Line #80 Funny/Civilization


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2
3	!!Series-wide
4	* The infamous "spearman vs. tank" battles that resulted in the icon on Civfanatics - it's a burning tank with a confused {{Emoticon}} next to a rejoicing spearman. [[https://forums.civfanatics.com/images/smilies/spearvstank.gif Actually seeing it in action.]]
5	* Some of the quotes related to technology discovery can be this. One of the most prominent is Civ V's example for Future Tech:
6	-->"I think we all agree: The past is over." -UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush
7	* Great People-related anachronisms can be quite hilarious.
8	** "Li Bo (Great Artist) was born in Tenochtitlan", while already rather weird, wouldn't look nearly as insane if Li Bo wasn't wearing a white ''Elvis suit''.
9	** "Hernan Cortes (Great General) was born in Tenochtitlan!"
10	** J Edgar Hoover, Great Spy, in a ninja suit.
11	** Muhammad (Great Prophet) used to establish Christianity in 600BC.
12	* Starting from Civ IV, both Angkor Wat and Chichen Itza are represented both as wonders ''and'' as cities for the [=Khmer/Siamese=] and Mayans, respectively. They can even exist simultaneously, so you could have the ridiculous situation where [[MindScrew the Mayans capture Chichen Itza from Angkor Wat, after they just finished building Angkor Wat in Chichen Itza]].
13	** It got even better when the Khmer civilization was added as DLC in Civ VI. Along with an achievement requiring you to build Angkor Wat and a Wat (one possible pick as religious building when creating a religion) in Angkor Wat. The achievement's name? 'Wat Is Love'.
14	** Relatedly, [[UsefulNotes/ByzantineEmpire Theodora's]] diplomacy screen in ''V'' shows the Hagia Sophia, even if ''you'' built the Hagia Sophia yourself.
15	** Also, if the Byzantines and the Ottomans are in the same game, there'll be [[IstanbulNotConstantinople a Constantinople and an Istanbul]] as separate cities, while in reality, those were just different names for the exact same city. The same goes for Adrianople and Edirne.
16	* Gandhi, man of peace and reason, [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness threatening you with nuclear weapons]]. The devs have kept this stat in since it's so unexpected and so funny to see a war-mongering leader be '''Mahatma Gandhi.'''
17	** In Civ V, the AI has various traits between 1~10 scores. Different leaders had different "tendencies" in these scores, which vary between games by 1-2 points in either direction. For example, America's likelihood to conquer city-states is an average 4 but between games can vary between 2 and 6 in value. Mahatma Gandhi's "Use Of Nukes" score in ''Civ V'' is a '''hard-fixed 12!''' [[BrokeTheRatingScale In a 10-point rank system!]]
18	** Any time another Civ asks the player for help in a war against [[MemeticPsychopath Gandhi]], particularly if the aforementioned Indian hasn't actually done anything of particular threat. Having them declare him as a "Threat to the stability of the world" comes off as hilariously meta. For extra humor, play as a domination-inclined Civ like [[UsefulNotes/ImperialGermany Bismarck]] or [[OmnicidalManiac Montezuma]]; having someone like [[TheGoodQueen Elizabeth]] [[EnemyMine ask them of all people for help against]] [[ConflictKiller Gandhi]] is really, REALLY funny.
19	* On a darker note: when a humble worthless puny pathetic civilization gets destroyed by the player's superior awesome technologically advanced military for the sake of resources, or just for -ehem- "fun", it just makes you want to pull a maniacal EvilLaugh. Even when they instigate and crash their army into your superior defenses, it can still evoke this. Having too many delegates in the World Congress and taking unfair advantage of it is also pretty funny.
20	* "You have discovered scrolls of ancient wisdom." "Robotics" (Or for some meta fun "Writing")
21	** In a similar vein, in ''Revolution'', moving into the space where a friendly village is has a chance of finishing research on whatever technology you're working on discovering. ''Whatever'' technology. Even "Space Flight" or the nebulous "Future Technology". There's a lot more going on under those straw roofs than you might guess.
22	** On the opposite end of the spectrum, you might defeat a Barbarian Village and be rewarded with a "strange sea-going craft": The Galley. It's the weakest watercraft both offensively and defensively, it's tied with the Submarine for lowest Movement ability, and it's the only one that cannot venture into deep water. Kinda makes you wonder how he'd react to Cruisers and Battleships... which might very well be around when you get this reward.
