Line #35 Funny/TheWolfOfWallStreet


1	* The meal with Hanna is so surreal that it becomes hilarious. It's hard to say what makes the better punchline: Hanna shamelessly defining what he and the Wall Street brokers do as a racket, ''prescribing'' Jordan to jerk off at least twice a day instead of 4 times a week ("rookie numbers"), introducing cocaine as the key of success, or his absurd humming + chest thumping. And everything is delivered completely straight by Creator/MatthewMcConaughey.
2	** The chest thumping becomes even ''more'' hilarious if you're aware that this is something ''[=McConaughey=] actually does'' to psyche himself up for a role which they decided to [[ThrowItIn work into the film]].
3	* Jordan takes a job at a very small firm in the wake of his first firm's closing after Black Monday. His first conversation with his new boss has him saying that if Jordan sells 10,000 shares, he'll suck his dick... and that he hopes that it happens. Very quickly, Jordan does his first cold call there: his tactics manage to sell 4,000 and get the entire rest of the building staring at him.
4	-->"... How'd you fuckin' ''do'' that?''
5	* Donnie and Jordan's conversation about how Donnie married his cousin, which quickly CrossesTheLineTwice when Donnie says what he'd do if they had a mentally disabled child.
6	** Donnie's line of "I'm not going to let just anyone fuck my cousin."
7	* Donnie and Jordan smoking crack and then running down the street high as kites.
8	-->"Fuckin' smoke crack with me, bro!"
9	* Jordan demoing his script to the staff in the early stages of Stratton Oakmont: he constantly pantomimes sex motions during the entire call, while everybody else watches and laughs.
10	* Donnie's reaction to seeing Naomi for the first time.
11	** Another man’s reaction to Naomi is “I would let that girl give me fucking AIDS.”
12	* "On a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate Manhattan, Long Island, and Queens for a month. I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my 'back pain,' Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, pot to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome."
13	* Jordan and Co. talking over just what they can get away with regarding throwing little people at targets.
14	* Jordan's dad Max confronting him and the others over how much money the company spent the previous month:
15	-->'''Max:''' Jordy, look what you've got here! Look at this! $26,000 for one fucking dinner!\
16	'''Jordan:''' OK, no, no, this can be explained. Dad, we had clients, Pfizer clients. Champagne.\
17	'''Rugrat:''' The porterhouse from Argentina.\
18	'''Jordan:''' Expensive champagne and the wine. We had to buy champagne. ''[to Donnie]'' And you ordered all the fuckin' sides. Tell him about the sides.\
19	'''Donnie:''' I ordered the sides, so--\
20	'''Max:''' Sides?! $26,000 worth of ''sides''?! What are these sides? They cure cancer?\
21	'''Donnie:''' The sides did cure cancer, that's the problem, that's why they were so expensive.\
22	'''Jordan:''' ''[bursting into laughter]'' Shut the fuck up.\
23	'''Donnie:''' I'm serious, I'm--\
24	'''Jordan:''' ''Stop''.
25	** Later on in the conversation when he points out how much they spent on prostitutes:
26	--->'''Donnie:''' The IRS, they allow for T&A. It's fine.--\
27	'''Max:''' T&E! ''T&E!''\
28	'''Donnie:''' [[BlatantLies Yeah, I said T&E.]]\
29	'''Max:''' No, you said T&A!\
30	'''Donnie:''' [[{{Troll}} No, I didn't.]]\
31	'''Max:''' Yeah, you did!\
32	'''Donnie:''' When did I say that?
33	* When Max "Mad Max" Belfort is called with a phone by his Gene right when he is waiting for [[Series/TheEqualizer The Equalizer]] to start on television, he completely goes [[BerserkButton ballistic]] and even more so when he misses it.
34	-->'''Max:''' "Who the FUCK has the goddamn GALL to call this house on a Tuesday night?! Goddammit!!!"
35	* Nicholas, a gay butler Naomi hired, abuses his position by organizing a gay sex party at the couple's penthouse apartment while the couple is out of town. His immediate reaction after Naomi unexpectedly catches him in the act, in stark contrast to his professionalism while on the job, tops this scene.
36	-->'''Nicholas:''' ''(Stops performing fellatio in surprise)'' Oh, hey. Is it Wednesday already? Uhhh... ''(Turns to other guests)'' [[ImplausibleDeniability WHAT THE FUCK!? THAT IS FUCKED UP!]]
37	** Afterward, Jordan and his crew interrogate Nicholas about money and other stuff that went missing after that gay party. When Nicholas gets defensive and accuses Jordan and Donnie gay-bashing, Chester just calmly gets up and starts beating the crap out of Nicholas. Donnie, standing close enough to get sprayed with blood, gets so horrified he has to run out onto the balcony to throw up.
38	** Since Chester and Toby are way too violent and likely to kill the guy, Jordan has to call in the cops and bribe them to beat up Nicholas safely instead. Why let the amateurs do it when you can call in the professionals?
39	* Jordan's stag do, which basically starts as an orgy on a flight to Vegas, turning into an even bigger orgy at the hotel. The final bill comes to ''$2 million'' including the remodelling required for ''the entire 28th floor of the hotel''.
40	** On the plane, the camera shows off various parts of the orgy... including two guys who are sharing a drink and having a nice conversation in the middle of this debauchery. [[FunnyBackgroundEvent And in the background you can see two other guys sitting by themselves and minding their own business]].
41	* Jordan and Naomi's fight after he mutters Venice in his sleep. She repeatedly throws water in Jordan's face which results in a MinorInjuryOverreaction from Jordan. The icing on the cake is when there's a jump cut to who Venice actually is, a {{dominatrix}} who puts Jordan though a brutal BDSM session.
