1 | Much like the RPG Cliche list, these are a set of non-rule rules to help anyone who is new at a tabletop RPG. |
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3 | '''Rule Prime - All The World Is Your Enemy:''' The GM is cruel, incompetent, trying to railroad you through a pre-planned path, or any combination of the three. The other players are useless noobs or cutthroat munchkins out to kill their fellow [=PCs=] (and steal their stuff!), and you'll have to be an even better one to survive. Coherent plot and story, let alone any kind of collaboration between [=GMs=] and Players is a pipe dream. Trying to talk to the group about any concerns can only make them worse. The guy who brought snacks is actually a government assassin wearing a rubber mask, and the snacks are deadly poison. This is the underlying assumption behind the rest of this list - if it doesn't apply to your gaming group, not only might this list misinform you, it might send you into a spiral of suicidal depression from which your love of gaming never recovers. On the other hand, if you live in a webcomic of any kind, this is ''always'' true. |
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5 | '''Rule 0 - Don't Give The GM Ideas:''' ''Keep your mouth shut.'' This seems mean to the player, until you run into a situation like this: |
6 | ->'''GM:''' You encounter a hooded figure. |
7 | ->'''Group:''' Aww... no! |
8 | ->'''Bill:''' It's alright guys, [[TemptingFate as long as it's not the Darkshroud of Darky Darkness, we'll be fine]]. |
9 | ->'''GM:''' (Devilish smile) |
10 | ->'''Group:''' ([[OhCrap Collective gulp]]) |
11 | More players have been killed by giving ideas to the GM than have been killed by pre-planned traps, encounters, and bad rolls. |
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13 | '''Rule 00 - The GM is Always Right:''' No matter how eloquently the RulesLawyer states his case for the loophole he's trying to abuse, the GM always has the last word. |
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15 | '''Rule 000 - ...But No Players Means No Game:''' Having the last word doesn't mean the GM can lord it over the players like a tin-pot dictator. Like any other governing body, abuse of power will eventually lead to a coup d'état. |
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17 | '''Rule 1 - Don't Assume:''' Never assume that the {{Mook}} is alone/just a mook. Never assume that the treasure room is trap free. Never assume that the {{GMPC}} you're traveling with is actually on your team. Because... |
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19 | '''Rule 2 - Everything's a Trap:''' The Mook is a decoy. The Treasure Room is actually the mouth of a monster. The GMPC is part of an underground conspiracy to kill you. The ship you're on is a secret pirate ship. The ruins are rigged to fall at any second. The gem will steal your soul. The treasure chest has a trap in it. The trap you bought for your Ranger to use is actually rigged to trap you. |
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21 | '''Rule 3 - Know Your God:''' If your GM has just started playing Franchise/StarWars: VideoGame/KnightsOfTheOldRepublic, start playing it too. It's likely that some element from it will come up in some way or another. |
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23 | '''Rule 4 - Cautious Bell Curve:''' Works something like this: |
24 | * '''Rookie Players''': [[LeeroyJenkins Hey, let's barrel on in without checking for traps.]] |
25 | * '''Advanced Players''': Hrmm... Maybe there's a trap on this door... Let's check it first. |
26 | * '''Experienced Players''': Hey, let's barrel on in without checking for traps. (It's not like they can hurt us.) |
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28 | '''Rule 5 - Rules of Gracious Gratuity:''' Never trust a GM who lets you hand-pick your starting equipment. It means one of three things: |
29 | # [[BagOfSpilling You're going to lose it all very soon.]] |
30 | # You're playing a One-Shot campaign, which means you'll never use this character again. |
31 | # You're going against enemies who are going to be just as well equipped as you are, at least. |
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33 | '''Rule 6 - Bought Offerings:''' Game Masters are the Gods of their worlds. As such, they can be [[TastesLikeFriendship given an offering]] to help them rule in your favor. |
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35 | '''Rule 7 - Inverse Characterization Rule:''' The more backstory you've created for your character at the beginning of a campaign, the less likely it is to come up during actual game play, and may require you to start a monologue to let the other players know just how awesome your character's life was. |
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37 | '''Rule 8 - Book-Worm's Victory:''' Most people are too lazy to look up the actual spell. So always trust the one guy in your group who has actually read the spell book cover to cover. |
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39 | '''Rule 9 - Door to Nowhere:''' All doors lead to ''exactly'' where the GM wants. |
40 | * '''Rule 9.5 - Door to Nowhere Inverse:''' No door will ever lead you to where you want to go. |
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42 | '''Rule 10 - Dead Kid Rule:''' No NPC is ever safe from dying. If the GM wants to kill them to shock you, he will. |
43 | * '''Rule 10.5 - Dead Kid Rule Corollary:''' The safest person to be is the man in the middle of a battle. |
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45 | '''Rule 11 - Don't Break God:''' Never put your GM in a position that he hasn't planned for. His improvisations usually prove to be deadly. |
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47 | '''Rule 12 - Let Kindness Happen:''' If your GM is a kind GM and he gives you lots of things, be gracious and never point this out. Nice [=GMs=] tend to be very clumsy when they ratchet up the threat level. Things break. |
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49 | '''Rule 13 - Dice Sounds are Bad:''' If you hear dice rolling behind the GM screen, be very wary. Something is about to ambush you. |
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