23	* Some strategic resources can only be seen rather late into the game, sometimes where you least expect. For example, finding out the location of your first uranium deposit is the same place as your first farm.
24	** And then there's if it spawns [[FridgeHorror under your capital... the most tourist-heavy city in the world]].
25
26	!! Civ I-IV (plus spin-offs)
27	* In ''Civilization II'', the Entertainment advisor in the Modern era is an ElvisImpersonator. In ancient times, you instead have... the same ElvisImpersonator, but [[RecycledInSpace wearing a toga]]. And he'll ''always'' refer to you as "King", complete with a short pause before the title and striking a very Elvis-like pose as he says it.
28	** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqPC08cPGJw His reaction to your civilization being in a state of Anarchy:]]
29	** Speaking of the military advisor: While all the advisors were [[LargeHam hammy]] to some degree or another, the military advisor is a BoisterousBruiser without equal who absolutely ''loves'' ChewingTheScenery.
30	* Loading up a mod that lets you play as Poland and trashing the hell out of the barbarian city of... [[ThoseWackyNazis Aryan]].
31	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVW-lN74l-4 This]] hidden movie in ''Civ III''.
32	* Also in ''Civ III'', if you play on Elvis's birthday (January 8th) [[http://didyouknowgaming.com/post/42466793784/sid-meiers-civilization-iii all the king units become Elvis]].
33	** After this Easter egg occurs, you can find a unit called Jaimo who is based off of one of the staff for ''Civ III''. He attacks by slapfighting and does disco dancing when he wins.
34	* If you found enough cities that the game runs out of names, it cycles through the list again but with "New" appended to them. This means it's possible to have two New Yorks and two New Orleanses - not to mention [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} New New York]]. ''Civ III'' takes it further, though: instead of "New Instanbul", the Ottomans get "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsQrKZcYtqg Not Constantinople]]". (And yes, the Byzantines get "Not Istanbul" instead of "New Constantinople".)
35	* ''Civ IV'' features Creator/LeonardNimoy narrating a famous quote each time you research a technology. When you research satellites, he quotes Sputnik: "Beep... beep... beep... beep...."
36	* The ''Civ IV: Warlords'' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1dn1J5_BwA&list=PL7401BEA3C675EB70 Teleconferences]], in which UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush and UsefulNotes/TonyBlair deal with the expansion's new features.
37	* In ''Call To Power'', destroying an enemy lawyer unit [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill with a fusion tank]].
38	-->'''Fusion tank''': ''[Powers up railgun]''
39	-->'''Lawyer''': ''[Brandishing a writ]'' You're served!
40	-->'''Fusion tank''': ''[ZAP]''
41	* In ''Civ Rev'', Great People are spawned under certain conditions[[note]]when you break culture thresholds and certain gold thresholds, as the first-discoverer reward for certain techs, and when you discover the School of Confucius[[/note]], and each Person spawned is related to a tech. The Great Person related to the Superconductor? [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold_Stokowski Leopold Stokowski]].
42
43	!!Civ V-specific
44	* The names of many of the achievements.
45	** If you fail to build enough wonders before the other cultures do (once another culture finishes a wonder, you lose the chance to finish yours), you earn an achievement called "Seriously?!"
46	** A (never implemented) achievement was called "Cat Fight". You would get it by being a female leader and declaring war on every other female leader on the map at once.
47	** What's the achievement for killing an enemy spy trying to steal a technology? [[{{Pun}} Whack a]] [[TheMole Mole]].
48	** If you win a science victory as Poland, the achievements will tell you that, yes, [[{{Webcomic/Polandball}} Poland can into space]].
49	* The description of the [[HumongousMecha Giant Death Robot]]:
50	-->''The "mech" is a [[HumongousMecha giant bipedal mechanical robot]] armed with a [[MacrossMissileMassacre variety of missiles]], [[GatlingGood Gatling gun arms]], [[EyeBeams laser-beam eyes]], and a deadly kung-fu punch. Although not currently found on the modern battlefield, no doubt across the world governments and evil corporations are secretly developing these metal behemoths even as we speak. When these mechs come into service, all of the world’s other weaponry will become obsolete, and humanity’s fate will be decided by a climactic battle between armies of good and evil mechs in the streets of downtown [[TokyoIsTheCenterOfTheUniverse Tokyo]]. (Assuming that the [[Franchise/{{Godzilla}} giant radioactive monsters]] don’t get us first.)''