42	* For pure ComedicSociopathy, you can't top Donny eating that goldfish.
43	* Jordan, sobering up from a drugged high of qualudes on a plane trip to Switzerland, finds himself restrained on the airline seat by the captain. [[CutawayGag Cue a flashback]] showing a drugged up, hypersexual Jordan attempting to hump and make out with the stewardesses while his friends and other passengers try to stop him. All greatly accompanied by a fast version of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj9pv_SqARE Sloop John B]].
44	-->'''Jordan:''' "I called the captain the n-word?"
45	** Put that in perspective: Jordan uses basically every swearword in the English language, is an unfaithful and abusive husband, and makes all his money by conning innocent people...but [[EvenEvilHasStandards even he]] is ''horrified'' at the idea that he called a pilot ‘the n-word’ while he was high on drugs. The fact that he and Donny both say '[[NWordPrivileges the n-word]]' is even funnier.
46	** Donny insists to Jordan that "[[{{Understatement}} he has a fucking drug problem]]" before assuring Jordan he has the drugs in his ass.
47	** Jordan starts going through a withdrawal, to which Donnie responds by awkwardly patting him and singing him a lullaby.
48	** Prior to all that, Rugrat tries to help a super high Jordan to his seat only for him and Donnie to start messing with his DodgyToupee, wanting to get it off to see what's beneath it. Instead of just leaving, Rugrat ''continuously'' leans closer to admonish them and each time Jordan and Donnie resume wrestling for the toupee giggling like children. When Rugrat finally leaves his toupee is all roughed up.
49	* The initial meeting with the Swiss banker.
50	-->'''Belfort:''' ''(inner monologue)'' What I'm asking, you Swiss dick, is are you going to fuck me over.
51	-->'''Saurel:''' ''(inner monologue)'' I understand perfectly, you American ''shit.''
52	* The scene in London between Aunt Emma and Jordan, where Jordan assumes that Aunt Emma is flirting with him in his thoughts. When he comes on to her, Aunt Emma thinks in panic ("Is he fucking hitting on me?") and then he kisses her full on the face, which she tells him to back off from, telling him it would be a [[NoYay really bad idea]].
53	* The entire act with the Lemmon Quaaludes is full of these moments.
54	** To explain, Jordan uses a cocktail of drugs for both recreational and performance enhancing purposes. When Donny botches a money laundering job, he attempts to numb his worries away by inviting Jordan to do some old Quaalude pills that are of a higher dosage than normal. Thinking they expired after taking numerous pills, both men go about their business but later realize that the Quaaludes kick in over an hour late, and hit much harder due to the higher intake. After been forced out of his home to call a private detective on a payphone, Jordan finds out about Donny's botched job only to lose his motor skills midway through the call. Driven to rush back and confront Donny, Jordan begins his slow and agonizing journey crawling across the floor, rolling down a flight of stairs ([[MushroomSamba which looks several times longer to Jordan]] than in reality), dragging himself to his Lamborghini and driving a mile an hour home. See You Are Already Intoxicated, a variation (listed under Real Life) of YouAreAlreadyDead.
55	** Returning home, Jordan gets into an [[MoodDissonance comically sloppy fight with Donny over Donny's money laundering screw-up]], culminating to Jordan attempting to restrain Donny using a wall phone's cord, which Donny manages to accidentally slingshot back to Jordan's face. When Donny intentionally chokes on some ham in an apparent suicide attempt, Jordan does a vial of coke while a [[{{ComicStrip/Popeye}} Popeye cartoon]] plays in the background so that he can save Donny.
56	** To top it off, [[BrickJoke we later]] learn that in reality Jordan drove his Lamborghini [[DrivesLikeCrazy as recklessly]] as someone high on drugs would. This scene is made funnier in a relevant flashback with Jordan road raging while severely impaired, all while his right foot is uncomfortably propped up on the dashboard.
57	* When Jordan's yacht threatens to sink, he sends Donnie down to grab a bag full of quaaludes, saying in a very deranged tone of voice:
58	--> '''Jordan:''' I will not. Die. ''Sober!''
59	* Agent Denham's line after arresting Jordan.
60	-->'''Denham:''' Hey, Jordan, let me give you a little legal advice: ''shut the fuck up!''
61	** In addition, Jordan is arrested while filming a corny commercial for his company. We get to see the scene of his arrest from the point of view of the camera being used to film it, which gets knocked over in the process.
62	* When Jordan is discussing what finally got him arrested and charged; his partner Rugrat and the French banker who laundered Jordan's money in Switzerland are arrested in Florida, after Rugrat uses Stratton Oakmont to funnel drug money for the guy who founded Benihana's.
63	--> '''Jordan:''' Benihana? ''Beni-fucking-hana?!'' '''''BENI-FUCKING-HANA?!! WHY?!!! WHY, WHY GOD?!''''' ''Why would you be so cruel as to choose a chain of fucking hibachi restaurants to take me down?!''
64	** The fact that Jordan is narrating this over footage from a Benihana commercial is icing on the cake.
65	** The punch-line comes from Donnie's line to Jordan after the fact.
66	---> '''Donnie:''' I'll tell you what, I'm never eating at Benihana again. I don't care whose birthday it is.
67	* After acting [[AffablyEvil suave and composed]] while talking to Denham on board his yacht, Jordan ''flips out'' when Denham no-sells his bribery attempt, and starts acting like a temperamental fourteen-year-old. As the two agents leave, Jordan starts mockingly tossing bills down to them, then throws [[EdibleAmmunition two cooked lobsters]] at them as well.

Context Funny / TheWolfOfWallStreet