* Several characters in ''VideoGame/PokemonSuperMysteryDungeon'' end up with this trope. [[spoiler:Nuzleaf, Yveltal and Beheeyem [[BrainwashedAndCrazy are all controlled by the Dark Matter]] to turn [[TakenForGranite everyone into stone]] and go into self-imposed exile after breaking free and helping to defeat Dark Matter.]]
136	* ''VideoGame/{{Signalis}}:'' While there is plenty of BodyHorror and eldritch horror, as the story progresses it's clear that the crux of the matter lies in the relationship between Elster and Ariane and the former's guilt over the inability to keep her promise. Later levels even take on a more personal tone, being based on Ariane's life and situation which is implied to have influenced her surroundings via [[PsychicPowers bioresonance]].
137	* ''VideoGame/SilentHill2'' is the poster-boy of this trope, featuring the guilt-ridden protagonist being invited by mail from his supposed-to-be-dead wife to the namesake town. [[spoiler:Many of the horrifying apparitions in the namesake town takes from the protagonist's own fear and guilt, up to and including the revelation that he killed his own wife in the past.]]
138	* ''[[VideoGame/TheLegendOfHeroesTrailsInTheSky The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky The 3rd]]'' is an extended PersonalHorror for its protagonist, Kevin Graham. While he puts on a happy front, Kevin is clearly traumatized by all the DirtyBusiness he's done as a [[ChurchMilitant Dominion of the Gralsritter]], and it's later revealed he volunteered himself for the role out of sheer self-loathing [[spoiler: due to accidentally killing his ParentalSubstitute]]. The lategame reveals that the story takes place inside a LotusEaterMachine, which Kevin subconsciously molded into his own personal hell... literally, as the semifinal area is a replica of the church's hell, populated by those Kevin killed. (From a SinisterMinister he assassinated, to a demonically-possessed child he had to MercyKill) Ultimately Kevin learns to forgive himself and escape the illusion, setting up his appearance in later entries.
139	[[/folder]]
140
141	[[folder:Western Animation]]
142	* ''WesternAnimation/JusticeLeague'' does this to several of the heroes in the episode "[[Recap/JusticeLeagueS2E5And6OnlyADream Only a Dream]]". Superman's nightmare has him dealing with PowerIncontinence. His heat vision kills Lois Lane and he accidentally breaks Jimmy Olsen's back when attempting to give him a hug. Meanwhile, Green Lantern is dreaming about losing his identity to the ring to the point where he becomes transparent, and the Flash dreams of being unable to turn off his SuperSpeed and being trapped in a world where everything else is standing still.
143	* ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'':
144	** [[Recap/StevenUniverseS4E4MindfulEducation "Mindful Education"]] has Steven and [[Characters/StevenUniverseConnieMaheswaran Connie Maheswaran]] both dealing with this, Connie from attacking a kid who bumped her out of reflex and the AllLovingHero Steven from being unable to save Jasper, poofing Bismuth and sending Eyeball out of his bubble when they were lost in space.
145	** [[WesternAnimation/StevenUniverseTheMovie The movie]] gives us [[spoiler:Spinel's HeelRealization. She was literally made to be Pink Diamond's friend, and she enjoyed being Steven's friend. Then she reactivated the injector that would kill all organic life on Earth when she thought he was going to use the [[IdentityAmnesia rejuvenator]] on her, as her past experience with Pink left her paranoid about people abandoning her without a second thought]].
146	** ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverseFuture'' revolves around this for [[Characters/StevenUniverseStevenQuartzUniverse Steven Quartz Universe]]. After saving the universe, he has [[SoWhatDoWeDoNow not idea what to do with himself]], since everything is mostly fine and he no longer has to be an LivingEmotionalCrutch to his friends/family. As such, Steven finds himself having to finally process all the pent-up [[ShellShockedVeteran trauma]] and [[SinsOfOurFathers anger at his mother's irresponsibility]] that he ignored during the original series, causing him to undergo a slow mental breakdown over the course of the miniseries.
147	[[/folder]]
148
149	[[folder:Real Life]]
150	* In Real Life this is called [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_injury moral injury]]. Although research has been focused on [[ShellShockedVeteran the military]], it can happen to anyone. As it's not commonly talked about or only talked about very narrowly, it can lead to people feeling AloneInACrowd. [[SincerityMode The index above is incomplete, so if you recognize the description from some situation you never should've been put in but don't see the trope for it, don't downplay what happened. Reach out to someone.]]
151	[[/folder]]

Context Main / PersonalHorror