51	* The Leader screens come with their moments:
52	** Whenever [[LargeHam Montezuma]] is angry with you.
53	** Harald Bluetooth's reaction when you defeat him: after looking [[OhCrap absurdly shocked]] for a second, he [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere takes off his helmet and throws it off his boat as he stomps offscreen,]] all the while trash-talking in Danish. [[BrickJoke And you don't hear the helmet hit the water until ''just'' before he leaves.]] [[BilingualBonus To clarify his speech]], he says, "What is this treachery? Loki must have been by your side, for no ordinary could have defeated me."
54	** When you first encounter Babylon, you see Nebuchadnezzar sitting on a huge stone throne, in a '''very''' creepy, dark palace, and the only light sources are torches lit with creepy green fire as he casually sips wine from a golden chalice--[[MoodWhiplash and then he flinches and drops said chalice on the floor as he speaks, as if he ''only noticed you just now.'']]
55	** When [[UsefulNotes/OttomanEmpire Suleiman]] is defeated, he says "For the sake of my beard and my belly, how could this happen?" Even funnier if you speak Turkish, since his voice actor speaks with [[AnachronismStew a very colloquial, very Modern Turkish]] in a very LargeHam way, making him hard to take seriously for Turks.
56	** [[http://img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/image/1453/51/1453519728880.jpg "We are an enlightened people, who seek the peaceful exchange of knowledge with others."]] Background: [[{{Irony}} a city in flames]].
57	** Pachacuti often [[http://cloud-4.steamusercontent.com/ugc/537394315975387994/6F3773F91FCF77413A0BDC378DF21A33B59F6235/ lacks modesty in his greetings.]]
58	** Virtually every leader has some comment whenever you attack them. But Pacal? [[EvilLaugh He just laughs at you]]. Funnier still, is if you get a generic "You fool, you have made a terrible mistake," message when you do so - as if the ''game'' is warning you for declaring war against him.
59	-->'''Pacal''' (''Attacked''): He ha ha ha ha ha ha.
60	** To a minor extent, there's Gandhi's quote when he declares war on you, [[BilingualBonus where he states]] "[[{{Understatement}} I have just received a report that large numbers of my troops have crossed your borders]]", the implication being that the "declaration of war" wasn't actually made by [[ActualPacifist Gandhi]], but by a GeneralRipper [[Main/RightHandVersusLeftHand who took his troops into your country without Gandhi's consent]]. What makes it funny is that what could come across as BlatantLies [[SincerityMode is delivered so seriously by Gandhi]] that it makes him less like the MemeticPsychopath propped up by the Civilization series, and more of a PuppetKing [[ExtremeDoormat who's absolutely powerless to stop his generals from launching wars without his knowledge]].
61	*** What makes this ''even funnier'' is that he follows it up by suggesting you can beat the Indian troops through "passive resistance" (a reference to Gandhi's protests against the British occupation of India). It makes it sound like he's asking you to just sit there and do nothing while his troops conquer your territory.
62	* Find a city-state at total war with a major civ. Gift the city-state a lot of highly advanced units, and they may be able to conquer the major civ's cities, keeping the ones with wonders and burning the rest to the ground.
63	* A bit meta, but the fact that Siam's unique building (the Wat) was involved in [[GoodBadBugs an infamous early glitch]], and is still abused along with Legalism in some strategies makes [[PunnyName its name]] all the more amusing ("Four free universities. [[FlatWhat Wat.]]").
64	* In multiplayer under the diplomacy tab, there is an easily accessible "Declare War" button right [[CapsLockNumLockMissilesLock next to each player's name]]. This often results in accidental declarations of war.
65	* When you finish building a wonder it will show up on the map near the city that built it. This is a cool detail, but it turns out the game does not into account anything ''surrounding'' the city when placing the wonders model. This can result in things like the Eiffel Tower being embedded in the side of a mountain or the Pyramids of Giza being built off the coast of the city [[{{Irony}} half submerged in water.]]
66
67	!!Civ VI-specific
68	* The hilarity of [[https://civilization.fandom.com/wiki/Steam_achievements_in_Civ6 achievement names continue]]:
69	** Even with the option of having Chandragupta as the leader on India, Gandhi's nuke-happy personality creeps in to a Chandragupta-ruled India, as you can get the achievement "I Thought We'd Moved Past This Joke" if you successfully launch a nuke when playing as Chandragupta.
70	** Several of the achievements are all about performing actions that highlight the absurdity of the game mechanics, such as airdropping a unit of ancient-era slingers. One of them hangs a lampshade on the lot - the achievement for having a Roman Legion clear some nuclear contamination is "Missed that day in history class".
71	** A few are absurd references - once a city has a Wind Farm, Solar Farm, Hydroelectric Dam, and Geothermal Plant, you get "[[WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanetAndThePlaneteers Let Our Powers Combine – Wait Heart is Missing!]]".
72	* Poland's culture-bomb ability will destroy any incomplete wonder occupying a stolen tile. The name of the achievement for doing so? "[[WhatTheHellPlayer You Are a Terrible Person]]".
73	* The leader screens in ''Civ VI'' have a couple funny moments as well.
74	** Denouncements are usually unvoiced, meaning all the leaders are just doing angry poses and/or grunting at you. This leads to things like the sight of Her Majesty, Queen Victoria... [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_-UkKwfeDo throwing a tantrum like an upset teenager.]]
75	** Most leaders look at you fondly when you have a declared friendship/alliance. Meanwhile, Phillip II goes into a silly pose with his wrist on his hip and what can only be described as a smarmy grin.
76	** On the rare occasion that Gandhi declares war on you, this is what he'll say:
77	-->'''Gandhi:''' [[{{Hypocrite}} I can engage in this war without sacrificing my morals.]] [[HandWave Don't ask me how, you wouldn't understand.]]
78	** Upon first meeting Frederick Barbarossa, he introduces himself by listing all of the lands he rules over -- Germany, Italy, Burgundy... -- before seemingly forgetting the rest and waving it off, saying, "and many, many more."
79	** Kristina of Sweden (from ''Gathering Storm''), assuming you are at neutral relations, will always be reading a book at the diplomacy screen. When denouncing you, she will [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOWxOpQG9Rg almost throw the book at you, stop, then hug it to her chest like a baby]].
80	*** Kristina's "Bibliophile" agenda makes her hoard as many Great Works as possible, and dislike other civs who compete with her. Judging by her Agenda Disapproval quote, it's because she thinks you won't properly appreciate the art like she would, and are instead just collecting art because it looks pretty.
81	--->'''Kristina:''' I presume you only view art as good when it ties together the aesthetics of a room, you philistine dog.
82	** Many of the leaders will respond to aggression with condescension or insults. [[LargeHam Kupe]] does them one better: declare war on the Maori, and not only will Kupe completely fail to take you seriously, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWjzRnZ6PRk but he'll ruthlessly patronize you for even trying.]] Note that when he says "good job, mate," he gives the player a big, cheesy thumbs-up.
83	--> "[[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Look at the big civ leader over there with the war declaration!]] Great job, mate. Really shows off how hard you are."
84	** When relations are sour between Kupe and the player, he will be hunched over and occasionally perform the pūkana - i.e. stick his tongue out as far as possible while staring you in the eye[[note]]a gesture done in several ''haka'' dances. In war-related dances they may symbolise a threat to eat your enemies[[/note]]. While an effective threat, it also looks quite silly.
85	*** By contrast, there's Kupe's offer of Friendship. While most other leaders are respectful or downright flowery with their prose, Kupe's just much more casual with it.
86	--->"There are worse people in the world than you, surely. Mind if I tell the others you're not a complete jerk?"
87	** Offer an already-angry Hojo Tokimune a terrible deal, and he'll do a beautifully animated DoubleTake.
88	** Robert the Bruce in ''Rise and Fall'' can be seen [[CaptainMorganPose putting his foot up on an off-screen stool]] in his leader scenes. While that is somewhat amusing in itself, the funny part is that when war is declared on Scotland, he reacts by [[FlippingTheTable angrily kicking the stool away]] while [[ViolentGlaswegian threatening to bash your teeth in]].
89	* Like ''Civ V'', the narrator for ''Civilization VI'' appears as a character in the intro scene. He is voiced by the very awesome Creator/SeanBean... who unfortunately [[ChronicallyKilledActor dies just before the intro ends]]. Apparently, Sean himself didn't know about this [[https://www.pcgamesn.com/civilization-vi/sean-bean-civilization-6-die until he was asked the relevant question]].
90	* Several tech descriptions (like for [[Film/MontyPythonsLifeOfBrian Sanitation]]) are from Creator/MontyPython. That's funny enough in itself. Now imagine Creator/SeanBean of all people reading the "What have the Romans ever done for us" quote.
91	** Whoever wrote [[Myth/KingArthur King Arthur's]] Civilopedia entry seems to be aware of all the Monty Python references:
92	--> He could, despite [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail popular depictions]], count to three without immediately leaping to five and appeared to have no unusual issues with rabbits.
93	* City-states will go to war together with their suzerain (i.e. the civ with the most influence over them). Nothing prevents you from sending further envoys to a city-state whose suzerain you go to war with, so in longer wars, city-states may [[HeelFaceRevolvingDoor switch sides several times]]. In ''Rise and Fall'', becoming the suzerain of a city-state you were previously at war with also gives you era points, making it even more attractive to win city-states over this way.
94	* Some of the Historic Moment announcements. For example:
95	** If you found a religion but aren't the first to do so:
96	---> ''(Insert Religion Name) is the true path of salvation! Please ignore all those other ones!''
97	** For building a high-adjacency Commercial Hub:
98	---> ''They say that people are drawn to the Commercial Hub of (City name) just for the excitement of buying and selling in the market. But the money is pretty good, too.''
99	** For your first Seaside Resort:
100	---> ''Our first Seaside Resort opens in (City name) to the delight of all our people, except for one small child whose snack has been carried away by a seagull.''
101	* One of the secondary agendas a leader can have is trying to have the highest Tourism. If you're transgressing this agenda, you get this message:
102	--> ''I know the world is beating a path to your tourist sites, but be warned! Our people possess [[AscendedMeme blue jeans and rock music]] and we are not afraid to use them.''
103	** Also, there is reportedly an abnormally high chance for [[RunningGag Gandhi to have the secondary agenda Nuke Happy]].
104	* Robert the Bruce, leader of Scotland, has the agenda Flower of Scotland, which makes him like leaders at peace with their neighbors and dislike leaders at war with them. Seems nice enough... until your warmongering neighbor declares war on you and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming he gets angry at you for being unfortunate enough to fall victim to your neighbor's ire.]]
105	* Each leader can you delegations in order to improve relations. Below are some of the more amusing ones:
106	** Pericles, leader of the Greeks, assures you that his gifts [[TrojanHorse don't include a giant wooden horse.]]
107	** Genghis Khan's gifts include [[StealthInsult a youth's bow.]]
108	** Frederick Barbarossa doesn't mention any gifts, instead just using his delegation message to [[IHaveManyNames brag about his many titles.]] Which means he either got so wrapped up in tooting his own horn he forgot to tell you what gifts he brought, or he didn't even bother sending any in the first place.
109	** Kristina's delegation offers you "bandy sticks, pickled herring, lingonsylt (lingonberry jam), and knäckebröd ([[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crispbread crispbread]])". She advises you not to eat the bandy sticks. In case you're unaware, a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bandy#Bandy_stick bandy stick]] is more or less just a shorter ''hockey stick''. Makes you [[NoodleIncident wonder how her previous delegations went...]] It's also possible she thinks you're [[IsItSomethingYouEat too uncultured to realize they're not food]].
110	** Kupe sends you pounamu (green stone carvings), korowai cloaks (Maori textiles), and [[BreadEggsMilkSquick huhu grubs (exactly what they sound like).]] Then he dares you to eat them.
111	* Some of the AI's responses to your attempts to send delegations can be funny as well:
112	-->'''Philip II:''' ''(when accepting)'' We received the [[VerbalBackspace heret- I mean, your trade delegation]]. I will be sure to instruct them in our ways.
113	-->'''Lady Six Sky:''' ''(when rejecting)'' Your delegation is unwelcome. Except, maybe, as a sacrifice?
114	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN1BSmoFeUI The announcement video]] for the February 2021 game update, featuring an overhaul to how barbarians worked, featured developer Carl Harrison dressed in a barbarian costume, [[LargeHam threatening to feast upon the bones of the other devs]] and waving around a giant rawhide dog bone.
115	* A lot involving UsefulNotes/LudwigIIOfBavaria and his "eccentricity".
116	-->''I have sent to you one hundred [[SwansASwimming swans]]- I have sent to you fifty sw- Excuse me, I have not tied them down well. I have sent you a swan.''
117	-->''Let us be companions! So long as we do not have to meet often. And you will have to wear a mask.''

Context Funny / Civilization